Verbisaurus Blogicus

Saturday, 15 December 2012

Today, Owen decided to spruce up our holiday-themed mantle. So he added a ceratopsid dinosaur with other dinosaurs sticking out from its frills. I can’t really explain it better than that, so just look at the picture:

Several hours later, Isla decided she needed to accent the decorations with something out of the Cretaceous Period. Here’s her addition:

Her’s is the one on the vey left of the photo, with its rear end closest to us. Not sure why she wanted it to face away from us, but she might have thought it wanted to look at the other stuff on the mantle. She does that with other things, too. Like, sometimes she turns the photos sitting on our shelf so that they can look at each other, and lately she’s been “fixing” the ornaments on the xmas tree so that they can commune with one another.

Also today, I submitted a short story to The St. Paul Almanac in the hopes of getting it accepted for their 2014 edition. Today was the due date, but I won’t find out if mine’s made the cut until the last day of May. So…stay tuned.

Friday, 14 December 2012

So, a while back, I was buying some merchandise at Home Depot. As I left with my bag of merchandise, the cashier began moving away from the register and started walking to another part of the store. But then I heard him say to the lady that was standing behind me, “Oh, were you buying something?” And then he walked back over to the register and the woman said something like, “Yeah, didn’t you see me?”

Maybe he didn’t. Or, more likely, he thought she was with me. I’m not sure why, though. We didn’t walk up to the register at the same time; I arrived first by several seconds. I never spoke with her and, besides, she was holding merchandise in her hands that, surely, she would have added to my pile of purchases if, indeed, we were “together.”

But maybe cashiers aren’t used to women buying stuff at Home Depot?

Today I was on the other end of this occurrence. (No, I haven’t taken a job as a cashier.)

I stopped at JoAnn this afternoon. I try to avoid this store to the extent possible, but every once in a while, I’m feeling a little too happy, and JoAnn always manages to depress the crap out of me. Actually, I just needed some buttons for my coat.

After finding the needed buttons, I stood in line at a “cash” register. There was only one other customer there, and she appeared to be finishing up. I stood there for about 15 seconds, and then the woman ahead of me grabbed her bag and walked away…and then the cashier shut off the light to her station and also walked away. I wasn’t sure where to go, because usually, in the rare cases when I walk up to a cashier that’s closing down, he or she says to me: “Oh, I’m done for the night, but you can head over to aisle 16,” or something like that.

So, after standing there for a few moments, I walked around to another register. The cahsier there then walked away from her cash register (not sure why), and said, “I can help you over here,” and she directed me back to where I was standing.

“Didn’t she see you?” the cashier asked me, evidently referencing her wayward colleague.

“I  guess not,” I said.

“She must’ve thought you were with the previous lady,” she said.

Yeah, that makes sense. Because, since women don’t shop at Home Depot, men don’t shop at JoAnn.

Monday, 10 December 2012

 Alright, well I hope you all ( =both of you) have enjoyed this obsessively-blog-everyday thing I’ve had going steady since January of 2010, but I’m ending it when the year ends.

Of course, I’ll still blog…but just not everyday.

When I started writing about something everyday, I was under the impression that more frequent blogging would, somehow, attract more readers and more comments. Conclusion: not true.

Add to that, the fact that I sometimes have to conjure up something to write about when I just honestly can’t think of anything interesting to say. And sometimes, I do have something groundbreaking or monumental that I want to share, but I fear it will get lost in the deluge of daily blogs. My policy in those cases is often to “frontload” the blog. What I mean is, I’ll make sure I’m all caught up on the blog up through the current day, and then I’ll schedule tomorrow’s blog to publish as soon as tomorrow becomes today. Then, I just don’t publish anything for three or four days, giving my prized blog some time to languish front and center. This is a time-consuming juggling of a hobby I really should devote that much time to.

As it turns out, too, I have other things I want to write that are non-blog. Right now, for example, I need to clean up an essay I’m writing to submit to The St. PAul Alamanac(I’m hoping to get it published in next fall’s edition), I should be working on the final paper for my class, and I have a small side project known as Deliverance at Hand! that needs more attention. So…there’s all that.

Anyway, 20 days left in the month. Then I’m done with daily blogging. Enjoy, and thanks for coming.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Happy half-birthday to me!

 Today, in class, I had to give a presentation. We had to choose between either the play we just read (The Piano Lesson) or the book of poetry we read (Diving into the Wreck). I chose the play, primarily because it’s not poetry. Everyone who chose to write and speak about the poems was complaining today that the poems are too dense and layered and they feel like they’re drowning in ideas and information.

