Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Happy December Solstice! (“December” is more PC than “Winter.”)

Are snowplows exempt from following traffic regulations?

Today, on my way to work, while driving north on Ayd Mill Road, I happened to be behind a snowplow. It was a small snowplow – just a small pick-up truck with a plow attached to the front of it. I could have gone around the plow, but the driver was slightly straddling the other lane, and with so much snow piled up, I really would’ve had to squeeze to get through.

As we approached the stop sign, the snowplow driver just decided to ignore it – he didn’t slow down or give any indication that he care that there was a stop sign there. And he wasn’t in the process of plowing, either, he was just driving somewhere.

About two minutes later, I was driving north on Snelling Avenue. As I waited at a stoplight, a very large snowplow came barreling past me in the other lane. This time, it was a large Caterpillar digger, with the number ‘950F’ emblazoned on the side. It just went right through the stoplight. I’m not sure why he couldn’t wait, the light turned green about 5 seconds after he past. I caught up to that snowplow, and we both slowed down and came to a stop at the next stoplight. “Oh good,” I though, “this time he’s stopping for the light.” But he only stopped for a second – ‘cause then he just went right on through that light (even though opposing traffic was approaching) and then, crossing over the highway, switched lanes without signaling and drove straight through the next stoplight, too.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many traffic violations in such a short time. I think I’m gonna strap a plow to the front of my Cavalier so that, should I ever get pulled over, I can say, “Sorry officer, but you see I have a snowplow, so normal rules don’t really apply to me.”

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Happy Christmas Eve Eve Eve!

Today is my last day of work for the year. I am not stepping foot in this building again until January third of next year. It’s funny how much of a ghost town my job becomes – only seven people from my department (a department of normally 15 people) are even here at work today, and one of them left at noon. The parking lot is relatively empty and many departments got to leave early today. I think I just saw some tumbleweed blow by.

On the Christmas front: my beer is done conditioning as of today. Good timing! Now I just have to apply the labels to the bottles and then I can go ahead and spread some Xmas cheer! Last year (not sure if I mentioned this before) I completely forgot to brew some beer for Xmas until it was too late, but this year I stayed very cognizant of it, having purchased the supplies the weekend after Thanksgiving.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Today my sister and her husband came over to our home and we celebrated Xmas together. They bought some gifts for Owen and Isla, and we had a gift for their dogs. (I also gave a 4-pack of homebrew to my brother-in-law).

We had decided a few weeks ago to not buy gifts for each other. As my sister explained it, if she wants something, she’ll just go buy it…so there’s not much fun in asking each other what we all want and then buying it for each other. She said she just likes to buy stuff for kids. I said that was fine with me, except that then I feel like it’s unfair, since she and her husband have to buy stuff for our kids, but we don’t have to buy anything for them (since they don’t have kids). So that’s when she suggested that we get something for her dogs. I think that’s a good arrangement, and I’m gonna stick with that for future Xmases.

Later, we all went out to eat at Olive Garden. Jennifer and I had tried to eat at Olive Garden a few weeks ago, but it was so busy there – with a wait time of about an hour – that we left and went to eat somewhere else. So, today we tried again. The wait was predicted to be at a half hour. Which, I guess, isn’t so bad. The entryway was packed with people – lots of them clearly having come from church. My sister said, “Getting brainwashed must make them hungry.” Ha! I’ll have to remember that.

Anyway, we were seated about 25 minutes later. One of my co-workers is married to a guy that works at Olive Garden, and she said they always overestimate the wait time. Very smart of them.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Today I gave my first speech in Toastmasters.

Well, technically, I suppose this is my second speech, since I was called on to give an extemporaneous “table topic” speech two weeks ago. But this was my first prepared speech – and it was the first one out of the Competent Communication handbook.

Speech #1 is called the “Ice Breaker” speech. It’s supposed to be 4-6 minutes long.

I decided to title my speech “Four Unique Events” and briefly talk about four things that have happened in my life that are, probably, considered unique by most standards. Actually, at the beginning of my speech, I defended my choice of the word ‘unique’ by stating that these events were unique to me – in that I have only experienced them one time, though I wouldn’t mind doing any of them again.

