Verbisaurus Blogicus

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

I spent my lunch break today being interviewed, via telephone, on the Jesse Lee Peterson Radio Show. This is a very conservative talk show, with major markets in the Deep South. Peterson advocates for man’s rights (and I agree, more people should champion them)…at the expense of gender equality (here I disagree, obviously). My essay, “Losing My Head,” appeared online at Patheos recently, and evidently the show’s producers read it and thought I would make an intriguing guest.

Peterson was quite amazed that I don’t believe in gods. He asked me to clarify if I don’t believe in God, or if I don’t believe there is a god. I had to pause to consider the subtle difference here, but then concluded both statements were correct. He asked about my background as a Jehovah’s Witness, and I mentioned the stress and pressure of being a man in that religion. I figured that would appeal to his listeners. Peterson seemed to conclude from this that I left the religion due to the pressure. This, of course, isn’t true. I left the religion, not because of the stress, but because it isn’t true.

He then asked if atheists do believe in things, since they believe there is no god. I told him that many god-believers try to catch atheists on this, as if to say, “see, you do believe in something!” but that this is silly, because the word “atheist” simply implies the person does not believe in god. I compared it to belief in Santa. Non-belief in Santa is, I guess, a belief. But so what?

Peterson asked more about me abdicating my headship (as I discuss in my essay), and he seemed to feel that I stopped being the head of my house because I didn’t like the pressure. Yeah…I agreed with him…I suppose that’s part of it. But it was also stupid. He tried to uncover reasons why I didn’t want to be the head of my wife: Was my father a poor head? Did he set a bad example? Is my wife like my mom? My conclusion pretty mcuh was that my marriage is just fine without me being the head and, barring any evidence that he might present (and he didn’t), I had no reason to change back. At one point, he asked me if I have forgiven my mom for being insane. I laughed for several seconds, first because I’m not sure where he got that idea from, nor why he thought my mom would require forgiveness if, indeed, she was insane. The only remarks I had made about my mom were that she was not as calm and logical as my dad, and that she is nothing like my wife. Both statements are true…and neither one means she’s insane. He also said my wife can’t look up to me if I’m not her head, but I said I disagreed and I said we both look up to each other. He said my marriage has two presidents. I laughed an said, “No, we are co-collaborators.”

The best part of the show, though, is when a thickly-accented Mississippian called in and told me I should believe in God because the Mississippi River doesn’t run out of water. When I explained that the water cycle is very well understood and, even if it wasn’t, that wouldn’t mean the Christian God existed, he went on a five minute rant (separated in two by commercial break) saying that god cursed Adam for not having his wife in subjection and now there are no apple or peach trees growing on the side of the road. The host cut him off and I had no time to respond. Though I don’t think a rebuttal concerning artificial selection would have made any impact on the man. Peterson thanked me for being on his show, made some remark about Nancy Pelosi and the other congresswomen being a sign of the fall from Eden, and said goodbye.

In the afternoon, I headed over to the Church of the Open Door, a heterosexist enclave in the suburb where I work. My company held an all-employee meeting there today. I was first greeted with this enormous phallus (at right). Despite the name of the church, I was forced to get the door for myself when I walked in. One of the speakers referred to the voice-overs on the videos as “the voice of god.” A patient interviewed during one portion of the program looked up and apologized to god for merely thinking about a bad word. I think the word was “fucked,” but I’ll never know for sure. After explaining how the doctors, and our products, had saved his life, he said that someone “up there” must want him to live a little longer. Which, I thought, was a slap in the face to all the people who actually helped him survive. All in all, I was rather disgusted to be in the church, and even more disgruntled at the several references to a deity.

This evening, my wife told me about this story, of a woman who died in a Catholic hospital in Ireland when the staff refused to abort her dying fetus. The woman’s husband works for the same compant I do. Read it, and be disgusted. I hope everyone involved is removed from their positions, though I know this is unlikely given the we-do-no-wrong mentality of hospitals in general, and the overwhelming Catholic stench emanating from Ireland.

All in all, I’d say it was a pretty religious day. It’s fun to be on the outside of such a shared neurosis, but an overdose like this makes me ill.

