Verbisaurus Blogicus

Friday, 17 August 2012

Today we arrived at the cabin for a vacation. You may recall that we stayed at the cabin earlier this summer, thought I arrived late and only stayed two nights back then.

I decided to leave my computer and phone at home. Jennifer initially balked at the idea of not bringing my phone, suggesting that there might be an emergency in which she’ll need to call my parents. I’m not sure what, exactly, my Dad (living in Florida) is supposed to do via phone if I suddenly have a heart attack and wind up in the hospital, but I wrote down my parents’ phone numbers and told Jennifer to put them in her phone just in case.

One thing we did bring with us is our DVD player. We arrived at the cabin with two disks from Netflix and two newly purchased movies to watch with Owen late at night after Isla falls asleep.

We tried bringing our DVD player last time, but failed. First, Jennifer forgot to bring the DVD player. Since I drove up separetely three days later, she called and reminded me to bring the player. I did, but I did not bring the correct cord, so we couldn’t attach it to the 1970s TV that resides at the cabin.

This time, we remembered the DVD player, but it looked like it was unnecessary: my brother-in-law donated a newer TV to the cabin. This newer model had a built-in DVD player. So, we popped in one Netflix, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. After about twenty minutes, my wife complained that the movie didn’t have enough sex in it (or maybe she just said it didn’t make any sense, I don’t remember), so I ejected the disk and inserted Mad Men: Season 1 Disk 1. Once we got past the FBI warning telling us we will be shot on sight if we copy the disk, and forwarded past the trailers, we selected the first episode and began watching.

The subtitles appeared. So we had to go back to the menu and unselect them. They were already unselected, so we weren’t sure what was wrong. We tried accessing the TV’s menu, but no luck. So then we plugged in our DVD player (the one we brought from home), but Jennifer forgot the remote, and our stupid, shitty DVD player doesn’t have full usability without the remote. So we shut the thing off.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

So I brought with me, cracked open, and began reading the novel Where Things Come Back. This is one of those Catcher in the Rye copycat books (yeah, really, the characters even reference Catcher in the Rye) with an interesting twist: there’s a secondary story happening unrelated to the main story.

While the main tale takes place in Lily, Arkansas and concerns a teenaged boy who’s grappling with all sorts of stuff, the subplot tells of a missionary in Ethiopia who grows disillusioned, moves back home, then tries out college life, where he prfoundly influences his roommate.

This tight but sprawling narrative is, actually, more interesting than the main story. I wish I would have began making a list, years back, of books and movies in which the subplot is more interesting than the main plot. It wouldn’t be a very long list, percentage-wise, but it would fascinating to look back on.

The book also talks about the possible reappearance of a (thought to be) extinct woodpecker. As soon as I came across this in the text, I knew they were talking about the Lord God Bird – because I had once read the book The Race to Save the Lord God Bird, which is an enormously captivating read, and I suggest you go get yourself a copy right now. Anyway, I just go to the point in the Where Things Come Back where one character casually mentions to another that  the woodpecker everyone is excited about used to be called the My God Bird. The book is a work of fiction, but this character’s claim is entirely true. In fact, according to the other book – the one called The Race to Save the Lord God Bird – the bird had several names, including both Lord God and My God. What a great name for a bird. Too bad it’s extinct.

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Today is my second full day in a row without using a phone, a computer, or a car. And, for the second day in a row, I had no interaction with anyone at all except my wife and kids. How great is that? It’s awesome.

We sat out on the beach a lot. Jennifer keeps pulling weeds and sifting out rocks and carrying dried seaweed to the fir pit. I help sometimes, but mostly I’m just relaxing. I did move the fire pit, however.

I think, at some point in the last 30 years, a member of Jennifer’s family set up a fire ring in the backyard. At the time, its location made sense, but in the ensuing years a nearby tree has grown directly overhead. Over the last several years, whenever there’s been a fire in the fire pit, I’ve watched as smoke and ashes have risen up into that tree. Big chunks of foliage are dead on the tree as a result, and I kept thinking that, any day now, the things is going to burst into flames.

Anyway, I moved the pit about ten feet closer to the shore, just away from the tree’s reach. My wife wondered if some people in the family might not like the idea that I ever so slightly altered their world, so my plan for tomorrow is to work more on the fire pit by burying bricks and enclosing the perimeter in heavy stones that are partially buried. That way, if anyone doesn’t like it, they’ll have to really be commited to their disdain if they want to move it.

I’m thinking of mixing some cement and pouring it around the firepit, too. But that might be going too far.

