Wednesday, 13 October 2010

The most significant event for me today was my first attendance at a Toastmasters Club.

I enjoy public speaking, something that makes me a bit of an anomaly in amongst my fellow Americans (or maybe not…?). When I was a JW, I used to give speeches all the time. It was probably my favorite aspect of being a Witness. Though, admittedly, when you think about knocking on doors, not celebrating birthdays, and wearing a suit all the fucking time, it’s not exactly a tight contest.

But I digress.

Shortly after leaving the Witnesses, my wife suggested that I join a Toastmasters Club, which is precisely what her Dad did when he exited the Witnesses, too. The problem was, though, that her Dad had the convenience of having a Toastmasters Club right there at his job; I did not.

If I had any common sense, I should’ve looked up the info and started my own Toastmasters Club at my job. But I didn’t do that. Not sure why. It might stem from my being a complete idiot when it comes to anything remotely useful.

Sometimes, I’d considered joining the Freethought Toastmasters Club, which meets right in my hometown. Alas, I’ve never felt like taking more time away from my family.

But then, a couple of weeks ago, an email came in my inbox from some manger-type person saying to congratulate Tony on his upcoming award. And guess why Tony’s getting an award? Well, there are several reasons, but among them was the fact that he organized and presides over the Toastmasters Club here at work.

I immediately emailed Tony (who I know, as we worked on a project together a few years back) and told him I wanted to join. He invited me to today’s meeting.

It was interesting. I sat in the back and was welcomed as a guest. Very organized. Almost too officious. They must be following Robert’s Rules of Order. The President invited the coordinator up, who invited the speech coordinator up, who invited the first speaker up. Then there was a table topics coordinator, then a woman who took care of odds and ends, such as inviting up the grammar cop and a several people who’s jobs it was to critique the earlier speeches. A few people took notes, and one woman was the time-keeper. Most people had books that, I presume, laid out several counsel points.

I had no idea this club had been going on right at my job and, at the end when the President asked if I enjoyed myself, I said that I wanted to join.

So, we’ll see where this leads. I wish I would’ve known about it a year ago, as I’ve done quite a bit of public speaking in the past year, and I could’ve used that (presumably) for some of the requirements to advance. Oh well. I’m happy to do more.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

I stopped at the post office today. They have three counters, but only one person was working. There was one man in front of me. He was old, but not elderly.

He walked up to the postal employee and showed him an email print-out in which he said that the email came with an attachment he was unable to open. The postal employee looked at the paper and said, “Well do you have any ID?” Of course, the old man did, so he gave the postal worker his license and then the worker disappeared in the back to go look for (I assume) a package.

Another employee walked by, right behind the counters, and I stared her right in the eye in that “Why don’t you help me?” manner. She ignored me, and continued blissfully flitting around, moving boxes from point A to point near-A.

After about five minutes, as the line behind me progressed from 1 to 3 to 5 people, the man came back up to the front, empty handed, and told the old man he couldn’t find anything for him. Together, they read aloud the email, wherein it said “We were unable to deliver the package you mailed…” I know, it doesn’t make any sense to me, either.

Then that woman came back around, and, seeing that there were several people waiting, she decided to open up counter #2 and motioned me over. I really hate how the post office’s (and lots of stores’) employees won’t feel compelled to help one person, but when they see a big line, then they suddenly decide to help. That’s a great way to piss off everyone in line.

Anyway, the old man was shuttled off to another postal employee, who had to open up a counter just for him.

Man, I hope they figure out how to open up that attachment. I gotta say, I think it’s great that the USPS now helps people open up email attachments. What a great world we live in.

Monday, 11 October 2010

Well, it seems odd to be saying so here in mid-October, but the weather’s been a little too hot for my liking. We went on a walk this evening; I had Isla in a moby, and boy – did it ever get hot in there. I’m holding out hope (based on the weather forecast) that fall will be arriving in temperature as well as leaf color.

I think I may have surfed the web a bit too much today, too…

So, it appears that rival religious groups are arguing over whose prayers are being heard in regards the trapped Chilean miners. My guess is that none of them are being heard, since no god has done anything to help the men, who have been trapped for over two months now. Still, I do think the best course of action, when in a crisis like this, is to let the religious fanatics (yes, I know that’s redundant) stand back and pray. That keeps them out of the way so the real people – armed with tools and science – can perform the rescue.

Meanwhile, over in Quebec, a father slapped his 13-year old daughter so hard, that she died. Wow, you say, she must have done something awful. Indeed, she did: she balked at having to say her nighttime prayers. I wonder if this guy still thinks he’s going to heaven now? My guess is that he does, because the bible is littered with people who killed children (such as Elisha) and still expected god’s good graces.

