Verbisaurus Blogicus

Yesterday, the kids were whining that we never go anywhere. That’s not true…but thanks to COVID I am limited in where I can take them.

So, today, I told them to bundle up because we were going somewhere. I decided to take them somewhere they had commented on several times as we’d passed it, but that they’d never been to. Well, actually, Owen has been there, but he was probably too young to remember.

I didn’t tell them where we were going until after we’d parked and started walking toward it. This, of course, made Owen very anxious, but I think it was good for him.

Anyway, we went to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. Here’s my photo essay:

When a new life dawned on me (or, maybe I should say “when a new life smacked me in the head) early last year, I took the opportunity to wallow in sadness. I laid around, with all due pity, and wished so much that, instead of life beginning anew, it would just be over. I’m making it sound like a choice here, but I’m not sure it was. It’s not like I debated whether I should be happy or sad, I just was sad.

And in the interim I made some big changes and some big decisions. Other changes and decisions were foisted upon me. In between, I somehow forgot to take care of myself. Oh, I did a little bit – the sort of little bit that I had to do to stay alive and to ensure I could show up for work and care for my kids – but not enough. Though it seems strange to say, considering my selfishness and frequent self-indulgence, I was often side-tracked by caring for others, and not thinking about my own self-care. I suppose that’s easy to do as a parent; I sure looked out for Isla when she needed some help, and I worked hard to make sure Owen got his new room completed and an appropriate birthday gift.

This spring I begrudgingly started taking care of myself more concertedly. As summer approached, I’ve really ramped it up. And, I gotta say…I’m kinda surprised how well I’m doing. I’m sleeping better than I have in over a year, I’ve had a single headache in the past three weeks (the norm would’ve been around 20), I’m reading a lot more, exercising, eating better, and trying some new things without the usual accompanying panic-attacks.

In fact, there were moments I wasn’t even sure I was going to survive the month of June. And then there was my ear surgery, which made me very anxious, and I had to scramble to get the support I needed. And then my birthday, too. I don’t mind adding another year to my age, but I feel very bittersweet about each birthday, stemming both from my upbringing and a series of botched attempts to have a fun birthday over the past decade – including this year.

Anyway, I took a “Virtues in Action” quiz via my therapy (well, it was only suggested in therapy, but I’m doing all the extra credit so I get happier and healthier quicker), and I was informed that my top five virtues – the strengths I have that I should continue to nurture and use – are:

1. Open-mindedness
2. Curiosity
3. Ingenuity
4. Love of learning
5. Perseverance

If you’re laughing at that list, you’re not alone. It struck me as unexpected as well. But considering some of the virtues that did not make my top 5 (optimism, forgiveness, leadership, spirituality, discretion), it becomes clear why these ranked in the top five while others did not.

Another thing I learned – or, rather, was reminded of – is that I am ridiculously goal-oriented. And I love making lists. (If you wanna see my list of things I learned in life, CLICK HERE. And if you wanna see another list, CLICK HERE.) So it stands to reason that I love making lists of my goals.

One of my lists is called “The Mother of All To Do Lists”. I periodically add and subtract things from it and, on very special occasions, I get to move items from the “wish I did this” side of the list to the “glad I did this” side of the list.

In the wake of some really bad times back in 2005, I posted on this blog a list of items from that to-do list – items in which I was wondering if anyone could help. My thinking was that such events would be things I could look forward to, in an effort to keep me going through the rest of the month, the year, and beyond. And it worked! For example, one item on the list was that I wanted to brew my own beer, and a friend pulled through immediately, letting me borrow his equipment and creating a ‘Brew Blog’ just for me so I could learn how he did it.

So I’m doing that again, now.

I’m not gonna list super personal things I want to do or need to work on. Nor am I gonna list things that I can pretty much take care of myself. For example, one item on my lists is “See at least one feature-length film from every year that there’s been feature-length films.” (Don’t worry, I can handle that one myself.) At any rate, here are a few items from my to-do list. If you’d like to lend your expertise, insider knowledge, or just companionship, please do so…

• Hike the Superior Hiking Trail
  • Come on! Let’s go! I’d just like to go with someone who’s already experienced it.
• Attend a drive-in movie
• Visit the Alexander Ramsey House
• Visit Itasca State Park
• Visit Voyegeur’s National Park
  • I’d especially like to stay on one of their floating cabins
• Attend a session of Congress (state-level is fine)
• Step foot in North Dakota
  • Okay, so there are actually a lot of states I’d like to visit – Alaska, California, and Maine come to mind…but North Dakota is so stinking close, I feel I just gotta go.
• Ride in a hot air balloon
• Ride on a Segway
• Visit the Hennepin History Museum
• Make something out of pottery
  • Okay, I guess I did this when I was a kid – in school – but I’ve since lost those little creations.

