Tuesday, 03 July 2012

You know what I learned today? Or, rather, what I re-learned? That when there’s a holiday during the week and everyone tries  to beef up their vacation time by taking off the rest of the week, I should follow suit and take the time off, too.

I guess I get this idea that it’s fun to go to work when everyone else is taking time off. After all, I have no reason to travel during the holidays like everyone else, and if they’re all home from work, then they’re probably crowding the streets and the stores, so I’ll stay at work away from all of that.

For many years, this has made me a hero. Particularly when I worked in retail: all my co-workers needed this day or taht day off during Xmas and Thanksgiving. They had to travel to their family’s house or they just wanted a longer weekend. Me, I didn’t care. None of my family or friends celebrated life, so everyday was just like every other day to me.

Even in the non-retail world where I work now, my constant decision to not take off any additional time has won me gratitude from co-workers. “Oh, you’re gonna be here during the holidays? That’s great! Can you do XYZ for me?”

Now, XYZ is fine, if it’s just a simple task.

But it’s tough if two or three or more people all come to me and say, “Hey, since it’s gonna be a slow week next week, and I’m not gonna be here, how about you take care of this for me?”

Yeah, so it’s turning out to be one of the busiest weeks of the year for me here at work. Someone needs to remind me to take this week off next year. Maybe I should just set a reminder for myself.

Wednesday, 04 July 2012
Well, here we are int he middle of the week, and I have this one day off.

Jennifer and I were going to spend the day holed up in our house, working on some projects, staying away from the horrendous heat, and otherwise playing curmudeon to our nation’s birthday.

But then my mom-in-law called to see if we wanted to go over to her house. Owen was just aching to do something special on America’s 236th birthday, so we pretty much had no choice: we had to go.

There was plenty of food and alcohol, and even though I wanted to leave around 6:30, Owen really wanted to stay and watch the fireworks, so it ended up being a late night. All in all, I think it was a fun day for my kids to be with all four of their cousins, so I’m glad they had a good day, despite the heat, humidity, and their boring parents.

Also today: My friend, Rhett Sutter, passed away on this day back in 2005. Here’s a video he and I (and his two brothers, my sister, and our friends Andy, Emilee, Tim, Joel, Jesse, and Chad) created back in February 1992. Rhett is sitting on the floor, playing (what else?) the drums…

Sunday, 01 July 2012

A few weeks ago, we planted eight tomato plants. We’ve weeded the area, and we’ve ensured they receive enough water. Well, except once. Last week, there were two days when none of us were home. So they didn’t get enough water.

Evidently, this is all a tomato plant can handle, because they’ve been on life-support ever since. Meanwhile, weeds grew up in cracks in the driveway and in between the decorative stones in our yard; some of the weeds are already taller than the tomato plants.

This evening, we babied the tomatoes some more by setting up a bamboo scaffolding for them to grow on. Yeah, turns out tomatoes can’t even grow straight without something to lean on.

All this has got me wondering how tomatoes have not gone extinct yet; they seem like such weaklings. How is it we have to spend all this time caring for them, and still they are dying.

Next year, I’m growing a weed garden.

Monday, 02 July 2012

Speaking of outside: man, do I hate hot weather.

It’s too hot and too humid right now. I can’t cool down the same way I can warm up because…

1) I can only take off so many clothes.

Even at home, just sitting on the couch wearing nothing but a pair of shorts…and I’m still too hot. I could take off these shorts, but I don’t think that will cool me down anymore. Quite the contrary, my wife assures me it will just make me hotter.

2) Everything I do produces heat.

If we’re cooking, sitting at a computer, cleaning the house, anything: it all produces heat. None of it – not even just sitting here breathing – produces cool.

I have cousins that have lived most of their lives in Florida, and they frequently questioned how I can live in an Arctic tundra, with “nothing” to do when it’s cold out. That’s funny, because I wonder how they can do anything all year when it’s 90 degrees out everyday.

Anyway, just 90 days until autumn. I’ll be holed up here until then.

Thursday, 28 June 2012

 So, I found two pennies on the floor of the cafeteria at my job today. This gives me a grand total of $13.25 that I’ve found so far this year. Even though the year is not even halfway done yet, I’m already within striking distance of last year’s total ($13.68). It’s pretty exciting.

In fact, this month alone I’ve already found more than $2.00. This marks the second month this year in which I’ve found over two dollars (the other was January). And in March and April I found over $1.00. 

Last year, there was only one month in which I found over $2.00. Coincidentally, that was also June. I just barely cracked the two-buck mark that month, hauling in a grand total of $2.03.

I have no answer for why I’ve been doing so much better this year. In fact, I would have predicted that last year would have been better since, for most of that year, I lived in an apartment, and I was always finding money in the laundry room and in the hallways.

Maybe it’s inflation.

Friday, 29 June 2012

 This evening, in lieu of reading together, Owen and I stayed up late and watched Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius.

Here’s a funny thing: Jimmy Neutron is a movie I’ve wanted to see for, oh, about a decade now. It was released in 2001 and, along with Shrek and Monsters, Inc., it was the first film to be nominated for the Academy Award’s new catergory: Best Animated Feature.

