Verbisaurus Blogicus

Monday, 28 May 2012

The highlight of my day was finishing up this small area near our workshop. Over the past couple of months, I’ve been slowly arranging the bricks around this recatngular spot by the door. Originally, it was part of a larger cordoned-off area of retaining walls, but I broke it free by rearranging the bricks. The larger area will eventually go back to regular lawn (so my kids have more area to play), but this spot – approximately six feet wide by four feet deep, is now a garden. Jennifer loosened up the soil and, with intermittent assistance from Owen, extracted all the weeds.

Here’s what it looked like by 1:00 today…

It’s the area just to the left of the door.

Then, we took off for the local nursery. We brought the wagon, so that we had a way to bring our new vegetation home.

Isla scores a free ride.

We purchased eight tomato plants, and one pot of chives. I’m looking forward to eating the results.

I also took the time today to finally remove the flag pole holder from the side of our house. I realize it might seem a bit blasphemous to remove a flag pole holder on Memorial Day, but I thought about all the brave men and women we’ve blown to smithereens while I did it, if that makes up for anything.

Here are a few other images from our long weekend:

Owen received two volcano-in-a-boxes for his birthday. One volcano kit, which he began working on yesterday, focused primarily on creating a realistic-looking volcano. The other one concerned itself mostly with the different types of eruptions found on earth. Here he is, back on Saturday, working on that latter model:

The “lab bench” is on his right, while the “volcano” is on his left. Looks like he’s enjoying himself.

Isla loves tattoos. Jennifer recently emblazoned Isla with one bad-ass tat’ and took this picture of our little rebel:

I will be publishing my book with Freethought House. It’s not a big company, by any means, but they offered me a fair deal and, being local, should be able to promote the book well. Don’t hold your breath waiting for a finished copy (unless you can hold your breath for, like, two years). Nevertheless, the proverbial ball is now rolling. Here’s me signing the contract yesterday:

To my right is Isla’s juice. To my left is some volcano residue. Those kids never clean up after themselves.

Saturday, 26 May 2012
This morning, Owen and I attended another Lowe’s Build and Grow event. This marks our fifth time this year.
Today, Owen made an ice cream truck. I was a little worried that this would be too easy – back February, he made a racecar, and the car was pretty much just one piece. All the kids had to do was nail on a bumper and the bottom of the car. Way too easy. This ice cream truck was better; Owen had to assemble the four sides of the truck, plus the windshield portion.
We met up with one of Owen’s friends (and her dad) for the event, and that dad pointed out that one of the stickers that the kids were applying on the side of the truck had a Kemp’s Blue Bunny logo on it. He asked if all the other things Owen had made at Lowe’s also had corporate sponsors. I wasn’t sure, but I said I didn’t think so.
When we got home, I checked Owen’s other creations. The castle he made, back in January, had a Lowe’s logo on the door (but we installed the door backwards to purposely hide that. The T. rex and the chalkboard had no logos on them, but the aforementioned racecar had some power tool logo on it. Hm. I guess we could have left off those stickers, but then the project wouldn’t look “done.”
I don’t mind the Lowe’s logo. After all, it’s their event. And having a power tool logo on the side of a racecar and a Kemp’s logo on the side of an ice cream truck seem fitting, too. But, as my friend also noted, the next couple of Build and Grow projects are heavily endorsing Dreamworks. Specifically, the new movie Madagascar 3. The kids will be making an airplane and some sort of SUV – both of which apparently appear in the upcoming movie.
So…yeah…I probably won’t bring Owen to those.

Also, my wife recently updated the kids’ blog. Go here to read the latest.

Sunday, 27 May 2012
Today, before getting into the shower, I had to open up my medicine cabinet and pull out my bottle of shampoo. The bottle of shampoo has been sitting in there since the day we move in.
“Whoa!” you say, “You moved in, like, 8 months ago, right? Don’t you wash your hair more often than that?”

“Yes,” I say, “I do wash my hair everyday. And we’ve lived in this home for 8 and a half months, to be precise.”