Okay. There you go. I’d like to do these things. With…whoever is willing (assuming I like you).

 

I am having surgery on my right ear in May.

This isn’t the first time my ear has gone under the knife. When I was eight years old, doctors at a Catholic hospital took some skin from the back of my pinna and used it to patch up a large hole in my eardrum. I spent two nights in the hospital, missed a week of school, and had an enormous bandage on the side of my head for several days. It’s also when I was gifted the board game Push Over – which I still have and play with my kids on occasion. 

I also had a few surgeries on the ear prior to my second birthday, but I don’t remember any details about them. You’d have to ask my mom, if you are interested.

I was born with a hole in each eardrum. When I was very young, my parents annually took me to an ENT specialist to check my hearing and see how the holes were doing. There was a constant concern that the ears would get infected and cause hearing loss. My mom was very diligent about ensuring I didn’t get water in my ears, as this could lead to bacteria spreading nasty stuff in my eardrums and cause deafness. I was never enrolled in swim lessons, and told to not put my head underwater when we were at lakes and pools. To this day, I don’t really know how to swim. Which is sort of weird for a lifelong resident of the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

By the time I was six, the hole in my left eardrum had completely closed and my ear was pronounced “normal.” The one on the right – which had always had the larger hole – wasn’t getting any smaller, and by the time of my eighth birthday, doctors decided they would need to patch it up.

So they did.

Ever since then – actually, even before then – I’ve noticed a slight difference in audio quality from my two ears. My right ear frequently hurt; airplane rides hurt so bad I cried. And there were often hard scabs inside the canal. I had a hearing test when I was 20, but the difference was so minor I was essentially told to just live with it. Still, my right ear was weird. I had pain in there whenever I had a cold or flu. When blowing my nose, the ear squeals and emits air. And when I do go under water, I can’t go below about 3 feet, or my ear hurts like someone is stabbing me in the head. Oh – and when I do get water in that ear, it affects my hearing for days.

As I’ve aged, I’ve noticed more differences in the audio input between the ears. Some people are particularly hard to hear, including my teenaged son. I yell at him to talk louder and more clearly, but I feel bad yelling at him when the issue might be on my end (well, I don’t feel that bad). Also, I find the acoustics in some places are terrible. And if there are competing sounds, I get quite lost. For example, the noise of a car engine already makes it harder to have a conversation with others in a car, and if the radio is on, well, then just forget it. I’m useless.

I had another hearing test last fall. It showed a more significant difference in the performance of my ears than I’d expected. I was also pleased to discover I no longer had 100% hearing in my left ear, either.

Earlier this month, I visited the audiologists at the U of M, and they requested an additional test, which showed more hearing loss in just the six months since the last test. And they took these photos:

Here’s my left ear:

Notice the beautiful, taut membrane over my eardrum. Look at the nourishing blood flowing to all its parts. It’s a work of art.

 

 

 

 

 

Now here’s my right ear:

Good lord! This tunnel of horror is so disgusting, I can barely look at it. I have a sudden, visceral reaction to body horror, so the fact that this cave of abhorrence is in my skull causes me to shudder with disdain. The audiologist, and her assistant, both tried scraping that white, dried crust off the rim (Jesus Christ, that hurt!), and informed me that the flap the Catholics crafted  when I was eight had since ruptured and fallen into the canal.

So, I had to decide if I wanted a hearing aid or surgery. Of course, the hearing aid sounds better to me (pun intended), but the audiologist noted that I’d probably need to switch it out yearly as my hearing deteriorated. The benefit to a surgery, meanwhile, is that it would restore my right ear’s capabilities to better than 99% (instead of <90% like it is now), making it on par with my left ear.

I opted for the surgery – even though I’m not entirely sure I wanna hear all this crap all the time.

