So, the other day, my father-in-law sent me an email telling me that the Watchtower Society’s twin periodicals, The Watchtower and Awake! will be reduced from 32 pages to 16 pages. Not wanting to just accept this as gospel, I did a little research.
It’s kind of funny how the Watchtower Society is constantly looking at ways to cut costs. When I was a kid, they had three conventions a year totaling eight days – with food sold at each one. They’ve trimmed that down to six. days…and no food They used to nearly exclusively publish hardcover books, but now they publish nearly exclusively paperback. They used to come out with 24 issues of the Watchtower and 24 issues of Awake! every year. Now Awake! is monthly, and every other Watchtower is a “members-only” edition, which surely cuts down on the number of copies requiring printing.
I realize the economic situation for many businesses is such that it’s prudent to cut costs, and I applaud “green” endeavors corporations make (for whatever reasons). Still, since the Watchtower Society is the one corporation that’s has Jehovah as the CEO…and since the (human) directors believe their actions fulfill bible prophecy…it’s hard to see how all of these cut-back satisfy Isaiah 60:22: “The small one will become a thousand and the little one a mighty nation” (or something like that – many scriptures are getting fuzzy in my brain).
Anyway – it’s true. Beginning in 2013 (if Armageddon hasn’t arrived yet), the public version of The Watchtower and all issues of Awake! will be 16 pages only. This is great news for my (ex-)friends: since most of them were such lousy Witnesses they never read the magazines anyway, they will soon have only half as much to ignore. Congrats, to them.
Here’s the letter verifying my father-in-law’s rumor. But…shhhh…the JWs aren’t supposed to know until Sunday.
And here’s page two, which, I assure you, won’t do anything to raise your intelligence. I’m just including it in the interest of full disclosure:
Today, when I picked up my son from school, one of his classmates invited him to play basketball. So, even though I felt pretty crappy, I sat on the cement wall and watched while he played basketball with three of his classmates.
After a few minutes of that, he and the first boy (the one who invited him to play along), ran up on the hill and played soccer.
Owen is way better at soccer than basketball. I’m sure part of the reason is height – it’s hard to make a basket when the net is towering over your head – but as long as I’ve known Owen (6 years, 10 months, 17 days), he’s been really good at throwing and kicking and pretty decent at catching. He kicked the ball with some good force, got it past his classmate a couple of times and even managed to stop it with his feet (about a third of the time) when it was kicked back to him.
Anyway, I don’t have hopes for Owen to be an athlete. I mean, if he wants to be an athlete, that’s great. He can be whatever he wants to be (except: Lawyer, Pope, Wet Nurse, and Bachmann Campaign Manager), but I’m gonna just throw out a guess that he’s not gonna make a living as an athlete. My point, though, is that it’s still good to be a well-rounded individual. When I began taking guitar lessons back in 2007, I didn’t carry with me any fantasies that I would be a sessions musician for Santana – I just wanted to explore that aspect of human endeavor.
My memory might be a bit fuzzy – but I don’t ever recall playing an organized sport with my classmates outside of school-sanctioned phy. ed. curricula. So I think it’s great that he’s getting invited to play ball with the sporty kids.
When we got in the car to go home, Owen explained that he spends his recess and after school time with three classmates in particular: with one, he digs in the sandbox like a paleontologist. With another, he discusses math and Star Wars. And with a third, he plays ball.
Good job, Owen.
Tuesday, 03 April 2012
WIFE-
Today is my wife’s birthday. She’s no longer a strapping, youthful 36 year-old (like I am).
SON-
So, I keep meaning to mention this: last week, when I was über-sick, Jennifer and Isla left to go to the grocery store. Before leaving, Jennifer said to Owen, “Daddy isn’t feel very good, so leave him alone and let him sleep, okay? Only bother him if it’s an emergency. Do you know what I mean by ’emergency’?”
Owen guessed that it meant “if I need to talk to him.”
Jennifer clarified that it meant “if the house is on fire” or “if you get hurt real badly.”
I heard all of this barely. I was, after all, lying in bed, with a migraine, with the door shut. About 20 minutes later, I hear Owen calling to me. I hobbled downstairs, afraid of what must have been wrong.
“What is it, buddy?” I said.
He explained that he was having trouble locating the bonus features on his WALL•E DVD.
I looked at the TV screen and said, “Arrow up. Up. Up. Okay, one more. Now press play.”
I know this doesn’t seem very significant, but I want to point out two things:
1) This is the closest Owen has ever come to being kicked out of the house.
2) This is a shining example of parenthood at its absolute finest.
DAUGHTER-
Another thing from the other day: Jennifer told me that some people, upon finding out Isla’s age and then juxtaposing that with her small stature, said, “Oh, well she’s just a little peanut, isn’t she?”
So, the other day, while holding Isla, I said to her: “People are saying you’re a little peanut. Are you my little peanut?”
She said, “Sure.” Which, I think, is 1 year-old-speak for “Whatever floats your boat, old man.”
Wednesday, 04 April 2012
Mecrifully, we are nearing the end of the book Grand Expectations, a book assigned in my college class. It’s a long, heavy book that hashes and rehashes and then regurgitates what, I’m sure, must be the finest 30 years in the history of the universe, at least according to Baby Boomers.
Anyway, there’s a lot of fascinating history in the book and, I am determined to still love histroy ever after reading the book. Of all the topics the book cranks through a meat grinder and then beats with a ball-pean hammer, however, I have decided to name the lest-interesting topic in American history:
(drum roll)
The Vietnam War.
Yeah, that’s right. It bores the snot out of me. If I never have to read another book, or watch another documentary, or watch another half-assed film about it, that will be just fine, thanks.
