Saturday, 20 November 2010

Today, while we were all doing our own things at home, my son decided to pull the book Great Disasters off the shelf. I like that he feels comfortable just walking up to a shelf of non-kids’ books and pulling out whatever he thinks might be fun to look at.

But I’m not sure Great Disasters fits his idea of “fun.” He kept turning the pages getting more and more worked up. On some pages, there weren’t any pictures to upset him, but on others, he saw huge tsunamis, fires, and volcanoes. I thought he was doing alright when he was just counting the volcanoes in one picture, but then he turned the page to see the Titanic, half sunk, sticking vertically out of the water. “Oh no,” he said, genuinely distressed, “did these people all die?” Then he got to page 232, which detailed the train derailment in New Zealand back in 1953, in which 151 people died. The two-page article shows a painting of the train disaster. It’s probably one of the most graphic in the book. Train cars are falling off a bridge, the engine has succumbed to the waves, and the bridge is falling apart, putting the other cars in peril. Owen started crying.

Jennifer hugged him and told him not to look at the book. I closed it and told him that he shouldn’t torture himself like that. The cover of the book showed the Empire State Building back in 1945, right as a plane slammed into the side of it. I had to assure Owen that the building was okay and that not everyone involved died.

The book is on a higher shelf now, out of the reach of five year olds.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Definitely one of the most influential books in my life has been Tom Flynn’s The Trouble With Christmas. I’m excited to say that, today, I met Mr. Flynn. Not only that, but I attended a presentation he delivered at the Ridgedale Library.

Flynn’s presentation, like his book, starts off by asserting that Xmas is almost entirely pernicious. He explains why it’s not even a Christian celebration, why it’s arrogant to assume that all Americans want to join in on this 6-week long holiday, how it’s stupid to tell everyone to get together with their families during the worst travel time of the year, how it promotes greed, insane consumerism and environmentally destructive practices, and how Santa is a damaging practice passed down by parents who lie to their children.

Flynn noted that the top three heart attack ‘death dates’ in the US and Canada are New Year’s Day, Xmas Day, and Boxing Day. He said he’s been Yule-free since 1984. He had some humor, too, noting that “O Little Town of Bethlehem” has the same metric structure as “House of the Rising Sun” (meaning you can sing the lyrics interchangeably), and he provided a recording of such a mash up as proof. He also noted that his book makes a great holiday gift.

Getting more serious, he asserted that if Jesus is not your savior, then Xmas is not your holiday. He said a non-believer who celebrates Xmas is the ultimate contradiction in terms: they don’t believe in God, yet they celebrate his son’s birthday. In a sense, then, they’ve thrown out the babe but kept the bathwater. He further claimed that Christians should be visible not celebrating Xmas. He argued that we aren’t at the mercy of the elements anymore (really?) and so it was juvenile to celebrate the return of the sun. He pointed out that many cultures, Buddhists, Taoists, and people in tropical lands, do not celebrate Xmas (yes…but that’s not my culture).

Flynn offered up 6 reasons why the Santa myth is a terrible, terrible tradition (the reasons had significant overlap), all of which I agreed with. He concluded by saying: “Let’s all just say no to Santa Claus.”

Say no to Santa? Sure. Christmas? Not so sure…

During an extended Q-and-A session, audience members asked how he felt about solstice and freethought celebrations. Others asked what he thought of the so-called ‘war on Christmas,’ and others wanted clarification on some of the historical anecdotes he provided.

You know, in the past couple of years, I’ve met some of the authors of some of my favorite books, and it’s been a real treat getting to meet them. But Flynn represents the first author wherein I both enjoyed his book and disagreed with (parts of) it. Back in the spring, when I met Leowen, I felt stupid afterward because I didn’t have anything interesting to say to him besides ‘hey, will you sign my book?’  So this time, I decided to offer a comment and a question that would catch his attention. To my delight, he called on me. Here’s what I said:

“Mr. Flynn, I have both a comment and a question. And the comment is one that you might not like to hear, but I think I might be unique among your readers in that I never celebrated Christmas in my entire life, then I read your book, and I’ve celebrated it ever since. And my question is this: So you say that if I do celebrate Christmas, then I’m a hypocrite. But if I don’t celebrate Christmas, then my family would just think of me as a hateful asshole. [Yep, I swore. God, I love swearing. Fuck!] And since that’s what a lot of people probably think non-believers are anyways, then what’s the harm in just spending the day with my relatives, not saying the prayer with them, not saying ‘happy birthday baby Jesus,’ but still sitting by a tree, swapping presents, having a great meal and being with people I care about?”