As the decade comes to an end, I want to acknowledge it one more time – pay tribute to those positive moments that I will carry with me through however many more decades (years?) I have.

I was initially hoping to include at least one event from each of the decade’s years. Alas, even after expanding this list from 10 to 22, I just couldn’t do it. Happy accidents, evidently, are not evenly spaced. Indeed, I’d even rank 2019 as perhaps my worst year of the decade, yet a quarter of the events listed are from this year. Go figure.

These aren’t big accomplishments, necessarily – see my last blog post for that. Instead, these are events in my life that took a relatively short amount of time – minutes, or a few hours, at most – that I reveled in either immediately, or soon thereafter. These are the little moments. Those moments when I smiled, even if just inside. And sometimes, unknown to me at the time, they ultimately represented something larger.

They’re ranked chronologically.

1. Attending the Como Planetarium (It’s all about the planets) (15Apr10)

I was so thrilled to finally attend a planetarium! Loving astronomy, I had wanted to visit this planetarium when I was a kid. My parents, naturally, never took me. But on this day, I took my son. It was awesome. We purposely attended on an evening when they were highlighting the planets; my favorite! I’ve since been back, and I plan to go agai

2. Getting debaptized (23May10)

Just for the fun of it, I attended Eric Jayne’s first-ever debaptism event. Using the hair-dryer of reason, donned with a photo of Richard Dawkins, Eric blasted me with hot air, symbolically removing the water I was immersed in when I signed up as a cult member all those years ago. Owen was debaptized, too, even though that lucky kid was never baptized in the first place.3. Watching the Twins win 3-2 (29May2012)

On this date, Owen and I joined Eric (the debaptizer officiant, above) and his son on a trip to the Twins stadium. This was Owen’s first Twins game, and he dutifully kept score in the official ballot. But it was all zeroes for the first 8 innings. The visiting team scored 2 runs, but in the bottom on the ninth, Owen was quite crestfallen that his team wasn’t even going to get on the board. But then…in a rousing moment that got us to kick off our blanket and leap to our feet and cheer the loudest us two nerds had ever cheered at an athletic event…a miracle happened. It was the best moment I’d ever had spectating any sports game. Ever.

4. Staying at the cabin (June 23-25, 2012)

All told, I spent nearly 8 weeks at the cabin over the course of this decade. But this visit was my first time staying there. Jennifer, Owen, and Isla were already there; I arrived a few days late due to a work trip. I loved every trip to the cabin. The lazy days reading by the lake, the iced tea in the afternoon, the beer in the evening, the kids playing on the dock and on the beach. The boat rides. The bonfires. The grilling. The slow mornings. The wildlife. I love it all.

Here’s a video I made with my kids during our most recent time at the cabin together.

5. Participating in the AVOM Release Party and public reading (04Aug12; 16Sep12)

In 2012, I contributed an essay to, and co-edited the book

Atheist Voices of Minnesota. I found the whole process a lot of fun. Reading, rating, and editing the submissions was enjoyable, and so were the subsequent events; including radio and TV interviews, write-ups in local papers, and public readings at libraries and book stores. And I even got college credit for it! The two most memorable events regarding the book, though, were the release part on August 4th of 2012 (click the link above to read more about that) and the public reading and book signing that I and 15 other authors did at the Southdale Library a month later.

6. Visiting Plum Creek (13Jul13)

After spending my whole life living just a few hours from the creek made famous by Laura Ingalls Wilder, it was on this day that I finally got to see it. I waded in. It was a long day of touring a museum, spending the day at a family festival, and lots of driving. And this was my favorite part.

7. Being Interviewed on Geeks without Gods Podcast (24Sep13)

There was a fun burst of activity in the wake of my book being published, including presentations, books signings, and write-ups in various periodicals. But the best promotional activity I did was on this day: an interview with the folks from the Geeks without God podcast. They really liked the book, at one point comparing it to a novel (which they assured me was high praise). We also talked about Northern Exposure, Mozart and the Whale, and Panera sandwiches. Click the link above to be connected to the interview.

8. Participating in the ACTC Student Film Festival (13Nov13)

On this day, I had the honor of seeing my short film, Quest for Youth, screened at the St. Anthony Main Theater in Minneapolis. In attendance were students (and their family and friends) from five local universities. My film was one of only two selected from my university, Hamline. I didn’t win the Best Film Award at the short ceremony later, but it was still a really cool moment to see my film on the big screen in front of a couple hundred attendees.

