Friday, 24 September 2010

I gave up on a book today. But not because I thought it was a bad read. The subject matter was very intriguing, but the tales it told were too long and protracted, and I just felt like moving on to other things.

Way back in May, I put the book Merchants of Doubt on hold at the library. There were only a few copies, and several people were in front of me, so I didn’t get to check it out until earlier this week. It seemed right up my alley: the book discusses how the same handful of scientists have obscured the facts and confused the (Re)public(ans) about important topics like global warming and second-hand smoking. Pretty cool…but as I read the book, I began to feel like it was just telling me too much. In short, it’s 500 pages and I think the story could be told in 250.

So I plan to return the book to the library the next time I go. Some other library parton will be glad to get the book sooner than expected.

But by all means – please get the book and read it. Then just tell me the highlights.

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Kind of a weird day today. We did two things that we don’t normally do. First, we drove to Maple Grove and paid a visit to Edelweiss Baby. This is a really cool, really expensive store that was hosting a modeling contest for people under 24 months of age. The winner gets some fancy photo, money off a future photo shoot, a gift certificate to the store (which is about the only way we’d be able to afford anything there), and a savings bond (YES! College fund money!). Since one member of our family is under 24 months old, and is kind of cute, we figured we should go.

Isla performed adequately. She cooperated with the photographer, and she was awake, but not screaming. But she wasn’t wide awake, and whe was kind of holding her head in a funny check-out-my-double-chin short of way. So, we’ll see what happens there…

In the evening, we went to Minnehahahahahah Park in Minneapolis. We’re always looking for fun new places to explore on our walks, and Jennifer and I had driven past this park a few times on our way to the birthing class last summer. So, this evening, over dinner, we decided to drive there.

Getting there was easy, but parking was hard. Did I mention it’s in Minneapolis? So, I wasn’t sure where to park. A few parking lots were totally full, some were for “members only” and others required payment. Did I mention it’s in Minneapolis?

Anyway, we found a decent spot to park (albeit for 75 cents an hour), and we went exploring. I had visited Minnehahahah Falls one other time – when I was 18 years old. On a whim, my parents decided that we were going, as a family, to explore this park. That was absolutely the last time the four people in my immediate family ever chose to do anything social together. So tonight I went again with my new and improved immediate family of four.

We had a good time, and I’d like to go again – earlier in the day so we have more daylight. If someone else would like to drive and drop us off there, that’d be great.

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Another weird day.

First, we tried going on a Happy Trails nature walk this afternoon at Carpenter Nature Center in Hastings. It was scheduled to begin at 1:00. We were going to leave our place at 12:30, but Isla’s ill-timed hunger meant we didn’t pull out of the parking lot until 12:42. Jennifer asked if we were going to ba late, but I pointed out that, several times before, we’d be on time for these nature walks, and then just end up waiting in the the visitors center while other people arrive late. “So we’ll be those late people this time,” I said.

Well…there was a detour on one road, and lots of construction. We parked at the nature center at 1:15. It then took a few minutes to get the moby wrap wrapped. We walked into the nature center and discovered the group had already left. We went outside to look for them (along with another woman with her son that had arrived late), but saw no sign of them. So I went back in and asked a staff member. She said she didn’t have anything to do with that group. I said, “Yeah, but do you know where they went?” I pointed out that the email said they’d be taking some stairs down to a ravine. The woman pulled out a map and proceeded to tell us more than we wanted to know about three sets of stairs. The other woman chose her set of stairs and took off. I had to wait for Jennifer to use the bathroom.

When she came out, we ran off towards the stairs, they led to a treaturous ravine. I started off through the ravine with Owen, but it was slow going because he didn’t have good traction, and Jennifer had Isla straped to her. I saw a goup in the distance, and hollared for them to wait for us, but they didn’t (it probably wasn’t our group). So we cut our losses and went back.

I know what you’re thinking: couldn’t we just go for a walk by ourselves, without a group? Well…kind of. BUt it’s a akin to meeting up with some friends at a restaurant, only to have your friends not show up. Sure, you could still eat there, but you’re disappointed, and now you don’t feel like it.

