Saturday, 05 November 2011
Today was yet another day to get some stuff accomplished around the house.
I hung up a few items that had just been laying around. Then I cleaned off a couple of counter tops in the kitchen and dining room that have had junk on them since before we even moved in. I also removed the obscenely ugly, crooked towel racks from the downstairs bathroom and installed two new hooks. I also managed to shorted the blinds on two bedroom windows.
Yes – did you know you can do that? I first learned about this when Jennifer and I bought blinds from IKEA for our last home. The blinds were long enough to cover a window 50% longer than the ones we owned, and, helpfully, the IKEA users’ manual came with instructions on how to shorten the blinds to make them fit a shorter window.
A couple of months ago, when we first moved in, I looked online for a quick refresher on how to perform this feat. Here’s a helpful video if any of my loyal readers have a window that’s three feet high and blinds that are six feet long:
Sunday, 06 November 2011
Today, while my wife took Owen to a birthday party, and Isla napped upstairs, I powered up my laptop and watched the latest episode of The Office, and episode titled “Doomsday.”
There have been 158 episodes in this tired series that jumped the shark last season, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that “Doomsday” is, so far, the worst episode ever, and if you haven’t seen the episode yet, you should still feel free to read on here; I can’t possibly ruin it for you.
The main premise of the episode is that the crew has been making too many mistakes. Dwight convinces his boss, Andy, to allow him to initiate a computer program that, upon logging five errors from is co-workers, will immediately send damning information to the CEO, Robert. Among this information is proof that their location has been losing money for the company, along with several embarrassing emails the co-workers have circulated amongst themselves in which they berate Robert.
Um…so far, not funny, but not terrible either.
But then the mistakes begin to add up. I’m not sure how this is tracked, it’s completely illogical. And, in fact, if Dwight has created a program that can detect all sorts of errors like this, then he should sell his software to companies around the globe and retire as a multi-billionaire.
Anyway…
After achieving four errors, the co-worker (who inexplicably continue to perform their jobs) break out into panic. To avoid the situation, Dwight simply leaves for the day, and goes home to dig a horse grave.
Deciding now would be a good time to convince Dwight to shut down his program, four of Dwight’s co-workers drive to his home and…ready for this…begin to assist him in digging the grave. When Andy (one of the four) suggests to the others that they “have to do something,” his subordinate Pam tells him their best course of action is to do nothing! Ha Ha! Brilliant!
Meanwhile:
Darryl finds the new woman working down in shipping to be quite attractive. Problem is, Gabe also finds her attractive. I can’t think of any two men on the show who are more dissimilar, but it’s hard to buy the idea that both Darryl and Gabe would like the same woman. Darryl, as usual, plays it cool, while Gabe decides the woman will find fat jokes funny. Out of desperation, Gabe just comes right out and asks her on a date. She declines, on the basis that she doesn’t date co-workers. Darryl overhears this and mugs for the camera.
Meanwhile, Jim meets up with Robert at a squash court. Jim’s plan, evidently, is to get to the CEO’s phone first, and delete the incoming ‘doomsday’ information. I’m not sure how, or why, Jim thinks this will work, and he looks like a complete buffoon when he runs for the phone and frantically tries to delete what he believes is the damning info. Stupid.
Meanwhile, back at the farm…
The incompetent gang-of-four leaves Dwight’s place, having accomplished nothing. Dwight remarks about how much they ruined his day and then, in a deus ex machina move that made me feel embarrassed for the show’s writers, Dwight simply decides to deactive the doomsday program.
Oh – and I should mention that the episode began with Andy crooning Semisonic’s “Closing Time” to the crew. This is, we learn, something he does at the end of every workday, even though we’ve never heard or seen of this before. It’s dumb, cloying, and another trying-too-hard moment from this episode.
Apart from Dwight’s assessment of his co-workers (he said they ate all his dessert and dug the worst horse grave ever), which belied his actions, I never laughed once.
I wish this show would just end.
Monday, 07 November 2011
Today I sat at a table at the entrance to my job’s cafeteria, and passed out information about Toastmasters. Our club has been losing members, mostly due to people quitting the company, and we need to beef up our numbers. Some people came over to the table just for the candy, but some were genuinely curious. One guy said, “Oh no, that’s not for me. I hate public speaking.”
Um, not to sound like a salesman, but that’s exactly why he should join Toastmasters. Of course, he might have other reasons for not joining, and that’s just fine, but what kind of a stupid excuse is that?
It reminds me of when I was a Jehovah’s Witness, and I’d knock on someone’s door, and they’d interrupt my sales pitch to say, “No thanks, I have my own religion.” I always wanted to say, “No shit, idiot. That’s why I’m here. If you had the same religion as me, you’d be out here knocking on doors, too.”
I’m just wondering if people really don’t think about matters any deeper than that. When I saw an ad in the community education booklet that said, “Beginner Guitar Lessons,” should I have said, “No way, man, I don’t know how to play guitar?” It doesn’t make any sense.
Tuesday, 08 November 2011
Today, Jennifer and I ventured to the local community center to vote. We have never before voted in an odd-year election. As I told my wife, it’s not a very important election. She responded with, “Every election is important.” Jeez, when did she become so civic-minded?
At any rate, we had to register – or would that be re-register – since we have moved since the last election. The re-registering was a pretty smooth process, and the large gymnasium afforded our kids plenty of space to run and diminish the dignity of the event.
St. Paul was trying out their run-off voting method. I’m a big fan of this style, because it makes me more likely to vote for who I want to win, rather than who I think has the best chance of beating the idiot. So, essentially, I voted for two people: first I picked the man I wanted for the job, then I picked the guy that I wouldn’t mind for the job. I could have selected a third, fourth, fifth, and even sixth choice, but I didn’t feel comfortable with any of those candidates, so I left them blank.
Afterward, I received an “I Voted” sticker from a woman who was, evidently, too tired to rip the sticker off the roll and told me to just do it myself. Tragically, the sticker is, again, not a scratch-and-sniff.