I also had four slides that I used. I am not really a big fan of Power Point, but that’s what I used. There were five slides, and each one was just a photo; I had no intention of using bulleted lists or just reading from the screen!

Here are the five images I used:

Hey look! It’s my old buddy Tim, in Belgium, shaking hands with me, in France!

Yep, here I am on Oprah. That necktie is made out of hemp, by the way.

Here I am as Right Reverend Zimmerman. As I said in my speech, I’m happy to announce that these guys are still married.

Wow. That’s a big tub for the third floor of an apartment. I’m glad I wasn’t worried that it was going to crash through the floor or anything.

I ended with a picture of mini-me and mini-Jenni.

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Today, Jennifer and I were talking about friends. Among other things, we were discussing the difficulty (sometimes) in maintaining friendships. In some cases, actually, it’s easy – especially if you and your friend are ‘thrown together’ (for lack of better words) for an outside reason. This is often why it’s easy to be friends with family members: your gonna be in contact with them anyways.

I’ve noticed the same thing with co-workers. I am with them every weekday, so I start to become their friends. It’s interesting to notice how quickly a co-worker can drop from one’s circle of friends once they quit the company – or even just transfer to a different department.

Jennifer and I have had friends in the past that, we claimed, liked us better than we liked them. Of course, I can’t be certain if this is fact or just our perception. Indeed, I am not even sure how something like this would be measured. But it certainly ‘seemed’ that way. Let’s just go ahead and assign numbers to these friendships, because that sounds like an extremely shallow and arbitrary thing to do:

My friend, Clarence, says I’m a 9. I say he’s a 7. This is probably okay, because, even though I have other friends I like better than him (or maybe I just have some idealized friendship that he does not, quite, attain), he is actively seeking me out – he calls me, emails me, looks for activities and events for us to join in together. And that’s just great. Of course, I reciprocate sometimes, too.

Now my friend Guenther says I’m a 10. I say he’s a 3. This isn’t any good, because even though Guenther thinks I am awesome and wants to be with me all the time, I easily grow weary of him. I get sick of the fact that he’s always hanging around and I wish he’d give me space.

Then there’s my friend Sinbad, who says I’m a 5. I think he’s a 9. This is how Jennifer and I feel a lot, especially since there’s not as much to ‘throw us together’ with friends like there used to be.

Friday, 17 December 2010

Today my department (where I work) had a potluck. Which does not mean, I was sad to learn a long time ago, that everyone brings pot and we see who gets lucky.

Here are some take-away lessons for the next potluck: I really only need to bring, like, three or four servings of food. Yep, it’s true. Here’s why: everyone in the group (and this group consisted of about 15 people, but any potluck involving over 5 people holds true for this) thinks that they need to make enough for everybody. If they’re making chili, they’ll make enough for everyone to have a bowl. If they’re bringing a fruit tray, they’ll bring one large enough so that everyone can have a serving spoonful. In my case, I brought cookies, and my wife prepared about 30 cookies – enough for everyone to have two.

But – and here’s the point – no one can eat all that food. See, if 15 people each bring something to eat, there’s no way I can consume 15 servings of food. So, I need to leave out some stuff. This brings me to my second point…

Since attendees at a potluck have to discriminate about what they’re eating, unless you bring one of the two or three best-tasting items in any given category, you’re going home with a lot of leftovers. For example, if you bring in soup, no one’s gonna eat your soup if there are two other soups there that taste better – or at least look more promising. So, you know cookies? Booooring.

Anyway, we have some extra cookies here.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

My sister and her husband are coming over tomorrow for a my-side-of-the-family family Christmas celebration. And, yes, it is sure to be the biggest, funnest, most extravagant Christmas gathering in our entire family.

So we cleaned cleaned cleaned. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, organizing. I also spent some time today working on little gifts for Isla and her cousin Asa, but I can’t give any details here in case any of them read this blog. When you run a blog that gets read – literally – by ones and ones of people everyday, you have to be careful what you say.