And for those of you that weren’t in attendance, here’s the filmlet.

9. Visiting Lake Coeur d’Alene (18Apr15)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I participated in the National Conference of Undergraduate Research in 2015. That year, it was held at the University of Eastern Washington in Spokane. We had an extra day to ourselves. There was a cruise on Lake Coeur d’Alene in nearby Idaho that I neglected to sign up on time. Oops. No matter, I and three of my classmates rented a car and took ourselves to that resort town anyway. After stopping for the above photo, and exploring Post Rock, we rolled up our pants and waded into the lake, took in the sun, the sites. Hung out at two breweries, and walked on the world’s longest board walk (so they claimed). Despite being mid-April, the weather was perfect. I had a fun day – no problems, no worries.

10. Canoeing at Widgiwagan (7Oct15)

I chaperoned Owen’s class trip up to Camp Widgiwagan near Ely. The day before I left, I discovered I had a twenty-page paper due in my History class in a week. So I spent the whole bus ride to Ely researching the paper, and I spent another good chunk of time in the one room at the camp that had internet access. On day two, the other dad asked if I’d like to join him on a canoe ride. Yes, yes I did. A cool, picturesque afternoon on a gorgeous lake surrounded by trees with autumn leaves. It was a wonderful time, peacefully out on the lake not worrying about a college paper or 60 fifth-graders, even if just for a few minutes.

11. Seeing Fantasia on the big screen (14Nov15)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you read the linked blog post, above, you can read all about my decades-long desire to see the movie Fantasia. On this day, I finally fulfilled that goal (coincidentally, at the same theater as #8, above). And it was even more special because I was accompanied by my daughter, Isla. And we both wore our mouse ears.

12. Helping out at Owen’s Lego League Competition (23Jan16)

On this day, I volunteered to help out as Owen’s school Lego League team participated in the regional championship. I subsequently was more heavily involved in his team over the next three years, but this was my first, and funnest day. And his team did so well!

The first photo, at left, is the final scoreboard. Owen’s team was over 100 points ahead of any other team. And that second-place team? Also from his school.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. Chaperoning for Owen’s class (2Jun11, 20Mar14, 28May15, 3Jun16)

Speaking of Owen, I made it a goal to chaperone for at least one of his class field trips every year he was in elementary school. Here’s what I wrote about that on Facebook:

The first time I chaperoned for his class was on June 2, 2011, when he was just finishing up kindergarten. But I want to mention three other occasions, too:

First, on March 20, 2014, I chaperoned his class’ field trip tot he Minnesota Zoo. Damn, what I had to do in order to make that happen is a crazy story that…I think is best left off this blog. Ask my about it in person and I’ll tell you the details. Probably.

Second, I chaperoned Owen’s fourth-grade class on a paddleboat ride to the Mississippi River’s lock & dam #1 (which doesn’t even exist anymore). A very cool experience to see and learn about – and the day out on the boat was wonderful. It was the perfect day to take a vacation day from work and spend it with my son and his 50 friends.

Third, I chaperoned his fifth-grade class trip to Belwin Nature Conservatory. It was an overcast, rainy day, and there wasn’t too much for me to do. Nevertheless, it was the day I completed my five-year goal.

14. Attending Owen’s preschool and elementary school graduations (08Jun10; 10Jun16)

Let’s just say Owen has been a lot of work. And there was a lot of intervention to get him to the best preschool, and to help him succeed in his first years at public school. I was, therefore, absolutely elated to be able to attend his adorable preschool graduation (he even wore a cap and gown), and to be there on the last day of elementary school, as he and the other 5th-graders poured out of the front doors, and ran past all the cheering parents high-fiving all of us. Both times, I was so proud of Owen and the many of his classmates I got to know over his time at the schools.

15. Viewing Buster Keaton Films (06Dec16)

Owen and I went to a local library’s showing of two Buster Keaton films. I loved seeing them on a big screen! And there was live musical accompaniment, too. It was a cold, cold night, but Owen and I just had the best time laughing at the very old comedies.