It didn’t win that year. Shrek won. I’d seen both Shrek and Monsters, Inc., but I hadn’t seen Jimmy Neutron. Through 2002, I looked for it at the video store, to no avail. When Jennifer and I both joined Netflix, I searched for it there, but couldn’t find it. I even considered buying it on Amazon, but never took the plunge. I guess I didn’t want to own a movie that I didn’t even know if I’d like. So, for years, it just sat in the “Saved” section of my queue.

Anyway, I noticed that recently it’s become available for instant watching. So, tonight, Owen and I hunkered down with a bowl of pop-corn (thanks to Jennifer) and watched the flick. Judging from his laughter, Owen loved it. I thought it was terrible. Not worth the wait at all. It’s hard to see how this was even nominated for Best Animated Feature.

Oh well, at least it was fun to watch it with Owen.

Saturday, 30 June 2012

Here’s a photo of the stairs leading from the Windsor (that’s the lowest landing on our house) to the basement:

Pretty ugly, even for a basement! Each stair is painted green, the same color green as pea soup, which is nasty by any standards. Then there are these quasi-metal edge pieces that serve to rip into your toes as you ascend or descend the stairs. The middle section of each step is covered with a snot-colored linoleum that has lost any sort of plasticity and (as you can see in the top step) is ripped and cracked in many places.

So, about three weeks ago, I tore off the linoleum and edge pieces. Then the steps looked like this:

I think it’s a testament to the nastiness of the original photo that this picture actually represents an improvement on the appearance!

So then I peeled away what little linoleum was still glued down (the black pieces you see on the lower stair) and hammered down all nails that were trying to escape. Then I carpeted the steps:

If you’re my co-worker, you’re probably looking at this picture right now and thinking, “Hey, that carpet looks an awful lot like the carpet in many of our conference rooms, particularly that one room where they recently ripped out the carpet and are going to install that new simulation lab you’re working on.”

Yes. You’re right.

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Tomorrow I am giving my first speech in one of the Advanced Communicator Series books: Interpretive Reading. The first project calls for an interpretive reading of a short story. The toughest part is finding a short story that fits the 8-10 minute time allotment (with allowances for a ~45 second introduction), or that can be edited to fit.

I have a three-ring binder of my favorite short stories. I’ve added to it (slowly) over the years. The first stories I put in there were xeroxed copies of stories I read out of text books in junior high school. Later, I inserted a story from Alfred Hitchcock (which I came across in his biography The Dark Side of Genius) and one from my good buddy Ryan Sutter. Most recently, I added in a short story from an anthology I read in a Hamline class in the spring of 2010.

Anyway, I thumbed through the 15 or so stories this morning looking for a good option. My first preference was “The Lady or the Tiger,” by Frank Stockton. This ranks as my all-time favorite short story. Unfortunately, it’s just too long for my purposes, and I couldn’t think of a coherent way to truncate it.

My second choice was Saki’s “The Interlopers.” Easily my second-favorite short story, it may have been the superior choice, what with its dialog and colorful phrases. But it was likewise too long. It took me about 15 minutes to read it, and I considered chopping out half of it to bring it down to size, but I just couldn’t do it.

Then I tried “The Princess and the Tin Box,” by James Thurber. I love this story, and I think it might have been the most fun to read to the audience. But it had the opposite problem of the other two: It’s too short. I read it in about 4 minutes.

Then I tried the aforementioned short story I first read at Hamline: Steve de Jarnatt’s “Rubiaux Rising.” This is an amazing tale but, again, a little too long. I could have shortened it but, even with an abridged version, it seems just a tad too gruesome for me to read to my co-workers. I don’t want anyone making disgusted faces at me while I’m reading.

I ended up choosing “Charles,” by Shirley Jackson. When I read it this morning, I found it took me between 10 and 11 minutes to do so. In the final third of the story, there are a few paragraphs that, I felt, could be safely removed to shorted it a bit. In fact, I think my abridged version is even better than the original, which takes an odd turn in those paragraphs. So, “Charles” it is. Wish me luck.

Oh – and if you want a curious hypothesis, check this out: How geography shapes culture.

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

At the end of the work day today, I attended my final session of the strength training class. The class lasted eight weeks. It’s starting up again in a couple of weeks, and I think I will sign up again. For only $25, it’s a good deal. I like that it gets me off my butt for a while.

Anyway, I went into the men’s room to change into shorts and a t-shirt. When I came out, I began walking back to my cube to drop off my regular clothes. I passed by the water cooler/coffee machine area, and a lady from my division was standing there. She looked at me and said, “Legs!” Not knowing how to respond, I simply laughed.

That’s it. That’s all she said. I laughed and continued on. After dropping off my clothes, I doubled back to head up the stairs to the class, and I passed my co-worker once again. This time, I had something to say. I gestured toward my calves and said, “Here’s your last chance to them before I go upstairs.” Then she laughed.

I know they’re nice legs but, ladies, please, try to control yourselves.

