ALERT: Car Alarm Going Off!

Thursday, 24 February 2011

My alarm went off very early this morning: 12:01 am. Or so I thought. As I came to, cursing how tired I was, I looked over at my alarm clock and realized that I still had over 6 hours of sleep to go. “Then why is my alarm going off?” I wondered.

It wasn’t.

Instead, it was a car alarm. The car was parked in the parking lot belong to the apartment complex next to ours. The alarm went off for about a minute, then stopped. I tried to fall back to sleep, but five minutes later, the alarm went off again. This is exactly what happened two nights ago and three nights ago.

I got out of bed and looked out the window. I went into the living room for a better view. The car’s owner was nowhere in sight and, in my estimation, lives on the other side of his/her apartment building and therefore had no idea his/her car is such a menace. This happened once before, last year, and I called the police. They showed up, drove around like a couple of idiots for a few minutes, then left the lot. I called the station again and asked if they were going to do anything about it, and the dispatcher said, “Well we don’t know whose car it is, and it’s a security building so we can’t get inside.” Huh. That’s funny. I would’ve thought that a wimpy lock on a glass door wouldn’t be enough to stop the boys in blue, but I guess it is. Too bad the cops don’t have any way to run license plate or VIN numbers. Someone should get on that: I could see it coming in handy.

As a side note, why does it seem that, like car alarms, policeman are frequently useless. Drive 39 in a 35, or grow some weed in your backyard, and they’ll be all over your ass. But ask them to step up when there is a real problem…and they don’t seem to care. Maybe ’cause there’s no money in stopping car alarms.

Anyway, I called the cops again tonight, and the dispatcher said she’d send someone out there. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t; nothing became of it. So then I remembered that our manager said to call a towing company. So I called Twin Cities Towing, and the oaf answered the phone by simply saying: “Twin Cities.” You know, ’cause there’s no other company in the metro area with “Twin Cities” in their name. Anyway, here’s how the rest of the phone conversation progressed:

ME: Yeah, hi, there’s a car in my neighborhood and the car alarm not stopping. It’s disturbing the peace. Can you come and tow it?

HE: Well is it your car?

ME: No, it’s not.

HE: Well, unless it’s yer car…

ME: Wait, just out of curiosity, why would anyone ever want their own car towed because of a car alarm?

HE: Huh?

ME: Is there any reason why I would call to have my car towed if the only reason was that the alarm was going off?

HE: Well I just asked you ’cause that’s our proceed —

ME: Yeah, no one would ever do that. They would just go and shut off their alarm.

HE: Alright, sir.

ME: Bye. Idiot.

Then I remembered that the manager said to call the towing company she uses, so I went all the way downstairs and walked out to the garages to see the number of the towing company listed there. I called them. All I got was their voicemail.

So then I pulled out my binoculars and deciphered the car’s license plate number. You know, to help the cops. Then I called the cops again. This time, a guy answered the phone and he wanted my name and address. There’s no reason for that, but I complied, and I also gave him the car’s plate number. He asked if the car was “doing it” right now,” and I explained, “Well, not this second, but it was going off when I called you and it will start up again.” He said they’d look into it.

The tough thing about this is that the car is in a lot that belongs to another apartment complex. See, if the car was parked at a house, I would just go over there and knock on the owner’s door. If the car was parked in my complex’s lot, I would knock on every door until I found the owner. But I simply don’t have access to that building.

Anyway, I printed out a letter informing informing the owner of their car’s late-night partying, and I plan to stick it under their windshield wiper.

I completely hate car alarms. I prefer that my cars not have them. They have been an unnecessary nuisance hundreds of times, and they only benefited me once (and not even for the intended reason). In fact, car alarms are so superfluous, that when people hear the alarms going off, they don’t think, “oh no! Someone’s car is in danger!” they think: “Who’s stupid car is that? Someone better shut that off.”

Friday, 25 February 2011

For the past five years, I have volunteered to serve as a judge at the Twin Cities’ Science Fair. I initially accepted their invitation again this year, but just yesterday, I switched my RSVP to “decline.”

I felt bad doing it, but there’s just too much else going on. I want to stop and take a breather, if you’ll excuse the cliche’. Also, for the last two years, my friend Jeremy has accompanied me, but this year he couldn’t make it. He couldn’t make it, actually, because he is moving to Chicago this very day.

Not going to the science fair freed me up to pick Owen up from Kindergarten, a promise I had slacked on last week. The four of us went out to eat at Panera which, unlike the Science Fair, has free parking.

So, oh well, I skipped out this year. Maybe next year.

Also, have you ever wondered what happens if you list “Lord Voldemort” as your name when you order Jimmy John’s via the internet.? Wonder no more.

Finally, here’s a very funny site that my wife found.