Of far more interest, on the other hand, is the civil rights movement…
I tried to have a normal day today. I went to work for over eight hours, picked my son up from school (like I do on Fridays) and took him to the corner drug store for ice cream.
I usually get ice cream, too, but the idea of eating that cold stuff just gave me a headache. So I ordered an iced tea. This was my first time having tea since Monday morning, and I was a little concerned because I know tea can contribute to dehydration (and dehydration, in turn, contributes to headaches). Still, there wasn’t much else to drink. I definitely didn’t want any hot beverages, and pop is just…well, nasty. So iced tea won out. Like it usually does.
I felt pretty crappy this evening. Today is the fourth day in a row in which I felt pretty decent in the morning, only to descend as the day progressed. Jennifer and I stayed up late watching episodes of Seinfeld (yeah, we’re getting them from Netflix), which was great because I needed some laughs. The downside, though, is that I stayed up late and didn’t get as much sleep as I wanted.
Oh – that reminds me – if anybody would like to know what it’s like to live with two small people who show no sympathy for the sick, my kids are for hire.
On a non-health-related note: One of my co-workers recently initiate a blog. Looks like she needs some advice on how to give her kids community without also giving them bullshit doctrine. CLICK HERE to get to her site. Give her some suggestions.
Saturday, 31 March 2012
So, today was the most tolerable day yet. I woke up feeling about 90% back to my usual self; an enourmous improvement from Monday and Tuesday. I had this vague idea that maybe the worst was done and it was just smooth sailing from now on.
The day started off pretty easy: Jennifer took Owen to a birthday party, so I stayed home and read the assigned reading for my class, stopping every 10 minutes or so to read a book with Isla.
Jennifer’s parents came over at about 1:15, and Jennifer and Owen arrived home minutes later. Jennifer’s dad took Owen to the Science Museum to see the film Under the Sea (Owen loves squid) and to check out the pirates’ exhibit. Jennifer, Isla, and I sat around with mom-in-law for a few hours, then the six of us joined up again for dinner at Shamrock’s. This was my first full-tilt meal since last Sunday.
Anyway, again in the evening I was feeling pretty crappy. This time I got to bed early.
Sunday, 01 April 2012
Yeah…again with the day starting off good than tapering off crap. Do you really want to hear more about my health problems? I know I’m sick of writing about them, but that’s seriously about all that’s happened this week.
I’m kind of mad at myself for being sick. I know that doesn’t make much sense but all I can say is that I don’t make much sense. I’m just sick of it…I wanted to get a lot more done this weekend, especially because we’re having Jennifer’s (non-cult) relatives over for Easter a week from today and I want the house to be as clean and kick ass as possible. Alas, tough to do when a body is sick. So I’m mad. Not Hitler-finds-out-about-the-Death-Star mad, but mad.
Since I don’t feel like reliving all the details via a lengthy blog post, I’ll just offer the highlights by way of short words and phrases:
Chills. Fever. Weak. Leaft work early. Dizzy. Headache. Bad headache. Went to bed. Went to ER. Vomited. Waiting. Laying on the floor. Other people grossing me out.
They asked if I had a religious preference…? Um…no. I hate them all.
Hospital gown. Nose probe. IV. Blood samples. X-ray. Lights too bright. Lots of saline. Lots of drugs. Three prescriptions. Went to pharmacist.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Today was the second worst day.
I actually felt decent this morning. Weak, with a mild headache. But much better. I went to class…but that was it. That wiped me out. By noon, my headache was bad again. I took more drugs. This evening, I was lousy. I went to bed early – Owen’s bed, actually – because Jennifer didn’t want me laying in bed loaded with meds since she thought I might roll over on Isla. I don’t think I would have, since I never really fell asleep.
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Today was the third worst day.
Again, I started off okay, but within hours of waking up, my headache returned. My neck and back still hurt from last weekend, so Jennifer gave the number to our chiropractor. Thankfully, she was able to see me at 2:15 this afternoon.
That was the best 45 minutes of my day.
My headached and neck felt much better after that, but I still had a tough evening. I went to bed early again. This time, I actually fell asleep.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
This was the fourth worst day.
I went to class this morning. Then to work. I was dizzy all day; especially whenever I moved my head. My throat began hurting pretty bad, making me cringe whenever I swallowed.
By the time I got home this evening, I had the chills again – they flared up all of the sudden right as I walked in the front door. I huddled on the La-z-boy with a blanket and bathrobe for a while. Around 7:00, I started feeling okay. Owen and I watched the rest of a silent film we had started last weekend. I went to bed shortly after that. Fell asleep pretty quick this time.
I interviewed John Rawles, author of the book The Matter With Us. John wanted to go from a script that he wrote…which was fine with me, because that made it pretty easy. Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite as personable as the last time I conducted an interview, but I guess we were talking about a deeper subject, so maybe that was fitting.
Owen again came along to provide moral support. We stopped at Caribou on the way and bought tea (for me) and hot cocoa (for him). During the show, he played chess on the computer.
The podcast (of the interview, not the chess game) will be available soon at the link above.
In other news, I submitted an excerpt from my forthcoming essay “Losing My Head,” which will appear in Atheist Voices of Minnesota this August – to Jehovah’s Witness Blog. So CLICK HERE if you want to read an excerpt from my essay. Looks like the site’s proprietors plan to give out two free copies of the book to their readers, so I guess if you check back in August, you can see how to win a copy. I’m sure that’s good news to you, because after years of reading my words for free on this blog, you probably cringe at the thought of having to buy them.