One other thing: If you have teenagers at home, this will help them learn how to act when they go on their first space date:

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Well, we don’t have Carl Paladino running for office here in Minnesota.

Here’s New York gubernatorial hopeful Carl Paladino speaking about his views on sexuality. He mispronounces the word “perverts,” but since he’s a New Yorker, he probably mispronounces just about everything. Also – what was with the dress code at this meeting? Must’ve been after a Fiddler on the Roof revue:

Shouldn’t those Jews be stoning Carl? I mean, after all, he’s clearly violated Yahweh’s law and shaved his sidelocks. I wonder if Carl also tried to curry their favor by telling them he supports the re-instituting of slavery, public stoning, and polygamy.

In other news, here’s some good news: It appears the don’t ask/don’t tell policy is going down despite Congressional Republicans efforts to keep it in place. Things in the Navy are about to get a lot more interesting.

Friday, 08 October 2010

So, remember how I performed a wedding ceremony back in July? If not, READ THIS. Or don’t; I guess it’s irrelevant to the rest of this post.

The thing is, that very same day, I also videotaped the bride and groom’s wedding and reception. Trust me, it’s a little tricky to videotape a wedding when you’re also the officiating minister, but I cleverly managed thanks to my tripod and my brother-in-law.

A few weeks after the wedding, I emailed the bride and groom to tell them that they should expect October as a completion date. It takes a lot of tedious, frustrating work to create a watchable video, and a wedding-slash-reception is a verrrry long video.

I didn’t even bother to import the footage into my computer until about a month ago. Isla was born, I was back at work, and I figured it was time for me to get cracking.

Let me just make this clear to anyone who’s reading this: I don’t want to videotape your wedding. Or your friend’s. Filming it is (sometimes) fun, but that’s the only fun part. The much more boring part – the part that takes the bulk of the time – is the editing. I think I’ve said this before, but a general rule of thumb is that I spend about an hour of work on every minute of footage I have.

In the past I’ve had as much as four hours of footage to work with, but thankfully, this wedding – with no bridal procession, no dancing, no formal dinner, and a very short ceremony – only left me with 61 minutes of footage.

I didn’t want to tape this wedding, either, but my sister kind of ‘sold’ my service to them before I had a chance to talk to them and, more importantly, I figured the money I made could be used during my leave-of-absence following Isla’s birth (it was).

So now here I am with all this footage, wondering why I’m editing this video when I don’t even have the money anymore.

I forced myself to work diligently on this wedding video all week, including my lunch hour today. I plan to work on it a little bit at home this weekend. I said I would get it done in October, and I’m gonna hold myself to that.

I’ll report back on November first.

Saturday, 09 October 2010

Today we took a walk with the Happy Trails Nature Club near the Mississippi River at Lock & Dam #1 in Minneapolis. It was a tough location to find, but luckily I knew we were within a mile of the spot, and Jennifer kept suggesting roads for me to take.

I’m glad we arrived on time this time. As you’ll recall, last month we arrived 20 minutes late and the group was gone. I bemoaned the fact that, had we been on time, the group probably would’ve waited for stragglers. And that’s exactly what happened today. We arrived about two minutes late and, getting out of the car, the woman who heads up the group said we were gonna wait around for people who might have trouble finding the place. Oh well, no worries.

The morning sunlight made for some beautiful views of the rive and the trees. Jennifer took lots of pictures, which she might post online one day.

In the meantime, here are pictures of us that I stole from the website:

See how picturesque it was?

Owen likes leaves. Too much.

Here are some of the kids posing in a fort they constructed.

See more pictures here: CLICK THIS.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

So here’ s where I make the obligatory comment about today’s date being 10-10-10. This sort of thing didn’t happen too often when I was growing up, but now we seem to have “special” dates like this all the time…

01-01-01

03-02-01

02-02-02

01-02-03

05-06-07

…to name a few.

Next year we’re in for quite a handful. There will be January 1st (1-1-11), followed quickly by January 11th (1-11-11), then there’ll be September 10th (9-10-11),  November 1st (11-1-11), then November 11th (11-11-11).

To me though, the most special date (discounting any events and looking at the date from a purely numerical standpoint) was November 19, 1999. The date was entirely made up of odd digits: 11-19-1999.  Sure, there had been plenty of entirely odd dates in my life (including 11-17-1999, just two days earlier), but that was the last one I’ll ever see. Yessiree, unless I’m still alive on January 1st, 3111, there will be no more completely odd dates in my life.

Another great date was a few months later, on February 02, 2000. Which was the first date made up of entirely even digits.