Monday, 12 November 2012

This weekend, I found out my forthcoming book now has a Facebook page. I guess that’s pretty much what you have to do nowadays to advertise anything. So, HERE IT IS. If you like to read this blog, then please click “like” on that Facebook page, too. I assume it will be periodically updated with news and information about my book. Be sure to tell your friends and family about the book, too. (As you can tell, I’m really bad at promoting my book.)

I’ve also been dilligently striving to edit the final third of the book. The earlier portions of the book necessitated a greated number of edits, but most of them were easy…take out this paragraph, move this sentence over here, shorten this dialogue… But now I’m really struggling to come up with the best compromises and fixes here. My plan is to complete the edits and send them back over the Thanksgiving break, during which time I will have four straight days off of work and no homework. Wish me luck.

In other news, I came across this video today of a GOP poll watcher reporting from a Colorado precinct:

Meanwhile, Charles Darwin scored 4,000 votes against incumbant Broun in Georgia’s 10th Congressional District. I guess, when your other choice is a creationist, Darwin is the natrual selection.

Tuesday, 14 November 2012

So, one matter we need to care for in regards my daughter’s room is the large closet fixture in the room. Five months ago, we sold two-thirds of the closet space, but we still have one-third remaining. I use it for my clothes.

So our first plan was to just move that closet down into the basement. Makes perfect sense, really, becuase the bathroom, where I take a shower every morning, is downstairs. However, the ceiling isn’t high enough for this large closet fixture to fit.

We thus put the closet for sale on Craig’s List. No offers yet. Well, no reasonable offers yet.

Today, we went to IKEA to buy a new closet for the basement. No luck. This marks, like, the ten thousandth time I’ve gone into a store prepared to buy something(s) and left empty-handed. Every closet they had for sale was either too big, too expensive, or (surprise!) too crappy. Jennifer suggested I build my own closet space in the basement, which would be great if the combined total of the lumber and hardware didn’t exceed the cost of most closets.

So, for now, we’re in a holding pattern regarding the future of my clothing. As for Isla’s room, the closet fixture will remain in her room until we absolutely need to remove it, if it hasn’t sold by then.

Thursday, 08 November 2012

My class this semester is now two-thirds done.

As happens in nearly every class at Hamline, the syllabus schedule has gotten messed up, and the professor is now, as they say, “playing cath-up. I have five arrows on my syllabus showing where certain essays and books are to be relocated to other dates, and it’s quite confusing.

Today, everyone showed up for class not having read the two essays were we supposedly to have read. Only one student read the essays (not me), and when the professor asked for an explanation, I pointed out my arrows, which I drew at her direction about three weeks ago. She acquiesced after that, rearranged the next couple of days, and then moved ahead with class.

This is the point in the semester – and it happens every semester – when I begin to count down the days until it’s over.

In other news: We may have a 51st state soon.

In still other news: Isla is twenty-seven months old.

Friday, 09 November 2012

 After picking up Owen from school this afternoon, we first went to the corner drug store. We do this every Friday after school. There’s a parking lot on the opposite side of the street from the store, and I pull right in there and get a spot everytime.

The first time I took him to that store after school (in early 2011), I had no idea where to park. I turned left to be by the store’s front door, but there is only on-street parking there, and all three spots were taken. So then I drove around the block, first by trying to cut down an alley (which was blocked), then by going all the way around the block and trying to find a spot. Again, I couldn’t. So then I went around two blocks, and tried to find a spot. That time, I succeeded, but I had to wedge in to a tight spot and then, since it was winter, I had to help Owen get out on a busy street and up over a snow mound.

But now I know right where to go.

After going to the drug store, we drove to Ace Hardware. This is another place on a busy street with limited parking. The way it’s set up, I first drive past the store. About fifty feet beyond the store, I can almost always find on-street parking. If not, I go around the block, cut down an alley, and use Ace’s tiny parking lot, which usually has one or two spaces available.

Anyway, I just want to say that I think it’s great that, after over four years in this city, I am finally able to secure good parking at my frequent haunts with little difficulty.

