Verbisaurus Blogicus

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Well, I had a fruitful and eventful day, but the highlight has to be that I was given a standing ovation! I was quite honored in the moment, but after sitting down I felt even more honored because, well, I don’t believe I’ve ever had a standing ovation before.

Details:

Back in December of 2010, I delivered my first speech in Toastmaster, which is called the “Ice Breaker Speech.” I decided to break the ice with my new club by telling them about four unique events in my life. Among other events, I gave a brief overview of my appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Ever since then, members of the club have joked with me about talking backwards, and they even asked me to demonstrate it one day. I considered giving a speech about being on Oprah’s show, but I just wasn’t that excited about it.

Then, about four months ago, while brainstorming ideas for themes, someone (not me) suggested having a backwards meeting. I guess other clubs have done this and it’s supposed to be fun. The meeting begins by being adjourned. Then members get up and give the timer and grammar report. Then the evaluators (who haven’t even heard the speeches!) get up and evaluate the speakers. Then the speakers deliver their speeches. Then the grammarian introduces the word of the day. Then the President goes over any important items. Then the meeting is called to order.

Yeah, it’s silly. I wasn’t even crazy about the idea, ’cause I thought it would just be a big laugh-fest with no constructive feedback or criticism to learn from.

Still, I figured that, in keeping with the theme, I would talk about talking backwards.

As it was to be my eighth speech, I was working on “Getting comfortable with visual aids.”

So here’s what I did:

First, I called up a Power Point slide in which words appeared on the screen one-by-one. Here’s what gradually appeared:

Hello fellow Toastmasters!
I am speaking backwards right now. Don’t get me wrong, I still started with that first word – “hello,” but I said it backwards. So it sounded like “olleh.” Then I said “fellow” backwards, then “Toastmasters.” I know it’s confusing. It’s pointless, too. That is why I almost never do it. But it seemed appropriate today. Okay, I will stop now.

As the words appeared, I spoke them backwards. The members, many of whom have joined since my first speech and had no idea I could talk backwards, were very quiet and amazed. When I was done reading the slide, they broke into applause. Wow!

Then I told them how I first became interested in reversing words, by telling a tale my grandfather once told me of his middle name Otto. I had the name “Otto” written on a transparency and I rotated it 360 degrees to show people how the name was the same from every angle. I then flipped the transparency over, showing that it still said “Otto.”

I said that this caused me to become fascinated with finding other words that, when reversed, remained the same word. I told them that back when I was a kid, I did not know such lists were in books, so I began looking at all words, trying to see which ones fit the bill. These words are called palindromes, I explained, and I moved onto the next slide that displayed a list of about two dozen palindromes.

“There are three things I learned when trying to find palindromes,” I said. The first is: there’s not very many of them. The second is: though some words are not palindromes, they are semordnilaps, and I then showed a slide listing about ten words, such as “diaper,” “lager,” and “straw.” After defining “semordnilap,” I revealed the corresponding list that showed the words became “repaid,” “regal,” and “warts,” respectively. I pointed out that “semordnilap,” when reversed, makes the word “palindromes,” meaning that “semordnilap” is, itself, a semordnilap, which makes it an autonym – everyone got a kick out of this super-duper language nerd-dom.

I told them that if they wish to learn more, they should check out Richard Lederer’s book Crazy English, which even features an interview with a fictitious doctor (Doctor Rotcod, appropriately) who speaks in only palindromic phrases. I then explained what a palindromic phrase is, and displayed a slide listing a few, such as:

Madam, I’m Adam

Rise to vote, sir

Do geese see God?

I next told them that another person interested in such phrasing is Weird Al, and I played a clip from his music video “Bob:”

Getting back to my own fascination, I listed off the third thing I learned: that after searching through the language looking for palindromes, I eventually came to the realization that I knew how to say pretty much every word backwards, whether or not it made any sense at all. I said that even though I think it’s a silly talent, classmates, co-workers, and friends have found it hilarious. So, one day, I thought maybe the whole country would find it hilarious. I therefore wrote to several talk show hosts and, less than two months later, I found myself on stage with one of them.

