Verbisaurus Blogicus

Tuesday, 24 April 2011

Today, in class, we watched a documentary on the hostage crisis of 1979-81. I didn’t catch the name of the documentary, and we only watched the first 45 minutes of it (the professor said it was an hour long). Before this documentary, about the only thing I knew about the hostages were from the American Embassy, they were in Iran, most were held captive for 444 days, and they were released just minutes after Ronald Reagan became President.

The professor told us to watch the rest of the documentary on our time but, as you can probably surmise from the first paragraph, I couldn’t locate it. So I read about it on Wikipedia. I think that’s exactly what Universities encourage their students to do.

Here’s the page I read.

Anyway, I think I’ve gotten to that point in the semester where I am no longer interested in the class. I thought things would get more interesting after Vietnam…but no. Now I just sort of internally wrestle with everything I read. Maybe because know we’re covering history that I lived through, and I sort of feel like Pee-Wee Herman in that scene at the end where Dottie asks him if he wants to stay and see the rest of the movie.

Wednesday, 25 April 2011

Today, in Toastmasters, I was the Table Topics Master. This is a great job for me, really, because I hate giving Table Topics speeches and, when I’m in charge, then I don’t have to call on myself.

I wanted to start out by saying that I dislike difficult Table Topics, um, topics, and that I would therefore be keeping it simple for everyone. The word of the day was “Esoteric,” so that fit in perfectly, and I got to begin by saying: “Know what I hate? Esoteric Table Topics.” I then taped a sheet of paper up to the wall that said:

“Tell us about your _______________”

And I explained that the last half of the sentence was in the jar in my hand. I even made the topic easier by telling the group that the next word(s) in the sentence were either “first” or “most recent.”

Since we were actually under time today, I got to call on eight people, then I asked for volunteers (I got one). The seconds halves of the sentence included:

“first day here at work”

“last day of high school”

“first car”

“first date”

“most recent trip to the theater”

and “first time in an airplane.”

Thursday, 26 April 2011

This evening, Jennifer and I joined about 15 of my co-workers (and their significant others) at Toast Wine Bar and Cafe in Minneapolis. We went to support Dining Out for Life, which is a yearly event in which restaurants donate a portion of their night’s proceeds to AIDS research. I volunteered to locate a restaurant and make the reservations, and I selected Toast for its high percentage of donations (they said 50%) and for being centrally located between my company’s three metro-area locations.

And I gotta say, the food was awesome. As was the wine. If you ever have a chance to eat there, do it. Of course, since it’s in Minneapolis, parking is a nightmare. Oh – and the other weird thing is that the restaurant shares a building with an apartment complex, so (not knowing there was a separate entrance around the corner), my wife and I went into the lobby of the apartment building, and asked someone where the restaurant was. They directed us down a hallway, past several residences, and then into what’s pretty much the back door of the restaurant. Oh well. Once we sat down, we had an awesome time.

So, write this down for yourselves:

*Eat at Toast at some point in the near-future.

*Support Dining Out for Life in 2013.

Monday, 23 April 2012

Today, Owen and I participated in a class held by Northern Clay Center. The class was an hour long and took place at Owen’s elementary school right after the regular schoolday finished.

A few weeks ago, Owen brought home several papers informing parents about various activities taking place at his school this spring. Most of them I discarded, either because they were too expensive or weren’t something Owen would be interested in. I kept a few papers, though. One advertized a running club. Owen has frequently expressed his desire to run in races, so I thought he’d like to join this club (I also liked that it was free). Alas, Owen – like his parents – isn’t much of a morning person and he declined the opportunity to run around the schoolyard at 8:30 in the morning. Can’t say I blame him.

He did, however, think the clay workshop was to his liking.

So I met him after school today, and we went into the appropriate classroom. The instructor showed the kids every step (which might have been a bit much for them) and then let them get to work making clay birds. Several parents and I walked around and assisted the kids in their work. Primarily, this consisted of giving them more clay when they ran out, reminding them of one of the twenty or so steps, opening the paint jars, poking a hole in the bottom of the sculpture (so it doesn’t explode in the oven) and writing the kid’s name on the bottom. One girl made a particularly small bird and when she asked me to write her name on the bottom, I thought, “Oh great, this girl’s name is probably Elizabeth or Jessica or something really long that’s gonna be impossible to etch on the bottom of such a small creation.” I’m happy to report her name is only three letters long. Yay, me!

Owen, and a few other kids, finished early and were able to make a second bird. We loaded the birds onto trays on a large cart, and the instructor told us she’d be taking them to her workshop to fire them and that they’d be ready in a few weeks.