Saturday, 23 June 2012

 Last night was most unusual: I slept at home.

After two nights in The Land of Lincoln, I returned home around 8:00 PM to an empty house. My wife and kids left back on Wednesday (the same day I left for Illinois) to spend some time up at the family cabin. I’m going to join them today. But, for now, I have the hosue to myself.

I’m happy to report the cat is still alive.

Speaking of the cat, I woke up with a jolt at around 2:30 this morning thanks to a very loud noise. I sat up in bed and looked around. Of course, it was too dark for me to see anything, so I turned on the light dimly. I then hobbled into the other bedrooms a bathroom looking for what might have caused such a loud noise. No luck.

So I went downstairs.

I looked around, couldn’t find anything suspicious. I even went down into the basement – the cat following me with a look that said, “Hey, human, what’s your problem?”

I went back upstairs and peeked into my son’s room again, and noticed some of his toys on the floor were askew. I think what happened was the cat was sleeeping on Owen’s bed, jumped down, and then knocked into his toy train or marble works and startled the both of us.

By this point, I couldn’t get to sleep. So I grabbed my laptop and searched on Netflix for something to watch. I watched Jim Gaffigan’s Mr. Universe, which I highly reccommend. It was good fun sitting in bed, computer on my lap, watching a stand-up routine at 3:00 in the morning.

That’s the sort of thing you can do when you have the place to yourself.

Sunday, 24 June 2012

 Well, I arrived at the cabin safely around 1:30 yesterday. It’s been mostly a lazy time, which is good after my stressful week of giving a presentation, dealing with Hamline’s accounting department, attending a 3-day class, and twice flying on an airplane.

Today I mowed the cabin’s property. As luck would have it, the mower ran out of gas when I was about 95% done with the job. This wasn’t really a problem, Jennifer said we had to go into town anyway to get some food.

While out, we stopped for ice cream at Joyful Morning coffee shop. It looked like just a nice, normal place to buy ice cream, but…

Imagine some taking a bible, folding it in half, and trying to force it into your mouth. That’s kind of the atmosphere they’re going for at Joyful Morning. I didn’t realize it at first: I paid no attention to their road sign that offered:

Coffee, Ice Cream, Cheese, Bibles, Gifts

Bibles? Who singles out bibles like that?

Then, when we walked in the door, I saw that old scripture from Joshua that I think came standard with every house a Witness purchases – you know, the one that says, “As for my and my house, we shall serve the Lord”? I just passed it off as a standard Christian decoration.

But then, the guy who served us ice cream had a shirt on that said he stood with Christ. Every table had a donation box on it for Feed My Starving Children (a Xtian charity), approximately 99% of the gifts for sale and decorations on the wall were Christian-themed. They all had these beautiful pictures – you know, of wildlife, sunrises, and soldiers – and “inspirational” messages like “God watches every breath you take” and “Jesus loves me…because I’m straight.” Owen asked me to read one of the messages to him and, after I did, he said, “That’s not true.” I had to shush him, lest we be thrown before the inquisition.

My favorite gift item for sale was a “Jesus loves me” money clip. My least favorite gift item was a bible that intersperced scriptures with images and “facts” about our founding fathers. Christians, please: don’t mix your religion with the US government. You do both a disservice.

The shop’s website says “We would love to host your bible study.” Au contraire: I don’t think you’d love to host my bible study.

Monday, 25 June 2012

This morning, there were geese outside the cabin. Later, a heron landed on the dock. Then there was a giant turkey on the beach (no, it wasn’t me – I’m talking about a literal turkey). All that fowl is very cool to see, but I gotta tell you about the reptile we saw last night.

In the evening, after going into the cabin for the night, I went back outside to get something and I saw this turtle on the beach:

I’m no zoologist, but I think it’s a painted turtle (Chrysemys picta). I tried looking up info about her last night, but there’s no internet access at the cabin, so I used my wife’s cellular telephone and the best I could find was info about a Blanding’s Turtle.

Anyway, this painted turtle was laying eggs on the beach – right where we had been weeding and digging and hanging out for the past two days. After Jennifer and Owen went out to look at her (and snapped the above image), I watched from the cabin windows until I saw her covering up her work and lumbering back to the water.

I was a little concerned that the eggs might inadvertabtly be disturbed by other family members who come to use the cabin later this summer, so I set up a small fence around three sides of the nest. My work looks like this:

To the right of this “fence” is the sidewalk leading to the pier. The open portion leads out to the lake. Jennifer was a little concerned that a wayword hatchling might head the wrong way and get hung up on the fence, but I figure the improved chances I give them by putting up this guardrail more than makes up for the one or two losses that might occur – almost assuredly will occur – during their mad scramble for safety in the water.

This morning, some of my wife’s family came to the cabin to begin painting it. They arrived even before we left. Two of my wife’s cousins headed down to the lake and immediately began pulling weeds. I walked down there and told them about the turtle eggs. To my delight, one of them said, “Yeah, I figured something like that was going on, so I made sure to stay clear.” Good. Now if everyone can be like that for then next 80 days.