Yay! and Ugh…

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Well, I am pleased to announce that, according to an email I received from my University, I am officially down to four credits this semester. I was at eight credits, but it turns out that if you take five or more credits, they charge you an additional $60 for a “health services” fee.

This, of course is tantamount to robbery, especially from a school that already charges nearly a thousand dollars a credit. Also, if you don’t have health insurance, they tack on another $700+ per semester to put you under their insurance. Having insurance through my employer, I waive their insurance, but I was still outraged to see this $60 fee. Upon inquiry, I learned that it allows me to see the on-campus clinic.

“Wow,” you say, “$60 per semester to use an on-site clinic is a pretty good deal.”

No, it’s not. If I was to actually visit the clinic sometime this semester, I would still be charged a co-pay and my insurance company would receive a bill for the remainder. In a way, then, it’s kind of like if the school charged me a parking fee when I don’t plan to use the parking lot (and I don’t).

I complained to the financial office and my adviser. My adviser agreed it was a lousy fee for a part-time student who lives off campus and has his own insurance. He invoked the tired, “If they waive it for you, they’d have to waive it for everyone.”

I’ve heard this rationale in varied instances throughout my life, and it never holds water. There are two reasons why it doesn’t:

1) It’s not unfair to waive it for just me – assuming I’m the only one who’s complaining about it.

2) It indicated the person agrees something is unfair, in which case they should just change the ruling for everyone.

Anyway, in a more heated discussion with the financial department, the rep said there was nothing I could do about it, so I told her I would be dropping a class to bring me under 5 credits. She paused. I think she was shocked. She’d probably never met someone that would go to such lengths before, but, well, now she has.

The next day, my adviser advised me that the tuition board is taking this fee under consideration.

Anyway, yay! My steady history of dropping credits like a mad man at Hamline remains in tact.

Friday, 17 February 2012

Today, I submitted to a health evaluation at my place of employment.

A couple of weeks ago, they sent out something saying employees could get a $50 credit on their paycheck if they signed up for one of these evaluations. So I did.

An email arrived a few days ago suggesting that I fast in order to obtain the best numbers. So I did. This was surprisingly easy, actually, considering I’m a glutton. Last night, at about 10:15, I consumed a bowl of cereal. I went to bed shortly after that. This morning, I slept later than usual then, due to unrelated events, I worked from home for a few hours. I arrived at work at 11:00 this morning, hungry, but not ridiculously so.

I ventured straightaway to the appropriate conference room, where I had to fill out one of those bubble sheets, provdng my name, gender, age, address and phone number. Not to sound cocky, but I think I got 100% on it.

Then a nurse invited me into her curtained lair. As she began to take my blood pressure, she told me not to be alarmed if the reading was a bit high. I was, she explained, at work, and the stress of work could give me an abnormally high reading. She had also just drawn blood from my finger tip, and she said that could raise my blood pressure, too. Then she saw the results and said, “Oh, but that’s not the case for you.” She then asked if I was an athlete.

After measuring my height and wight, she also measured my total cholesterol, LDL (bad cholesterol), HDL (good cholesterol), triglycerides, body mass index, body fat percent, and glucose level. While recording all of the data, she inquired as to if I have any children. She then said that “people would kill for numbers like these,” and remarked that I was in “terrific health,” which is great news because surely I want to stay alive and vibrant for years to come while my children grow. She said it appears I am doing everything right in order to stay alive for a long time.

Ugh. Yeah, I do everything right, but only because, while I’m alive, I want to stay healthy. But now it sounds as if I still have over a half century to go on this merry-go-round until, one day, I find myself lying in a hospice, dying of nothing. Perhaps my children, who by that time will also be senior citizens, can comfort me with words like, “the guys from Guinness will be here shortly to verify your longevity record, Dad.”

Oh – I suppose you’re curious as to what my “numbers” are. Sorry, but if people are truly willing to commit acts of homicide for my numbers, then I don’t think I should be giving them out for free on the WWW like this. Send me a check for $100, and I’ll send you a thank you card with the numbers listed.