Before Flynn could answer, the woman sitting in front of me turned around and said, ‘that’s a great question!’ Meanwhile, the woman sitting next to me nodded in my direction and said, “I was thinking the same thing.” Flynn began his response by saying that, admittedly, everyone’s situation is different, and then he said…oh, wait, we’ll never know, because other people started blurting out similar responses affirming what I said and some guy in the second row decided he had a question that needed to trump mine RIGHT NOW! I really hate that. I wanted to hear what Flynn had to say, not some guy sitting in the audience.

As far as what Flynn did say, he’s right: everyone’s circumstances are different. For one thing, Flynn goes to work on Xmas day. This is not an option for most people (retail, postal, etc…). For another thing, I spent thirty years sticking out like an idiot trying to give a ‘good Witness’ to people by not accepting their holiday invitations, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna do that now – now that I know god is fake.

Anyway, I went up to Tom Flynn afterward and asked him to sign my book. I showed him something I had taped on the inside cover; it was a portion of an Awake! article that quoted his book. I told him that it was because of that quote that I bought his book. And he said that the Watchtower’s use of his quote (which he noted was quote-mined – big surprise!) caused his book to go into a second printing. He wondered aloud why a simple quote would cause so many people to buy his book. I said, “I think I can answer that for you,” and I told him that the Watchtower frowns on its members reading non-JW books. “Most JWs libraries consist only of Watchtower books, and maybe a cook book and a dictionary.” I then told him that seeing his book quoted likely made many JWs think, “Hey look – a worldly person knows Xmas is a sin! And since the Watchtower writers read his book, then it must be okay to read it.” The rest is history. He said he always wondered if the Watchtower’s duplicitous use of his quote ultimately caused people to see the light, and I said his book had a share in my decision to leave. He shook my hand and said that even though I’ve gone from not celebrating Xmas to celebrating it, that he was proud of me for leaving the Witnesses. “I think we can consider that a net gain for the human race,” he said in his Santa-like voice.

He signed: “To James – Have a Happy Humbug! Tom Flynn.”

No you may not borrow my copy.

Friday, 19 November 2010

As of this evening, my son has now seen all three Star Wars movies. We watched the first one about two weeks ago, then we watched The Empire Strikes Back last weekend. Tonight, we watched Return of the Jedi. We watched the originals only – and I mean THE originals; I actually ordered the bonus disks from Netflix that have the original theatrical releases. I didn’t want my son’s first exposure to the Star Wars Universe to be muddied up with Greedo shooting first (or maybe this link is better), an embarrassing musical number at Jabba’s place, or an inexplicable cameo by Hayden Christensen.

I wasn’t sure Owen was ready for them. I mean, he likes space, space ships, and robots…so in that way Star Wars seems a perfect fit. But they’re also quite violent. I wasn’t sure if I should be showing a five year old scenes of people getting their arms cut off (man, that happens ALL THE TIME in Star Wars), or Jabba getting strangled by a chain, or Mark Hamill trying to act. I mean, that might just be too much for a kid.

But, I guess I figured he was going to see them eventually, especially since he’s such a fan of R2-D2 and C-3PO, and I even wear t-shirts with Star Wars iconography on them. So I think it’s better that I be there to watch them with him than that he just watch them at a friend’s house one day. I mean, if I wasn’t sitting there, who would be there to explain to Owen that it’s okay to be entertained by violence – when it’s in movies like this, we call it “fun,” and if we see it on the nightly news, we call it “staying informed.”

Turns out, it was good that I was there to answer questions. Owen pretty much talked throughout that entire three films, and he keeps asking questions about them (probably because he missed so much while talking during the viewing). His questions ranged from: “Where’s Luke right now?” (He’s with Yoday, remember?) to “If this new Death Star is more powerful than the original one, then why do they only blow up ships with this one and not whole planets?” (Um, I don’t know) to “Which Star Wars movie do you like best?” (The Empire Strikes Back) and, of course, “Why?” (I don’t know, I think because all the main characters spend some time inside an animal)

Actually, even though he talked the whole time, he still noticed some very minute details. When, before we started Return of the Jedi this evening, he asked me if the four-legged robots would appear in this one, I said no. But then, Owen managed to spot one in a quick shot of Endor as Vader’s ship comes to land. I had no idea.

For my part, I enjoyed watching them with him. They’re fun movies, and it was fun to read to him lines like “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away,” when I knew it was the first time he’d heard them. I’ve read rumors that the trilogy will be brought to iMax sometime soon. If so, I’ll have to bring Owen. I’m just gonna hope it’s not the uprevved version.

Next up…I think I’m gonna show him Jurassic Park. There’s a scene where a lawyer get’s eaten by a t-rex, so that will give me a chance to explain to Owen that that is violence Daddy approves of.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

First, remember that I posted some new videos about the Watchtower Society’s latest brochure? If not, CLICK HERE. A couple of days after I posted those video, I received an email from a woman who wanted me to “tell my story” so she could put it on the Jehovah’s Witness Blog. I wrote back and said I’ve already told my stories in various other outlets and I gave her a link to one of them. But then she asked if she could use one of those. So I said, “sure,” and I proceeded to half-assedly mash a couple of my autobiographical articles together. She liked what I sent her, and now it’s posted on the home page to the JW Blog (click that link, above).

Second, want to take part in a prayer survey? If so, CLICK HERE.

Third, I received an email in my Hamline account. This account has been practically dormant for several months now, but last Friday, a man named James Scott wrote:

Dear Student,
We are looking for college students for our online market research program.
This is a part-time job position which offers a competitive pay, and allows you to set your own schedule. You will be asked to provide your opinions and feedback on a variety of topics including the quality, packaging, style, usability, and overall appeal of a number of different types of products and services. This in turn will benefit the companies that create or manufacture these items. The program is web-based and can be done from anywhere and at anytime.
If you are interested, please email me back soon, as positions are limited.
Sincerely,
James Scott

So I wrote:

Mr. Scott:
I’d be interested in learning more. If this is a strictly online job, I would probably have plenty of time to do this. However, if I have to invest any money up front, then this is a scam, in which case I do not wish to receive any response at all.

Thanks.
-James

“Woe, woe, woe!” you say. “That’s a pretty confrontational response for someone who claims to dislike arguing.” Yes, yes, very true. But see, this guy has emailed me twice before, and I had checked into his offer. Basically, you have to pay thirty bucks to register, and then (the site claims) you will start making money as you take online surveys. But I’m already signed up with other online survey-taking sites, that I DO get paid for and for which I did NOT have to pay anything up front. Second, why the upfront fee? If I’m gonna make the money back anyway, then why don’t they just set it up so that you don’t get paid for your first two or three surveys? Third, I can’t think of anytime I had to put money down first before making money, unless there was a good chance I wouldn’t make the money back (such as at casinos). So…I say it’s a scam. Mr. Scott is free to correct me.

Anyway, he wrote back:

Hi,

Thank you very much for your interest.

For more information please go to our website: http://www.UniversitySurvey.org

If you have any additional questions please fill in the form on our website or email me at j.scott@UniversitySurvey.org.

I look forward to doing business with you.

Best regards,

James Scott

So, today, I wrote:

Mr. Scott:

In my initial response to your email, I said “if I have to invest any money up front, then this is a scam, in which case I do not wish to receive any response at all.” The link to UniversitySurvey.org that you provided clearly shows that there is a membership fee, meaning I have to invest money up front. Though I appreciate your ability to construct emails in coherent English (something I can’t say for most of the spam I receive), your reading comprehension evidently leaves something to be desired. Thanks for deliberately violating my request.

-James

So he wrote:

[nothing]

Thursday, 18 November 2010

I found a quarter on the floor at work today. I stopped to pick it up. I was walking down the hall with a co-worker, and he said: “Ah, but would you pick it up if had been a penny?”

My quick answer was yes, a decision I made a long time ago. Specifically, it was in the 1990s, when I read the book The Straight Dope. Here’s what that book had to say on the topic: Is it worth it to pick up a penny?

The Straight Dope argues that, since we can pick up pennies at a rate faster than we can earn minimum wage, then it is worth it to pick up pennies. Sounded good to me…for about a day. But then I remembered: I was making more than minimum wage…so would it still be worth it for me? And then I also realized: “Hey, the money I pick up is in addition to the money I am making at my job.” Just like today, I found the quarter while ‘on the clock,’ and therefore made an extra 25 cents (after taxes!) that hour. Had I found the quarter this evening, while running errands, then I still would have made 25 cents more than I was otherwise making (which was zero).

Here’s an article that says much the same thing: More info on picking up a penny. (This article even considers if it’s worth it for Bill Gates to pick up a penny, among other insights.)

And in case that isn’t quit enough on pennies, here’s a more scientific approach (including factoring in the caloric requirements for such a task): Abstract on Pennies.