Man, what a great time to be alive!

In other news: Owen treated Jennifer and I to ice cream at IKEA this evening. He brought along his ‘wallet,’ which has some cash in it that he’s received from my mom for expressly this purpose, and he ordered ice cream for all three of us.

Wednesday, 06 October 2010

This evening, we watched the fourth episode of this season’s Survivor. I know it’s still early in the TV season, but I’m gonna go right ahead and declare this to be Survivor’s Worst Season Ever.

I’ve been getting increasingly bored with each season of the famed TV show…oh, look, another season of people trying to live…in paradise. Instead of yet another yawner of people hanging out in beautiful locations, I’d like to see Survivor: Yukon or maybe they could do a show on a rugged mountain terrain, with high elevation. But, no, the producers keep taking the show back to either Central America or the Islands of the Pacific.

Apart from being another forgettable, carbon-copy location, this season introduces the coveted “medallion of power.” For those who don’t know, this medallion gives the team that uses it a significant advantage in challenges. The catch is that once a team has used it, it passes to the other team, who can then use it for a future challenge of their choosing. It’s a great way to remove any semblance of a level playing field; it’s like playing Monopoly with someone who insists on starting out already owning Broadway and Park Place.

But my dislike of this issue can be boiled down to three very specific problems:

1. One game per episode.

The most enjoyable parts of each episode are the games. In past seasons, there were almost always two games per episode: one to win a reward (such as pizza) and one to win immunity. This season, so far at least, there’s been only one game per episode. Stupid. My son doesn’t like it, either.

2. Another deflated “look how cleverly we divided the contestants” ploy

In past seasons, the producers have divided the players by gender, by whether they’d  played the game before or not, by how well liked the players were, and even by ethnicity. This season, they divided the players by age. I like this idea of dividing along strict lines like this but, first, dividing by age has already been done before. Second, as we saw in the sneak peak at next week’s episode, the players will be reshuffled into new tribes anyways. So, big deal. They segregated by age for four episodes. Whoop de doo.

3. This woman:

Meet Naonka. She looks friendly enough – but look a little closer. There’s an N tattooed right on her arm. Does it stand for Naonka, or narcissistic?

Of course, part of the fun of the show is watching the interplay between the characters; who leads, who follows, who can get along with anyone, and who fights with people.

But in past episodes, when there’s been disagreements or even fights, you can usually see both sides of the issue – “Yeah, person A does talk too much, but person B could’ve told them about it nicer” – that sort of thing.

But this woman just seems to enjoy being abrasive to half of her tribemates. She repeatedly argues with people and, though the show might just be edited that way, I can’t even figure out what her problem is, much less if it has any merit. Unlike past players, she’s not even ‘evil’ in a fun way, she’s just annoying. Even when talking to the camera in private, she just mouths off about how sassy she is.

Two weeks ago, she fought over a hidden clue with Kelly, another teammate, even to the point of pushing that teammate down. I understand that they both had a desire to obtain the clue, but Naonka spent the rest of that episode, and the next one, complaining about “how dare Kelly try and get that clue.” Then she made derogatory comments about Kelly’s prosthetic leg. In fact, she keeps mentioning that Kelly is an amputee, saying that Kelly better be careful or she’ll throw her leg in the water, or that Kelly shouldn’t expect special treatment just because she’s down one limb. I think Naonka is obsessed with it, or attracted to it in a weird way that is making her feel uncomfortable. There’s no other explanation.

Oh – and it turns out Kelly is a world-record holding athlete. So, no, I doubt she’s looking for pity.

Thursday, 07 October 2010

This evening, I hosted Atheists Talk for the twelfth time. Adding in my appearances as a guest, it marked my fifteenth episode.

Burnsville and Eagan: Ch. 14. Air times vary. Check their web site www.bect.tv for day and times.

Bloomington: Ch. 16. Monday 9:30 p.m. and Tuesday 5:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m.

Minneapolis: Ch. 17. Saturday 8:30 p.m. Sponsor:  Steve Petersen.

Rochester: Ch. 10. Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 7:30 p.m.

Roseville, Shoreview, Arden Hills, North Oaks, Little Canada, Falcon Heights, Lauderdale, Moundsview, New Brighton: Ch. 14. Wednesday 10:30 p.m.

Stillwater: Ch. 16. Tuesday 7:00 p.m.; Wednesday 9:00 a.m.

South Washington County: Ch. 14. Tuesday 7:00 p.m.

White Bear Lake, Hugo, Lake Elmo, Mahtomedi, Maplewood, North St. Paul, Oakdale, Vadnais Heights: Ch. 15. Saturday 7:30 p.m.