Don’t ask me about Grand Ol’ Day, though. I’m not going there.

Saturday, 10 November 2012

Today we began, in ernest, to get Isla’s room ready for her to live in. Her crib has been in the room for months, but her room is still more of a closet than a room, and we hardly ever go in there except to lay her down to sleep at night.

Today we moved almost everythign out of the room. My clothes, which hang on the closet unit in the room, we covered with a blanket. Then we started sanding all the wood on the window frames. I removed all the molding and sanded that, too.

Thankfully, it was an unseasonably warm day (over 65 degrees), so we had the windows open and a box fan pointing out, blowing out all the dust from sanding.

In fact, it was such a nice day that I took the kids to the park – sans jakcets! – while Jennifer completed the sanding work. Our plan is to paint the trim and molding tomorrow.

Sunday, 11 November 2012

…But, unfortunately, it’s too cold to paint today. There’s about a 30 degree temperature drop today. Jennifer painted approximately 5% of one window fixture and then called it quits. The air was too cold with the windows open, and we can’t paint with them closed.

Of course, we try to get low-VOC paint, but that wasn’t an option for the windows. A look at the forecast shows the weather will warm up a bit again in the last half of this upcoming week, so we’re gonna try our darnest to get the VOC stuff on the wood by then.

I did make some progress on Isla’s room today (besides the tiny bit of painting): I installed an electrical outlet. Until today, there was just a box with wires sitting inside it. The previous owner had palstered that entire wall with closets and drawers, so it made sense for him to remove the outlet. But we sold that section of closet and, yesterday, I bought a new outlet cover.

I ran into the basement, shut off the two fuses labeled “Bedrooms,” then set to work installing the new outlet. It really was no trouble, and everything proceeded quite smoothly. As I was finishing up and screwing the outlet to the wall, Jennifer came in and flipped on the light switch. I stopped what I was doing and said, “Hm… it’s a little disconcerting that I shut off the power in this room and you just turned on the light.” She asked if I had checked to see if the power was dead before proceeding. I said no (or something like that). I then reached over and grabbed the box fan’s cord, and plugged it into the new outlet. It worked! Yay! And I didn’t electrocute myself in the process! I’m so proud of me!

Wednesday, 07 November 2012

Here’s a fact relating to yesterday’s elections that I haven’t seen reported anywhere else: President Obama has now become the third consecutive president to win reelection.

Has that ever happened before?

Yes. It happened once before. Or maybe twice. Or maybe thrice. Let me explain…

Way, way back in 1820, President James Monroe won reelection. He had been president since 1817, and he would continue to serve in that role until 1825. He succeeded James Madison to the Presidency. Madison, likewise, won – and served – two terms. And for those of you old enough to remember, Madison had succeeded Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson served two terms: from 1801 to 1809.

So here we have an unambiguous case of three Presidents in a row winning reelection: Jefferson, Madison, and Monroe.

Now let’s move forward in time to 1892.

In that election, Grover Cleveland won the election over incumbent Benjamin Harrison, and he thus became our 24th President. But…he was also our 22nd President. So he was reelected, even though his two terms were not consecutive. 

In 1897, Cleveland stepped aside for William McKinley to become Commander-in-Chief. McKinley was reelected in 1900. About a year later, McKinley died from an asssassin’s bullets (well, he probably died from gross medical incompetance, but that’s another story), and Theodore Roosevelt became President. In 1904, Roosevelt was reelected. Well, sort of. McKinley, left, discusses with Rosevelt his preference for not crossing his legs.

He had not won election to the Presidency before, but he was the President, and the electorate of 1904 put him back in the White House.

So here we have Cleveland-McKinley-Roosevelt: three consecutive Presidents who all won a Presidential election after having already been President. Does this count as three consecutive Presidents winning reelection? I don’t think so…but you can see why the situation is muddied.

We have a similar, but more clear-cut case in 1956. Franklin Roosevelt won reelection in 1944, then Harry Truman (who succeeded to the Presidency following Roosevelt’s death) won the election in 1948, and then Dwight Eisenhower secured reelection in 1956. So here we have three consecutive Presidents who all served more than one term…even thought Truman wasn’t really reelected.

