Thursday, 16 February 2012

Well, I am pleased to announce that, according to an email I received from my University, I am officially down to four credits this semester. I was at eight credits, but it turns out that if you take five or more credits, they charge you an additional $60 for a “health services” fee.

This, of course is tantamount to robbery, especially from a school that already charges nearly a thousand dollars a credit. Also, if you don’t have health insurance, they tack on another $700+ per semester to put you under their insurance. Having insurance through my employer, I waive their insurance, but I was still outraged to see this $60 fee. Upon inquiry, I learned that it allows me to see the on-campus clinic.

“Wow,” you say, “$60 per semester to use an on-site clinic is a pretty good deal.”

No, it’s not. If I was to actually visit the clinic sometime this semester, I would still be charged a co-pay and my insurance company would receive a bill for the remainder. In a way, then, it’s kind of like if the school charged me a parking fee when I don’t plan to use the parking lot (and I don’t).

I complained to the financial office and my adviser. My adviser agreed it was a lousy fee for a part-time student who lives off campus and has his own insurance. He invoked the tired, “If they waive it for you, they’d have to waive it for everyone.”

I’ve heard this rationale in varied instances throughout my life, and it never holds water. There are two reasons why it doesn’t:

1) It’s not unfair to waive it for just me – assuming I’m the only one who’s complaining about it.

2) It indicated the person agrees something is unfair, in which case they should just change the ruling for everyone.

Anyway, in a more heated discussion with the financial department, the rep said there was nothing I could do about it, so I told her I would be dropping a class to bring me under 5 credits. She paused. I think she was shocked. She’d probably never met someone that would go to such lengths before, but, well, now she has.

The next day, my adviser advised me that the tuition board is taking this fee under consideration.

Anyway, yay! My steady history of dropping credits like a mad man at Hamline remains in tact.

Friday, 17 February 2012

Today, I submitted to a health evaluation at my place of employment.

A couple of weeks ago, they sent out something saying employees could get a $50 credit on their paycheck if they signed up for one of these evaluations. So I did.

An email arrived a few days ago suggesting that I fast in order to obtain the best numbers. So I did. This was surprisingly easy, actually, considering I’m a glutton. Last night, at about 10:15, I consumed a bowl of cereal. I went to bed shortly after that. This morning, I slept later than usual then, due to unrelated events, I worked from home for a few hours. I arrived at work at 11:00 this morning, hungry, but not ridiculously so.

I ventured straightaway to the appropriate conference room, where I had to fill out one of those bubble sheets, provdng my name, gender, age, address and phone number. Not to sound cocky, but I think I got 100% on it.

Then a nurse invited me into her curtained lair. As she began to take my blood pressure, she told me not to be alarmed if the reading was a bit high. I was, she explained, at work, and the stress of work could give me an abnormally high reading. She had also just drawn blood from my finger tip, and she said that could raise my blood pressure, too. Then she saw the results and said, “Oh, but that’s not the case for you.” She then asked if I was an athlete.

After measuring my height and wight, she also measured my total cholesterol, LDL (bad cholesterol), HDL (good cholesterol), triglycerides, body mass index, body fat percent, and glucose level. While recording all of the data, she inquired as to if I have any children. She then said that “people would kill for numbers like these,” and remarked that I was in “terrific health,” which is great news because surely I want to stay alive and vibrant for years to come while my children grow. She said it appears I am doing everything right in order to stay alive for a long time.

Ugh. Yeah, I do everything right, but only because, while I’m alive, I want to stay healthy. But now it sounds as if I still have over a half century to go on this merry-go-round until, one day, I find myself lying in a hospice, dying of nothing. Perhaps my children, who by that time will also be senior citizens, can comfort me with words like, “the guys from Guinness will be here shortly to verify your longevity record, Dad.”

Oh – I suppose you’re curious as to what my “numbers” are. Sorry, but if people are truly willing to commit acts of homicide for my numbers, then I don’t think I should be giving them out for free on the WWW like this. Send me a check for $100, and I’ll send you a thank you card with the numbers listed.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Happy 83rd anniversary of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre!

But instead of the date, let’s talk about the day: Tuesday. You know what’s great about today?