Here’s the story:

The morning after our first night in our new home, I stepped into the shower. The prior owner had left a shampoo dispenser installed on the shower wall. It had mildew on it. I had every intention of removing it and throwing it away, but there was shampoo inside it. My wife thought it was gross, but I didn’t see anythign wrong with the shampoo itself, encased, as it was, in a sealed plastic dispenser. So I began using that.

In fact, I used it nearly every day for the next six months. The only times I didn’t use it were the time Jennifer and I took a trip to Atlanta, and the time I went out to Wisconsin for a business trip. I also didn’t use it the one morning our hot water heater wasn’t working. Instead, I drove to work and showered there.

So, about two months ago, the dispenser was finally empty. That same day I removed the dispenser from the wall, scraped off all the mildew, and plugged the screw holes with caulk.

For the last two months, I’ve been using these two small bottles of shampoo that I obsconded from the hotels I stayed at during those two trips. The last bottle finally ran out today. So, it’s back to the trusty old bottle of shampoo.

I’m going out of town in about four weeks. I hope to score new shampoo then. In the meantime, I hope my bottle of Trader Joe’s shampoo holds out. I’d hate to have to break down and buy something as superfluous as shampoo.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

My major achievement today was finding out I got an A in my recent college course. Yay for me!

Actually, though, I have to confess: this was an easy course. It was a history class, for one thing, and I’m pretty into history. I’m the kind of guy who reads history books during summer break. Oh – look at that – on my shelf right now are three history books I am plowing through! Also, it wasn’t just any history, it was American history. And of the 196 nations on Earth, I believe I am most familiar with the one that I’ve spent 99% of my life in. And it didn’t cover just any time frame, either…it covered the 20th Century. I lived through nearly a quarter of that century, raised by two people who lived through nearly half of it. So, yeah, not much new in the class.

In fact, this is a thing that has irritated me about Hamline lately: In looking at my transcript of class credits I transferred in, I recently noticed they counted my two Lab Skills courses as worth exactly zero credits. I wrote to the Grand Lord of Transferred Credits (or maybe her title was “Transfer Articulation Coordinator,” I don’t recall), and told her that, since the two courses – which totaled 9 credits towards my last degree, should count for something at Hamline. After all, they were writing intensive, and I learned a whole heap about writing clearly, specifically, and succinctly. In fact, in comparing them to the course I just took, they were far, far more educational.

She said: “While the writing components of these courses may have provided excellent opportunities to hone your skills, as occupational science-based lab courses, they would not be able to fulfill English major requirements, per se.”

…So, basically, she’s saying that because the information and skills I learned in the classes had some sort of use in the real world, that they therefore can’t could toward my requirements at Hamline.

Yeah, that’s fucking messed up.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Speaking of messed up, I tried to pay my spring tuition with Hamline today. In fact, it took all day, and I never succeeded.

Did you know that if you pay with a credit card at Hamline’s online tuition payment center (where you have to put your tuition in a “cart”), that you have to pay about $25 per $1,000 for a convenience fee? I’m not sure what’s convenient about getting screwed out of $100, and I don’t know when Hamline started running their shop like TIcketmaster, but I think it sucks.

I called the tuition office (or whatever it’s called) and asked if I could just come to their office to pay in person. “Sure!” they said, “But we only take cash or check in person.” Oh, isn’t that convenient! I can pay for a 75 cent candy bar in the gift shop, and they’ll take a credit card, but two blocks away, the tuition people are still living in 1955.

Anyway, so I type in my credit card number and – get this – my card gets rejected because Hamline won’t take Visa. Yep, you heard that right: Visa is no good at Hamline. Visa, mind you, is good practically everywhere else on the planet – including online sales and even some garage sales I’ve been to, but at a major University in the middle of The United States of Consumerism? Sorry, no can do. And, nope, it doesn’t matter if it’s a credit card or check card.

This is all the more frustrating since I don’t even have to pay for the class – my employer does that. But my employer only reimburses me, so I do have to pay up front. So, basically, I just need to put it on my Visa, then turn around and submit the receipt for reimbursement, then deposit a big old check back into my account mere weeks later.