As I began to play this clip, one lady in the audience said, “No way!”

I held up my signed letter from Oprah and told everyone that I tell my wife we should be grateful that life has never been so bad that we’ve had to sell this letter for groceries. (More laughter ensued.) I concluded by saying that, in retrospect, I should have known that Oprah would have been the one most interested, since her production company is named Harpo. I then showed a slide with the word “Harpo” on it which then reversed to show it was “Oprah” backwards.

A final slide gradually revealed words that thanked them for listening which, as at the start, I recited backwards.

Applause…and then one of the club members stood and said, “standing ovation!” Everyone followed suit.

I was humbled and honored.

My evaluator (who happens to be the club’s former president) wrote in my book, “Best speech we have had!”

And, to top it off, when the grammarian got up at the end of the meeting to announce the word of the day, she said it was “Palindrome,” a word she selected for its appropriateness to the occasion. No one else used the word, but I used it seven times.

Maybe it’s not such a useless talent.

Monday, 23 January 2012

If you want to see how incredibly adorable my daughter is, CLICK ON OVER to my wife’s blog, where she has posted five recent videos (as in, from the past four months) of Isla engaging in age-appropriate antics.

This evening, Owen and I read a couple chapters from The Invisible Island, by Ron Roy. We’re working our way through all the A to Z Mystery books. Yes, there is one book for each letter of the alphabet (plus five more – go figure).

The first book in the series that we read was The Talking T. Rex. Of course, the series starts with the letter A, but we didn’t know that it was a series at the time. We just happened to be at Como Zoo, and Owen saw the book sitting on a rack, and he asked if we could buy it. It only cost like $4, so I figured it was a decent bargain. When I was paging through the book later, I realized it was part of a series. So, we finished up the T book, then started with the A book. Now we are up to the letter I.

These are quite perfect books for us. There’s nothing too scary or upsetting for Owen. The mysteries keep us both interested in turning the pages, and each chapter takes us about 15 minutes to read. So, on late nights, we read one chapter. If we manage to settle down for the evening a little earlier, we read two or three chapters.

I whole-heartily endorse them for the 5-10 year old in your life.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

One of my co-workers was kind enough to give me a ride to and from work today while the mechanics dismantled our Saturn looking for all the money I’ve made this week.

On the way home this evening, she made an astute observation. She has no children, but she is engaged, and she’s starting to think that kids might be in store for her near future. Nevertheless, she’s a bit nervous about the prospect of having the responsibility of taking care of a tiny human.

She noted that her friends that currently have children are often unable or unwilling to go out for fun evenings. Normally, everyone just assumes this is because kids are a big hassle: you have to get them to bed early, you can’t keep them in their seat at a restaurant, and you don’t dare bring them to that slasher movie everyone is raving about. However, my one-day carpooler said that her friends often bow out due to cost. Think about it: if you want to go to a restaurant with friends, bringing your kid means another meal to buy (okay, so we’re not talking about infants here, obviously), but leaving your kid home means paying for a baby-sitter. She said, more often than not, her friends decline offers not because of parental duties, but because of increased cost.

I thought that was an interesting observation. I was going to tell her that my wife and I usually decline invitations because we just don’t like people, but I don’t really know this co-worker that well, and I wanted to stay on her good side for the next time the car mechanics feel like eating my paycheck.

Saturday, 21 January 2012

The woman that I recently married - (oh, wait, that doesn’t sound right. Let me try again)

The bride from the wedding I recently officiated was kind enough to direct me to her on-line posting of photos from the ceremony and allow me to have some of them. Here, then, is an image of me with my reverend hat on:

I’m the one in the middle.

This couple did not request any religious elements to their connubial ceremony. Which, in my opinion, is awesome, since my iBible hasn’t yet arrived in the mail.

And now I found out I may have another job as reverend this summer. If this keeps up, I may have to change career paths. Though, truth be told, while being a reverend has its rewards, one thing it does not have is a cubicle.

