{"id":2343,"date":"2011-11-28T13:19:50","date_gmt":"2011-11-28T19:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/?p=2343"},"modified":"2011-11-28T13:19:50","modified_gmt":"2011-11-28T19:19:50","slug":"also-sprach-the-manufacturers-helpline","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/2011\/11\/also-sprach-the-manufacturers-helpline\/","title":{"rendered":"Also Sprach the Manufacturer’s Helpline"},"content":{"rendered":"

Wednesday, 23 November 2011<\/strong><\/p>\n

So…here’s a fun family situation:<\/p>\n

My mom will be visiting the Great State of Minnesota in December. Since her move to the Rocky Mountain State, she has visited several times…but never during that time period betwixt Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. The problem (if you could call it that), is that our home – which she will surely want to see since we just moved in – will be all decked out for the Holidays…Kwanzaa, the Solstice, that Jewish holiday with, like, twelve spellings, and that one that celebrates the rebirth of the Sun God Ra.<\/p>\n

It’s a tough situation, because I have no designs to take down the decorations, but my son is nervous about how grandma will react. Hmm. I don’t know. Back when I was a Witness, whenever I visited homes that were decorated for the holidays, oh…wait…I guess that never happened because all those people were horribly wicked and I wouldn’t have been caught dead at their Satanic lairs.<\/p>\n

I suppose the best course is to tell my mom. I could just say something like, “Hey, when you come for a visit, keep in mind that we’ll have some holiday decorations set up, so don’t freak out.” Or maybe I’ll try to phrase it a little better.<\/p>\n

I was talking with my ever helpful sister today, and she says that her plans are to decorate for Xmas (something she normally doesn’t do) with the express purpose of annoying my mom. Not sure if she really means that, but it certainly wouldn’t be out of character.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes. The clock’s ticking…she’ll be here in a few weeks.<\/p>\n

Thursday, 24 November 2011<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thanksgiving today.<\/p>\n

In 2007, 2008, and 2009, we celebrated Thanksgiving with my family, which consisted of my sister, her husband, his brothers and his mom, and her boyfriend. In 2010, we went to Jennifer’s great aunt and uncle’s house in Wisconsin. The Wisconsinners were elsewhere this year, so we went to Jennifer’s parents’ house, which is a lot closer.<\/p>\n

Here’s what I’m thankful for:<\/p>\n

I am thankful that I do not have to work today or tomorrow – for my employer or for the capitalist machine. Yep, that’s right. I am not going to any stores today or buying anything online. Same goes for tomorrow.<\/p>\n

I am also thankful that my wife and I no longer have to spend Thanksgiving at the Kimballs’ with my sister-in-law and other assorted friends where we talk about how great we are for abstaining from that sinful holiday of Thanksgiving in which families get together and have dinner.<\/p>\n

I am also thankful that the beer brewing in my basement tastes way better than this canned foam I’m swilling right now.<\/p>\n

I am also thankful that I live with awesome people in a sweet house in a cool city in a clean state in an affluent country on a beautiful planet in my favorite quadrant<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Friday, 25 November 2011<\/strong><\/p>\n

Priority #1 today was getting the new garage door opener to work correctly. It wasn’t priority #1 in that it was the absolute most important thing I could possibly spend my time on today, but it was priority #1 in that accomplishing this task would open the way for other tasks to be completed (figuratively and literally). It’s kind of like putting on pants in the morning. It’s not that putting on pants is the most important task you will do all day, but it will allow you to get other things done.<\/p>\n

I assembled and installed the garage door opener last weekend. The task required about 2 hours one day and 2 hours another day. This, apparently, was quite amazing, as a couple of my co-workers expressed that they were impressed with my ability. I told them it wasn’t that big of a deal because, 1) I installed a garage door opener once before<\/a> and 2) the door still was not opening correctly.<\/p>\n

When I pushed the button, the motor kicked on and the chain began moving. It proceeded about 6 inches, then stopped and reversed. Last week, I checked out the troubleshooting page of the instruction manual which, typical of such manuals, was completely useless. Here’s basically what options it laid out for me:<\/p>\n

1) Is the power connected?<\/p>\n

Um, yeah, otherwise it wouldn’t work at all.<\/p>\n

2) Do you need to increase the force?<\/p>\n

Well, I hope not, I have it set at maximum.<\/p>\n

3) Are the sensors aligned properly?<\/p>\n

Yes, otherwise the chain wouldn’t move at all. Regardless, the two sensors are sitting about 2 inches apart facing each other and the “ready” light is on, meaning they are aligned.<\/p>\n

So…that’s it. The only other help offered was to call the manufacturer. So that’s what I did during my lunch break back on Wednesday. Here’s how the conversation went:<\/p>\n

Press 1<\/p>\n

Press 3<\/p>\n

Press 4<\/p>\n

Press 3<\/p>\n

Press 1<\/p>\n

Press 1<\/p>\n

MANUFACTURER (SHE): Hello sir, what’s the model number of your garage door?<\/p>\n

ME: I don’t know, but it’s either…<\/p>\n

SHE: Well the number is located under the light bulb fixture. Do you have one or two bulbs?<\/p>\n

ME: One.<\/p>\n

SHE: Yes, it’s under the bulbs.<\/p>\n

ME: Oh, but I’m not home right now.<\/p>\n

SHE: Well then how do you expect me to help you?<\/p>\n

ME: I figured I would just tell you what’s wrong and you would give me some options. But if that’s too much trouble for you…<\/p>\n

SHE: No, sir, it’s not too much trouble. But it’s just like when you call the doctor’s office. They can’t help you unless you can describe the issue accurately to them.<\/p>\n

ME: Yeah, and that’s what I am prepared to do right now.<\/p>\n

SHE: If you think you can, then go ahead.<\/p>\n

ME: (lots of info about the above problem)<\/p>\n

SHE: Okay, here’s the problem. The opener thinks your door is open right now, so it tries to close the door, but doesn’t sense any weight. You need to loosen the chain and manually pull it down the other end.<\/p>\n

ME: Okay, thanks.<\/p>\n

So that’s what I did. Problem solved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wednesday, 23 November 2011 So…here’s a fun family situation: My mom will be visiting the Great State of Minnesota in December. Since her move to the Rocky Mountain State, she has visited several times…but never during that time period betwixt Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day. The problem (if you could call it that), is that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2343","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2343","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2343"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2343\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2346,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2343\/revisions\/2346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2343"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2343"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zimmerscope.com\/Verbisaurus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2343"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}