I swear, this sort of thing always happens to us, and this is why we are so anal about puntuality. To illustrate: I try to show up at theaters in plenty of time to find a seat and get settled. Whenever I do, there’s plenty of seating, and I end up sitting through a half hour of advertisements before the movie begins. Every once in a great while, however, unforeseen events transpire to cause us to arrive at, say, 2:10 for a 2:00 showing. We run in the door, buy tickets, and then get intot the theater to discover there’s no good seats left and the movie’s already started. 

“Why is the movie already playing?” I whine to Jeninfer.

“Well, the showtime was 2:00,” she says, trying to be reasonable. 

“Yeah, but there’s always a load of commercials,” I complain.

“They must not have played them this time,” she says.

“Dammit,” I say.

Anyway, after checking out some of the animals at the visitors center, we took off for some thirft stores. We made a stop at Wal-Mart, which marks my first time ever spending money at that shit hole. I didn’t even go in the store: I waited in the car with my kids, while my wife ran in. I’ve been inside a Wal-Mart on three occassions, but always becuase other people dragged me there, and I’ve never spent any money when I’ve been there. But, today, my wife spent ~$8.00.

I knew this day was coming. After all, we received a gift card for the store last week at the baby shower. So, when we approached a Mall-Wart on our drive this afternoon and Jennifer said we needed diapers, it seemed only reasonable to stop and let her go in and spend the gift card on some necessary item.

Ugh.

Anyway, I felt bad for Owen today. He was expecting to go for a fun nature exploring hike, and he ended up sitting in the parking lot of a crappy corporation. While waiting in the car, I asked him why he didn’t want to go for a walk after we gave up looking for our group. “It was different,” he said, and when I asked him to elaborate, he added: “I was afraid we would get lost without them.

Yep. Probably.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Last night, we finished watching Pete’s Dragon. I’d seen it before, and so had Jennifer, but we wanted to show it to Owen. We’ve rewatched a few films with him over the past month and a half. They’ve all held up pretty well: The Wizard of Oz, The Princess Bride, Babe, and Monsters, Inc. are all still awesome. The Muppet Movie and Popeye were both still decent.

Pete’s Dragon, however…not so much. We shut it off on Sunday since it was getting late and the movie didn’t seem to be headed towards an end any time soon. Last night, Jennifer didn’t even feel like watching the rest of it (I didn’t, either, but I wanted to watch it with Owen).

Anyway, when the movie finally finished up, I was just about to hit stop on the DVD player, when Jennifer called me into the other room to help with Isla. About two minutes later, I hear belly-laughing from Owen – he’s cracking up so much he can hardly talk. I went back into the living room to find that he’s so excited by what he’s watching that he’s actually gotten up from his chair and stood closer to the TV.

“Look Daddy! Look!” he kept cracking up. He even turned my head for me so as to make sure I was looking.

So, I guess the DVD has some extras on it and, normally, for such a mediocre film, I wouldn’t bother watching any extras, but since I left the DVD player on, it must’ve automatically started playing the extras. Specifically, a Donald Duck short film from the 1940s.

I don’t think Owen had ever heard Donald talk before, but every time he did, Owen laughed some more, and looked at me as if to say: “Can you believe this guy’s voice!”  When it was over, he even begged to watch it again and wanted to show his mama.

Today, I found it at YouTube. I think it was included on the Pete’s Dragon DVD because it also features a lighthouse. I think it’s safe to say that Owen felt this Donald Duck short was better than 2+ hours of Pete’s Dragon. It is:

Thursday, 23 September 2010

Today, for the second time in a row, it took me an hour to get home from work. This is just unacceptable. Traffic drives me insane, especially since I don’t like driving anyways.

Yesterday, I couldn’t figure out the source of the traffic, so I assume it was just incompetant drivers. I even took an early exit on my way home in an attempt to dodge the congestion, only to find an accident on the side street. Everyone always has to galk at those things, while I pride myself in not gawking at all – in fact, I’ve even honked at the car in front of me if that person is slowing down to galk.

Here’s a tip: don’t be the cause of other accidents by slowing down to rubberneck at existing accidents. Just keep it flowing smoothly, please. Yes, I know people are curious to see if the victims are someone they know, but if you feel that it might be someone you know, then either pull over and inspect from the safety of the shoulder, or just get home as quick as you can and call your friends to see if they’re okay.

Today, at least, the traffic was partially caused by the weather. Man, there was a lot of water on the road.

My plan is to leave work earlier tomorrow to get a headstart on most of these morons.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Today, the US Senate failed to repealthe militray’s “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policy.

Why did they fail? Well, it turns out they needed 60 votes to get rid of this policy, but they were four short. Surprisingly, every Republican voted against the bill, which has got to be the first time (in a long time, at least), that Republicans have stopped a defense appropriations bill.  See, every year, congress authorizes millitary spending for the next year but, oddly, Repulbicans suddenly didn’t feel like giving the armed forces $726 billion. That’s funny. I thought most Republicans supported the military. Oh well, I guess they figure it’s better to withhold $726 billion to the men and women serving in our military than to allow gays to serve openly.

Most disappointing is Senator John McCain. He claims that the Democrats were just slipping in the repeal of this policy to cater to their base. Oh man, that’s so terrible that elected officials were acting in the way they thought their constituents would want them to act. Shame on you, Democrats!

If you want to see an elected official who doesn’t care what the American thinks, check out McCain’s gentle slide into craziness:

In this interview, me thinks McCain doth protest too much.

How could you vote against this, McCain? I thought you were a level headed, fair-handed politician (at least, as far as politicians go). After all, you picked a female running mate during your bid for the presidency. And, back in 2004, you voted for a college dropout.

McCain, according to this article, said that it would be premature to vote to repeal the policy until the results of a study (studying the effects of ending the policy) is completed. Oh man, that’s so reasonable. Where was McCain back in the ’60s? You know, the 1860s…it sure would’ve been nice to have his logic around when congresswas thinking of ending slavery: “I don’t think we should end ownership of humans until a study regarding the effects of ending slavery is completed.” Makes perfect sense to me.

So then I got to thinking, what kind of rude, insensitive, homophobic people in the military could possibly want gays to keep quiet? Christians!

Yes, Christians.

I therefore propose a solution, in the interests of fairness: Congress should initiate a “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” policy regarding Christianity. Because, see, if you want to believe that someone you’ve never seen or heard is all-powerful, created humans 6,000 years ago, loves foreskins, produced a crazy book full of contradictions, absurdities and appalling acts of violence and that he then got a chick named Mary pregnant with his son who was already alive, and that that guy came back, zombie-style, and now heads up heaven and wants us all to worship him…that’s fine with me.

Just don’t tell me about it.

Saturday, 18 September 2010

Today was Isla’s baby shower.

According to the invitation, though, it was really a “welcome the babies party,” which must, in some way, differ slightly from a shower. The party was also for Isla’s cousin Asa. He was born eight days after Isla, so he still needed to be welcomed, too.

Invitees were told they didn’t have to bring gifts, and some people did not. But some people did bring gifts, especially people who hadn’t seen the babies before. A few awesome gifts: diapers! Cash! Gift cards!  

Soon after we arrived, my father-in-law informed me that there was beer in the basement fridge. He quickly followed this up by stating that it was Lenie’s. See, he usually has MGD in a can, so bottled Leinie’s was a nice treat. I came with two six-packs, too.

There was a bonfire in the evening and, man, kids LOVE bonfires. Owen just can’t stay away from them. I think it’s good that the kids had some safe entertainment in the evening. Don’t worry, a few guys – with Leinie’s in hand – were keeping close watch.

 Sunday, 19 September 2010

I seem to have four kinds of nights:

1 – It takes about an hour, but I eventually fall asleep, and then I sleep pretty decently.