16. Whale-watching (11Aug17)

 

 

 

 

 

On a family trip to Massachusetts in August 2017, we boarded Captain John’s boat and took a whale-watching trip from Plymouth out past Cape Cod. The moment a humpback whale swam right underneath me, then turned, showed off her calf, and peered at us was breath-taking. I had never seen such a large being before, and it was amazing to see my fellow mammal swimming peacefully in the wild.

17. Riding “It’s a Small World” (06Dec17)

When I was 12, my grandmother took me to Disney World. As we drove to the park, and again as we entered, she insisted we go on the “It’s a Small World” ride. But when we walked up to the gate, we saw it was closed for maintenance. I didn’t go on the ride that day. In fact, it would be 30 years to the week before I got that chance. And on this day, sitting near the back of the boat, with my arm around my daughter, I finally knew why my grandmother wanted me to experience this ride. I wish I could tell her that I finally got to go.

18. Watching Isla’s Ukulele performance (22Mar19)

I am not a musical person, and neither is my kids’ mother – but somehow, Renaissance girl Isla managed to not only learn to play the ukulele, but she also wrote her own song and then played it on stage at her school’s talent show this spring. I was both amazed and proud. Check it out:

19. Attending Isla’s play + Neil Young Cover band (25Apr19)

Read the above link for all the details, but after weeks of pretty bad days, the evening of April 25th, 2019, provided some unexpectedly amazing hours, including both watching my daughter in a school play (she had been practicing for months) and seeing my friend Ryan play in a Neil Young cover band in an awesome venue. Owen, who came with me to the concert, and I stayed up quite late that night – we were both tired the next day – but it was worth it.

20. Attending Emmett’s dance performance (08May19)

My little boy – a week before turning 5 – was on stage on this day to dance in his recital. He’s quite a bit shyer than his sister, and though he was excited to enroll in the dance class, when I told him he’d be on stage performing in a recital, his exact response was, “What?” Nevertheless, he did it! It was the cutest thing – him and his small group of fellow dancers. Pictured here is Emmett during his dance (second from right), him setting down his juice long enough to autograph my program, and his shy self meekly demonstrating his pleasure with a job well done.

21. Visiting the Judy Garland Museum (08Jun19)

After years of expressing a desire to tour the Judy Garland house, and after nearly cancelling the trip, we actually made it to Grand Rapids in June of this year. Alas, Isla managed to barf her way through the day, and again the next morning, so it really looked like we would head home without stepping foot in the museum. But, she miraculously pulled through, and we had a great time touring Judy’s childhood home and the adjacent museum. The kids had fun in the attached Children’s Museum, too.

22. Going on a Second Date (06Oct19)

So, this one is going to be a bit cryptic: I made a couple small decisions this evening which, it turns out, were the right decisions; I corrected wrongs I had previously made, and took chances where I hadn’t before. In doing so, I precipitated an unexpected stroke of luck. And, at the risk of saying too much, my success on this evening caused me to realize that I can do this. I can make enormous changes in my life, however painful, and come out on the other side, perhaps better for it. And though the newnesses won’t all be smooth, with enough planning, thought, and courage, I can try my best to smooth out the rough spots and keep going in ways that I hadn’t planned, and that might be overwhelming. But overwhelming in a good way.

There you go. There are several wonderful moments from the past ten years – and I didn’t even talk about Pluto Day or the standing ovation I received! So, I guess, all in all, I should feel somewhat pleased.

I am truly looking forward to the 2020s – in a way that I have never before anticipated the dawning of a new decade before.

I’m going to make three posts here about the approaching change of the decade; two will be looking back, one looking forward. So with >1% of the 2010s remaining, let’s get started…

First, when I look back over the 99% of this decade that I’ve lived through, I wanted to once more acknowledge the biggest accomplishments in my life since January 1, 2010.

These are the things I’m most proud of. So don’t whine and say, “But we became friends this decade, wasn’t that a good thing?” or, “We did that event together a few years ago, I though you had fun doing that?” Yes, yes, your friendship is a good thing, and so many events were fun, but I’m not talking about good or fun here, I’m talking about pride. Taking pride in big accomplishments.

So, here goes. Here are the ten things I am most proud of this decade, in order of pride:

1. Isla and Emmett

Obviously I have to start with my kids, right? I began this decade with one child; I end it with three. Isla came in to my life in 2010, and Emmett in 2014. They’re great. For a few years, I wondered if Owen was destined to be an only child, and I am so glad it didn’t turn out that way. They’re a good group, the whole lot of them.

