Verbisaurus Blogicus

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

I got so wrapped up in ripping on that lousy Introduction yesterday, that I neglected to talk about the bigger book event from the day.

No, I don’t mean the release of Atheist Voices of Minnesota, although yesterday was the official release date.

What I mean is the release of Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers!

Owen has been exicted about this overdue ninth installment in the Captain Underpants saga. We completed book eight sometime earlier this year, and Owen was disappointed to learn that was all there was.

Alas, after a 6 year hiatus, author Dav Pilkey was back with book nine (of ten) going on sale yesterday.

Owen and I drove to The Red Balloon Bookshop this evening and scored ourselves a hardcover copy. I had called ahead and reserved it, though this seemed unnecessary as there was not exactly a stampede run at the new book. Nevertheless, I had Owen approach the counter and ask the saleslady for his reserved copy. She asked his last name, spun around, and returned with the thickest Captain Underpants book I’d ever seen. It’s true: the other eight book are all between 110 and 180 pages, but this one clocks in at over 300.

We read the first ten (!) chapters last night and another five this evening. Don’t let the title fool you: Tinkletrousers (as Professor Poopypants has rechristened himself) is not the main antagonist, he merely gets the action going and provides a reason to take us back in time five years. The books has, so far, treated us to George and Harold’s first meeting and how they got their start in the comic book world. So far, it’s definitely my favorite book of the series and, coming as we just finished up the A to Z Mysteries, the timing was impeccable.

Now we wait until January for the exciting conclusion. Finally, the saga will be complete.

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Today was meet-your-new-teacher day at my son’s elementary school.

While talking with his new teacher, she told us about the new year’s extended science curriculum. Jennifer and I already knew about this, having read it in the district’s newsletter earlier this summer, but Owen’s teacher gave us some more insights.

So, basically, the St. Paul school district decided all the kids need more science education. I agree. It’s gonna double this year. Science classes every day now. Not only that, but there are now two -not one, but two – dedicated science teachers. I love this development. After all, “science” is such a broad umbrella that it should be parsed out to specialists. The new science teacher they brought on board will work exclusively with Kindergarten, First, and Second-graders (Owen falls into this catergory). Owen’s teacher told us the new science room is right next door and that the science teacher is in there waiting to meet her new students.

So then we went next door. The science teacher was happy to see us, very much so, in fact, as her room was devoid of any other parents or students. I guess everyone else was busy meeting their primary teacher and didn’t bother with the new science teacher. Too bad for them, but it worked out great for us because we had more time to meet and talk with the science teacher. Also, Isla liked following the paper “footprints” tracking throughout the room. She is so ready for Kindergarten.

Anyway, just thought I’d say: Good job to St. Paul Schools for beefing up the science education!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Today I finished reading the Wordsworth Children’s Classic version of Aesop’s Fables.

This was one of three books I brought with me to the cabin last week, and it was the only one I didn’t finish reading while there. I finished it up today during my lunch break.

I’ve wanted to read Aesop’s fables for a long time. I’ve heard many speakers reference them and I just wanted to, for once, see them all laid out before me in print. I bought this book using a discount coupon at “Half” Price Books last spring. It sat on my shelf until this month.

Now, while I enjoyed many of the fables, and the accompanying illustrations by Arthur Rackham are outstanding, here’s what I want to talk about instead: the Introduction, by G.K. Cherterton, is possibly the worst introduction I’ve read in any book. Ever.

First of all, G.K. likes to write himself a rambling prose. The five page intro contains only five paragraphs. And in those paragraphs there are some insanely long sentences. For example, the sentence that begins on page 18 and continues to page 19 boasts a whopping 110 words. (Yes, I did take the time to count.)

Amidst the largely incoherent prose, G.K. inserts a few doozies. Here’s what he says on page 15:

“The nursery fairy tales may have come out of Asia with the Indo-European race, now fortunately extinct…”

Oh man, I’m so glad those pesky Indo-Europeans are extinct, aren’t you? I mean, after all, they’re not fully European, so damn their bastardized hybridization!

Here’s something from the very next page:

“The truth is, of course, that Aesop’s Fables are not Aesop’s fables, any more than Grimm’s Fairy Tales were ever Grimm’s fairy tales.”