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Eleven months ago, I made a list of my ten favorite TV shows from the 2000-2010 decade. If I were to amend that list, it would be to add Community, a comedy on NBC that is now in its 2nd season.

I’ve seen plenty of sitcoms, but most of them are just, well, okay. If you click on the link to my list (above), you’ll see I only have 3 sitcoms listed in my top ten. And one of them – The Office – isn’t even very funny anymore. Perhaps Community will go the way of The Office at some point, but for now, it’s my favorite current sitcom. Modern Warfare, an episode from the end of season 1, has got to be one of my all-time ten favorite TV episodes from any TV show – sitcom or drama – ever. (Here’s the obligatory link discussing the episode, but don’t read about it if you haven’t seen it. And don’t bother to just dig around online and find that one episode, like most TV show episodes, it’s not as rewarding if you haven’t seen everything leading up to it.)

I didn’t start watching Community right away. It wasn’t until mid-season, when a couple people directed me to some funny clips, that I began to watch the show. Jennifer and I watched the episodes together, trying to catch up on them. Somehow, during the spring, we lost track of the show and didn’t see the rest of the season. Two weeks ago, however, a co-worker let me borrow his copy of season 1 on DVD. Jennifer and I quickly watched the ones we hadn’t seen (I think we watched four episodes in a single night) and then we watched the season 2 episodes that are available online. I’m happy to say that I’ve now seen every episode, and I’m gonna make it my aim to keep up with the airing of new episodes.

I know that this doesn’t prove my thesis that Community is the funniest sitcom on television, but I think it’s pretty hilarious/interesting anyway:

In the recent (04 November) episode “Aerodynamics of Gender,” we are shown the point of view of the character Abed. But it’s not just a typical point-of-view, it’s a Terminator-style view wherein Abed merely has to zero in on a person and all sorts of data begin popping up on his ‘screen.’ Here, take a look:

Here we see Abed focusing his attention on a lady in his school. Our attention, meanwhile, is focused mainly on the list of ‘flaws’ this lady possesses; out of style jeans, and heavy mascara, among others. But notice the other info on the screen: on the far right, we see what is called a ‘Current Synopsis.’ And, in fact, it is a synopsis of the episode. More specifically, it is a current synopsis, in that it is exactly how I would’ve described the episode had I stopped watching it at this point (~10 minutes into the episode). Notice, too, that the display on the left indicates Annie (not the woman pictured) is projected to ‘cycle’ on November 11th. And, yes, that means exactly what you think it means. And it’s also what happened: one week later, during the episode “Cooperative Calligraphy,” it is implied that the character Annie has (or is just about to get) her period.

Now check out this still, which I grabbed from ~18 minutes into the episode:

Look! The “Current Synopsis” has been updated, and now it reflects a more refined description of the episode. Meanwhile, we are now privy to Shirley’s “Projected Cycle,” which just happens to be the date the episode aired. This also comes into play in the next episode, in which we learn that Shirley has just picked up a pregnancy test – something a woman could be predicted to do when they are a week ‘late.’

So, I’m going to use these two images to make some predictions: The first image states that Troy’s birthday is in 14 days (18 November). I’ll be curious to see if his birthday is mentioned in the episode “Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design,” which is scheduled to air on November 18th. Meanwhile, the second image indicates Abed wishes to “Get Rudolph for Xmas” and make a blanket fort. I’m gonna hold the writers to this and see if both memos come to fruition in the next few episodes.

Monday, 15 November 2010

Today, I tuned into KFAI 90.3 and listened to the oddly-named program Truth to Tell. Today they were having a discussion on the rising popularity and pro-vs-cons of home births. Included in the discussion was one of Jennifer’s midwives, Kim.

Near the beginning of the show, host Andy Driscoll said that listeners were welcome to call in with questions or comments, which is radio short-hand for “you can either listen quietly to our program or you can frustrate yourself trying to get through for the next 60 minutes.” I opted to not call in.

But someone else did call in: an obstetrician named Dr. Jennifer. She’s from Minneapolis. She was pretty much the lone dissenter of home births during the entire show. Driscoll explained that he invited nurses, midwives and doctors who perform hospital births to join in the discussion, but they all either turned him down or refused to answer his calls (hmm…red flag #1).

Anyway, Dr. Jennifer argued that hospital births were preferable by asking a question: she asked if home birth midwives were able to care for birthing mothers who experienced [insert random, unlikely problem here]. I can’t recall the medical jargon she used – so esoteric, in fact, that Driscoll had to ask for a definition – but one of the problems she mentioned had to do with tearing from vagina to anus.

Disregarding the scare and yuck factors, Dr. Jennifer asked a good question – essentially, she was saying that since there exists medical care for a particular problem, then it is prudent for birthing women to position themselves as close to that help as possible. Let’s use Dr. Jennifer’s argument and apply it to another bodily function: eating.

I think the smartest thing a person can do if they eat is to, first, eat at a restaurant. Home meals, after all, aren’t governed by the FDA, and don’t generate as much $$$ for the economy. Second, while at a restaurant, a diner should ensure that they have with them a certified dietitian, someone who knows the Heimlich maneuver, and a doctor who can monitor the condition of the diner throughout the meal.

But of course, people don’t do this. Why don’t they? Is it because it’s cost-prohibitive? Perhaps. But I assure you: even if I inherited $50 billion tomorrow, I would never hire people to attend my meals.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, it is a great idea to have people attending my meals, but I would need some assurance that they’d mind their own business. In fact, if a restaurant forced me to sign a blanket consent form before eating there, giving them the right to shove probes down my esophagus, strap monitors on my stomach, and continually check my heart rate and breathing, I wouldn’t eat there.

I tried calling in to say something like this, but I couldn’t get through. I wanted to ask Dr. Jennifer if there existed a place where I could bring my laboring wife – kind of like a hotel – where she could be in peace to use the bed, the tub, and the toilet as she desired, without nurses and midwifes forcing themselves on her despite her screaming no, but that also had all the equipment and expertise ready to go just in case the baby has a Klingon forehead (or even if my wife just wants their reassurance). Essentially, I wanted to say: “Is there a place where my wife can be within spitting distance of the finest medical care on the planet, but still be guaranteed autonomy over her own body – you know, where no one will bother her until she says, ‘hey, I think I need someone here’?” Because I think a place like that would be a great place to give birth.

Unfortunately, no such place exists. You can give birth in a hospital, where you might luck out with a nurse/midwife/doctor who respects your wishes, or you might wind up at HCMC. Either way, the best your nurse/midwife/doctor can promise you is that they’ll try to respect your wishes. Because when push comes to shove (and push often does come to shove at hospitals), the medical staff are more worried about their jobs and lawsuits than about your birthing experience.

As Kim, the home birth midwife, pointed out during the show, hospital births bring increased risk of pathogen and, in their hurry to medicate and treat labor as a ‘condition,’ nurses/midwives/doctors often cause many of the problems they think they’re saving you from. Dr. Jennifer agreed with this, as she explained that her practice has decided that episiotomies shouldn’t be performed unnecessarily. I don’t think any procedure should be performed unnecessarily, but good job, Dr. Jennifer, and welcome to the 21st Century. It’s good to have you.

Another problem relates to Driscoll’s reading of a statement of the Union of Hospital Lovers and Doctors Who Love to Put Their Fingers in Women’s Vaginas Even When Women Scream No and then Can’t See How That’s Rape But Instead Claim It’s Standard Practice (or something like that, I didn’t catch their actual name as I was too busy hitting ‘redial’ for the 48th time). They stated that birthing women who insist on giving birth at home, crazily blocks away from high-tech care, are forgetting that it’s not about them – it’s about their babies (red flag #2).

As soon as I heard this, I struggled to find the right word for it, and I think I finally found it. The word is Bullshit.

First of all, I love my kids, but they simply had no say in their births. The decision as to how and where they were to be born fell solely with my wife. And any medical practitioner who thinks that women should be drugged, controlled, denied their rights, and treated like a receptacle from which the baby needs to be saved, are sorely mistaken. I think this is another area where we can thank (Warning: redundancy coming up) religious nut jobs for believing pro-life means fighting for the rights of fetuses, but not people who have actually been born.

Second, while it is true that there are high-risk pregnancy and births, not all of them are. Not by a long shot. Just as not all meals are high-risk meals. Our home birth midwives screened my wife for all sorts of stuff, and they gave us paperwork (which I’m too lazy to go retrieve) that listed all sorts of reasons why they would recommend she transfer care to a hospital. Some of those reasons had to do with certain diseases (she had none), others had to do with her age (she was fine), or with gaining oodles of weight with the pregnancy (she didn’t) or having a whole litter in there (she didn’t).

Third, why do doctors think you have to choose one over the other? Can’t both mother and child have a safe, peaceable birth? The staph at HCMC may have tried to ‘save’ Owen from his mother, but in religiously following their ‘standard of care,’ they harmed both. Our home birth midwives, by contrast, were able to respect both mother and child.

I’d write more but I’m trying to be caller #10 for some concert tickets right now.