First, I filled up with gas. Super America offers double-coupon day on Tuesdays. They also take competitors’ coupons, so I showed up with a 20 cents off per gallon coupon, which they doubled to 40 cents. With gas costing $3.50 a gallon, this netted me a savings of over 10%. With nearly $4.00 in savings, I essentially got a gallon of gas for free!

Next, the family and I ventured to Ingvar Kamprad Elmtaryd Agunnaryd (or “IKEA,” if you prefer). Kids eat free on Tuesdays, so the four of us each had our own meals and beverages for a grand total of about $11.00.

On the way home, we stopped at the neighborhood car wash. Their Ultimate Car Wash (and dry!) is normally $9.00. But guess what? On Tuesdays, it’s only $6.00.

Thank you, Tuesday, for being such a lousy day of the week that retailers have to offer special, um, offers in order to get us to crawl out of our hovels!

Wednesday, 15 February 2012
What were you doing 20 years ago today? Unless you’re a nineteen year old (in which case the correct answer is “gestating”), you might have no clue.

Would it help if I told you February 15, 1992 was a Saturday? Still no?

Well here’s what I did…

Enjoying the three day Presidents’ Day weekend, my friend Joel spent the weekend at my house. He and I were invited to a talent show in the afternoon. My parents and sister weren’t home so, around noon, we made this video:

 

Later, we rode with some friends to the talent show. I expected to be just a spectator, but during the intermission, my friend Rhett suggested I show off some of my mad lip-syncing skills. “Okay,” I said, “but only if you come on stage with me.” Rhett had already been on stage during the first half of the show. He and his brother Ryan performed their song “Balalaika.” But being the affable guy he was, Rhett just shrugged and figured, why not?

Selecting a song was a no-brainer. My favorite song at that time was Paul Simon’s “The Obvious Child,” and during the long Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior weekend back in January, I borrowed my school’s camera and had fun making crazy videos with my friends. One of the fun videos we made was me lip-syncing to that song with Rhett and another Ryan (not Rhett’s brother) sitting on the floor behind me playing bongos.

I brought the camera home this weekend, too (see the above video for evidence of that), and I had it with me at this talent show. Ryan 2.0 was not at this talent show, but Rhett said he could simulate the percussion portion of the song all by himself.

We ran up to the emcee and signed up. About a half hour later, we did this:

I had a lot of fun that day, and met a lot of people that became good friends of mine. In fact, I even met the girl who would become Rhett’s girlfriend, who then backed out of a bus trip at the last minute, leaving a space for another girl, who I subsequently married. Got that?

But what’s happened to the people involved in this video?

Rhett and I engaged in volunteer work through the religion for the next four years. We married within months of each other. Later, we worked at Lenscrafters together. Rhett passed away over six years ago. The above video doesn’t do justice to his music talent. GO HERE for a better example of that. Or here. Or, for a real treat, go here. Better yet, just go here.

Jamin, who you can see on the right during much of the video continued to be my friend for many years. We drifted apart in adulthood and I last spoke with him in 2006, mere days before leaving the religion. Jamin passed away just over two years ago. I wrote about it IN THIS BLOG POST.

Joel, who is holding and operating the camera, stayed friends with me for a few years. Like Rhett, he was a groomsman in my wedding. Like Jamin, we drifted apart as we progressed through our twenties. He contacted me four years ago, saying he missed the good times we used to have and that he wanted to get together with me and Jennifer. In my response, I told him I would love to do that, but that he should probably know I was no longer a Witness, and I hoped that we could still be friends. He didn’t write back. Ever. He owns a barber shop in Victoria, so I hope things are going well for him. I have no idea how well he does at cutting hair, but he’s a helluva great guy, so you’re sure to have a good time if you patronize his business.

Ryan, who can be seen briefly running in front of the camera and then assisting with the sound board, is webmaster of the most boring website on the internet. He, alone of the people listed here, is still my friend.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Most of the time, this blog lives in the present. Sometimes, it lives in the past. But today, let’s go boldly (see how I didn’t split the infinitive there?) to the future.

Next week, Toastmasters is holding a speech-a-thon, They’ve held them before, but the idea to have this particular one was my idea. So, last week, when the sign-up sheet went around, I felt I would’ve been remiss had I not signed up for a speech.

Actually delivering the speeches isn’t a problem. And, in general, concocting ideas for speeches isn’t difficult for me, either. In fact, I have probably ten ideas for speeches just floating around in my head right now, all ready to go for when an appropriate opportunity arises.

The problem, for me, is when I can’t seem to figure out a what to do for a given assignment.

My next speech is my ninth one in Toastmasters. That means I’m working on “Persuade Your Audience.” Here are some details from the Competent Communicator handbook:

1. Persuade listeners to adopt your viewpoint or ideas or to take some action.
2. Appeal to the audience’s interests.
3. Use logic and emotion to support your position.
4. Avoid using notes.

The general types of persuasion are: Inspire, Convince and Call them to action.

So here’s the help I need: WHAT SHOULD I TALK ABOUT?

I’ve only got nine days here, and I usually start working on the speech by now. It’s supposed to be 5-7 minutes in length. I don’t want to talk about anything too controversial, or too banal. Since I don’t have too much time, I can’t go into depth will all sorts of reasons why or why not someone should do something.

Discussing vegetarianism is quite a good idea. But a fellow club member just gave an excellent speech on such a subject. And, since I’m not technically a vegetarian, there’d be a bit of hypocrisy I wouldn’t be comfortable with.

Any ideas?

Saturday, 11 February 2012

I spent a good chunk of the day at the Water Park of America.

This is not the sort of place that I usually attend. But it was my son’s friend’s birthday and, well, his parents decided to celebrate at the water park.

And I’m glad I went, too. I always feel intimidated by those big tourist attractions – what with their overwhelming size and ability to extract exorbitant fees from my wallet. Actually, my current employer has been great in this regard – for department outings, I have frequently been treated to fun activities around the metro area. This has given me some exposure to these events, and made them seem less foreboding. For example, I probably would have lived my whole life without going to a Saints game, but thanks to my employer, I’ve been to two. Same goes for a boat tour on Lake Minnetonka, a day at Pinstripes, and a Timberwolves game. Even if I do try something outside my element, I insist on doing so during a downtime. Like when we visited the Foshay Tower, we did so on a Wednesday afternoon. My first trip to Underwater World was on a Tuesday at about 10:00 in the morning.

So, today, I was at the Water Park. I gotta give it two thumbs up. There was plenty to do and, even though it’s a Saturday. In the few hours I was actually in the water (and even though I was watching Isla for half the time), I was able to ride the Lazy River, play with Owen in the kids’ area, and go down the water slides – even the gigantic 10-story slide.

Best of all, the birthday celebration is a sleep-over for the birthday boy, so Owen, as one of his friends, gets to spend the night at the hotel and get in some more swim time tomorrow afternoon.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Today, even though I could have used the time to sleep in (see above: I was tired), I showed up at AM950’s station in Eden Prairie. The plan was that I would be conducting an interview on Atheists Talk, live from 9:00 – 10:00 this morning.

I conducted the interview once before, as you may recall, back in December, I interviewed Glenn Kleier, author of The Knowledge of Good and Evil. I was nervous to be live on the radio, but I didn’t totally suck at it, so about a month ago, I contacted the show’s producers again and said, “Hey, here’s another author you should interview. I read his book and loved it. I’m willing to conduct the interview, if you’d like.”

The book I was talking about was The Matter With Us, by John Rawles.

Well, today, I was supposed to interview Dr. Rawles but, as you can likely surmise from my word choice here, it didn’t happen.

There was trouble making the connection to Dr. Rawles, who lives in the Olde Country. I think the specifics of the trouble would be boring, so I won’t detail them here. But I was sitting in the studio, with papers on table and headphones in hand, chatting with the host. I looked up at the clock and, noticing it was 9:01, I leaned back and called out into the control room, “Are you guys having trouble getting a hold of John?”

Indeed, they were.

They had the good thought to play more of the commercials up front (normally they’re scattered throughout the show) in an effort to buy time. When the commercials ran out, they began playing a show from a few months ago. They said we could break into the show once we got a hold of John. I didn’t like that idea, but it wasn’t up to me.

Finally at about 9:12, John was on the line. The host, however, insister this was too late to begin the show.