Monday, 20 August 2012

…And today is my third day in a row without phone, car, or computer. In fact, today I didn’t even use the TV. We turned on the TV yesterday to watch Men In Black with Owen. There were subtitles. Again. We couldn’t get rid of them. But we decided to go ahead and watch the movie anyway, primarily because Owen would have been too upset if we shut it off, and also because – come on – it’s just Men In Black.

Anyway, this evening we went out on the rowboat again. Owen tried his hand at rowing, which was good because up until that moment he was quite the harsh critic of my rowing. Also, Isla gets enveloped in this Zen-like calm when we’re out on the boat. She just sits or stands there looking overboard with a peaceful look on her face.

Also this evening, we started a fire in the pit. This should, along with the bricks and rocks, help to make the pit’s location more permanent-looking. We roasted some marshmallows and made some ‘smores. I had a couple, not because I think marshmallows taste great, but because that’s what you’re supposed to do when your standing around a bonfire. I left all the ashes and embers in the pit to help it seem more legitimate.

Owen row, row, rows the boat

Isla relaxes in the sink

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

 So, I looked at my work calendar today, and I’m happy to announce that I’m not working a single full week this entire month. Last week, I took off Friday. This week, I’m taking off Friday again. Next week, I’m taking off Monday and Tuesday, and the week after that, I’m taking off Monday.

The week after that, we’ll be into September, but I’ll still have a partial week by virtue of Labor Day.

My reason for taking off three work days in a row is because Jennifer, Owen, Isla, and I are heading up to the family cabin again, like we did back in June. They all spent five nights there; I only spent two. So, spending an upcoming four nights at the cabin will triple my total time sleeping there, ever.

So today I really kicked my “get everything at work in order” into high gear. My plan is to not have anything waiting for me when I get back.

Wednesday 15 August 2012

 This evening, Owen and I finished reading The Yellow Yacht, by Ron Roy.

Here’s a few intersting bits of trivia about that:

We are now only one book away from having read the entire A to Z Mysteries Series together. At 25 books, this easily makes Ron Roy the most represented author on my list of books I’ve read.

I’m reading a lot of books this year. Not sure why the uptick, but I think it’s a combination of reading to my son every night, having to read books for school, and listening to audiobooks in the car on the way to and from work. At 54 books, I’ve already read more books this year than any other year in the past decade, except for 2011, when I read 58 books. So i’m within striking distance. If I don’t read another book this year, I will still have averaged over one book a week. Good for me.

And if you look at my list of books I’ve read this year (and, if you’re like most people, you probably don’t), then you’ll see I’ve read at least one book beginning with every letter of the alphabet except D, E, F, and Z. Z, of course, will be filled in by month’s end. Not sure if I’ll fill in those other empty spots. I started reading Does Local Government Matter? for a book review, but it was so boring I couldn’t finish it. Oh well. I’ll keep you posted. Literally.

One more bit of trivia: in 1998, I read the book Where the Red Fern Grows. Until this year, it remained, alphabetically, the last book on my list of juvenile fiction that I’ve read. After over 13 years in that position, however, it’s lost out to – not one – but four other works of fiction.

Thursday, 16 August 2012

So, in case you don’t know, there are two Republican-sponsored proposed amendment changes on the ballot for Minnesotans this comings fall. One says:

“Shall the Minnesota Constitution be amended to require all voters to present valid photo identification to vote and to require the state to provide free identification to eligible voters, effective July 1, 2013?”

The other says:
“Shall the Minnesota Constitution be amended to provide that only a union of one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in Minnesota?”

The other day, I mentioned to my wife that I’ve seen signs and bumper stickers and t-shirts that are opposed to the voter ID amendment, but I’ve also seen stickers and buttons and such indicating support for the amendment. However, I’ve only seen opposition to the marriage amendment. Maybe I’m pretty insulated living in a very liberal city in a very liberal metro area and generally avoiding in depth discussions with fundamentalists, but I had yet to see any individual person expressing support for the amendmet. Oh, I’ve seen support discussed online, and the local media has noted when various groups have supported it, and I’m sure their are individual people I know who support the measure, but I had never seen an individual expressing it on their person or property.
Well, that changed today.
I was driving home from work. I was in the center lane, swiftly gaining on a pick-up truck in the fast lane who was going under the speed limit and talking on his cell phone. The back window of his pick-up truck had two bumper stickers: the first one I saw expressed his support for the voter ID amendment. No big deal; I’d seen that sticker before, on other vehicles. But then I saw his other sticker. It said something about protecting marriage, voting YES on the marriage amendment, and then showing one of those bathroom door icons of a man and a woman in a skirt.
I don’t know what he was doing in Minneapolis, but I can only assume he was lost.

