Saturday, 05 November 2011

Today was yet another day to get some stuff accomplished around the house.

I hung up a few items that had just been laying around. Then I cleaned off a couple of counter tops in the kitchen and dining room that have had junk on them since before we even moved in. I also removed the obscenely ugly, crooked towel racks from the downstairs bathroom and installed two new hooks. I also managed to shorted the blinds on two bedroom windows.

Yes – did you know you can do that? I first learned about this when Jennifer and I bought blinds from IKEA for our last home. The blinds were long enough to cover a window 50% longer than the ones we owned, and, helpfully, the IKEA users’ manual came with instructions on how to shorten the blinds to make them fit a shorter window.

A couple of months ago, when we first moved in, I looked online for a quick refresher on how to perform this feat. Here’s a helpful video if any of my loyal readers have a window that’s three feet high and blinds that are six feet long:

Sunday, 06 November 2011

Today, while my wife took Owen to a birthday party, and Isla napped upstairs, I powered up my laptop and watched the latest episode of The Office, and episode titled “Doomsday.”

There have been 158 episodes in this tired series that jumped the shark last season, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that “Doomsday” is, so far, the worst episode ever, and if you haven’t seen the episode yet, you should still feel free to read on here; I can’t possibly ruin it for you.

The main premise of the episode is that the crew has been making too many mistakes. Dwight convinces his boss, Andy, to allow him to initiate a computer program that, upon logging five errors from is co-workers, will immediately send damning information to the CEO, Robert. Among this information is proof that their location has been losing money for the company, along with several embarrassing emails the co-workers have circulated amongst themselves in which they berate Robert.

Um…so far, not funny, but not terrible either.

But then the mistakes begin to add up. I’m not sure how this is tracked, it’s completely illogical. And, in fact, if Dwight has created a program that can detect all sorts of errors like this, then he should sell his software to companies around the globe and retire as a multi-billionaire.

Anyway…

After achieving four errors, the co-worker (who inexplicably continue to perform their jobs) break out into panic. To avoid the situation, Dwight simply leaves for the day, and goes home to dig a horse grave.

Deciding now would be a good time to convince Dwight to shut down his program, four of Dwight’s co-workers drive to his home and…ready for this…begin to assist him in digging the grave. When Andy (one of the four) suggests to the others that they “have to do something,” his subordinate Pam tells him their best course of action is to do nothing! Ha Ha! Brilliant!

Meanwhile:

Darryl finds the new woman working down in shipping to be quite attractive. Problem is, Gabe also finds her attractive. I can’t think of any two men on the show who are more dissimilar, but it’s hard to buy the idea that both Darryl and Gabe would like the same woman. Darryl, as usual, plays it cool, while Gabe decides the woman will find fat jokes funny. Out of desperation, Gabe just comes right out and asks her on a date. She declines, on the basis that she doesn’t date co-workers. Darryl overhears this and mugs for the camera.

Meanwhile, Jim meets up with Robert at a squash court. Jim’s plan, evidently, is to get to the CEO’s phone first, and delete the incoming ‘doomsday’ information. I’m not sure how, or why, Jim thinks this will work, and he looks like a complete buffoon when he runs for the phone and frantically tries to delete what he believes is the damning info. Stupid.

Meanwhile, back at the farm…

The incompetent gang-of-four leaves Dwight’s place, having accomplished nothing. Dwight remarks about how much they ruined his day and then, in a deus ex machina move that made me feel embarrassed for the show’s writers, Dwight simply decides to deactive the doomsday program.

Oh – and I should mention that the episode began with Andy crooning Semisonic’s “Closing Time” to the crew. This is, we learn, something he does at the end of every workday, even though we’ve never heard or seen of this before. It’s dumb, cloying, and another trying-too-hard moment from this episode.

Apart from Dwight’s assessment of his co-workers (he said they ate all his dessert and dug the worst horse grave ever), which belied his actions, I never laughed once.

I wish this show would just end.

Monday, 07 November 2011

Today I sat at a table at the entrance to my job’s cafeteria, and passed out information about Toastmasters. Our club has been losing members, mostly due to people quitting the company, and we need to beef up our numbers. Some people came over to the table just for the candy, but some were genuinely curious. One guy said, “Oh no, that’s not for me. I hate public speaking.”

Um, not to sound like a salesman, but that’s exactly why he should join Toastmasters. Of course, he might have other reasons for not joining, and that’s just fine, but what kind of a stupid excuse is that?

It reminds me of when I was a Jehovah’s Witness, and I’d knock on someone’s door, and they’d interrupt my sales pitch to say, “No thanks, I have my own religion.” I always wanted to say, “No shit, idiot. That’s why I’m here. If you had the same religion as me, you’d be out here knocking on doors, too.”

