Verbisaurus Blogicus

I have a list of things I want to do in my life. I’ve kept the list, in one form or another, for over twenty years. Some are really big things, like getting a Bachelor’s Degree. Some are really small things, like touring the Alexander Ramsey House. Occasionally, I add to the list. On rare occasions, I remove things from it. And sometimes – every once in a great while – I get to move an item from the list of things I want to do, to the list of things I’m glad I’ve done.

Today, I moved two things from the former list to the latter list. More significantly, I completed the two goals at the exact same time.

But in order to explain how I did that, I first have to give you some background…

Way back in 1990, Walt Disney Studios released their film Fantasia on big screen once again. It was the 50th anniversary of their beloved flick, and though the movie had been brought back to theaters several times in that half century, they billed this run as “In Theaters for the Last Time!”
I was a big fan of early Disney films (Snow White, Bambi, Dumbo, Pinocchio), yet Fantasia was the one Disney film from that early era that I had never seen. I decided I would just have to see it in theaters! This was a film, more than any other Disney film, that had to be seen on the big screen. I asked my Dad – an avowed movie buff – if he would take me to see it, but he didn’t have much interest. About a month later, I was talking to two of my cousins who had recently spent the weekend at our grandparents’ home. They told me that Grandma had taken them to see Fantasia. What! Why didn’t I get invited! “We didn’t think you’d want to see it,” they said, explaining that it’s not really a movie that boys usually care about.

A few weeks passed, and while out in the door-to-door work with a friend from my congregation, I whined to him that I hadn’t yet had a chance to see Fantasia. He – being old enough to have a driver’s license – offered to take me to the theater that evening. And he did. The problem is…Fantasia had just left the theater the day before.

In the years that passed, I never saw the film, even though it’s probably just a Netflix click away. To my list of Things I Want To Do, I added “See Fantasia in Big Screen.”

Fast-forward to 1998. Early in that year, the American Film Institute announced it would be coming out with their list of the 100 Greatest American Films. This intrigued me, as I had spent my teens watching loads of films, and I was curious as to how many of these I had seen. I was also recently married, and Jennifer and I were in the process of watching all the movies that had scored the Oscar for Best Picture. Getting near the completion of that set of films, I was eager to find another “best of” list to tackle.

When the list was finally announced on TV in June of that year, Jennifer and I watched the entire telecast. I wrote down each film as it was announced. They went in reverse order – starting with Yankee Doodle Dandy at #100 and proceeding,

Have you seen Yankee Doodle Dandy? It’s a pretty good flick.

over the course of two hours and way too many commercials – to Citizen Kane at #1. At that time, I had seen just over 60% of the films on the list. Of course, I had seen the big blockbusters, like Jaws (#48) and Star Wars (#15). I had also seen most of the Best Picture winners, such as All Quiet on the Western Front (#54) and Annie Hall (#31). And I had seen a decent amount of the old classics, such as King Kong (#43) and Modern Times (#81).

Have you seen Citizen Kane? It’s a really good flick.

I didn’t pay much attention to the list after that. I didn’t have to. I knew I would eventually see all the films on the list. And, indeed, I nearly did. As Jennifer and I watched the rest of the Best Picture winners, and as more films became easily available to view online, I slowly chipped away at the list without even really thinking about it. For instance, about two years ago, a coworker was talking with me about Easy Rider (#88), and I confessed I’d never seen it. The next day, he brought his DVD copy into work, and I watched it that evening.

Have you seen Star Wars? You haven’t? What! For god’s sake, get off this blog right now and go watch it so you can join the rest of us here in civilization.

Of course, I didn’t see all the films on the list, because Fantasia was on the list at #58, and I couldn’t just go and rent it, could I?

A few years ago, Jennifer and I went to the St. Anthony Main theater to see Religulous. The theater heavily promoted the Minneapolis Film Society (MFS). I took their brochure. Noticing that they frequently bring old classics back to the big screen, I signed up for their emails. Every time an email from them came in my inbox, I scrolled through it, looking to see if they were showing anything of interest. Of course, finding Fantasia on their calendar was a futile endeavor, as Disney had already said they would never release it on the Big Screen ever again. Still…Disney is nothing if not money hungry, and surely at some point they would deem it financially beneficial to re-release their classic.

Last month, I was going through my emails, unsubscribing to all the companies and organizations that send me emails every day. When I go to the latest MFS email, I scrolled down looking for the “unsubscribe” button. But then I saw it…Fantasia was coming to the St. Anthony Main theater for three showings in celebration of its 75th anniversary! Had it really been a quarter-century since its 50th anniversary release? Indeed, it had. I selected the Saturday showing and snatched up two tickets for the November 14th showing.

A few days later, I thought to myself, “Hey, I wonder how many of the AFI’s Top 100 films I’ve seen?” I mean, I knew I hadn’t seen Fantasia, but how many others were missing?

The answer: one.

Besides Fantasia, the only other flick on the list I hadn’t seen was the one at #92: A Place in the Sun.

Despite the presence of Elizabeth Taylor, this was an unexpectedly enjoyable flick.

I quickly reserved it from the library. By Wednesday, November 4th, I had watched it and, with that, I’d seen 99% of the films on AFI’s list. I remained 1% of the way from the finish line for the next ten days.Today, with pop-corn, candy, a soft drink, and my daughter, we saw Fantasia in big screen. And I’ve now seen all of AFI’s Top 100 films.

Have you seen Fantasia? I have.

Last month, we got a new cat. She’s six months old, and she was born at my sister-in-law’s house. We took her in mostly because we had mice this past summer, and Jennifer pointed out that this was our first summer in quite some time that we didn’t own a cat. So…I guess we gotta have a cat.

Like most kittens, she likes to play. So I went to the pet store to buy a couple of those toys-on-a-stick. Jennifer said to make sure I got one without feathers, but it turns out they’ve all got feathers on them. And they’re expensive: the cheapest one at this particular store was over $11.

So, instead, I purchased two cat toys that were not on strings.

These guys were just over $4 each. After tax, I spend right around $9 for the two of them.

As an aside, notice the small print:

That’s right: “it is recommended that pets be supervised when playing with toys.” Yeah, that’s no gonna happen. Also, notice these were made in Portland, Oregon? I was just in Portland! I should have picked them up there; they probably would’ve been cheaper.

Then I walked over to the hardware store, and purchased two long dowels (for 88 cents):

and a short segment of Tygon tubing (for 29 cents):

…which I then took home and cut into two two-inch segments:

Then I grabbed my roll of fishing line:

And tied a length of the line to each of the Tygon segments:

Then I grabbed the cat toys and noticed they each had tags on them.

Since tags are evil, I removed them using that tool from Home Ec class:

Then I attached the other ends of the fishing line to the toys. For the octopus-looking thing, I tied the fishing line in a knot around its body. For the mouse-looking thing, I threaded the line through its body.

Then I slid the Tygon segments over the two dowels, respectively. The ends of the dowels had daubs of super glue to help keep the Tygon in place.

Cat toys are done! Two for $11! And no feathers!

Juvenile human plays with juvenile feline to much success:

Later today, I will take an airplane trip. This trip will (ideally) consist of leaving Portland, Oregon and arriving in the Twin Cities.

It’s the 43rd – 43rd! – airplane trip of my life.

And here’s the real kicker: I don’t even like flying. I used to be quite terrified of it, and the only way I could get through a couple of flights (such as my 1995 trip home from Germany and my 2001 trip home from Nova Scotia) was by drinking heavily.

It would be a stretch to say I have aviophobia anymore, but I still really detest the activity. In my defense, I haven’t instigated the majority of my flights, and I haven’t paid for many of them, so it’s not like I’m inflicting this unpleasantness on myself. Usually.

This is what I imagine is taking place in the cockpit of every flight I’ve ever been on.

Nevertheless, in celebration of my 43rd trip into the upper troposphere, I thought I’d do what I do best: Provide excruciatingly detailed trivia about my history of flying…

*My first flight was at the wee age of 7 weeks old. I flew with my parents to New York.

*I’ve flown to 17 different destinations. This includes layovers and return trips.

*The place I’ve flown to most often is, obviously, the Twin Cities. Excluding home base, my most common destination has been Orlando, Florida, which I’ve flown to four times.

*The biggest gap between flights was 8 years and 7 months (I had flown home from New York at the age of 3½, and didn’t fly again until I was 12).

*The smallest gap between flights has been mere minutes (when catching a connecting flight). Excluding those, the smallest gap was 2 days, when I returned home from Texas after being there a mere 48 hours. Excluding return trips, the smallest gap was earlier this year: I flew home from Salt Lake City in April, and was back on an airplane on my way to Massachusetts just over two months later, in June.

*I’d never been on more than 4 airplane flights in a single year…until now. I’ve already been on 6 flights this year, and in a few hours, I’ll be on my 7th.

*The most frequent month of the year for plane trips has been June, with ten separate plane trips. I’ve never been on an airplane in February or July.

*The biggest group I’ve ever flown with was that trip in April, when about 40 faculty and students from Hamline University all boarded a flight together.

*The smallest group I’ve ever flown with is one: Just me. I’ve been all by myself on 18 airplane trips.

*My most frequent traveling companion is Jennifer: We’ve been on 14 plane rides together. Fifteen as of tonight.

*Despite being my youngest child, Emmett has accompanied me on more airplane trips than any of my other kids. We’ve been together 3 times, and that number is bumping up to 4 by day’s end. Owen has been with me on two plane rides and Isla, one.

*The longest plane ride I’ve been on was over 6 hours, returning from Frankfurt, Germany and landing in Detroit. The shortest ride was about 40 minutes from Dallas to Amarillo.