Okay, you say, even though he sounds like he’s stuttering here, what’s the problem? Well, the problem is he’s here trying to point out that Aesop merely collected the fables – he didn’t start them. But then, on page 19 (a mere two paragraphs later), he writes: “…whether fables began with Aesop or began with Adam…” So what is it, GK? Did fables begin with Aesop or not? Oh – and I like the choice here: fables either started with Aesop or they started with Adam. Yeah, it’s really one of the other. I’m sure it was Adam. In between having rib surgery, hanging out at a nudist camp, and naming two million species of animals, he also had time to pen a few dozen fables.

Did I mention that Adam is fake?

Here’s another asinine comment:

“There can be no good fable with human beings in it” (page 17).

What? That means that, like, half the book is “no good.” Indeed, three of the first five fables in the book have people in them, and one of them – “The Charcoal-Burner & the Fuller” – has only people in it (no animals).

And on page 18, he writes, “As the child learns A for Ass or B for Bull or C for Cow…” When I read this statement, I had to check on the copyright of the book. It was published in 1994. I was around back then, and I don’t recall any children’s book, toy, or TV show telling kids that “A is for Ass.” Can you even picture Elmo saying something like on Sesame Street? In our books at home (many of which were published in the 90s), A is for Apple or Ant or Alligator. It’s never ever ever for Ass.

(Although, this does give me an idea: an A to Z book of scatological words: A is for Ass, B is for Bowel Movement, C is for Crotch… Who’s with me?)

And just as an example of the incoherent nature of GK’s prose, here’s one example that stood out to me, primarily because it uses the word atheist, and I always perk up when I see freethought terms in unexpected places:

“Men do not, I think, love beetles or cats or crocodiles with a wholly personal love; they salute them as expressions of that abstract and anonymous energy in nature which to anyone is awful, and to an atheist must be frightful.”

What. The hell. Does that mean? I could just picture my wife and I sitting on the couch looking down at our cat:

ME: You know Jennifer, I love our cat.

SHE: Are you sure? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure you simply salute her as an expression of abstract and anonymous energy in nature.

ME: Oh yeah, you’re right. And since I don’t believe in deities, she’s simply frightful.

Yep, this is exactly how we kick off many an evening.

GK ends his steaming pile of doggerel by claiming: “There is every type and time of fable: but there is only one moral to the fable; because there is only one moral to everything.”

Huh? What does it mean “every time of fable”? And what’s with the odd use of a colon and the incorrect use of a semicolon? And how is there “only one moral to everything”? Everything? Really? Like, can’t a story or a poem or, heck, even a person’s entire life, have more than one moral to it? This was just a stupid ending to a stupid introduction. My advice is to buy the book, but rip out the introduction and use it to wipe your A is for ____.

Saturday, 25 August 2012

 My big accomplishment today was staying home. My wife took off with our daughter and went to her parents’ house. My son was already there, so I had the place to myself for about 6 hours.

The reason why they vacated the place and left me alone was so that I could work on some videos. I always – as in, every single moment of my life for the past 20 years – have a video in the works. Sometimes, I try really hard to get a video finished in a timely manner, especially if there’s a contest I want to submit it to or if it contains time-sensitive information. But more often, there’s just no reason for me to finish a video, other than my own willpower.

Another problem with finishing videos is that I always get stuck. Like, I’ll get to a certain point, and then realize I need another piece of software to move ahead. Or, I need to record some dialog, and that’s pretty impossible in a house with two kids. O rhte video is so complex and cumbersome that I don’t feel like opening it up and working on it for a half hour before bed; I want a good three or four hour chunk.

Today, I had such a chunk. Jennifer has a particular desire for these videos to be completed since she wants them off the computer so she can revamp and update the computer. So, she agreed to make the house kid-free for most of the day today.

I successfully recorded the audio for one video. For another, I simply watched it to verify it was done. For another video, I added in the necessary titles and fixed a trouble scene. For another video, I re-recorded an accidentally deleted scene. All very good.

Anyway, there are five unfinished videos hanging out on the harddrive and I progressed on each one of them. So, there’s hope that I will see the day when there are no videos in the queue.

Sunday, 26 August 2012

 Today was one of those days that so much happened I don’t think I can go into detail about any of them. So I’ll just rattle them off…

First, Owen ventured with me to AM950 KTFN Studios. The show Atheists Talk featured a conversation with the editors and authors of Atheist Voices of Minnesota, and so I was one of eight people they talked to. I was only on the air in between two commercial breaks, so it was pretty easy going. Click on the link above to hear a podcast of the show.

Immediately thereafter, Owen and I joined the show’s producers and the other guests for lunch at Q. Cumbers in Edina. I’m not a fan of buffets, but it sure is easy with a kid, ’cause then he gets exactly what he wants. Kudos to Owen for not wasting any food, too.

Then came the highlight of my day where I napped on the couch for, like, an hour and a half. Owen, meanwhile, played and – for the first time – completed Angry Birds. He later deemed this one of three highlights of his day.

Then the four of us drove to the theaters to see Brave. We still had some anniversary money leftover, so we decided this would be a fun way to spend it: movie tickets, pop-corn, and Sprite. This, incidentally, was Isla’s first time at a theater. Like her brother, her first cinematic experience was a Pixar. Lucky them.

After returning home, we all took a walk to the park. We went to the park that’s about nine blocks away. There are two parks closer to our house, but after a buffet, then sitting at a theater for 2 hours, I felt I needed to burn some calories.

Jennifer and I polished off the evening by watching a couple episodes of the Sopranos. We are almost done with Season 4.

Like I said, big day.

Monday, 27 August 2012

The Great Minnesota Get Together is going on now people! Yep, that’s right, if you like walking around malls, but hate the climate-control, think they’re not crowded enough, and feel that the food is too inexpensive, then the Minnesota State Fair is for you!

Turning down discount tickets both from my job and from my dad-in-law, I stayed home with Isla today. Jennifer took Owen to the fair. They were on the bus by 9:00 and I didn’t see them again until about 5:30 this morning. Judging from the photos and the enormous walleye hat on Owen’s head, they had a good time. They also brought home a bucket of saltwater taffy, which is one of my two favorite foods at the fair. The other is that big trough of french fries. I would’ve asked them to bring one of those home, too, but they’re not the same if they’re not fresh.

Jennifer said there was a “Vote Yes” booth at the fair. For those who don’t know, there’s going to be a proposed amendment on the ballot this election day that reads:

“Do you have an imaginary friend who thinks gay people are yucky?”

…So only assholes (ironic, isn’t it?) will be voting yes.

Jennifer said the booth did not have a crowd around it. And though she saw many people holding “Vote No” fans, she never saw any “Vote Yes” fans. She did see a priest standing at the booth holding up a sign that said something like, “My head is up my ass,” and she was going to walk up to him and say, “Excuse me father, but can you explain to my son why he can’t marry whomever he wants to when he grows up?” But she decided not to because:

1) It’s probably bad parenting to involve Owen (???)

2) She didn’t want other fair attendees to think she was supporting heterosexism.

So she didn’t talk to him. I didn’t either. Did I mention I stayed home? Ah, yes, missing the state fair: A Jame tradition since 2006 (except for 2009, when I caved).

Thursday, 23 August 2012

 I watched Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows today.

Actually, I only watched the last half of it. As previously noted, Jennifer and I tried getting through this movie twice before. About a week ago, we first popped it into the DVD player and, after about fifteen minutes, Jennifer announced she was falling asleep. So, on our first evening at the cabin, we gave it another shot. We got to the film’s midpoint, then Jennifer paused it and basically said, “I give up.”

I didn’t give up. I finished it on my lunch break today at work. Here’s why I didn’t give up: because the first Sherlock Holmes movie, which I saw at the theater, was just alright until the end. Then I thought, “okay, that was pretty good.” So I was hoping for the same thing today.

Unfortunately, this one stunk so bad nearly all the way through, that there was hardly any way it could redeem itself. And, it did redeem itself somewhat. But only in the same way that a student, getting an F all semester, can somewhat redeem himself by scoring a B on the final exam.

The climax was great, but up until that point, it was just a bloody, rambling mess, relying too much on special effects and action. If I want action, I can watch James Bond. But Holmes is the cerebral James Bond, fi you will. Or, maybe better, he is to crime what Star Trek is to Science Fiction. Of course, action does have its place – and it often does in the original Doyle canon – but it’s never the key; it’s never the gimmick to keep us attached. Not if it’s done well at least.

The poor denouement sets up clearly for another episode in this series. That’s okay, guys, I’ll stop here.

Friday, 24 August 2012

Today is Jennifer’s and my wedding anniversary.