This was yet another day in which I did not get into one of our cars and drive somewhere. I’ve had a lot of these days lately, and I cannot emphasize enough (well, I probably could) that I absolutely love going an entire day without getting into a car.

We also wached Jurassic Park tonight. That’s a fun movie to watch.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

As part of my subconsciousness’ never-forget-a-date plan, I have to point out that today is my grandparents’ 64th wedding anniversary. Though still far short of the record for longest marriage, I still think they have achieved quite a feat – good for them. Hopefully, at some future date, I will be writing here to note that they have entered the record books.

They were married on the same day as the Byzantine sack of the Vandals (though not the same year!) in New York. After a pit-stop in Minnesota (which lasted 3 decades) they now reside in Florida. They have five kids, seven grandkids, and nine great-grandkids (well, Owen and Isla are two super great-grandkids, but I won’t get hung up on technicalities).

Every year since I can remember, I sent them a card on their anniversary. When I sent one in 2008, I never received any sort of response (neither did Owen; he had enclosed a drawing for them). So, I’ll say here what they evidently don’t want to hear via snail mail: Congratulations! I should be so lucky to one day see my children and my children’s children grown into adulthood.

Here’s a picture of them with their kids. Don’t let the date on the photo fool you – it’s wrong, as camera calendars notoriously are. The picture is about a year old, taken during a party for my Dad and Stepmom’s tenth wedding anniversary. The kids are lined up in age order (or would that be reverse-age order?); my Dad is the friendly-looking one, second from the right:

Monday, 13 December 2010

My son’s school was canceled today. Man, barely three months into his school career and already he gets a snow day.

I don’t remember how many snow days my school had back in my early days of compulsory education, but I do remember they were a rare event in junior and senior high school.

In late 1991, when I was in 11th grade, we got quite the snow storm. So much snow fell that I thought for sure I’d get to miss a few days of school. Alas, they only called one snow day. My mom would always respond to my glee regarding snow days by saying, “It doesn’t matter, you’ll just have to make it up at the end of the year,” which somehow didn’t really matter to me.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

So, the normally unhelpful electronic signs that are posted at various points on the interstate actually came in handy today. As I was driving through Minnecrapolis, I saw this:

35W     6 minutes

280       29 minutes

Since I was about four miles away from 35W, a drive time of 6 minutes isn’t really that bad. However, it was quite obvious that there was a terrible traffic build up somewhere in the 3 miles between 35W and highway 280.

So I decided to take 35W south and take my chances on that highway. This was a good decision, as traffic was running pretty smoothly there.

I could have taken the highway right out of the city and looped around to get home, but instead, I exited the highway and decided to take some regular city streets so that I could cross the river into St. Paul at a better spot (allowing me to run a couple of errands).

Bad idea.

It wasn’t that the traffic was bad, ’cause it wasn’t. It was the roads. Wow, they were terrible. At the first three intersections I came to, my car’s anti-lock breaks took effect, and I slid several feet in each case. At another intersection, I basically took my life in my hands, as the pile-up of snow was so high, I could not check for oncoming traffic, nor could any such traffic see me pulling out. I went verrry sloooowly, hoping that if there was a vehicle coming, they would have the decency to slow down for me (or at least just hit the front of my car).

When I needed to make a left to get off Hiawatha (a pretty major street), I had to drive my car about 1mph in order to not lose any tires in monstrous potholes. When I came to a stop at the red arrow, my car’s tires we deep inside icy craters. When the green light came, I had to ‘rock’ my car in order to get going again (all while hurrying to make the left before the arrow changed back to red again).

About a mile later, I was finally at the Mississippi River. As soon as I got on the bridge, the road conditions changed – for the better. I could go the speed limit, both lanes were cleared and (except for the entryway to my apartment’s parking lot), there were no snow pile-ups of dangerous size.

Thank you, St. Paul, for doing such a great job.

Thank you, Minneapolis, for not making me adjust my stereotype.