Book Drop, Film Pick-up

Monday, 30 January 2012

I dropped a couple of books off at the library book drop this morning.

I normally don’t do that. Almost always, when I have books to return, I also have books to pick up, so I just go into the library. In fact, even if I don’t have anything waiting for me, I still go into the library to return books. This encourages me to get off my ass, for one thing, and it also gets me to browse the shelves.

But there are three things I dislike about most library book drops:

1) They’re too high.

About twenty years ago, when Americans started driving Ford Land Destroyers en masse, fast food dives, banks, pharmacies, libraries, and any other place with a drive-though window began installing such windows really high. I guess they figure us losers down in our Chevy Cavaliers can more easily reach way up than the SUV snobs can slightly lean down. It’s a stupid design and I’d imagine people shorter than me have even more frustrating experiences trying to hoist their books over their heads.

2) They’re electronic.

It used to be, you just had to open up a door and drop the books inside. Kind of like a mailbox. Now, you have to hover the books in front of some eye and wait until it opens up. Then you have to shove everything in there as fast as you can or the door will shut. Again: a stupid design. In fact, at the Maple Grove library I visited today, they have a back-up drop just a few feet down from the electronic drop, for those inevitable occassions when the electronic one is on the fritz. This makes me wonder: why bother with the electronic one, anyway? Especially since the Maple Grove libary prides itself in its ostensibly green-friendly design.

3) They talk to me.

As soon as the door magically opens, some soulless voice begins giving me instructions – as if people who use a bookdrop are too stupid to know how to use it. I think they must have gotten a lot of patrons pulling up and requesting an order of fries, or something. One thing the voice tells me is to insert the items one at a time, because, you know, placing one book on top of another is sure to overload the precarious electronic system they’ve got going on. I think it says other stuff, too, but by that time I’m already driving away. Maybe it says, “Don’t drive away until this very important message finishes,” but I’ll never know.

On a completely unrelated note: Rupert Boneham, best known from his three attempts at Survivor, is running for governor.

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Overheard at work–

MAN (standing at nearby cube): Good morning!

WOMAN (seated in said cube): Oh, hey, I’ve been expecting you!

MAN: Yeah, I have something here I think you want.

WOMAN: Oh, great! I’ve been waiting very patiently. (pauses) Ooohh…I like the package.

MAN: Thanks.

WOMAN: I’m gonna rip into right now, okay?

MAN: Nothing would make me happier.

ME: (stifles laughter)

WOMAN: (grunts) Huh. It’s harder than I thought. (reaches for something) Here, this’ll do the trick. (a minute goes by) Oh, my, it’s lovely.

MAN: Yeah? You like it?

WOMAN: Oh yes! Mmm. Oh, I love the way it feels. Wow. It’s longer than I thought it’d be.

MAN: I hope that’s okay…?

WOMAN: Oh, certainly. I hate when they’re too short.

MAN: Yeah, my wife says the same thing.

ME: (totally cracking up – like slapping my hand against the desk cracking up)

WOMAN: God, it’s so smooth and silky. I could just rub it against my skin all day. (pause) Make sure you thank your wife for me.

MAN: Yeah, of course.

WOMAN: Tell her it’ been a long time since I’ve had a really good scarf.

ME: (damn, she wrecked it…oh well, it was funny while it lasted)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

So, the nominations for the 84th Academy Awards were announced several days ago, but I finally had a few minutes to sit down and take a look at them.

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE COMPLETE LIST.

As always, I am sure the cinephiles will complain that it’s not representative of the true art taking place out there and, to an extent, I agree. However, as always, I will argue that the Academy Awards do a great job of giving notoriety to otherwise ignored films and encourage people to look outside the top ten box office hits.

Here are some of my thoughts on this year’s nominees:

Hugo leads the pack with 11 nominations, including best director (Martin Scorsese) and picture. When I first read the book Hugo, I recall thinking that it would be best brought to the screen by Tim Burton. But, as fate would have it, Scorsese – better known for his über-violent misogynistic gangster films – helmed the picture. Even though I think Scorsese is an awesome film-maker, I was a little concerned that this was outside his expertise. Now, all those nominations has me thinking I should give it a chance.

Oh, look! Meryl Streep is nominated for an acting award. Again. This makes nomination #17. Sometimes I’ve heard people say “Streep’s the one to beat,” as if she’s some sort of unstoppable machine. Here’s the thing, though: she’s only won twice, and her most recent win was in 1982. So…yeah, fifteen women have beaten Streep. In one sense, then, she’s the biggest acting loser of all time. If I was a betting man, however, I would wager that she will win this year.

For the first time since the Academy began the Best Animated Feature category (long overdue, in 2001), Pixar’s film is not nominated. Cars 2 came out in 2011. I haven’t seen it, but my tells me it’s the worse Pixar film ever. I believe her. Oh well. PIxar will have to stay home on Oscar night and take comfort in their Oscars for Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, WALL•E, and Toy Story 3.

Max von Sydow is nominated for his role as the Renter in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I hope he wins. He commanded every scene he was in, he made the film much more fun to watch. Also, if he wins, he’ll be the oldest man to ever do so (he’s 32. Just kidding. He’s 82).

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon is nominated for three Academy Awards. Wow. Just wow. I guess that’s what you get when you use an awesome album from Pink Floyd as your inspiration.

And what’s it like for non-popular people to find out they’ve been nominated for an Academy Award? Just watch the creators of Time Freak, on of the nominees for Best Live Action Short:

 

Finally, here’s one of the nominees for Best Animated Short, The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore. It’s like porn for book-lovers: