If I am Elected King…

02 July 2010

So here we are at the exact center of the year; 182 days of the year have elapsed, and 182 days remain.

I was trying all day to think of something to write for today, and I just couldn’t come up with anything that riveting. I was going to gripe about my phone, and the terrible, terrible company known as AT&T and how I am saving my Verizon phone for this time, next year, when I am no longer indentured to AT&T and can switch back to a non-shitty company, but then I figured – does anyone really want to read about that?

Another problem is that there often seems to be events that I can’t discuss. Like when Jennifer and I first went in for the ultrasound – obviously that was the big event of that day, but I couldn’t write about it, ’cause we hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet. Also, sometimes a situation doesn’t have a proper resolution in a single day, and I don’t feel as though I can adequately write about it when I would just leave you hanging. So, you know, sometimes I get stuck.

Anyways, one of my co-workers sent me this link the other day: THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. I thought it was pretty cool. I kept meaning to post it here, and I kept forgetting. So I’m doing it now. And he sent me this, too, which doesn’t exactly make me want to run out and get a pet AT-AT, but it does make me wish my cat’s litter was different.

03 July 2010

Today, during a family picnic, we discussed what sort of laws we would enact if we had the power. Most of the laws I would enact would simply be repealing or altering existing laws. Here’s what I got:

-Marijuana shall be legal. After all, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine are. So what if it causes some temporary memory loss? Tax it.

-Prostitution shall be legal. People’s bodies are their most valuable asset; they should be able to pursue employment by using it. What’s really weird is that I can buy a video of two people having sex; and that’s legal, but actually having sex isn’t. This is an archaic, puritanical restriction that has to go. Oh – and tax it.

-You can marry someone of the same gender, if you so desire. However, fundamentalist Christians may only form civil unions.

-Congresspeople and Senators can only be elected to their offices twice.

-The voting age will be lowered. I’m not sure to what age. I suggested 12, but my wife says this is too low. Still, I don’t see why the 16 and 17 year olds out there are disenfranchised. The disenfranchised are often neglected in legislation.

-Companies shall be required to offer equal amounts of time off for both partners in a relationship where a new child is born/adopted. Obviously, if it takes the birth parent 6 weeks (or 12 or whatever the company offers) to heal physically and emotionally from the birth, then she’ll need her partner there for that same amount of time.

-Marijuana shall be legal. So what if it causes some temporary memory loss? Tax it.

-No draft shall go into effect until all the adult children of the sitting President and Congresspeople (who voted in favor of the war) have been drafted to the front lines.

-The war on drugs is over; the druggies won. Prison is for people we’re scared of or mad at. A meth user is just sad. Get them some help…but I don’t see why they’re criminals.

-Circumcision shall be illegal on non-consenting patients.

-The war-happy, impossible-to-sing “Star Spangled Banner” shall be replaced as the national anthem by “This Land is Your Land.”

-Marijuana shall be legal. So what if it causes some temporary memory loss?

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4 Responses to If I am Elected King…

  1. Jennifer Z. says:

    I totally agree with all of these, except the maternity/paternity leave one. I would like to see us switch to a more European system of 6 months to one year, both partners needing to take at least a month (or whatever), but the rest being split between the two in whatever way they would like. And if that is too ambitious for our workaholic country, we should AT LEAST have paid maternity leave available for all women! We don’t even have that right now. In many jobs women who take a leave will not get paid for it and force themselves to return after 1 to 2 weeks. This is bad for public health because it lowers rates of breastfeeding and less maternity leave makes infant mortality rates higher.

  2. Cory says:

    “So what if it causes some temporary memory loss?”

  3. Mike says:

    I forgot what I was going to write…

  4. James says:

    Jennifer,
    Yeah, I suppose that’s a better idea: give a birthing couple a six-month allotment, and let them apportion it as necessary. Six months probably is too ambitious for this country right now. Baby steps. Maybe we could start with three months.

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