{"id":44,"date":"2008-07-31T09:29:00","date_gmt":"2008-07-31T15:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/?p=44"},"modified":"2009-02-18T23:08:09","modified_gmt":"2009-02-19T05:08:09","slug":"save-5000-a-month","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/2008\/07\/save-5000-a-month\/","title":{"rendered":"Save $5,000 a Month!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Apparently, when there\u2019s nothing note-worthy to report on (like the latest Hollywood fashion or a 2.0 earthquake), the news gravitates towards money-saving tips. These \u201ctips\u201d, more prevalent in today\u2019s Bush-whacked economy, get my vote for most pointless news items in existence. I mean, at least a report on Hollywood fashion gives us some eye candy, and a report on an earthquake that shook a leaf off a tree might be a harbinger to something we\u2019ll really need to know.<\/p>\n

These money-saving tips must work for only two people: People who, up until this moment, have never bothered to attempt to save money, but are now looking to do so and people who are too stupid to think of any way to save money by themselves. I\u2019m talking really stupid, as in: \u201cIt sure would be nice if we had more spending money,\u201d said Jack as he rolled up the fifty dollar bill, stuck it between his lips and lit it on fire.<\/p>\n

Take this article, for example: http:\/\/finance.yahoo.com\/banking-budgeting\/article\/105450\/Cut-Your-Spending-by-%24500-Per-Month<\/a><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s one tip they give: Lower your car insurance payments. Okay, who doesn\u2019t know to do that? That\u2019s like saying, \u201cif you want more food in your refrigerator, take less food out of it\u201d. And, anyway, there are good reasons to not go with the cheapest car insurance company. Other so-obvious-they\u2019re-painful tips include: pay off your credit card, don\u2019t go over on your cell phone\u2019s minutes, stop paying bank fees and put more in your 401K (oh yeah, that\u2019s sure to help with the day-to-day making ends meet problem).<\/p>\n

Another gem is here: http:\/\/green.yahoo.com\/blog\/greenpicks\/191\/saving-gas-isn-t-just-for-tree-huggers-anymore.html<\/a><\/p>\n

To save gas, this article recommends not driving your car to work. It also mentions not idling your car and not going through the drive-through.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like to, just once, see a \u201cmoney-saving tips\u201d article in which the tips are not 1) simply restating the title of the article; 2) so obvious that everyone already does them anyways (or at least knows they should) or 3) things that you can\u2019t just do even if you want to (such as moving to a cheaper city).<\/p>\n

Following the astute insight such writers have in saving us consumers money, therefore, I humbly submit my list of money-saving tips:<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t spend your money.
<\/strong>If there\u2019s something you want to buy, like food or clothing, don\u2019t. It\u2019s as simple as that. Multi-millionaires don\u2019t want you to know this secret, but now you do.<\/p>\n

2. Try to find an item of equal quality but of lower cost.<\/strong>
Why spend $5,000 on a used car when you can spend $500 on a used car? Why spend $10 on lunch when you can spend $1?<\/p>\n

3. Accumulate more money.<\/strong>
Stop volunteering! Demand your employer give you monetary reimbursement for the services you provide for the company. Also, if you have something of value, trade it for cash. Or at least for a receipt you can then use when you itemize your deductions.<\/p>\n

4. Stop consuming gas and electricity.<\/strong>
Why drive 20 miles to work when you can walk? Why turn on the lights at night when you can sit in the dark? Unplug your refrigerator and your alarm clock. Use your computer as a paper weight.<\/p>\n

5. Only do free things.
<\/strong>Don\u2019t invite people to your house, where they\u2019ll consume your electricity, water, toilet paper and put wear and tear on your furniture and silverware. If a friend invites you to go somewhere, decline. If you get invited to someone\u2019s home, don\u2019t offer to bring anything. Ask them to pick you up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Apparently, when there\u2019s nothing note-worthy to report on (like the latest Hollywood fashion or a 2.0 earthquake), the news gravitates towards money-saving tips. These \u201ctips\u201d, more prevalent in today\u2019s Bush-whacked economy, get my vote for most pointless news items in existence. I mean, at least a report on Hollywood fashion gives us some eye candy, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-44","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-likehate"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":79,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions\/79"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}