Friday, 07 January 2011
Here’s a funny thing. Well, not ha-ha funny, but, you know…
So, a few months ago, my friend Ryan found out – in a very round about way – that his father had had a heart attack. Ryan was upset at not being notified immediately but, you know, his siblings are Witnesses, so they saw no reason to contact their “apostate” brother. I mean, he’s wicked, after all. In the ensuing discussions with his family, Ryan learned another major news item about his brother and was similarly hurt that no one cared enough to call him. Essentially, Ryan feels that, even though he’s no longer the same religion as his family, he still deserves the human decency of being informed when there is a birth, death, or major medical situation. Silly Ryan. It will sure be nice when Jehovah kills wicked people like him.
Conversely (here’s the funny part), I have parents that, though they are Witnesses, are decent enough to tell me what’s going on in the family. My mom, for example, told me about my cousin’s recent adoption of a child, and she called me just about every day to offer updates on my grandma’s hospital stay. Today, my Dad called for the third time in as many weeks to let me in on what’s going on (medically) with a couple of my relatives. But…(and maybe this is the funny part), contrary to Ryan, I don’t know if I want this information.
Let me back-peddle a little bit. I don’t mean that I’m not concerned with my family members who are suffering right now. Quite the opposite, I really feel bad for both of them, and I am sorry that they and the family have to go through these ordeals right now. But just as it doesn’t really matter if Ryan is informed or not informed about a new birth in the family (since he won’t be invited to visit anyways), it makes no difference whether I know this information or not. I mean, it makes a difference in that I can privately grieve for their problems and wish that they get better, but it makes no difference to the people who are actually suffering.
See, when Jennifer gave birth to Isla, we called people that we thought would care – we wanted them to share in the joy, we wanted them to come visit and see the new baby. We posted the information on this site, and on our Facebook pages, and I emailed my co-workers and other people all with the idea that we would receive some sort of feedback. This feedback ranged from a simple email reply sayings, “Congrats!!!” to home visits wherein people brought gifts, meals, and assisted with the house work. All of it was welcomed and appreciated.
But…what am I supposed to do with the knowledge that so-and-so is in the hospital? He doesn’t want me to visit, or to call, or even to send a card. In fact, if he saw me at a store or a restaurant, he would ignore me. And his closest relatives – spouse, child, parents, etc., also shun me, so it’s not like I can call them and express my sympathies or offer assistance. So when my Dad calls and says, “Your relative is going in for surgery on her hip, I guess she’s in a lot of pain,” I just really don’t know what to do with that information apart from immediate platitudes like, “Oh, that’s too bad” and, “Well thanks for telling me.”
Perhaps Ryan would like to switch places? (No, no, no. He’d make a lousy Zimmerman – he’s not opinionated enough.)