Or you can CLICK HERE to get the podcasts.

Sunday, 03 October 2010

You know what I like about the Twin Cities’ Marathon? Well, nothing actually. But you know what I don’t like? The fact that it bisects the city in half.

I commented about this on Facebook last year – when I went to work to get some overtime that Sunday, only to find I couldn’t get home (I waited in a parking lot).

Today, I somehow forgot about this vivisection of the city, and we tried to drive to Target which, unfortunately, means we have to cross Summit Avenue.

But Summit was closed.

My wife smartly thought up taking Ayd Mill Road, certainly one of the strangest roads I’ve ever driven on, but at least it goes under Summit instead of through it. The problem was, everybody else had the same idea. In time, though, we made it to Target.

Man, it’s too bad there’s not any parks – including an enormous regional park that stretches into Fort Snelling State Park and then up into Minneapolis – that the marathon could traverse. It’s so much better that they totally disrupt traffic over a several mile stretch for hours. Makes perfect sense.

Monday, 04 October 2010

Today I paid a visit to that time-sucker known as “The Department of Motor Vehicles.” If you ever have the displeasure of visiting the Maple Grove location, let me key you in on a few things: first, it’s set up like an airport terminal – you check in with someone at the front desk, who then prints out a number and tells you to have a seat. The seats are arranged theater style, so you can watch a muted TV screen that plays snippets of movies. I was privy to a fun flip-flopping between good vs. shitty films (Casablanca, then Goblet of Fire, then The Incredibles). Anyway, I usually like to see what number I have, and then gauge my wait based on what number they’re on (“Hmm…I’m number 83, and they’re on 71 right now…and there are 5 employees, so…”). But Maple Grove’s location rips this pleasure from me: I was number B128, but then they called D260. Then D261. Then A233. Then C119. I couldn’t detect a pattern.

Anyway, when my ‘number’ was finally called, I went up and told the guy I needed to renew my tabs. He started typing away and then pulled out new license plates.

As an aside: I also dislike new license plates. They’re a waste; the ones I have are just fine. Also, I was once detained by a cop for a half hour (on the way to a meeting as other congregation members passed me) because my new plates weren’t up (it’s a long story – ask me in person).

So I asked the DMV employee: “What determines if someone gets new plates, and not just the tabs?”

He said: “The computer tells me.”

I just kind of stared at the plates, not replying in any way. Detecting that I wasn’t happy with his answer, he added: “Well, it’s kind of like a 10/10 thing, you know? If you’re vehicle’s year plus age adds up to ten, then you get new plates.”

I nodded politely, but I’m fully flummoxed by this. Who wouldn’t add up to ten? Think about it: If your car is one year old, then that means it was made in ’09. So 1+9=10. Similarly, if your car is eight years old, then it was made in ’02. And 8+2=10. In my case, it’s 7+3=10. Who doesn’t add up to ten? I’m confused.

Tuesday, 05 October 2010

Today there was a “benefits fair” at my job, which means that representatives from our various benefit providers were on hand to answer questions and pass out swag. Delta Dental was there, Blue Cross was there, LifeWorks was there; the whole gang!

When I came up to the Unum table, I decided to ask the woman: “So how come, a few weeks ago when my daughter was born, I had to go through you guys to get my time off?”

I should probably explain that I had to call Unum last spring and tell them of Isla’s impending birth. They sent me five sheets of paper over the course of the next two months that all said the same thing: I was approved. Then, while I was on leave, I didn’t get my full pay when my paycheck arrived. I called Unum, but they said the problem was my company’s HR department. I called my HR department and (spoiler alert!) they said the problem was Unum. Long story short, all three paychecks I received while on leave were incorrect, and no one took any responsibility for it.

Anyway, the woman answered: “Well we handle all the paperwork for your company.”

“What paperwork?” I asked.

“Well, it’s very confusing, and so your company outsources it to us.”

“Yes,” I said, “but when I take vacation time, I just tell my supervisor I’m taking time off, and he adds in my vacation time. So why couldn’t I just call my supervisor when my daughter was born and tell him I was gonna be taking some time off. As it is, using a third-party just created a bureaucracy that was beyond the abilities of anyone in our HR department.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, “it’s complicated. They get it wrong a lot. But you know, it’s for longer leaves than vacations.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said, “Because I could take a four-week vacation and I don’t need to involve you, but if I take even just one week off for the birth of a child, I have to contact you. What’s the difference?”

“Yeah,” she said, “It’s complicated.” And then I began talking again, but what I said doesn’t matter, because the woman jumped at the opportunity to say hello and dish out paperwork to the lady that walked up to the table.

So much for finding answers.

Complicated indeed.