Friday, 13 January 2012
I officiated a wedding ceremony today.
It was absolutely gorgeous – the ceremony was held at the Walker Art Center’s Sculpture Garden. We were in a greenhouse; and it was amazing to see the cold snow falling outside while were were warm surrounded by tropical plants. The music was fun (Cindy Lauper provided the prelude), the guests sat on park benches, and the bride wore these striking velvet red shoes that really matched the uniqueness of choosing to be married on a Friday the 13th.
Here’s how my day started, however…
I showed up at work at 6:00AM in my full suit. Yep, jacket, tie, dress shoes – everything.
I used to live my life like that: stupidly dressing in a suit while working at Lenscrapters all day (company policy – it was completely asinine and sexist, but I’ll save that for another post), then wearing the suit in the evening when I went to the Kingdom Hall. On the days I had off of work, or worked in the evening, I went out door-to-door where, again, I dressed in a suit. I didn’t want to, but that was the rules.
I really hated wearing those clothes. Itchy socks, a restrictive collar with a phallic noose around my neck that gave me mild claustrophobia all day, hard shoes, and uncomfortable pants. I couldn’t wait to rip those stupid clothes off every night. In fact, there were many times I’d come home from work, change into jeans and a t-short, only to have to get dressed back into those horrid clothes a mere 45 minutes later. My wife thought I was silly for doing that but, goddammit, that was my time.
Anyhow, I think I’ve been away from working in retail and being in a cult long enough that wearing a suit doesn’t bother me so much. Today, therefore, I decided to have some fun with it.
Everyone had to comment on my unusual apparel.
One co-worker, after learning I was mere hours away from performing a ceremony, asked it I went to church often. I said no, and before I could add any more, this other co-worker laughed and said, “He doesn’t need to go to church – he’s already a man of the cloth!”
Later, another co-worker gave the sign of the cross as we passed in the hallway (purely in jest).
Another male co-worker waved his eyebrows at me as we passed, as if to say, “Don’t you look nice today.”
One lady asked why I was dressed up, and I told her and then, later, she saw me again, and this time she was walking with a recently-engaged co-worker. She said, “Did you know James is going to perform a wedding this afternoon? You should have him do your wedding.” The other lady quickly and curtly said, “Um, no,” as if the very idea was repulsive.
Later, another co-worker laughed at me and said he couldn’t get used to seeing me all dressed up; he kept thinking I was some new manager. I told him to get back to work. Later, he came into my cube and asked me absolve him of his sins. I told him sins aren’t real and that he needs to get back to work.
Then another co-worker said, “James, you look good today.” And another female co-worker complimented me on my apparel, which I considered high praise as she, on occasion, has shown up for work in fancy attire. Another co-worker thought my “story” of performing a wedding was merely a cover for what I was really going to do. Still another co-worker, when learning that I was hours away from performing a wedding, asked if I was very religious. I assured him that, to the contrary, I was quite sane.
Oh – and about five people asked me if I was going on a job interview. Ha ha. Very funny. No, really, it is funny. But if I was going on an interview, no one would know. I would covertly change into my suit in the side bathroom than slink out the side door.
May peace be upon you all.