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Well, for the fifth time in as many weeks, I donned my reverend persona and officiated a wedding. And now, for the first time this calendar year, I have no weddings coming down the proverbial pipeline. Hold on, I’ll check.

Nope. No emails.

Here are a few observations I made about today’s wedding that I absolutely enjoyed:

*A reading

This is the second wedding in a row I’ve performed in which a family member was invited up to read something. I like that. It gives me time to take a breath.

*Asymmetrical bridal party

Yep, the groomsmen outnumbered the bridesmaids. I’m not saying this is better than the usual symmetry, I’m just saying I liked their nonconformance to what, hitherto, I always thought was an imperative. The groomsmen-to-bridesmaids ratio meant that a couple of the bridesmaids walked down the aisle with a groomsman on each arm. The maid of honor, meanwhile, walked down with her one-year old daughter. When reaching the stage, she picked up her daughter and held her through the ceremony. Very cool.

*Not walking down with dad

Again, not saying this is better, just saying I like the change: the bride was escorted down the aisle not by her father, or a grandfather, but by her own brother, who then served as the best man (he received double-billing in the program).

*Intraceremony license-signing

This couple chose to sign their license during the ceremony. Even though this could have been a little awkward (people on stage hunched over a clipboard), it worked out perfectly and, in retrospect, I wish my wife and I would have done this. After all, it only makes sense. The license signatures indicates the witnesses have affirmed the vows, and so, you might as well get all the legal, traditional, and (if you must) religious stuff out of the way during the ceremony.

To make things unique, this couple did not use their best man and maid of honor as the witnesses; they used their grandmothers. At the appropriate time, they took their license down to the front row where her grandma signed the paperwork, then embraced her granddaughter and her new grandson-in-law. This was repeated on the other side of the aisle with his grandma. The groom then handed me the license, which I perused quickly and then signed.

Again, very cool.

If you’re getting married sometime in the next few months…good news! I’m wide open for dates.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

So, the good folks over at the St. Paul Almanac have asked me (and, I assume, all the other contributors) to participate in their tour-of-coffee houses readings.

I’m already attending their big release party on September 13th, and I think I am assigned to read there, but I think it sounds fun to read at a coffee shop. It’s like all those times I’ve seen my friends play guitar at coffee shops, only I have far less talent!

Anyway, I’m reading my piece(s) at two coffee shops on two dates.

The first is at Fresh Grounds, at 1362 West Seventh Street, on Monday, October first.

The second is at Claddaugh Coffee at 459 West Seventh Street on Monday, November nineteenth.

What can I say? I guess I have a thing for West 7th coffee shops.

Here’s a complete list off all the reading dates. If you can’t attend one where I’m participating (or if you specifically want to avoid them), then pick from this list and support local writers.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Despite having loads of shelving space in our (relatively) new home, Jennifer and I always have difficulty agreeing on what to do with the books we are currently reading. She likes to pile them up wily-nily whereever there’s space; I like to put them away in their proper place in the book shelves. I complain her method is sloppy. She complains my method causes her to forget about the books she wants to read. And then there are the library books: where do we put those? The top of the toilet only fits so many books.

Here is my wife’s current solution, unique in that I’m not opposed to it:

This is the left-hand corner of our desk. Since our desk is, like, seven feet long, there’s no problem in using up a foot of it to temporarily house these books. It’s good for me ’cause it’s not messy. It’s good for she ’cause she won’t forget about them when they’re sitting out in the open like this.

But, wow, just look at all those books! The majority of these are books Jennifer intends to read. But I have a book sitting on my desk at work, another in my backpack, and another sitting in the bathroom downstairs. Then there’s the audiobook I’m listening to in the car. And if you look closely, there’s a book jacket nestled behind the books. That’s ’cause I outserted the book and am reading it sans jacket. On top of the books are a couple of zines. To my knowledge, we’ve both read them, so I thing they’re languishing there until we either find a zine home, or they grow up into full-fledged books. Either way, it’s not happening any time soon.

Also today: Happy Left-handers’ Day to all of my sinister friends!

Wednesday, 08 August 2012

Unbeknownst to me, my friend Ryan Sutter participated in the Wire’s 2012 RPM Challenge back in February. For those who don’t know, this annual event encourages musicians to record an entire album within 28 days. The only rules are that the album consist of either 10 songs or 35 minutes and that recording transpire entirely within February. I don’t know if everyone got an extra day this month due to February’s lengthened status this Leap Year, but either way, it’s an ambitious endeavor.

In a way, it’s kind of silly. There are no artistic parameters – and I’m not sure how to define them even if there were – so participants could, in theory, just play a few notes on a Jew’s Harp, feed it through a synthesizer, and include the most asinine lyrics they can think of on the spot. In fact, the site even says this is entirely permissible on their FAQ page.