Anyway, Hamline, if you’re reading this: I have $4,000, if you’d like it. Let me know.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

This afternoon, I gave my tenth speech in Toastmasters. This is notable because the initial book that all new members start with, Competent Communicator, contains ten projects – each focusing on a different aspect of public speaking. So, now I’ve finished the book, becoming the fifth member of the club to do so. I’ll get an award in the mail, along with two books from the advanced communicator series.

Here’s a list of the ten speeches I gave, along with the project name, date, and a brief explanation:

1. (The Ice Breaker) “Four Unique Events,” 20 December 2010

This 4-6 minute speech is intended to introduce yourself to the audience. I selected four unique things from my life and talked about them. The events included performing a wedding ceremony and Isla’s homebirth.

2. (Organize Your Speech) “What Happened to Pluto?,” 26 January 2011

In this speech, for which I was allotted 5-7 minutes, I discussed how our knowledge of Pluto changed over the decades since its discovery in 1930, and why astronomers no longer categorize it as a major planet.

3. (Get to the Point) “My 20 Year Quest of Trying to get Downhill” 23 February 2011

Here, I displayed a list of all the films directed by Alfred Hitchcock and I described my attempts to view them all. This was my worst speech – I wasn’t prepared well enough and I even forgot about 30 seconds worth of material. And though I though the title was quite clever, my evaluator said he found it confusing.

4. (How to Say It) “Firestorm,” 23 March 2011

In this speech, I gave a brief history of the Great Hinckley Fire of 1894, based on my visit to the Fire Museum the previous summer and the book Under a Flaming Sky.

5. (Your Body Speaks) “A Short History of #1,” 13 July 2011

This speech was about Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. I explained its purpose, and how it changed through the years, especially in the 1990s during the dearth of in-store singles and how the charts have been revitalized since the rise of digital downloads.

6. (Vocal Variety) “The 100,” 10 August 2011

Here, I discussed one of my favorite books, The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons in History, by Michael Hart. I offered up some info on what “influential” does and does not mean, and I showed a list of the top ten and gave some reasons and opinions on the list.

7. (Research Your Topic) “Who are Our Most Successful Presidents?.” 12 October 2011

For this speech, I talked about some conversations my son and I have had about what percentage of US Presidents successfully completed their terms in office. By “successful,” I  mean they did not die or resign.

8. (Get Comfortable With Visual Aids) “A Backwards Speech,” 25 January 2012

Segueing nicely with the meeting’s theme of “a Backwards Meeting,” I talked about my fascination with palindromes, and the word fun people have had with them. I also showed a clip from my interview on Oprah. Details about this speech – which received a standing ovation and which my evaluator proclaimed “best speech” ever, can be FOUND HERE.

9. (Persuade with Power) “Love Birds?,” 22 February 2012

This was probably the most difficult speech for me to work up, primarily because I had such a hard time coming up with a topic. I ended up talking about the pros and cons of feeding wild birds via feeders in your backyard. At this meeting, we had a contest for best speech and, of the eight speeches, mine won (and, no, I did not vote for my own speech).

10. (Inspire Your Audience) “SMiLE,” 23 May 2012

Today, I tried to ‘inspire my audience’ by telling them first about my friend Rhett Sutter and his love of music and, in particular, Brian Wilson. I then switched gears to talking about Brian Wilson and his struggles with depression and drug abuse, and how he finally finished his long-delayed opus, SMiLE. I wove anecdotes about Rhett throughout, and spoke of his work on his third solo album, which he never completed due to his untimely death. I used Brian’s and Rhett’s experiences to inspire everyone to accomplish something worthwhile in their life and to not put it off. I ended by saying that finally, only after Rhett died, did I give Brian Wilson’s album a listen and that, in the end, Rhett was wrong – I didn’t like the album, I loved it. It made me smile.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

This evening, my wife and I watched the final episode of Little House on the Prairie. There are more disks to come, but those are just bonus features. So, finally, we are done watching this series.

