Honey?

Monday, 16 July 2012

I mentioned in my last post (see: My Last Post) that my wife spent the day up at the cabin with the other ladies in her family. She came home that evening bearing gifts. Most significantly (to me) were the gifts of food.

Ever since I started shoehorning my way into Jennifer’s family, they’ve had this minor tradition attached, like an appendage, to their larger tradition of hanging out at the cabin. That minor tradition is: bringing something from the local KFC to dine on.

Upon inquiring as to the roots of this tradition, my wife believes it stems from the dual reasons of her grandfather liking KFC and KFC’s proximity to the cabin. Up until, say, this century, KFC was the closest restaurant to the cabin (there are at least three closer nowadays).

Anyway, I don’t really go for eating food out of a bucket and, as a pescatarian, there’s not much on the menu at Kentucky Fried Chicken (as it used to be known) for me, anyway. I also have this short list of fast “food” restaurants I positively despise. Among them are McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, Taco John’s, Dairy Queen, and KFing C.

But…

Let’s face it, some of theses places have some irresistible delectables. Primarily, Dairy Queen reigns large in the dessert department. So even though their fries = near instant diarrhea and they use melted PVC in place of cheese, I can’t say no to their frozen cakes. And in the KFC department, I love me them biscuits. 

So, among other items, Jennifer arrived home Saturday night with a bag of biscuits and the accompanying condiments. I applied the honey and butter – noting that the butter was, in fact, termed, “buttery goodness” – and scarfed down a biscuit. The biscuits were gone in no time, with a bunch of spare condiment packages. I told Jennifer I’d take the honey packets to work, where I could add them to my cups of tea. So I did.

This morning, for the first time, I took a closer look at one of those “honey” packets. To my horror, it wasn’t honey; it was Honey Sauce. I nearly gagged on my tea.

Take a look:
Notice, honey isn’t the first listed ingedient. It’s THIRD! It follows both high fructose corn syrup, and just plain corn syrup. Just in case you might be under the delusion that the packet contains 30, or even 25%, honey, there’s a side note that alerts you the concoction you’re about to put into your body is only 7% “real” honey.

Yuck.

Also, notice that fructose is ingedient #4, and all the remaining ingredients account for less than 2% of the packaged bile. So…we’re talking above 90% fructose and corn here. Gross. This explains why the “honey” wasn’t a rich, amber color but, instead, a piss yellow hue reminiscent of, well, corn.

That is just disgusting KFC. Please, charge 25 cents a packet and put in 100% “real” honey and, I promise you, I will swing through your drive through to buy a sack of biscuits.