2 – I’m so tired/drunk that I fall asleep right away, but then I wake up 3 or 4 hours later and find it impossible to fall asleep

3 – I’m worried/nervous about something, so I go in and out of light sleep, getting about 4 hours of sleep over the 8 hour night

4 – I just never fall asleep

Last night was night #2. I feel asleep so quickly that I don’t even recall spending any amount of time in bed conscious. Isla was laying on my chest and, about two hours later, Jennifer woke me up and said Isla was probably in a deep enough sleep by now and I could set her in her little bed-within-a-bed. So I did, and then I again immediately fell asleep. But then I woke up two hours after that – I was hot, my heart was pounding, and I was inexplicably worried about some unknown thing. I got up and used the bathroom, poured myself some water, sat down in the living room and worked on a video for a while. 45 minutes after waking up, I laid back down in bed.

Less than ten minutes went by before I heard crying. I almost couldn’t believe it – who was crying at a time like this? I sat up and listened, then I heard the crying again; it was Owen. Jennifer was so deep asleep that she wasn’t even stirring, so I got up and went into Owen’s room. I asked him what the problem was, and he said he’d been lying there for a long time and couldn’t get to sleep. So I laid down in bed with him. I was cold, so I got right under the blankets.

After about twenty minutes, I got up and left the room. This morning, Owen told me that he woke back up from the sound of me leaving his room, but that he fell back to sleep soon after.

Poor kid, he has the same sleep problems that I do.

 Monday, 20 September 2010

Tonight, I decided to go to sleep early. I offered to bring Isla with me to bed, so that Jennifer could spend some quality time with her best friend (her laptop). I carried Isla into the bedroom very gently. When I got into the bedroom, I noticed my pillow was in an odd place. (I’m not sure who moves my pillow during the course of the day, but it looks like the handiwork of a five year old.) Ever so carefully, I moved the pillow back into place with my deft toe skills. Then I real slowly sat down in bed, brought my legs up, turned, and laid down. Isla didn’t stir at all; she stayed right on my chest breathing deeply. I reached up to my nightstand, which is an awkward task when lying on one’s back, and grabbed my lip balm. Even while balancing a baby on my chest, I still managed to apply the lip balm. I then drew up the blanket and set it just right on both of us. A few moments later, I remembered that I hadn’t turned on my alarm clock, so I again reached up to the clock and, using thumb and index finger, turned on the clock. While doing that, one of my other fingers accidentally hit that stupid button that turns on the radio for 59 minutes. Suddenly the room was filled with loud, blaring music and I quickly tried to turn it off, but there’s no off button for that function. I tried to lower the volume, but instead I just tuned the radio to a bunch of noisy static. Of course, Isla woke up and she was up for most of the next hour.

I absolutely, positively, completely hate combination products. I don’t want a camera on my phone, a scanner in my printer, or a clock on my microwave. At some point during my lifetime, manufacturers came up with the lousy idea of shoving as many features into a product as possible. The outcome nearly always sucks. If I want to take a picture, I’ll use a quality camera. If I want to scan something into my computer, I’ll use a good scanner. And when I purchase an alarm clock, that’s all I want it to do: track the time until I need to wake up, then make a noise.

That “59 minutes of music if you push this” button has been on nearly every alarm clock I’ve ever owned and, like car alarms, it’s never served any purpose. It’s just something that annoys me every once in a while and that I continually wish didn’t exist. And here’s the real kicker: I only ever accidentally push that button when I’m trying to be quiet. Because, see, if Jennifer and I are going to bed at the same time, or if I’m going to bed by myself, then I can have the light on and I can be as loud as I want in getting ready for bed. But when I try to quietly sneak into bed after Jennifer’s gone to sleep, or when I’m holding a slumbering baby, then – only then – I can not see what I’m doing…and I hit that stupid button.

Soon, possibly tomorrow evening, I’m gonna try to deactivate that option on my alarm clock. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thursday, 16 September 2010

I’m reading the book Human. It’s edited by Robert Winston and Don Wilson. It’s one of those Dorling Kindersley books that, instead of containing the usual linear text, has lots of pictures with captions that all relate to one another via a larger-font paragraph in the top left of each page. This book tries to bring in the whole of the human experience: Its 500+ pages spend some time discussing the origins of humans, all the major body systems, organs, and senses of the human body, and all the cultures around the world.