I’m just wondering if people really don’t think about matters any deeper than that. When I saw an ad in the community education booklet that said, “Beginner Guitar Lessons,” should I have said, “No way, man, I don’t know how to play guitar?” It doesn’t make any sense.

Tuesday, 08 November 2011

Today, Jennifer and I ventured to the local community center to vote. We have never before voted in an odd-year election. As I told my wife, it’s not a very important election. She responded with, “Every election is important.” Jeez, when did she become so civic-minded?

At any rate, we had to register – or would that be re-register – since we have moved since the last election. The re-registering was a pretty smooth process, and the large gymnasium afforded our kids plenty of space to run and diminish the dignity of the event.

St. Paul was trying out their run-off voting method. I’m a big fan of this style, because it makes me more likely to vote for who I want to win, rather than who I think has the best chance of beating the idiot. So, essentially, I voted for two people: first I picked the man I wanted for the job, then I picked the guy that I wouldn’t mind for the job. I could have selected a third, fourth, fifth, and even sixth choice, but I didn’t feel comfortable with any of those candidates, so I left them blank.

Afterward, I received an “I Voted” sticker from a woman who was, evidently, too tired to rip the sticker off the roll and told me to just do it myself. Tragically, the sticker is, again, not a scratch-and-sniff.

Thursday, 03 November 2011

Today I hosted yet another episode of Atheist Talk. Like the last time (way back in July), my guest was again my friend Ryan.

In part one of the show, guest Ryan provided an overview of the popular fantasy series Discworld, by British author Terry Pratchett. Ryan explained that in the Discworld universe, all the teachings of religions are real, leading to absurdities and difficulties on a scale most theists never consider. Ryan noted that it is Pratchett’s atheism that allows him to skewer and critique religious myths so artistically. Ryan recently represented Minnesota Atheists at the Discworld Convention in Madison, Wisconsin, where he delivered a presentation on the belief structures of Discworld and how this relates to our culture, so much of the material he discussed in this show was culled from that presentation.

Part two was originally slated to be a discussion of Jake Farr-Wharton’s book Letters to Christian Leaders, for which Ryan wrote a review . However, Ryan found the book so crass and poorly written that he instead used the book as an example of how not to  critique religious beliefs. Ryan’s review is hilarious – it’s almost (~99%) entirely negative. I’ll post a link to it once it appears online.

Friday, 04 November 2011

Today my company sponsored their yearly 6K event. I am always amazed at the fact that the first Friday in November always has great weather. Holding an outdoor event in early November seems like a risky endeavor here in Minnesota, but my employer lucks out every time (or maybe they have control over meteorological events; I don’t know).

With stop watch in tow, I positioned myself towards the front of the pack this year. I purposely waited behind the people wearing Boston Marathon shirts, while at the same time ensuring that I was far ahead of the people in blue jeans.

Once the signal was given to go, I began running and pressed the button on my stop watch. Stupidly, the watch was not set to the correct function, so I spent several seconds attempting to rectify the matter. Finally I got it working right, but then I spent the rest of the race knowing that the time was not accurate. As you may recall, last year I achieved my best time by about 80 seconds. After running about 75% of the way, I had to slow down and walk for a while. Last year, I ran for a longer fraction of the race, so I knew this would mean I would not achieve my best score, but at the moment, I was in so much pain that I had to slow up a bit. Then I did some mental calculations and realized that if I picked up the pace a little, I still might beat my time. I ran some more, then walked, then ran, then walked. Coming around the final corner, I estimated (recall that my stopwatch was not dead-on) that I still had three minutes left to make my best time. Without sprinting, I nonetheless trotted along sure and steady and finished with my best time ever. I’m not sure what my exact time was, but I believe I bested last year’s effort by a minute. Beating last year’s time was an unexpected occurrence; beating it by so much was completely surprising. Evidently, I just keep getting faster and stronger each year. By 2025, I will probably be winning this thing.

Tuesday, 01 November 2011

The day after Halloween is All Saints’ Day. I think, instead, it should be known as the Day of Copious Candy. Man, it was everywhere.

Leftover candy greeted me this morning, so I threw some in with my lunch to bring to work. At work, everyone was offering candy, starting with the woman who sits at the front desk. Another co-worker had an open bag of candy sitting right inside her cubicle with a sign on her white board that read “Free Candy! Help Yourself! Take as much as you want!”

Later, there were full-sized candy bars just sitting out for the taking. I, of course, helped myself to two packages of Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups.

I’m not eating all of this candy today, naturally. I’m attempting to be diligent by storing it up in my cube for when hunger ‘strikes.’

Wednesday, 02 November 2011

Today Isla went to Children’s Hospital for her surgery. I won’t go into too much detail; I’m sure my wife will post a more detailed and accurate synopsis at some point in the near future, but I’m pleased to report everything went well.

Isla had been well-prepped for the procedure by 1) the visit we paid to the hospital two weeks ago, 2) take home hospital supplies that took the scariness out of things like gloves, masks, and hair nets, and 3) a library copy of Franklin Goes to the Hospital.

Check-in went smoothly. During the time we had to wait until the procedure was set to begin, Isla had a fun time playing with the hospital’s toys, especially riding in a pushing the small cars. She made friends with another young girl (~2 years old) who was also awaiting surgery, and they played together for over an hour.

I accompanied Isla into the surgery room and held her in my arms while she was given anesthesia. When we first walked in the room, Isla looked around as if she recognized the hairnets from our pretend play and the machines from the Franklin book. She disliked having the mask placed in front of her face, but she didn’t freak out; she merely whined a little bit. While I continued to help her, the nurse say “Old MacDonald Had a Farm,” and that’s as far as she got, because Isla was already asleep by that point. The nurse and the anesthesiologist assisted me in getting Isla onto the bed safely, and then I left the room.

We were told the procedure would take about 90 minutes. So, while I waited in the waiting room (I know, very appropriate), Jennifer and her mom went down to the cafeteria to purchase lunch for the three of us.

About midway through our meal, the doctor came out and told us that Isla’s bladder was in rougher shape than previously thought, but no worries. The procedure appeared to take care of the problem. He told us Isla was done with surgery and that we could go back and see her in a few minutes.

When we went back to the recovery room, I was pleased to a nurse holding Isla. I’m sure an older child would be fine laying in a bed, but I appreciated that they had the presence of mind to know a 15-month old would like to be held. Jennifer nursed Isla, and the staff continued to monitor her for another hour or so.

All in all, I was once again impressed with Children’s Hospital and I was glad all went so smoothly for Isla. She slept a lot this evening and went to bed very easily tonight. The prognosis seems positive; we go back for a check-up in about a month.

Sunday, 30 October 2011

In our quest to find an autumnal activity to do, we first ventured to Bittersweet Farm in Lake Elmo today. Turns out, the info we had regarding this fall-time attraction (which we obtained from THIS SITE) must’ve been outdated. There was just a private residence, with no one home, and a dilapidated barn with “Bittersweet” emblazoned on the front. Jennifer pulled out her iPhone and quickly found another option for us.

Minutes later, we pulled up to Ziertman’s Pumpkin Farm. Before we even got out of the car, Owen was disappointed. It was, again, just a private residence. They had a few wagons set up with pumpkins, gourds, corn, and honey for sale, and a few goats (or “puppies,” as Isla calls them) running around, but not much else. We convinced him to get out of the car anyway, with the promise that we’d look for yet another place.

As it turns out, I’m glad we visited Ziertman’s, and I plan to stop there every fall. As their website indicates, they do have excellent prices for fall produce. We bought more than we anticipated as the prices were so low: two large pumpkins, one medium-sized pumpkin, three small pumpkins, three gourds, two ears of corn, and two pounds of honey all for twenty bucks.

Trying to find something fun for Owen, we drove from Ziertman’s to the Country Sun Farm. This is one of those places that sort of nickel-and-dimes you, but we managed to find a few fun activities. Owen and I went through the corn maze, and both Owen and Isla had fun feeding the sheep and goats. We picked food up off the ground instead of spending money in the vending machines to buy food for their animals. (Incidentally, I would like to install vending machines in my home and have people come over and buy food out of the machines and then feed that food to me; I think it’s a great idea.) We had pop-corn and mini donuts, sat on tractors, and took lots of pictures. I think this finally gave Owen the taste of fall he was hoping for.

This evening, Owen and Jennifer carved out pumpkins for Halloween. I cleaned up around the yard, and was again greeted by our friend the snake—

Monday, 31 October 2011

For our first Halloween in our new home, Owen dressed as a Jedi and Isla dressed as a duck.

All four of us left the house together, but after realizing we were too neurotic to go around to the houses together, Jennifer went back home to pass out candy and I followed a bunch of other people around the block. I basically waited for them to blaze the trail for us; after they knocked on a door, Owen and Isla and I ran up to the door next. After a few houses, we found our stride and started to have a good time. We even went up to the local Catholic Church where a bunch of men, dressed as priests, helped celebrate this day devoted to Satan by passing out M&M’s. One priest held out a bowl and told Owen to take what he would like to take. Owen promptly grabbed about seven bags, and I then jumped in and told him to just take one. The priests laughed and said he could have as many as he wanted, so he ended up taking three bags.

Another home was all decked out with scary skeletons that popped up out of the lawn, chattering skulls, and dry ice. To my surprise, Owen wasn’t the least bit scared and the very friendly home owner dispensed liberal amounts of candy into Owen and Isla’s bags.

When we circled back around the block, we stopped back at home. Jennifer then went out with Owen and walked down the street. I stayed home with Isla and gave out candy to the many trick-or-treaters who came by. Within minutes, I easily surpassed the total number of trick-or-treaters I had ever passed out candy to. We even started running short of candy, so I ‘stole’ some candy from Isla (she had some lollipops and suckers that her mom and I wouldn’t let her eat anyway) to give to the kids.

All in all, a great evening. Now that we know the places and times to go, I am already looking forward to next year.

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

While organizing some papers in (what will be) Isla’s bedroom this evening, I came across an issue of Popular Mechanics. It’s an issue I found while digging through a box someone left out on the curb last spring.

Here’s a short article regarding a new app for a smart phone:

Amazing! Never again will you have to ask, “How long was that chat with Dad?” From now on, you’ll know!

Also gaining buzz in the tech world:

I think this woman’s computer looks like those portable sinks that they set up at county fairs and outdoor concerts. Don’t you?

This issue of Popular Mechanics is from April 1959. That’s from way back when Dwight Eisenhower was President and Elizabeth II was Queen of England.

Thursday, 27 October 2011

First, here’s my wife’s new post about Owen – covering approximately the last six months of his life.

Also today, we finally set up our bed. I know it probably seems odd that we’ve live in our home for over a month and only just now got the bed set up, but there really wasn’t much impetus in getting it set up sooner. The mattresses on the floor are just as comfortable, really, and other things were standing in our way.

For one, Owen was sleeping in the room with us, and his cot took up too much room and didn’t give us enough space to get the room situated. He’s in his own bedroom now, so that’s great.

Secondly, my wife wanted to give the ceiling fan a thorough cleaning. It was loaded with dust from years of the previous homeowner being (evidently) a complete slob. So, we didn’t want to set up the bed and then have all that grime fall on it while we cleaned the fan.

This evening, then, I moved the mattress out of the way, set up the ladder, and removed the ceiling fan blades. Jennifer took them in the bathroom and gave them a thorough cleaning. I reinstalled them with the blades flipped (this hides the very unattractive wicker design). We then set up our bed which took about two hours. No kidding. It’s a very complicated bed, and the night stands are attached to it, so that adds to the work.

Anyway, getting all the pieces assembled has freed up quite a bit of space in our room. I am pleased that just a few hours of work can make such a notable difference.

Friday, 28 October 2011

Today, for the second time this week, I received a response to items I placed on Craig’s List. I’m not sure exactly how these people make their money, but it’s obviously a scam. This morning, a man named Ray Northam emailed asking it the item was still available. I said it was, and asked if he’d like to come buy and see it this evening or sometime this weekend. Here’s the response I received:

Thanks for the prompt response, I am quite satisfied with the condition .I am also interested and I will like to make an instant purchase, so kindly end the advert on Craigslist, I do not mind adding an extra $25 for you to close the advert on craigslist so that I can be rest assured that I am the prospective buyer, I would have loved to come take a look but I am a very busy man I am very sure you understand. I will also want you to know that I will be paying via Certified Check, and it will be sent to you via courier service due to the distance. You don’t need to bother about the shipment, as that has been taken care of…… So I will need you to provide me with the following information to facilitate the mailing of the check.

1. Full Name on the check
2. Address where payment will be sent to not p.o.box (because my courier service does not deliver to p.o box)
3. City
4. State
5. Zip Code
6. Phone Number

Once again, I will like to remind you that you will not be responsible for shipping as I will have my mover come over as soon as you have cashed the check .

Have A Nice And Rewarding Day Ahead .

I wrote back saying, “Cash only.”

He hasn’t written back. Yet.

Saturday, 29 October 2011

This afternoon, we walked to the Bay Street Grill for lunch. This is one of about a dozen places near our home that we wish to try for meals. Bay Street has a large banner outside that advertises $1 burgers, tacos, coneys, and fries on Saturdays. So, we figured today would be a good day to try them.

As we began to order, my wife asked what a coney is. The waitress replied that they don’t have coneys anymore (um…time to change the sign, then). My wife next asked if we could get meatless tacos, and the waitress then said, “Yeah, but it would just be lettuce and cheese.”

So…so much for the dollar menu options.

They still has some cheap options, though. Jennifer found a low-priced lunch, and I got the house salad with the dollar fries. Owen opted for one taco and the fries. Isla ate a few fries, danced on the bench and then hopped up on the table.

Bay Street has bingo on Saturdays, so if anyone wants to join us some future Saturday, we can all go over there for cheap food and a game of chance.