“Sure,” says President Truman, left, to Dwight Eisenhower, “everyone likes you…but what about your choice for Vice President?”

So, there you have it: Clinton-Bush-Obama. The first bona fide reelection triumvirate since 1825. Sort of.

Tuesday, 06 November 2012

So, last night, I posted on Facebook reminding people to vote No on the marriage amendment proposal. I said that if anyone planned to vote Yes, then please provide me with a good reason why you are doing so, otherwise please delete me as your “friend.”

I’m not sure why I do this stuff. This might be tough to believe, but I really hate confrontation, and I go to great lengths to avoid it. It’s true. Just ask my wife. I get physically ill when I have a confrontation with someone – whether it’s a close friend or even just a cashier at a gas station.

This morning, when I checked my comment, I was surprised to find that 12 people had “liked” it (and that number has climbed since), and one friend copied it nearly verbatim and posted it on her wall.

But some commenters and made a few points:

-How they vote is none of my business

-Do I think it’s impossible to be friends with someone who holds a different opinion?

-What does a person’s religious and political viewpoints have to do with being their friend?

-Look at the hyprocrisy in belonging to a party that claims to be tolerant, yet unfriends people who don’t agree with them.

These comments made me nervous and upset all day, and I was preoccupied with responding and, ulitmately, smoothing over these ruptures.

I did respond – and very effectively, I feel. My response noted that, yes, of course your voting choices are your own affair and you are under no compulsion to ever divulge any of it to me. And not only do I think it’s possible to be friends with people who hold differing opinions, I think it makes for a richer life. However, religious and political viewpoints have a lot to do with relationships; those views were not created in a vacuum and are part and parcel of a person’s persona. And this is not a political party thing – don’t equate me with Democrats. I have never been a member of any political party, I do not vote solid Democrat, and there are many good reasons for not voting for or against candidates of all stripes. Also, I don’t like the word “tolerate.” If you only tolerate the GLBT community, then you’ve got a long way to go.

Next time I say something inflmmatory, I will do it differently. For example, there’s no need to be confrontational and say to remove me as your friend; I could have just asked what anyone’s reasons were for voting Yes. Also, as was pointed out to me, not everyone holds such a strict definition of “friend.” Some people may consider nearly everyone they know to be their friend, or maybe they accumulate “friends” on Facebook in an effort to garner support for their music or other artistic endeavor.

I think I’m quite different in that way. I “tolerate” everyone I know, but I am not friends with most of them. A few of my co-workers are my Facebook friends, but most are not. The same is true of my relatives. You know how many politicians and preachers begin by saying “Hello friends!” or something like that? Yeah, I would never do that. The reason I would never do that is because most people in the audience – though they may be great people – are simply not my friends. When I spent the day with six Jehovah’s Witnesses who I knew would begin shunning me in less than a week, I concluded my day with them by saying, “Thank you guys for being my friends,” and I sincerely meant it. Those six people were my friends, and though they were probably weirded out by the seemingly unwarranted gravity of my word choice, I wanted to leave them with the thought that, of the 6 billion people on the planet, they ranked among the hundred or so individuals that I have ever considered my friends.

So, though my Facebook comment was worded poorly, was confrontational, and appeared to be controlling by appointing myself final arbitor of what is good and friend-worthy…the underlying motive is true: I really don’t want to be your friend if you are not only heterosexist, but actively work against GLBT rights by voting against them. I don’t want to be your friend if you think black people should not be citizens, either, or if you think wives should be the disenfranchised property of their husbands. In the cases of who my freinds are, I am the final arbitor. If you already are my friend, and hold a different opinion on any matter, great! Let’s talk about it. As someone who used to be a non-voting, sexist, anti-gay, meat-eating, foreign film-despising, current music-loathing Christian who loved the suburbs and didn’t want to go to college or have kids…you just may change my mind. It’s happened before.

In the meantime, I’ll try harder to avoid confrontation. Even though I know I will continue to fail supremely.