2. Graduated Hamline

When the decade began, my education consisted of an Associate’s degree from Century College, plus four credits from Hamline. As the decade progressed, I slooowly racked up another 65 credits at Hamline and, in the spring of 2017, graduated with a Bachelor’s degree. 4.0 GPA, too. I still can’t believe it. As a friend once phrased it, I really did go far with my education as long as I remember how far behind I started.

3. Published author

In October 2013, my book Deliverance at Hand!: The Redemption of a Devout Jehovah’s Witness was published via Freethought House. Ever since I was in my early teens, I’d wanted to publish a book, so this was a longtime in coming. I was very proud to have accomplished it.

4. Bought a house

In August 2011, I bought a house. My first night sleeping in it was on September 10th of that year. I’d purchased two houses before, but this one is by far my favorite. I’ll say it again: I love my house. I loved it then, and I love it more now that I (with copious assistance from lots of friends) have made tremendous improvements everywhere on the property.

5. Performed weddings

If you’ve read my book (see above), you’ll know that, in 1998, my sister asked me to perform her wedding. Due to a rule-obsessed cult and an insecure uncle, it didn’t happen. But I set it as my goal that I would somehow, one day, perform a wedding ceremony. That day finally came on July 10, 2010. I have since performed 17 weddings, including small affairs in people’s living rooms, on docks, and in prisons; and large ceremonies in churches, community centers, and historic sites. I’ve performed weddings between a man and a woman, between two men, and between two women. And, on September 9, 2017, I did perform my sister’s wedding.

6. Toastmasters

In late 2010, I joined Toastmasters. After leaving the JWs, I was actually disappointed that I didn’t have as many speeches to give anymore. My father-in-law suggested I join Toastmasters, but I didn’t have the time or money. But then, a club was started right at my job! I could go during lunch, and I my company would pick up the membership tab! It was perfect. I have since served as the club’s Secretary, VP of Education, and President. I also served a year as District Director, have both hosted and competed in speech competitions, have been a club sponsor, and am currently ranked as Competent Communicator Gold and Competent Leader Silver. The above link takes you to the details of my very first speech in the club.

7. Little Free Library

I am the proud steward of Little Free Library #33249. The library was completed, installed, and opened for business on November 29, 2015. Click the link above to read my tale of building it and registering it. And click this link to read how I first discovered Little Free Libraries.

8. Promotion

Well, I’m not big on talking about my work life here, but I guess it’s a big deal I got a promotion in August of 2015. It was my first promotion in over ten years, actually, and I just barely missed receiving any promotions at all in my 30s. (I was promoted about two months before turning 30, and then received this promotion a month after turning 40). The cool thing was, I managed to get the promotion without having yet scored the requisite degree (see #2, above).

9. NCUR

NCUR, or the National Conference of Undergraduate Research, is an annual conference that brings together undergrads from schools all over the country and from all disciplines to present their original research. I was honored to be invited to represent Hamline’s

History department not once, not twice, but thrice. This was all the more amazing since, unlike nearly all other students, I was not majoring in that field (I was working on a History minor), nor was I attempting an honors project. In 2015, I was able to attend NCUR in Spokane, Washington. In 2016, I attended in Asheville, North Carolina. And in 2017, I attended in Memphis, Tennessee. I enjoyed delivering my presentations, listening to other presentations, meeting new people, being with my classmates, and seeing the local sites. I had a wonderful experience each time.

10. Nine New States Visited

I have a very long life-goal of stepping foot in all 50 states. In 1998, I visited Texas – which was the 19th state on my list…and there my goal stalled for over 17 years. In fact, here’s a post from 2013 in which I bemoan traveling all over the country, yet not getting to any new states in a long, long time. And here’s a post from 2015 in which I celebrate that I’d ratcheted things up to 24 states. In 2016, I passed the halfway mark when I landed in North Carolina (see #9, above), and I’m still, slowly but surely, ploughing forward. I am now at 28 states. The nine states I visited for the first time in the 2010s are (in order of visit): Washington, Idaho, Utah, Rhode Island, Oregon, North Carolina, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Connecticut.