Our initial idea for our anniversary was to spend the anniversary up at the cabin, but, as happens so often, the timing just didn’t work out. There have been a few times – at least three that I can think of – that we went out of town for our anniversary, but not exactly on the day of our anniversary. One year, the start of a college semester got in the way. Another year, jury duty got in the way. Another year, our anniversary was right in the middle of the week and we knew our friends (who would be joining us out of town) would have an easier time getting away if we waited for the weekend. This time, other family members had already booked the cabin for this weekend. No big whoop. We went last week.

This evening, Jennifer’s mom came over and watched our kids so we could go out for dinner. Jennifer selected P.F. Chang’s – a restaruant we’d only been to once before. Our one other time going there together was back in 2007, on my wife’s birthday, in fact. I surprised her by having some of our friends show up to join us – including her parents and her sister and my sister and her husband and our pals Ryan and Esther. We haven’t been back since and, in fact, today we went to a different location (the one closer to our house).

After dinner, we stopped at a Redbox. Jennifer suggested renting The Hunger Games, cause, you know, it’s popular and everything. But, in typical Redbox fashion, they were out of it. So we rented Wanderlust. Pretty decent flick. Go rent it. We laughed a lot.

Happy anniversary to us!

Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Today, we left the cabin. Our car was obscenely full. We already had too much stuff in the car on the way there, but the way home was worse. Though we had less food with us, we had to bring our garbage home, so that meant fitting into the car things like empty water jugs. We also had to take some of the towels and sheets to bring home and wash (there’s no washer at the cabin – unless you count the lake).

After driving about 20 minutes, we stopped off in Taylor’s Falls. We dined at the Chisago House Restaurant, which my wife says she used to go to with her grandparents when she was just a whipper-snapper. Owen ordered the all-you-can-eat salad bar. This is kind of a waste on a kid, because kids don’t gorge themselves on as much as they can possibly fit into their gut like good, grown-up Americans do. But I figured it was a good idea, because then he would eat everything on his plate, even if it was just lettuce and grapes or some other odd combination of food.

When we arrived home, we unloaded the car, tossed about a hundred pounds worth of laundry downstairs, grabbed the thirty or so pieces of mail off our porch, made sure the cat was still alive, and put away our cabin supplies. I also grabbed my phone and turned it on for the first time in five days. I had one message: an offer for a free cup of yogurt from a local dessert shop. Oh man, I really learned my lesson. I have got to take my phone with me next time I’m on vacation.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012
While up at the cabin, I read a book titled Fire and Rain: The Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, James Taylor, CSNY, and the Lost Story of 1970. I didn’t even know this book existed until a week ago when I came home from work and it was sitting on the kitchen counter and my wife said that her mom brought it over. It’s my dad-in-law’s book, and he thought I would like to read it.

Well, I did like to read it.

But it’s really strange.

The author tries (oh so painfully tries) to weave together four disparate musical acts as they progressed through a single year. Why 1970 was chosen, I’m not sure why. I think the year was a particularly nostalgic one for the author. It also, obviously, represented the end of the 60s. It was also the only year that all four of these acts were famous (well, of course, they’ve all been famous in subesequent years, too, but two of them no longer existed).

In trying to talk about just 1970 though, the author really has to stretch his story. The first chapter begins with January 1970, but even then, then author has to take us back into 1969 to bring us up to speed. Because, let’s face it, it’s not like everyone just begins fresh on January first every year. At the other end of the book, he tries to find some way to wrap up the stories, but there’s no good way to do it. It’s not like their stories all ended on December 31. The Beatles, in fact, broke up way back in April and Simon and Garfunkel broke up back in the summer.

I’m not sure why he chose these four music acts, either. They’re all great acts that I love, and reading the book made me want to get more of their music. But what do they all have in common? Like I said above, two of the acts broke up that year, but a third act (CSNY) just continued on, and a fourth act (Taylor) just began his career. They’re not all bands, since one is a solo act. They’re not all American, or British. And they weren’t all at their height of fame that year. The author points out some links, but it’s forced – for example, he concludes one chapter on the Beatles by noting that a few days later, Paul McCartney went to a concert to see James Taylor. Turn the page and – presto! – the next chapter is about James Taylor. Weird.

So here’s what I’ll say about this book: It’s four good books, but one so-so book. Does that make sense?

Anyway, this morning, when I got in my car for the first time since last Thursday and turned on te radio, guess what song was playing?