Wednesday, 11 April 2012

This afternoon, Senator Al Franken visited my place of empoyment. The event was billed as a town hall meeting.

After beginning 15 minutes late (wow…that’s a lot of lost productivity for the 500+ people in attendance), Franken began by offering a few remarks. He was an absoltuely terrible speaker. I haven’t heard many politicians speak in person, but I was pretty much embarrassed for him the entire time. I think he said the word “um” six times in a row at one point, and I’m not sure he ever constructed a proper sentence during the 15 minute “presentation”. This is all the more odd considering he used to be a writer, and occassional actor, on Saturday Night Live, so I would think his ability to both construct sentences and speak extemporaneously would be exemplarary.

During the next 15 minutes, during which time he answered all of 4 questions, he performed much better. I enjoyed his answers, and his humor.

A co-worker later said that he’s heard Franken speak before and he’s usually much more deft and witty.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

This morning, in class, documentary film-maker Mick Caouette visited our class.

He showed us about 45 minutes of his film The Art of Possible. The film, which aired on PBS recently, details the public life of Hubert Humphrey.

Here’s the most interesting thing I got from the documentary: In the fall of 1968, Humphrey succeeded in closing a 20% gap between he and Nixon in the polls, leaving the Presidential election in a dead-heat. In the final days before the election, President Johnson finally succeeded in getting North and South Vietnam to meet him at the peace table in Paris (it probably helped that Johnson finally agreed to stop bombing all those red Commie farmers and children). This, of course, boded well for Humphrey – who was Vice Prez at the time.

However, Nixon secretly contacted the South Vietnamese government and encouraged them to hold off negotiations until he won the election, since he would be able to get them a better deal. The South then called off the Paris Peace Talks mere hours before the election was to begin. Nixon won the election with less than a 0.5% margin of victory. The war lasted seven more years and caused 25,000 more deaths. All that’s too bad, of course, but the important thin is, Nixon won, and the country enjoyed five and-a-half years of Tricky Dick.

Afterward, we had a question-and-answer session, which certainly made yesterday’s “town hall” forum seem like even more of a joke.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Today we had Easter at our house.

One of the benefits of our house (as opposed to our apartment) is having enough room to have the whole family over. There is a certain appeal, of course, of going over to other people’s houses for events – but I like being able to reciprocate.

I’m also happy that the majority of gifts my kids received, both from us and other relatives, were consumable. We’ve got plenty of knick-knacks, stuffed animals, games, and random toys, so I am completely on-board with gifts that don’t take up space. These included candy, tattoos, stickers, and money. Oh, and then there’s clothes, too. Clothes, of course, take up space but they are useful and, with growing kids, often just serve to replace smaller items we’re gonna get rid of.

We staged an Easter egg hunt in our yard. It wasn’t that big of a deal – I just threw some plastic eggs around the yard. Owen searched for the tougher-to-find treasures, and the rest of us directed Isla and her cousin (who’s 8 days younger than she) to pick up the brightly colored objects. Pretty cute, really.

Monday, 9 April 2012

So, I’m going to be giving a speech at the State Capital on May third, the first Thursday in May. That’s famously known as the National Day of Prayer. This being Minnesota, though, we’re not all Fundamentalist Christians, so, simultaneously, a Day of Reason will be held inside. That’s where I’ll be – in the rotunda. Talking about reasonable things. Which, you know, is weird, because in so many, many ways, I am not reasonable. For one thing, I maintain a blog, which is essentially a self-diagnosis for mental illness. I also do lots of weird things or, as I’ve convinced my wife to term them, eccentric things. That reminds me, I found a penny on the ground today; I’ll have to go record that on my list.

Anyway, if you are available on May third, or if you can find it in your busy busy schedule to break away for a long lunch break, come to the State Capital at noon. There will be other speakers beside me, so even if you can’t stand the sight of me, you can come for the other speakers.

Or, if you’re not interested, how about baby-sitting for us so my wife can join me? Thanks.

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Here’s an interesting news story:

In Portage, Wisconsin, a woman won election to the city council with two votes. No, I don’t mean she won by garnering two votes more than her rival, I mean she only got two votes.Her nearest rival only got one vote, so in a way, she achieved a landslide victory. Here’s the story. Read it. It’s good.

In other news, Atheist Voices of Minnesota is now on Amazon. As you may recall, my essay “Losing My Head” is included in the book. If you scroll down on the Amazon listing, where it say “About the Author,” you’ll see my name listed. Pretty cool, I think. Also, my wife’s name is listed, too, ’cause she has an essay in the book as well. I think we are the only husband-wife duo in the book. That’s ’cause we’re amazing.

Saturday, 07 April 2012

Back on the 22nd of January, I complained that my Viewmaster projector had once again run out of batteries. The projector, which finds frequent use as a way for Owen and me to polish off the evening, uses 4 C-cell batteries. A pack of these batteries is kind of on the pricey side, and I’ve often had to buy more than one pack a year. I would estimate I’ve spent about a hundred bucks keeping this thing powered over the years.