I guess they’re gonna reschedule. I was pretty annoyed – having waken up, driven across town, and prepared an hour long interview. Also, whenever I do activities like this, I try to bring Owen with me as much as possible so that my wife isn’t back home with both kids (like she often is). So this morning was perfect, since Owen was at the above mentioned sleep-over.

Anyway, I’m glad they’re rescheduling. Dr. Rawles and I put a lot of work into planning this interview. Also, he wrote an amazing book and it deserves as wide exposure as possible.

The Olde Country

Friday, 10 February 2012

A few weeks ago, they (sorry, I don’t know why “they” are) installed a very cool map of the world on the wall at my job. The wall itself is painted deep blue and the land masses are all a raised, shiny metal. There are no features on the map apart from the land masses – no political divisions, no indication of terrain, no markings to show “you are here.” I walked past them (sorry, I don’t know who “them” is) a few times on the day of installation, and I was almost jealous of their job. They had all these pieces of the world scattered on the floor, and they affixed a paper tracing of the world onto the relevant wall. Then, as they day progressed, the installed the land masses one-by-one, careful to place each one where the tracing indicated. One of the workers cut out the paper map as the metal one was installed, thereby revealing the blue “ocean” background.

I am unnecessarily picky about the maps I like. In fact, though I am a map-lover, it’s probably a good policy to never purchase a map, globe, or atlas as a gift for me because I will almost certainly be disappointed.

I give the map installed at work a solid B.

For one thing, it’s not Mercator’s Projection, and I loathe Mercator’s Projection. It’s not a Goode Homolosine, either, which is better, but bugs the crap out of me. I believe it’s an Equirectangular  (albeit sans Antarctica) – and that, inmy opinion, is on e of the four or five best projetions out there.

But there’s a problem (besides the absense of Adrian Veidt’s home continent). The problem is…There’s complete disregard for land masses smaller than 10,000 square kilometers (almost). I noticed right away that many island chains were not represented and I determined that, one day, I would figure out the minimum limitation.

Today, I figured it out: Jamaica is the smallest island nation depicted on the map. At 10,991 square km, Jamaica just makes the cut for “big enough to count.” But there area few other islands on the map that are smaller than Jamaica. One of them is Puerto Rico, which is only 8,870 square km. Another is Prince Edward Island, at 5,684 square km. Why are these included, I wondered, and not Cyprus? Cyprus, after all, weighs in at 9,251 square km, so it’s bigger than both Puerto Rico and Prince Edward Island. But maybe (and I think this really is why) the designers felt that leaving off PR and PEI would be immediately spotted by their American and Canadian clientels. This would also explain the map’s biggest grievence – Hawaii is on the map…but only the Big Island. So, for one thing, it looks weird. I mean, if you’re gonna show Hawaii, you’ve at least got to show five or six of the main islands (you know, like Maui, O’ahu, and Kaua’i) in order for the representation to look like the State of Hawaii. The one islands, all by itself, just doesn’t look right.

I saw someone staring at the map the other day, so I stopped and stared with her. She put her finger right on the Big Island and said, “What’s this?” I said, “It’s Hawaii, minus about 130 of its islands.” She smiled at me like I was a dork.

 Try picturing this with only the Big Island. Doesn’t look like Hawaii anymore, does it?

Second, even that Big Island is only a measely 4,028 square miles – far smaller than many other islands that are not depicted at all. So why even bother? Again, it’s got to be because, as Americans, we damn well want to see all of our fifty states. And that Spanish stepchild.

So, I’m sure you’re now wondering: what nations are not given any land mass representaion at all? Well, Cyprus is the largest.  The others, in descending order of size, are…

The Bahamas (at 13,000+ sq km, the Bahamas is larger than Jamaica. Alas, none of its 700 islands are larger than 6,000 sq km)

Trinidad and Tobago

Cape Verde

Samoa

Mauritius

Comoros

Sao Tome and Principe

Kiribati

Bahrain

Dominica

Tonga

Singapore (maybe – thanks to The Causeway I’m not sure if it’s an island or not anymore)

Micronesia

St. Lucia

Palau

Seychelles

Antigua and Barbuda

Barbados

St. Vincent and the Grenadines

Grenada

Malta

The Maldives

St. Kitts and Nevis

The Marshall Islands

Nauru

I’m thinking of drawing them in myself. But I don’t think my free-hand pencil would blend in with the die-cut metal.