Sunday, 22 April 2012

How to track New Horizons Spacecraft (that’s the probe that’s on it’s way to check out Pluto and Charon)…

First, I cut a piece of wood 648 centimeters long (that’s just over two feet, for you troglodytes). Then, about midway down on the short sides, I cut a groove so it looked like this:

Then, like a true Rolling Stone, Owen Painted it Black:

Next, he applied some “stars”:

Then we needed to calculate the relative distances of the outer planets. I decided we would begin with Saturn 6 millimeters in from the left. Turns out, this was too close to the edge, so we fudged a little by placing Saturn about 20mm in. From there, we calculated that Uranus needed to be placed 187 millimeters beyond Saturn, Neptune had to be 211 millimeters beyond that, and Pluto and Charon 182 millimeters beyond that.

The calculations were quite tedious – we had to measure the exact length of our board, then subtract how far in we wanted the planets, then look up the planets’ relative distances from one another, then translate the actual millions of miles into mere millimeters. I should point out that we were interested in the relative distance of the planets’ orbits, not the planets themselves.

Using our numbers, Owen measured the board and marked the locations of the planets’ orbits. We didn’t bother with the inner planets or Jupiter for two reasons: 1) Adding more orbits would force our diagram to “squish” even further and 2) the New Horizons probe is already in the outer solar system, so there’s nothing to track here in the “metro area” of the solar system.

Then, Owen used a white colored pencil (oxymoron?) to draw the orbits. For Saturn’s orbit, he used an upturned soup bowl. For Uranus’, he used an upturned mixing bowl. For Neptune’s (pictured below), he used our pizza stone. For Pluto and Charon’s orbit, I held a ruler and torqued it slightly while Owen drew along the curve.

Then Owen glued on little images of the planets. It sure would have been great if a store sold planet stickers. But I visited Target, Michael’s, BedBathBeyond, and Party City. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Either they don’t sell astronomy-themed stickers, or they just sell lame-ass planet stickers – Earth, something that looks like the moon, something that looks like Saturn, and then random colored circles that look like nothing in our solar system. Bottom line: grab images online, print them, cut them out, and tell your kid to glue them on.

We also printed out an image of the New Horizons probe. While Owen glued the planets on the board, I glued the probe onto a smaller, thinner piece of wood. The wood piece I used was a mini-blind sample my wife had ordered from blinds.com. She wasn’t crazy about us using her sample. Sorry, but the New Horizons Spacecraft isn’t going to track itself.

We then took the party outside, where Owen applied a coating of polyurethane. We left it outside to dry overnight, and the next day it rained felines and canines. Still, the project was salvagable.

Here’s another picture of Owen playing with a toxic chemical. About 90% of the polyurethane seen in this picture is currently covering my garage floor. Thanks, Isla.

After I botched the polyurethane step as much as possible, Owen used a spare shoelace and threaded it through two holes I drilled in the piece of wood the spacecraft is glued on:

Here’s the backside, after it’s been threaded:
I then tied a simple (very simple) knot to the left side of the shoe lace, and hooked it behind the groove on the large piece of wood, like this:

Then we headed over to the computer to find out the current position of New Horizons. NASA’s site dedicated to this mission IS FOUND HERE, and we clicked on the link that says “Where is the New Horizons Spacecraft Now? – Find Out More.”

Here we are at the computer:

Wow. You’re at your computer, looking at a picture of someone at their computer. Quite a headtrip, huh?

 According to NASA’s site, the spacecraft is 1,155 days from closest approach to Pluto – the solar system map indicates it has covered approximately 1/3 of the distance between Uranus and Neptune, so we positioned our “spacecraft” at that point on our model, and hooked the shoelace around the other groove so that it was taut.

If you plagiarize my idea, here are two things to keep in mind (besides not botching the lacquering):

1) make sure the holes that the shoelace hooks through on the spacecraft are large enough so that the spacecraft can slide freely (but not too freely) so that you can track the probe’s progess.

2) Don’t put the planets in the same line as the grooves. Here’s where I messed up. If you look at the image, above, you’ll see that Owen glued the planets really close to the center, which is exactly where the shoelace lies. This isn’t really a problem, but it would be nicer if the planets weren’t covered by the shoelace.

All done!
See you in 2015, Pluto!

Wednesday, 18April 2012

 I had to make a list today of all the things I have coming up in the next few months (between now and August). I was sitting in a meeting at work, and I started to get worried that I was going to forget some of them, so I wrote them all down, along with the dates.

Coming up on the third of May is the Day of Reason, at the State Capital. I volunteered to speak that day. I’m already regretting it. I had this great idea for a speech all in my head and I thought, “Okay, just write this down and I’ll be good to go.” And – wouldn’t you know it? – I totally forgot the speech. Dammit.

Anyway, I should probably be trying to come up with some sort of speech now instead of updating this blog. But blog updating is so much easier. If anyone has any ideas, shoot them my way. I have a terrible case of speech-writer’s block at the moment.

Thursday, 19 April 2012

After snapping photos of Isla at IKEA earlier this week, she decided to show off different skills today at the park and demand “Picture Daddy!”