*I took one plane ride on my birthday: The day I turned 24, I flew to Dallas. Since I was born at 11:03 at night, I was still 23 during the plane right, though. (This was not the same trip when I went to Amarillo.)

*As noted above, I haven’t paid for most of my plane tickets. In fact, I’ve only paid for 8 of them – less than 20 percent. Well, I suppose I technically paid for 12 of them, because I did pay for my trips to and from Germany (which included layovers in Detroit). However, my Dad used his frequent flyer miles for me, which meant I merely paid the tax ($20), so as far as I’m concerned, he “paid” for the majority of the cost of those tickets. And really, I’ve paid for several of Jennifer’s flights, too (including the one later today), so I’ve paid for a lot more than 8 tickets, even though they weren’t always mine. My children – who have collectively been on 7 flights (soon-to-be 8) – have always flown free.

*The remaining 31 airplane tickets have been paid for by my employer, my university, my parents, my grandparents, the American Board of Opticianry, and Oprah Winfrey.

When I was in 8th grade, my science class focused on the life and environmental sciences. The teacher offered one opportunity for extra credit: she had packets of projects we could do at home and, once completed, we could bring in the project and (ideally) receive some extra credit points.

Thumbing through the packet, I found simple plans for a bird house. Of course, being only 13 years old, I needed some assistance. So, one spring weekend in 1989, my father and I worked in our little shed building a birdhouse.

After accruing the coveted extra credit, my dad affixed the bird house to a post, and stuck the post in our front yard, just a few feet from my bedroom window. Within a few weeks, chickadees built a nest in it. I loved watching them from my window that summer! For a few days, I even kept my blinds closed so as not to scare off the birds who hadn’t yet put down roots.

Then, that winter, we moved. A few days before we were all packed up, I asked my dad if we could take the birdhouse. Of course, he was busy with a thousand other things regarding the move, but he complied. Actually, it was tougher than you might think, because he couldn’t just pull the post out of the frozen ground. He had to saw it off near ground level.

Then we moved in with my grandparents…then we moved into a townhouse…then I moved out of the house. First, I lived in a rented duplex. Then, I lived in an apartment, then another townhome. Finally, over 14 years after moving out of the home where my birdhouse had last been set up, I was living in a place with property. Jennifer and I moved in near the end of summer, so I didn’t bother with the birdhouse that year. That winter, though, I told my mom I wanted my birdhouse. At first, she didn’t know what I meant. I assured her there was a birdhouse, affixed to a six-foot long post, laying on the floor in the back of her garage. She was surprised to discover I was correct, and she brought the birdhouse to my house the next time she visited.

I sanded the birdhouse, buffing off the blue paint, and painted it yellow. I then inserted a new perch as the original one had broken.

That spring, sparrows came and nested in it. It was the first time in 16 years that it was in use.  And they came the next year, in 2006. And again in 2007.

But then Jennifer, Owen, and I moved out of that house. In March 2008, on the day we moved out, I called my mom (who was on her way to pick up Owen) and asked her to bring a long extension cord. She did and, just as my dad had done 18 years earlier, I plugged in my saw and trudged out into the snow and sawed off the post as low to the ground as I could.

Then we moved into an apartment, so I gave the birdhouse to my sister. She and her husband owned a house, and they set it up on the side of their driveway where birds frequently nested in it, even as recently as this summer.

But then my sister moved. I forgot about the birdhouse until the last minute and, unlike previous moves, this one was in the dead of summer instead of the heart of winter. The week before she moved, she told me there might be birds nesting in there. I was worried, because I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to disturb the birds, but I also didn’t want to lose the bird house. Thankfully, she called that same evening to say the birdhouse was empty.

I picked it up from her that weekend, and here’s what it looked like…

Notice that the years on my sister’s property (where it lived for 6 years), weathered away almost all of the yellow paint, even to the point of revealing the original blue paint. Notice, too, that the wood is splitting in several areas. And though it’s not very apparent in the photos, the perch is broken and the nails are all either missing or rusted.

So, for the rest of July, the birdhouse spent some time on my workbench. In between other, more pressing and larger projects, I spent a little bit of time showing the 26-year-old bird house some love.



Okay, so it’s not yet set up in my yard for birds to nest in (but that’s not terribly urgent in mid-August), but otherwise, it’s all set to go. I have, once again, replaced the perch with a secure, solid dowel. I removed every single nail and replaced them with stainless steel nails. I also replaced the two side screws that allow the front to be swung open (as you can see in the lowest picture). I sanded the wood to remove all old paint, then used wood putty to fill in the worst-worn sections. I used wood glue to firm up some of the split areas. Then I sanded again. Then I spray painted with the same blue color as our deck chairs – a color very similar to the original that my Dad and I used back in the spring of ’89. Finally, I applied a couple coats of polyurethane to keep the precipitation at bay.

Come on, little birds…there’ll be a nice nesting site for you this spring!