But in another way, it’s a good idea. Any musician who calls him- or herself such is bound to try to do the best they can. And for many artists, my friend included, it’s too easy to set a project aside and let it languish for months, even years. The RPM challenge has given my buddy the kick in the pants he needs to finish at least two other albums in previous years.

This year he recorded Blood and Scotch/Valentine. I don’t know what the slash is for. But it was most famously used in Outkast’s 2003 album Speakerboxxx/The Love Below and in Justin Timberlake’s FutureSex/LoveSounds. So, I don’t know, maybe it’s some sort of inside joke between Outkast, Timerlake, and my friend.

Anyway, Ryan’s album is available here. Go ahead and listen to it streaming, or download it for the grand total of name-your-price. My favorite tracks are “Serene” and “Uncle Ghost,” the latter being a tune Ryan already forwarded to me over a year ago – albeit with a slightly different arrangement – claiming it would be part of a new album titled The Universal Thump (still forthcoming, I guess). There’s a nearly half hour track (“song” would be too strong a word for it) titled “Valentine.” I’m not sure what’s going on there. Just some strung out notes and random sound effects. Without it, Ryan wouldn’t have met the RPM goal of at least 35 minutes of “music,” so that might explain its inclusion. The other tracks, all in the manageable realm of one to five minutes, are solid. Go get it.

Thursday, 09 August 2012

So, I just found out I won Hamline University and Homewood Studios Art Gallery’s writing contest. Back in May, I picked up a flyer on campus announcing their collaboration on a contest to pick the best short story and the best visual art that follows the them “Malaria in Africa.” The piece was due by late May, and the only stipulation was that the piece concern itself with malaria in Africa (makes sense) and includes a net in some fashion. The kind of net people sleep under to avoid mosquito bites, that it.

So now you’re thinking: “James, how could you possibly win a contest about malaria in Africa? – that sounds like something you know nothing about.”

Yep. You’re right. To an extent. Back in mid-May, I really had no idea what to write about. In fact, I considered letting this contest slip by without submitting an entry. But three things made me change my mind:

1. Cash prize! Hell yes, I am totally about getting paid to write.

2. The winning piece will appear in next year’s The Fulcrum. I submit something to Hamline’s literary journal every year, so I might as well submit something now in preparation for 2013.

3. I could learn about malaria by reading a book about it. (And that’s just what I did.)

Friday, 10 August 2012

The big news today was attending a St. Paul Saints ball game.

Ever since attending a Twins game back in May, I wanted to take Owen to a Saints game, assuring him that the Saints are way more fun to watch. I was going to just go online and buy tickets for some random game, but then the Minnesota Atheists came out with an offer to get discounted group tickets. “Sure,” thought I, “I’d love to get cheaper tickets, with drink and food voucher, and attend the game on the same day as many people I know, including a family whose son is one of Owen’s good friends.”

But no sooner did I buy the tickets, then this upcoming game became a BIG DEAL. I mean it. Every paper in the Twin Cities covered it, lots of people blogged about it, and it was even covered by the Washington Post, Sports Grid, and even the UK’s The Guardian. The Minnesota Atheists even put up an article addressing some of the more common issues some people were having with this.

All of this is very good. Atheists should be more recognizable in today’s world. And ball teams should sponsor group outings that feature freethinkers just as they feature religious groups. The team changed their name to the “Aints” for this game, and the sign out front welcomed attendees to the “Mr. Paul Aints” game. In between innings, the announcer played Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” cleverly editing out the word “don’t.”

But…

When I read some of the comments online – people saying they were going to protest, others saying they were never going to attend a Saints game again, and others saying atheists are stupid to do this because, hey, why do they need to join together (since they don’t need to worship) and what are they promoting since they don’t believe in anything – I started to get worried. After all, I didn’t want to make a statement, I just wanted to show my family a good time watching a great team.

I needn’t have worried. There were no picket lines to breakthrough, and no boos or other harrassments from the theists in the crowd. My kids had a great time: french fries, pop-corn, a jumper to jump in and a playground to play on. We enjoyed the inter-inning antics, and we had a good time with the folks sitting around us, some who we knew, most we didn’t. The fireworks at the end were a special unexpected treat. The weather, by the way, was absolutely perfect – a rare treat this summer – despite the fact that a Fox News pundit said all “good Christians” would be praying for rain.

Thank you, Fox News, for confirming my belief that one thing all Christian denominations have in common is hypocrisy.

When we got to our car, there was a tract from some religious group. Oddly, the cover said “Thanks for your hospitality.” The inside – which my wife read to me with great merriment during our drive home – was pretty much just a bunch of scriptures and an exhortation to read the bible. Hilarious!

The Saints – or should I say “the Aints”? – however, left somethign to be desired. After seeing them score 10 and 18 points in the last two games I’ve attended, respectively, they failed to score a single run the entire game. In the bottom of the ninth, Owen sat on my lap and we watched our team, down two to nothing, with two men on base, try for a three-run homer. It brought back memories of our Twins game together. Sadly, it was not to be this time, and the Saints struck out for the last time, losing the game. A sad, “awwwww,” swept the crowd. Oh well. I suppose they just didn’t have a prayer.

Sunday, 05 August 2012

Owen and I are currently reading Ron Roy’s The X’ed-Out X-Ray. This strangely titled book is named what it is because it’s part of a series of books, the A to Z Mysteries series.

I’m always curious about what authors do for the letter X. In most adult books, it’s a non-issue, but it comes up quite regularly in kids books. There are tons of A to Z books. Often, I think the choice for the X word is a cop-out. For examples, we have the book V is for Viking: A Minnesota Alphabet. As the title implies, the book donates one or two pages to each letter of the alphabet featuring something relating to Minnesota. V, as you probably guess, is for Viking. W is for Walleye. Guess what X is for? It’s for “X marks the spot” on the map where Laura Ingalls used to live. Totally cop-out.

Slightly better is Gone Wild, an alphabet book of endangered animals. For the letter X – and only the letter X – the author flips his otherwise consistent practice of alphebetizing the animals by common name first, then scientific name.

A weird case is Dr. Seuss’s ABC. When the good doctor arrives at the 24th letter, he doesn’t even bother to list any words that begin with X; he just lists off a few words that contain the long-suffering consonant: ax, extra, and fox are among his choices. This is the only letter for which he does this. It’s weird because, come on: this is Dr. Seuss! He can just make up any damn word he pleases. And he does – two letters letter, he offers up a zizzer-zazzer-zuzz as an example of something that begins with Z.

So, part of me appreciates what Ron Roy did here: he managed to remain consistent, which is more than most authors can say. But part of me thinks “X’ed-out” is a really stupid word. But maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on the guy. After all, he didn’t make up the word; it’s even been used in other book titles (albeit without the hyphen).

See?

Anyway, my son must’ve noticed my moderate revulsion. Today he asked me to names ten words that begin with the letter X. And…it’s really hard. Especially because he specifically told me I couldn’t use x-ray. My nevxt selection was X-mas, but my wife was nearby, and she said that didn’t count. I don’t know who made her senior editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, but I attempted to muddle through with my son’s and wife’s restrictions.

Here’s what I came up with:

-Xylophone

-Xenon

-Xenophobia

–Xeric

–Xebec

-Xylem

-Xerxes

-Xerox

-Xeroxed

-Xeroxing

 …Yeah, total cop-out at the end there.

Monday, 06 August 2012

I met with my advisor this afternoon as part of my summer internship program. Upon arriving at his office, I complimented him on his glasses. They looked like this:

I guess these things are all the rage now. Or should I say, again? Two co-workers have recently updated their eyewear, and they both opted for the clunky Wayfarers, too. One’s a guy and one’s a lady, so evidently this fashion statement is not held back by gender restrictions in the same way, say, lipstick is.

My advisor used to have thin-wired, nearly circular frames, and I took the opportunity to remark that Buddy Holly must be winning out over John Lennon in the optical fashion world right now.

             Buddy Holly:                                                                                    John Lennon:

Tuesday, 07 August 2012

Here’s an interesting question: Could the upcoming US Presidential election be a tie?

Well, of course it could be a tie, just like there could be an all-powerful god in te sky, but we all know the real answer, right?

Not so fast argues THIS FASCINATING ARTICLE. Of course, the author admits this is highly unlikely, but it is more likely than it has been during the past several elections. I should mention he’s referring to electoral votes – not actual votes. Remember back in 2000 when there was a near tie between that one wooden detatched automaton and that other wooden detatched automaton? Yeah, see that was just a tie in the popular vote, and it was, strictly speaking, a tie anyway. Regardless, back then the electoral vote was never an issue: as soon as Bush Jr. was declared Florida’s winner, it was a no-brainer who won out in the electoral department.

No, what this article is discussing is the possibility of a tie on the electoral level which, to me, seems like more of a mess than what happened in 2000. The author admits the supreme court would likely get involved, thus speeding up the process and getting the job done, but also raising all sorts of questions about the constituationality of their power…again, like what happened in 2000.

Anyway, just go read it.