The chapter I’m in right now is called “Life Cycle.” This chapter goes through many of the traditions and rituals that humans experience during their lifetimes, as well as the changes their bodies go through. Early in the chapter, the book details various birth rituals. Since there’s a newborn in our home, I’ve been particularly interested in this section. Specifically, I’ve been trying to see if any of the birth rituals aren’t totally insane.

Here’s what the Wodaabe people of West Africa do: “First a goat is sacrificed in honor of the new life. Then the heads of the baby and mother are shaved, an act that is believed to strengthen the bond between them…In the evening of the ceremony, the baby is named by a village elder. Once the baby is named, the parents are not allowed to speak his or her name in case evil spirits hear it.”

Here’s another dozy: “A Muslim baby is often introduce to the religion within hours of being born. An elder of the Muslim community whispers the azaan, the call to prayer, into the child’s right ear and the Islamic creed into the left. This is done to ensure that the very first thing a newborn childe hears is the name of God. Often, the elder places a small piece of chewed date into the child’s mouth.”

Or how about this one: In the Hindu Chudakarana ceremony, the baby’s head is shaved. “After the hair is shaved off, it is mixed with cow dung and burned or thrown into a river.”

And from Russia: “It is a traditional Russian belief that the body should be immersed regularly in very cold water….Babies as young as a few months old are dipped into icy waters by their parents.” There’s an accompanying picture showing a Dad holding his baby, full submerged, in cold water.

From the crazy department: “The baby is laid on a cushion and held by a sponsor who has been chosen by his parents while the mohel cuts the foreskin with a double-edged knife. An empty seat is left next to the sponsor to allow room for the prophet Elijah….The baby is given a drop of wine.”  You can see why they’re god’s chosen people: only people who can delude themselves into thinking child-abuse is a fitting way to welcome a baby into the world could also delude themselves into thinking Moses’ ramblings have any real-life relevance.

Some, honestly, aren’t so bad: “In Nepal, a baby is marked with black soot in the center of the forehead as a protective sign to ward off evil.” Okay…so at least the baby isn’t harmed, but it’s a ritual based on a couple of false premises.

But the award for only-not-totally-stupid ritual goes to the folks of Northern Uganda: “Soon after birth and before being put to the mother’s breast, a drop of home-brewed millet or banana beer is placed in the baby’s mouth. Beer drinking is a communal event ….and is seen as a symbol of community life. The act of giving a child beer as its first drink reinforces the importance of the community to the child and the fact that the child is part of a wider group of people than its family alone. Whenever people are thought to be acting selfishly later in life, elders will remind them…’beer before milk,’ which means ‘remember others before yourself.’”

Not bad…but I think we’ll stick with passing out chocolate cigars.

Friday, 17 September 2010

Jennifer and I are trying to institute a don’t-go-out-to-eat policy lately. We like going out to eat but, let’s face it, it really eats into the budget. I didn’t think we were going to go out to eat that much in the first few weeks after Isla was born, but even then we still did. We ate a Ruby Tuesday one afternoon (as previously discussed) one day. Another day, we breakfasted at Mickey’s. We feasted at Brine’s during a daytrip to Stillwater. On our anniversary, we ate at Olive Garden. One day, while with Owen on a playdate with his former preschoolmates, we bought some sandwiches as Cups ‘n’ Scoops.

Today I had lunch from Jimmy John’s. Hey, at least I didn’t pay for it: it was free with my attendance at a webinar at work during the noon hour. I think I was the only person to order the 7-grain bread. I’m not sure if I think the 7-grain option is a better tasting bread than their standard bread, but it agrees with my digestive tract a lot more.

It’s funny how you can decide not to go out to eat, yet still get restaurant food so often: my mom took us out to eat for our anniversary, and some friends that stopped by to see Isla couple of weeks ago gave us a gift card to Jimmy John’s. During last week’s picnic with my group at work, I was treated to Holy Land.

I think, instead of just making it our goal to not eat out, we should make it our goal to eat out as often as possible without having to pay for it.