We began watching the Little House episodes in September 2006. We had just completed watching every episode of Star Trek: Voyager (that only took 8 months because we watched nothing but), and Jennifer said she wanted to get more shows via Netflix. This made sense – we had a one year old son at the time, and he was (IS) a pain to get to sleep every night, so we often had too little time to watch an entire movie. A short TV episode was more our style.

That fall, we began rotating disks of not only Little House episodes, but also Quantum Leap, Northern Exposure, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. We gave up on Deep Space Nine near the end of the first season, and we finished watching Quantum Leap’s  five seasons by January 2009 and Northern Exposure’s six seasons by August 2009. Little House, however, has more than five or six seasons. It has ten. And, in between watching those episodes, we also watched every episode of several shorter-run shows, including: Wonderfalls, Freaks and Geeks, Firefly, Arrested Development, Battlestar Galactica, The Addams Family, Better off Ted, Pushing Daisies, and Rome. Currently, we are working our way through the Sopranos, Modern Family, and Seinfeld. Through it all, there’s been Little House.

I’ve seen this final episode, “The Last Farewell,” before, so there we no major surprises. Both Jennifer and I had forgotten the long intro to the episode, which takes place in Burr Oak, Iowa, though Jennifer suggested that this portion may have been axed during reruns (to make room for more commercials). She’s probably right.

It seemed everyone got in one last hurrah in this episode: Dr. Baker heals one more townsperson, Charles gets one more shot at fiddle-playing, the Reverend preaches one last sermon, Ms. Foster comes running out of the post office one more time with urgent mail, Mr. Edwards get another opportunity to use terrible grammar, Mr. Montague proves once again that he’s pretty much perfect (he plays a stunning rendition of “Flight of the Bumblebee” on Charles’ fiddle, then claims that he’s “a bit rusty”), Laura cries one more time, Rose cries one more time, and Nancy once more accuses whoever will listen that “You hate me!” The only thing missing was Mrs. Oleson (though she is mentioned) and Hester Sue – who inexplicably has gone MIA in this episode.

Parts of the episode were surprisingly weak, which, I guess, was typical for the last two seasons. For one thing, there’s a terribly contrived subplot to get Pa and Ma back into the little house one more time. Later, Ma and Laura have what, I think, is supposed to be a touching conversation while washing the dishes, but it is so syrupy sweet (“If you weren’t such a good Ma I wouldn’t be the person I am today”), that I nearly cringed – and that’s saying something in a show that frequently employs sentimentality. In fact, earlier in the episode, I laughed when Ma and Laura saw each other, paused, then ran into each other’s arms. God, I love when they do that in the show.

Other parts of the show were unexpectedly good. I had forgotten about the scene where all the menfolk in the town start preparing their guns to defend their land. Laura says something like: “I don’t understand, no piece of land is worth losing your life over!” and Pa says, “You’re right, you don’t understand.” Ohhh….good zinger.

Later, during a meeting to discuss their forced eviction from the town, everyone gathers in the church. Reverend Alden asks the questions his flock is always wondering: Why do bad things happen to good people like us? Why do rich robber-barons get to make all the decisions? He spins this into a refreshingly non-religious argument that this is a chance to start fresh, to support one another, and to feel the love of friends. His speech is interupted by the always shoot-from-the-hip Mr. Edwards, who says, “Well I’m feeling something else right now, Reverend. I’m feeling anger.” In a moment of righteous indignation, the Reverend then cuts him off and says, “Do you think I don’t? Do you think, just because I am a man of the cloth, that I don’t feel anger, too?” Very cool. The conversation that ensues from that point is too long to write here, but it’s good.

Finally, I also liked that the town itself was treated as a character; after all, after ten seasons, it sure felt like one. The human characters spoke of the town being “buried” and that it was a “friend that held them together.” As they prepare to walk off their property for the last time, Reverend Alden gets the last spoken line: “Walnut Grove did not die in vain,” he assures his flock. And they march out together, fully aware that the developments of the last few minutes of their time together proved him right.

So long, Little House, and farewell.