Back on Tuesday, her skill of choice was dressing fancy and hidding in small places. Today, her skill was hanging from the bars at the playground. This seems a little daring for a one year old (although previous children may have skewed my impression of what’s daring and what’s not), but she held on tight, didn’t require any assistance, and seemed to think it was the funnest thing she could do. I guess, if my body weighed only 12 pounds, I might think dangling from the monkey bars was fun, too.

Anyway, here she is:

While she hung there, I asked her if she was a little monkey. Which is ridiculously syrupy-cutesy…and cliche (as if no other animals hang by their forelimbs). So if anyone overheard me, all I can say is: I’m sorry.

Friday, 20 April 2012

My mom is in town this week and next, so she has chosen today as the day to hang out with us.

She was at our house when I got home from work, and the five of us walked to a nearby restaurant. Later, we walked back home, and my mom played a few games of Uno with Owen…then called it a night.

Yeah, seriously, she was in bed before 7:45.

My wife and kids were all in bed by 9:00. I stayed up a for a while: first reading my book for class (Restless Giant) and then watching the latest episode of The Office and Community.

The Community episode – “Virtual Systems Analysis” – might have been the most confusing one of the series. Or maybe “confusing” is a poor word choice. It’s not like I was ever lost or unable to figure out what was going on, but the plot itself seemed really convoluted, and the holodeck-like “Exploratorium” featured the characters morphing into other characters. I really had to focus. Probably not the best episode to watch at 11:00 PM.

If you haven’t seen Community in a while, check out the episode “Pillows and Blankets.” Best one of the season.

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Today, Jennifer and I attended a wedding.

Two of my co-workers married each other (well, one is a former co-worker, but you get the idea) in a Lutheran church. I gotta say, I am really fascinated by weddings lately. Two reasons:

1) Unlike my earlier days, nearly every wedding I attend is significantly different from the others.

2) I perform weddings, so I am always looking for tips and ideas.

My main two take-away points from this wedding were: First, the minister doesn’t need to say anything during the candle-lighting ceremony. This is good to know, because at the wedding I’m performing in August, the couple wants to light a Unity candle, and I wasn’t sure how to orchestrate that, but I think I’m good to go now. Second, if it’s raining on the wedding day, don’t mention the connection to fertility. Yeah, the minister today mentioned that the rain symbolized fertility. Some in the audience laughed. I just can’t picture myself saying that. Unless the bride is noticeably pregnant. No…even then…I don’t think I’d say that.

Anyway, the reception featured an open bar.

Monday, 16 April 2012

I picked up Owen from school today. He played at the nearby park for a while, as did many of his classmates. Lately, i’ve noticed that a few of the young girls wear dresses. This always baffles me. Why put your daughter in a dress before going to school? I mean, if it’s picture day, or if they have a recital, then I guess it makes sense, but otherwise, it just limits their movements.
A couple girls just sat on the cement wall instead of playing. The girls who were playing had to keep readjusting their outfits and ensuring that they weren’t revealing anything.
I posted on Facebook recently, something along the lines of “I don’t think there’s a better way to tell your daughters ‘Don’t play during recess, just sit there and look pretty,’ than to put them in a dress.”
One mom said he girl still ran around just the same as always, and didn’t care about the modesty.
Well, yes, modesty is silly, but there’s a lot of sickos out there. And, no, I don’t think you can run around the same way. My daughter, for example, steps on the hem or her dress, and has a tougher time climbing stairs with a dress on. But I suppose older girls don’t crawl so much. Either way, I think it’s stupid. Probably even dumber than dressing a boy in a necktie.

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

I took the kids to IKEA this evening. Isla insisted on wearing her Easter dress, which was sitting out in the living room after being cleaned. 

After dining there (where kids eat free on Tuesdays), Owen played in the kids area for an hour, and I just wandered the store with Isla, pretty much just letting her walk whereever she wanted to go. The only time she asked me to pick her up, was when she couldn’t find her way back to the kids’ slide.

Shortly after pressing the elevator button, Isla opened up one of the coat lockers, and backed herself up inside it. Not sure why. But I thought it was funny, so I snapped this photo.

Later, she sat inside an armoire.

Here she is again.

I’n not sure what was going on here. She was hiding behind those curtains, then ran out and told me to take a picture.

Here, lacking anything to hide in, she simply walked up to the wall, turned her head, said, “Daddy, picture.” So I did. I think this would make an excellent graduation picture.

Later, she hid in between some rolled-up rugs and again requested a photo. Some ladies walking by said “Oh, how cute.” Not sure if they were talking about me or Isla, but I said, “Yeah, she picked out her outfit this evening.” One woman said: “Well good for you for letting her wear what she wants to wear.” The other woman said, “She’s starting young.” Yes, we all do.