We had to have panel presentations, which meant we were in groups. I chose the two other people I wanted in my group. I really despise group work at school, so I was glad to have some say in who I was working with. Of course, my choices were somewhat narrowed because I could only choose from the other people who were writing about the play. Of the five other people, one hasn’t been to class in two weeks (so I wasn’t going to choose her), and two of the other people were taking their essays in directions I couldn’t tie in with mine.

Anyway, I think it went smoothly. I introduced our panel, and I extracted some arbitrary way in which our three essays tied together.

Only one more day of class remains.

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

Fun-filled fact: Bland pop singer Bruno Mars scores his fourth #1 hit as announced today at Billboard.com. It took him only two years and ten months to rack up four #1 hits, which is almost the fastest of any male soloist.

The record, still holding strong after nearly half a century, is held by Bobby Vinton, who racked up four #1 hits in just two years and six months (between 1962 and 1964). This, of course, excludes Elvis, who took just under 6 months to achieve this feat. But…that was before the chart was officially known as the Hot 100, so it doesn’t count.

Neither Mars nor Vinton comes anywhere close to the female record, currently held by Mariah Carey. She accumulated her first four #1 hits between August 1990 and March 1991; a mere seven months and one week. And, unlike Vinton, she went on to have more #1 hits after that. In fact, she has more #1 hits than any other woman, ever.

Of course, the fastest that any act has ever garnered a quartet of hit is…are you ready for this…it’s really gonna come as a shock…here it comes…ready?…

The Beatles.

Yeah, I know, it’s an amazing surprise. They achieved their fourth #1 hit (“Love Me Do”) less than four months after their first #1 hit. In fact, they could have had five #1 hits during that time, except that their song “Twist and Shout” stalled at #2, being blocked from the top by…you guessed it…The Beatles.

With such a short time remaining in 2012, there’s a tiny chance we could have another #1 hit this year, but if not, then this is it: Twelve #1 hits in 2012. That’s the first time, ever, that the number of #1 songs has matched the number of the year. Well, we’ll see. There might be a 13th hit this year, and that would wreck everything. 

Thursday, 13 December 2012

I’m relieved to report today was my last day of class for the semester.

The work for class isn’t done yet; I still have a final paper that I need to turn in by 5:00 on Wednesday, the 19th, but I can stop by anytime and just slide it under the professor’s door…so no worries.

I’ve been nervous all semester about getting to class from work. Especially this week, with the roads in rough shape from all the snow, I’ve feared the traffic would cause me to be late. And I’ve worried about my car, which, for all appearances, seems like it shouldn’t keep running, but somehow is. The car has now logged over 181,000 miles, and rust is eating it en masse, but it just keeps on trucking. Or car-ing, as the case may be.

Anyway, that’s one less stress. Thanks to my car for getting me there faithfully everyday this semester. Next semester I’ll be taking an evening class, so Iwon’t have to worry, since I’ll be leaving from home and that gives me plenty more options if there is car trouble or inclement weather.

Friday, 07 December 2012

 So, on a whim, I grabbed Ken Jenning’s book Maphead off the shelf at the local library. Actually, I grabbed the CD version, and I’m now listening to it during my commute. In case you don’t know – or don’t remember – Jennings scored a record-setting winning-streak on the TV show Jeopardy! about a decade back.

Here’s a funny thing: Only two disks into the book, and already he has mentioned the similarity between Wisconsin’s borders and Tanzania’s borders and Al Franken’s party trick of drawing the United States freehand – two quirks I’ve mentioned here before.

Unfortunately, the book makes several dubious claims of a really dumb nature; not the kind of thing I’d expect from a guy who lived on Jeopardy! for six months. I was trying to keep them all in my head to write about them here, but now I can only recall two.

First: He claims that the media likes to find subjects that do really dumb things (like, “9 out of 10 Americans can’t find the Pacific Ocean on a world map”). He says they do this to make the average viewer/listener feel better about themselves. But he says this right after talking about how hyped his appearance on Jeopardy! was. So…that seems to be the opposite of the point he’s trying to make. Hearing that some guy managed to beat contestant after contestant on the most brainy TV game show in existence didn’t exaclty make me feel smarter.

Second: He cites National Geographic’s sagging sales on the fact that people can see exitic photos anywhere nowadays. He then claims that the prior monopoly they had on showing bare-breasted women isn’t even a big deal now thanks to Sports Illustrated’s “Swimsuit Issues”. Um…for one thing, for eight years I worked for company’s that subscribed to Sports Illustrated, and I never saw any bare breasts in any swimsuit issue. For another thing, maybe the internet is a bigger cause for all magazine and newspapers’ sagging sales, regardless of exitic photos or scantily clad natives. 