Sunday, 22 January 2012

I finally opened up my new Viewmaster reels today. The set of three reels, which comprised a portion of my recent Amazon purchase (well, I didn’t really make the purchase, since I used a gift card that I received as a gift back on Xmas Eve) arrived a few days ago, but I was busy in that party capitol of the world.

I promised Owen we would look at the Viewmasters while laying in his bed before bedtime tonight. And, well, I technically kept my promise, but the batteries were nearly dead. As the Viewmasters were all black and white photos of vintage cars, they were very difficult to see projected onto his ceiling with such low candlepower. Owen, bless his heart, suggested I go get the “other Viewmaster,” which is his way of telling me to get the stereoscope (the viewer that you hold up to your eyes).

Viewmaster stereoscope

I told him that that viewer only works during the day, when you can point them out a window.

(Yes, yes, I know we could have turned on the light, but Viewmaster aficionados will attest that this is a pale imitation to natural lighting. Also, the point of this activity was to calm Owen down in preparation for sleep.)

I didn’t have anymore batteries and, in fact, the batteries I was using were purloined from one of his robots. The projector uses four – four! – C-cell batteries which, let me tell you, are not the cheapest batteries on the market. I wish that the projector had a plug-in adapter. Really, I wish everything that was battery powered had a plug-in adapter. I really hate the proliferation of cordless things that are not able to be plugged in (such as the VIewmaster projector) or do not work when plugged in and recharging (such as my electric shaver).

Anyway, if I remember, or if Owen remembers, we’ll use the stereoscopes to look at the new Viewmaster reels tomorrow.

Friday, 20 January 2012

While in Janesville, the hotel where I am accommodating has seen fit to leave a copy of USA Today outside my door in the morning. That’s very nice of them. Unfortunately, didn’t discover the paper until I was leaving for my busy day. So, I basically just tossed the paper into the room and saved it for “later.”

Later turned out to be today. Tucked away in a side column on page 3A, was a story about a teacher in an Atlanta, Georgia suburb. He resigned. Or maybe it was a she. I don’t know.

“Why did he/she resign?” you ask.

Good question.

It seems this teacher sent their third-graders home with some math work that included math questions such as…

Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?

Hm. Not sure why the teacher was so fixated on slavery, but it’s hard to see why that was necessary.

This one is worse:

If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week?

Yikes. How stupid is this teacher that they didn’t realize that just about anything would have been better than “beatings”? Why couldn’t Frederick have received two apples, or dollars, or books, or job offers, or DVDs from Red Box?

And while I’m noting how crappy this teacher must be, let’s also take a look at that grammar: “How MUCH would each slave pick?” How MUCH? The word “much” indicates a ratio compared to the whole, so the answer here would have to be one-eighth, or even “their share.” Assuming the teacher wanted their third-graders to do a little division, they should have used the phrase “How MANY,” thereby forcing the correct answer of seven.

Either way, this teacher gets an F.

Here’s an online version of the story.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

When I sat down in my chair at the class here in Janesville yesterday, the first thing I noticed was a box sitting on the table.

Curiosity quickly overcame my fear of unlabeled boxes, and I picked up the white box and began to inspect it. The cardboard was smooth; polished, almost.

The left side of the box was open and, using the convenient thumb-tab, I pulled out an inner box.

The inner box was monogrammed with a logo and the word “Parker.” I correctly surmised that it was referencing neither Peter nor Charlie but, instead, indicated that the contents were a very classy pen.

I was right.

Turns out, the box held a Parker Multifunction pen. The device can be used as a ball-point pen, pencil, fountain pen, roller ball pen, capping pen, or clicking pen.

Behold.

This is a beautiful pen. Flawless, really. It wrote evenly, both yesterday and today. I even like how it’s weighted.It’s finely balanced both from the left side to the right and from top to bottom. Here’s the proof:

Pen stands on end. Ergo, it is balanced from left to right.

Pen balances on finger at the point between the top and bottom portions. Ergo, it is balanced from top to bottom.

As I assembled the pen to use it for the first time, I said to the co-worker sitting next to me, “I feel like I’m about to sign a bill into law.”

And here’s the best part: We got to keep our new pens.