{"id":812,"date":"2010-08-20T21:55:27","date_gmt":"2010-08-21T02:55:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/?p=812"},"modified":"2012-02-09T22:10:10","modified_gmt":"2012-02-10T04:10:10","slug":"boobs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/2010\/08\/boobs\/","title":{"rendered":"Boobs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thursday, 19 August 2010<\/strong><\/p>\n

I took Owen to the Minnesota Zoo today.<\/p>\n

After living within four miles of the zoo for about 14 years, including 4 years in which I lived within a mile, and several years as a member, let\u2019s just say the zoo has lost some of the wonder and appeal it\u2019s supposed to carry.<\/p>\n

Nevertheless, here are a few random items I feel like mentioning:<\/p>\n

*When we first entered the Tropics Trail, we stopped to observe the tortoise enclosure. Inside that enclosure, there are three life-sized wooden models of extinct animals, including one of an elephant bird<\/a>, which was the largest bird to ever exist. Standing next to Owen and me was a father with two young children, around Owen\u2019s age. \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d asked the little boy, pointing to the elephant bird.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a bird that some people used to think exist.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d the boy asked, pointing to a foot-long model of an egg that shows the enormous size of the elephant bird\u2019s egg.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the egg that some people think came from that bird.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nice job, dad.<\/p>\n

Later, Owen and I went on the monorail, which is a great form of transportation for moving cash from a parent\u2019s wallet into the zoo\u2019s cash register. But later, as we were driving home, Owen asked if that was his first time riding on a train, and then I figured maybe it was worth the money.<\/p>\n

Did you know the zoo has a trio of grizzly bears now? Yeah, super cool. We watched as one bear lumbered into the water, chased around a salmon (you can see under the water thanks to some thick plexiglass), catch the salmon, carry it onto the shore and then eat it. Made me hungry for salmon.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s also a butterfly enclosure now, too. That was especially enjoyable, as they give you a little plaque with all the species listed on it, along with accompanying pictures. This works out great, since Owen asked \u201cWhat kind of butterfly is that?\u201d about 20 times, and I was able to answer with the correct nomenclature. Hey \u2013 did you know some caterpillars lose their entire digestive tract (including mouth) during cocoon stage? So when they emerge as butterflies, the only energy they\u2019ll ever have to live off of is what they ate back when they were caterpillars? Gives me a new appreciation for The Very Hungry Caterpillar<\/em><\/a>. There was a sign in the enclosure saying that most butterflies live only two to four weeks. I pointed out to Owen that all the butterflies he was seeing were all the same age as Isla. He gave me a slack-jawed look that indicated he either thought that was really nifty, or that he had no idea what I was talking about.<\/p>\n

Later, Owen lost track of me at the tiger exhibit, and freaked out. He stared crying and said he wanted to go home, but I told him I was right there, I was just on the other side of a display. We went and watched the otters for a while (Owen got me to lost another dollar by insisting I donate to the save-the-otters program) and then he laughed when he saw them playing with ice chunks.<\/p>\n

I explained to him that ice is what some people think happens to water when it freezes.<\/p>\n

Friday, 20 August 2010<\/strong><\/p>\n

We took Isla to my place of employment today, so that she could see where her dad has to bust his ass everyday to pay for her crap.<\/p>\n

Oops, sorry. Let\u2019s try that one again, slightly less cynical:<\/p>\n

Today the four of us ventured to my job to show my co-workers the latest in a series of JamesJennifer-spawn.<\/p>\n

We had to check in at the front desk, because visitors need to obtain a pass to enter the building. In the few weeks I\u2019ve been gone, they\u2019ve gone computerized, so I had to use this little laptop to fill out my wife\u2019s name and some other info. While I was doing that, the receptionist was busy fawning over Isla, then she turned to Owen, put her hand on his, and said: \u201cOh, you have a little sister now, don\u2019t you?\u201d He meekly said yes, and then she said, \u201cAnd you know what? I have a coloring book for you.\u201d She turned around and opened up a filing cabinet. As she did so, she said: \u201cAnd it\u2019s all pictures of princesses<\/a>, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hm. Okay, I don\u2019t like princesses \u2013 especially the Disney and British versions \u2013 but I was busy entering my wife\u2019s reason for visiting (\u201cOther\u201d) and, besides, I didn\u2019t want to sound gruff, so I just figured she was apologizing for not having anything else to give a little boy except a princess book.<\/p>\n

Anyway, so she pulls out this wad of princess pictures, hands it to Owen and says, \u201c\u2019Cause you\u2019re a princess, aren\u2019t you?\u201d Again, I was only half-listening, so in the moment, I just figured she was making a joke, but as my wife and I walked into the building, my wife said: \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you stick up for our son?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe thought he was a girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh-\u201c I said, the reality of the situation suddenly dawning on me, and then I went on to explain what I just wrote, above. Then I think I ended with: \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you stick up for our son?\u201d I think my wife said: \u201cBecause you\u2019re the head of the house.\u201d Just kidding. Jennifer\u2019s the head of the house. I abdicated that shitty job in June 1998.<\/p>\n

Later, we were standing around with a bunch of my co-workers, showing off the kind of good-looking baby that we can create, and one of them looked at Owen and said: \u201cDo you ever feed your baby sister?\u201d Owen just looked at her with an extremely confused look, until Jennifer prompted him to say no.<\/p>\n

Okay, I don\u2019t mean to rip on or make fun of my co-worker, because it\u2019s a perfectly understandable question from her viewpoint and from mine. But not from Owen\u2019s. See, I\u2019m pretty sure Owen is unaware that some babies are fed from bottles. He\u2019s never had a bottle, and neither has his sister. So, I\u2019m pretty sure Owen\u2019s confusion stems from the fact that, when my co-worker posed the question, Owen was probably thinking: \u201cOf course I\u2019ve never fed my sister. I don\u2019t have breasts<\/a> of any kind, much less the lactating sort.\u201d<\/p>\n

Poor kid. First someone thinks he\u2019s a princess, then someone inquires as to his ability to lactate.<\/p>\n

Princesses. Yuck.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thursday, 19 August 2010 I took Owen to the Minnesota Zoo today. After living within four miles of the zoo for about 14 years, including 4 years in which I lived within a mile, and several years as a member, let\u2019s just say the zoo has lost some of the wonder and appeal it\u2019s supposed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-812","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/812","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=812"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/812\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":814,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/812\/revisions\/814"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=812"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=812"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=812"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}