There’s more, but, as I said, I can’t recall them right now. I plan to keep listening to the book as it’s an enjoyable enough ready, and I don’t have anything else on CD right now. But if you’re asking me, you can probably skip this one.

Saturday, 08 December 2012

This morning, Owen and I made our eighth trip to Lowe’s for their Build & Grow workshop. Today, the construction job featured a gingerbread house. A couple of Owen’s friends joined us, too, and then we went out for lunch. We had a good time, even though three young boys make for a crazy visit to Panera.

The wooden gingerbread house (oxymoron?) is now on our mantle, as part of our holiday decorations.

Here it is…

Here’s a better angle…

And here’s Owen holding the roof open. Because, well, the roof opens, and I thought you’d like to see that…

Owen now has eight patches on his apron, from attending and building eight different toys: A castle, a dinosaur, a chalkboard, a racecar, an ice cream truck, a fire engine, a prop plane, and now this gingerbread house. He told me he plans to return for more in 2013.

Sunday, 09 December 2012

Snow! Finally!

Well, there’s been a couple sprinkles here and there, but today we woke up to buckets of snow dropping out of the sky. The overwhelming piles of snow rendered us stuck at the old homestead all day today, which was just fine with me. I went outside with the kids around lunchtime to shovel, but after only four hours, my work was already buried again.

Unable to figure out the snow emergency brochure supplied by the city, I figured it was best to just get both cars off the road. So I cleared out space in the garage for my wife’s car, and then slid my car into the driveway right behind hers. Owen and I had quite a task on our hands getting the snow off the car. The snow was falling so fast, that, even after clearing off the car, I still had to have the windshield wipers on during my short trek around the corner into the driveway.

I also slapped another coat of paint onto the downstairs bathroom’s ceiling and walls.

The last big thing I took care of today was brewing beer to have it ready in time for xmas (no, it won’t be ready to drink by then, but it will be ready to give out). Thanks to all the snow and cold, I got to chill the wort using my favorite method…

Wednesday, 05 December 2012

According to the United Nations, Friendship Day is actually on July 30th, but today one of my co-workers decided to reschedule the international holiday for this morning. This worked out just fine with me, since I got stuff.

First, a pen/pencil/office supply holder that’s just like those big crates that large products are shipped in, except it’s like 1/100th the size. Very appropirate considering the department we work in.

Also, a thing (for deplorable lack of better words) that attaches to a book or binder that I can keep a highlighter, note cards, pen and other school-related stuff in. Very appropriate considering am in college and will be in college until just before my son starts college.

What a great start to the day.

Thursday, 06 December 2012

Another big, busy day today. But very fun.

First, I took Owen to school.

Then I participated in Hamline’s “This is My Story” discussion panel. This month, the panel concerned religious diversity, and since I’m as diversity as it gets, I was invited to participate. I was on the panel with a pastor and a rabbi. Still, that majority of the questions were directed to me. I guess people find an ex-Jehovah’s Witness/atheist absolutely fascinating. Just like a circus freak. Good. I hope they buy my book.

Then I met with my professor about my final paper and the presentation I’ll be giving next week in class. Boring stuff I won’t write about here.

Then I went to Ace Hardware. I returned the dimmer switches that didn’t work (see HERE for that), then complained about the paint they sold me and scored a free quart of paint.

Then I drove to the Mall of Hysteria. Bought Owen a Winter Solstice gift from the Lego Store, then stopped at the XXXXXX store and bought some XXXXXXX for XXXXXXXX (sorry, had to edit in case they read this). Next, I walked over to Teavana and bought some pricey, swanky, loose tea like the affectatious, hippy St. Paulite that I am. Then I went over to Tea Source and bought more tea. Yep, I like tea that much that I actually have to visit multiple stores to fill my need (i.e., “want”).

This evening, I hosted Atheists Talk for, like, the twenty-fifth time. I interviewed Rohit Ravindran about his philosophy of tying in atheism with veganism. Bascially, he asserts that the same logic and rationale that lead one to reject magic sky-people should also lead them reject subjecting animals to concentration camps and murdering them just so we can have Big Macs. Very compelling, actually. We even aired a graphic video of footage from inside a factory farm. It’s pretty much the stuff that nightmares are made of. FYI: I am not a vegan. I’m a pescatarian. Because I’m a hypocrite. No, no, it’s alright, I’ve been a hypocrite before. 

Note to self: Don’t show up in a leather jacket when interviewing a vegan.