The problem isn’t just the high cost of replacing the batteries, though. The projector works great when the batteries are new, but the power rapidly fades. At some point, we are essentially reduced to trying to figure out what a projection is trying to show us.

And here’s the real stupid thing: the projector has no AC-adapter. I mean, I can certainly see the appeal of rigging the device for battery power – then it can be used easily , perhaps even while camping. But why didn’t Fisher Price make the projector work with both battery and plug-in capabilities?  I view this as an enormous design flaw on something that is not mobile.

If you look back at the blog post where I first whined about this, you’ll see the first comment was from my friend David, who suggested I rig it for plug-in capabilities myself. I kept this idea in the back of my mind and, when the batteries failed again, I tossed the Viewmaster in my car determined to not use it again until I could plug it in.

I couldn’t find a good DIY explanation online, so I emailed David for more info. He was able to supply me a couple of links. They got me started. I saw what I needed – primarily, I needed a plug of similar wattage. I remembered my old cell phone charger and calculated that this would be a close match. I then took the plug and Viewmaster to Radio Shack where an employee there knew exactly what I was trying to do and what I would need. In fact, I was glad to talk with him because the links David provided talked about rigging a baby swing from battery to plug-in (that’s another battery-devouring device), and though a swing is similar, it’s more complicated. The employee suggested I buy a screw-on power jack for the plug, and solder on a nice receptor. I didn’t think these were necessary, but I agreed it would make the device look nicer, so I bought them.

Well, that was Tuesday.

Today, I soldered for the first time. I watched a couple of videos on YouTube – like THIS ONE and THIS ONE to make sure I had some idea of how to use a soldering iron.

I was a little nervous to cut the wires on the Viewmaster, but as soon as I soldered on the new wires, I touched the plug’s wires to them and ensured that the power was flowing. It was! After that, I was more confident, knowing that no matter what I did from this point on, at least I could just twist the plug’s wires to the soldered Viewmaster wires to get it to work.

But I needn’t have worried. I soldered on the detector, drilled a hold in the bottom of the projector, screwed on the power jack, and soldered the wires to the inside of the jack.

Here are the guts of the projector. I cut the red and black (barely visible at left) wires and soldered longer pieces of wire onto them, then wove them through the battery holder (you can see the red wire at bottom right coming through the holder).

Here I’ve reinstalled the battery pack, and soldered the wires to a power jack. As mentioned above, I drilled a hole in the battery pack cover and screwed this jack onto the cover.

Here, I’ve screwed the cover back onto the projector. You can see the power jack right in the center there. The bottom half of the picture shows the detector plug, which I soldered to the two wires coming out of the phone plug.

The (former) cell phone plug is now plugged in. The projector is on – completely sans batteries! As proof, notice the square of light against the floor board.

This evening, my son and I watched three Viewmaster reels – a set of Godzilla reels (his choice). Full power! Bright, clear images! Success all around!

Friday, 06 April 2012

FIRST:

Yesterday, Jennifer, her Dad, and I went to the Guthrie Theater to see a performance of The Birds. It was an unusual play; not what I expected. I knew the play was based on du Maurier’s short story (like Hitchcock’s The Birds), so I knew it wouldn’t follow the film. Not having read the short story (I plan to remedy that soon), I can’t say which one more closely resembles the original source.I will say this though: the play could’ve been taken as a sequel to Hitchcock’s film. While the 1963 classic depicts the origins events: the gathering of the birds, the hunkering down to protect from them, the play depicted everything after that point: Okay, the birds are here, we know their routine, we’ve boarded up the house. Now what?

Anyway, fun play, good drinks, awesome venue. All in all, glad I did it. Now I want to see this.

SECOND:

This afternoon, I was working in the yard, trying to get some decorative bricks situated just right. I was out in front of the garage, with my back to the sidewalk. I heard some people walking by. No big deal. That sort of thing happens on a sidewalk. Then I noticed more and more and MORE people walking by. A big group – maybe about a hundred people – were all walking down the sidewalk. I looked over my shoulder a couple times and figured, judging from the two or three men in dresses, and the fact that we only live a couple of blocks from a big ass Catholic church, that these were church-goers. Why they all decided to take a walk through the neighborhood on a Friday afternoon…I wasn’t sure. Probably had something to do with it being Good Friday.

I continued working on the landscaping project after the crowd passed by. About five more minutes of quietness elapsed. Then I heard a woman and a man behind me. The man had his collar on backwards, and the woman was holding a camera. Trying to get my attention, they said excuse me. The following conversation transpired.

WOMAN: Can we take your picture?

MAN: Yes, we couldn’t help but notice your shirt. Can we take a picture of you?

ME: What for?

MAN: We just think it’s ironic that you’re wearing that shirt today.

ME (looking down and realizing I’m wearing a t-shirt that says “Minnesota Atheists” on it): I’m not sure what’s ironic.

WOMAN: Well we just wanted your permission to take a picture.

ME: Well, what would be the purpose of the picture?

WOMAN: Oh, not to make fun of you! No, we just thought it was, um, interesting that you choose that shirt today. I know a few atheists, and they are some of the kindest people I know.

ME: Yeah, I know a few atheists like that, too.

MAN: Today is Good Friday.

WOMAN: This is Pastor Brown.

ME (nodding at the Pastor): Hello.

MAN: Yes, today is the day God died for us.

WOMAN: That’s why we’re out walking today.

ME: Yeah, I know it’s Good Friday.

MAN: So we just think it’s paradoxical that you wore that shirt.

ME: Oh, I didn’t pick out this shirt for any reason. I have, like, 20 t-shirts, and this just happened to be the one on the top of my drawer this morning when I was getting dressed.

MAN: Oh. Well it’s still an interesting paradox, and that’s why we wanted the picture.

ME (still not clear what the picture was intended for): I just…I mean, I just don’t get what the paradox is?

MAN: Just the whole idea of God or no God, and Jesus. And how it’s a special weekend. You know?

ME: Well, I guess I decline having my photo taken.

MAN: Okay, no problem. We just thought we’d ask.

WOMAN: Yes, thank you for your time. Nice to talk with you.

ME: Yes, nice to meet you.

WOMAN (looking at Isla playing on the slide): Oh, he’s such a little cutie.

Then they walked away.

Okay…I have some questions.

1) Are all religious people this inept when discussing their religion around a non-believer? I mean, I know Witnesses are that way, but I thought they were just uncomfortable around me because they’re worried Jehovah will murder them for talking to me.

2) Why so evasive? I had to repeatedly ask what the photo was for, and the only information I received was what the photo would not be used for. Yes, I’m sure the photo would not be used for many things, including the cover of People magazine’s 50 sexiest people issue. Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough, but I wanted to know the physical destination of the photo, not the emotional outcome. Would it be printed in a church bulletin? Would they post it on their website? Was the woman just going to keep the photo in her “Miscellany” or “Phantasmagoria” folder? Would the Pastor be using it to masturbate this evening?

3) What exactly was “ironic” or “paradoxical”? Yes, they were probably using those words fast and loose, like most people. But presuming they were simply trying to find tactful ways of saying “an odd juxtaposition,” what was so weird about it? I mean, I don’t celebrate Good Friday. I eat lunch during Ramadan, and I spent this year’s Memorial attending a play (see above). That’s what I do…because I’m not in those religions. Now, if I was Catholic and I showed up for a Good Friday Mass wearing a shirt that says “Hi, I’m an atheist,” then, yes, I agree, that would be odd. But I’m not Catholic. Despite what their mini-race for the Christ may have made them feel like, not everyone in the neighborhood is Catholic. I didn’t wake up this morning and think “Now how can I be ironic to all those Catholics!”

Anyway, I know some of this is sarcastic, but I sincerely found it odd. When I was a Witness, for example, I couldn’t imagine stopping at someone’s house and saying, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice the St. Francis statue in your yard. That’s a bit ironic, don’t you think? I mean, ’cause the Circuit Assembly starts tomorrow.”

Regardless, they were nice people. I think it was very courteous to actually take the time out to stop and ask my permission to photograph me rather than, say, burn me alive at the stake. Which is what they would’ve done 400 years ago.

Thursday, 05 April 2012

So, the other day, my father-in-law sent  me an email telling me that the Watchtower Society’s twin periodicals, The Watchtower and Awake! will be reduced from 32 pages to 16 pages. Not wanting to just accept this as gospel, I did a little research.

It’s kind of funny how the Watchtower Society is constantly looking at ways to cut costs. When I was a kid, they had three conventions a year totaling eight days – with food sold at each one. They’ve trimmed that down to six. days…and no food They used to nearly exclusively publish hardcover books, but now they publish nearly exclusively paperback. They used to come out with 24 issues of the Watchtower and 24 issues of Awake! every year. Now Awake! is monthly, and every other Watchtower is a “members-only” edition, which surely cuts down on the number of copies requiring printing.

I realize the economic situation for many businesses is such that it’s prudent to cut costs, and I applaud “green” endeavors corporations make (for whatever reasons). Still, since the Watchtower Society is the one corporation that’s has Jehovah as the CEO…and since the (human) directors believe their actions fulfill bible prophecy…it’s hard to see how all of these cut-back satisfy Isaiah 60:22: “The small one will become a thousand and the little one a mighty nation” (or something like that – many scriptures are getting fuzzy in my brain).

Anyway – it’s true. Beginning in 2013 (if Armageddon hasn’t arrived yet), the public version of The Watchtower and all issues of Awake! will be 16 pages only. This is great news for my (ex-)friends: since most of them were such lousy Witnesses they never read the magazines anyway, they will soon have only half as much to ignore. Congrats, to them.

Here’s the letter verifying my father-in-law’s rumor. But…shhhh…the JWs aren’t supposed to know until Sunday.

And here’s page two, which, I assure you, won’t do anything to raise your intelligence. I’m just including it in the interest of full disclosure: