As my fifth decade of life draws to a close this week, I want to spend a blog post itemizing some of the biggest achievements of the last 10 years.

Kids

On the day I turned 40, my oldest child was ten years old. Now, my youngest child is eleven. Owen has graduated both from high school and college. He obtained his driver’s license and has a job. Isla is now in high school, and Emmett finished elementary school just last week. I no longer have little kids!

Divorce

I know this isn’t generally considered an “achievement”, since this isn’t something most people aspire to. Nevertheless, I like to view it as growing rather than failing. Jennifer and I divorced in late-2019. There were some rough spots, but we get along quite well now, and I think we are both better for it.

Engagement

Brycie and I met online the day before I turned 45. We dated for a few weeks, broke up, then – about two months later – got back together and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve been engaged since 2021, and we have no date set for a wedding yet.

Education

I completed my undergraduate courses at Hamline University at age 41 with a major in English and a minor in History. I am now enrolled at Southern New Hampshire University working on my master’s degree. I am about 70% done.

A few random other accomplishments…

• I achieved Distinguished Toastmasters status in the Toastmasters International program at age 46. I had been in Toastmasters since my 30s, and I wasn’t planning to complete the program so soon, but they changed their rules and set a deadline, so I had to hurry it up.

• I have a goal of visiting all 50 states. At the time I turned 40, I had visited 22. Just a few weeks after turning 40, I went on a work trip that took me to Rhode Island and, shortly after that, another work trip took me to Oregan. Since then, I have also been to North Carolina, Arkansas, Mississippi, Connecticut, North Dakota, Missouri, Kansas, Virginia, Maryland, California, Wyoming, Montana, Oklahoma, Hawaii, New Hampshire, and Maine (in that order) bringing my total up to 40.

• I made a goal several years ago of visiting all of the MN Historical Society’s sites. At the time I turned 40, I had only been to three. Now I’ve been to 13. There are 26, so I’m halfway there.
• This isn’t really an achievement, either, but I think it’s interesting. At the time I turned 41, all four of my grandparents were still alive. I don’t personally know anyone else who can say that. In the years since then, they have all passed away, but I am thankful for the time I had with them.

Other things I am glad I did in this decade of my life (followed by the age at which I did them) include:

• Saw Fantasia on the big screen (40)

• Built and installed my own little free library (40)
• Went whale-watching (42 and 49)
• Interviewed in a documentary (42)
• Performed karaoke (44 and 49)
• Changed my middle name (44)
• Hiked on the Superior Hiking Trail (45)

• Visited Ireland and Northern Ireland (46)
• Saw my 2,000^th movie (46)
• Visited the Gateway Arch (46)

• Walked across the headwaters of the Mississippi River (46)

• Rode in a hot air balloon (47)

• Visited the Buddy Holly Memorial site (47)

• Visited Washington, D.C. (twice, both while 47)

• Saw the Pacific Ocean (47, 48, and 49)

• Saw a movie at the theater for every letter of the alphabet (47)

• Ate at a Mexican restaurant in Mexico (48)

• Got a tattoo (49)
  • Well, I suppose I got two tattoos, because Isla gave me this temporary one:

• But here’s the one I’m really talking about:

Things I’d like to accomplish in my 50s include:

• Seeing my two younger kids graduate from high school
• Marrying Brycie
• Publishing another book
• Touring the Washington Monument
• Visiting Voyageur’s National Park
• Visiting the Hennepin History Museum
• Obtaining a masters degree
• Visiting the 10 states I have not yet been to

On Monday, June 2nd, I attended an end-of-the-year picnic that Emmett’s elementary school holds annually. It was his antepenultimate day of school and, at 12:30, a bus drove the kids to a local city park, and I met them there. We had lunch, the kids played in a splash pool and on the playground and, as always, there were popsicles for everyone.

All the elementary school teachers were there, and some of the paras. A few other parents attended as well, including Emmett’s mom. And here’s the deal: His mom and I have been in attendance at every popsicle picnic since 2016, making this our 10th consecutive popsicle picnic. This is because we started attending when Isla was in kindergarten. For a couple years, both she and Emmett were in the elementary school. Then, once Isla moved on to middle school, we continued attending for Emmett. In fact, we’ve attended more than anyone else, because all the current teachers and paras weren’t there when Isla began kindergarten.

And…I gotta say…it was kinda sad. Emmett just turned 11, and now he’s done with elementary school. And I have no more little kids and I won’t be attending anymore popsicle picnics. It’s the end of an era! Lately, I’ve noticed how so many of the duties of parenting little kids have fallen away. For that, I’m happy – because I didn’t like some of it (I’m thinking of diaper changing here), and other parts of it got tiring (such as the need for constant supervision). So, really, I’m glad my kids aren’t little anymore. But some aspects of raising little kids were really great, and I will miss those – I already do miss those.

And I think the popsicle picnic essentially marked the last of the parenting-little-kids stuff that I ever get to do.

Yesterday, the kids were whining that we never go anywhere. That’s not true…but thanks to COVID I am limited in where I can take them.

So, today, I told them to bundle up because we were going somewhere. I decided to take them somewhere they had commented on several times as we’d passed it, but that they’d never been to. Well, actually, Owen has been there, but he was probably too young to remember.

I didn’t tell them where we were going until after we’d parked and started walking toward it. This, of course, made Owen very anxious, but I think it was good for him.

Anyway, we went to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. Here’s my photo essay:

When a new life dawned on me (or, maybe I should say “when a new life smacked me in the head) early last year, I took the opportunity to wallow in sadness. I laid around, with all due pity, and wished so much that, instead of life beginning anew, it would just be over. I’m making it sound like a choice here, but I’m not sure it was. It’s not like I debated whether I should be happy or sad, I just was sad.

And in the interim I made some big changes and some big decisions. Other changes and decisions were foisted upon me. In between, I somehow forgot to take care of myself. Oh, I did a little bit – the sort of little bit that I had to do to stay alive and to ensure I could show up for work and care for my kids – but not enough. Though it seems strange to say, considering my selfishness and frequent self-indulgence, I was often side-tracked by caring for others, and not thinking about my own self-care. I suppose that’s easy to do as a parent; I sure looked out for Isla when she needed some help, and I worked hard to make sure Owen got his new room completed and an appropriate birthday gift.

This spring I begrudgingly started taking care of myself more concertedly. As summer approached, I’ve really ramped it up. And, I gotta say…I’m kinda surprised how well I’m doing. I’m sleeping better than I have in over a year, I’ve had a single headache in the past three weeks (the norm would’ve been around 20), I’m reading a lot more, exercising, eating better, and trying some new things without the usual accompanying panic-attacks.

In fact, there were moments I wasn’t even sure I was going to survive the month of June. And then there was my ear surgery, which made me very anxious, and I had to scramble to get the support I needed. And then my birthday, too. I don’t mind adding another year to my age, but I feel very bittersweet about each birthday, stemming both from my upbringing and a series of botched attempts to have a fun birthday over the past decade – including this year.

Anyway, I took a “Virtues in Action” quiz via my therapy (well, it was only suggested in therapy, but I’m doing all the extra credit so I get happier and healthier quicker), and I was informed that my top five virtues – the strengths I have that I should continue to nurture and use – are:

1. Open-mindedness
2. Curiosity
3. Ingenuity
4. Love of learning
5. Perseverance

If you’re laughing at that list, you’re not alone. It struck me as unexpected as well. But considering some of the virtues that did not make my top 5 (optimism, forgiveness, leadership, spirituality, discretion), it becomes clear why these ranked in the top five while others did not.

Another thing I learned – or, rather, was reminded of – is that I am ridiculously goal-oriented. And I love making lists. (If you wanna see my list of things I learned in life, CLICK HERE. And if you wanna see another list, CLICK HERE.) So it stands to reason that I love making lists of my goals.

One of my lists is called “The Mother of All To Do Lists”. I periodically add and subtract things from it and, on very special occasions, I get to move items from the “wish I did this” side of the list to the “glad I did this” side of the list.

In the wake of some really bad times back in 2005, I posted on this blog a list of items from that to-do list – items in which I was wondering if anyone could help. My thinking was that such events would be things I could look forward to, in an effort to keep me going through the rest of the month, the year, and beyond. And it worked! For example, one item on the list was that I wanted to brew my own beer, and a friend pulled through immediately, letting me borrow his equipment and creating a ‘Brew Blog’ just for me so I could learn how he did it.

So I’m doing that again, now.

I’m not gonna list super personal things I want to do or need to work on. Nor am I gonna list things that I can pretty much take care of myself. For example, one item on my lists is “See at least one feature-length film from every year that there’s been feature-length films.” (Don’t worry, I can handle that one myself.) At any rate, here are a few items from my to-do list. If you’d like to lend your expertise, insider knowledge, or just companionship, please do so…

• Hike the Superior Hiking Trail
  • Come on! Let’s go! I’d just like to go with someone who’s already experienced it.
• Attend a drive-in movie
• Visit the Alexander Ramsey House
• Visit Itasca State Park
• Visit Voyegeur’s National Park
  • I’d especially like to stay on one of their floating cabins
• Attend a session of Congress (state-level is fine)
• Step foot in North Dakota
  • Okay, so there are actually a lot of states I’d like to visit – Alaska, California, and Maine come to mind…but North Dakota is so stinking close, I feel I just gotta go.
• Ride in a hot air balloon
• Ride on a Segway
• Visit the Hennepin History Museum
• Make something out of pottery
  • Okay, I guess I did this when I was a kid – in school – but I’ve since lost those little creations.

Okay. There you go. I’d like to do these things. With…whoever is willing (assuming I like you).

 

I am having surgery on my right ear in May.

This isn’t the first time my ear has gone under the knife. When I was eight years old, doctors at a Catholic hospital took some skin from the back of my pinna and used it to patch up a large hole in my eardrum. I spent two nights in the hospital, missed a week of school, and had an enormous bandage on the side of my head for several days. It’s also when I was gifted the board game Push Over – which I still have and play with my kids on occasion. 

I also had a few surgeries on the ear prior to my second birthday, but I don’t remember any details about them. You’d have to ask my mom, if you are interested.

I was born with a hole in each eardrum. When I was very young, my parents annually took me to an ENT specialist to check my hearing and see how the holes were doing. There was a constant concern that the ears would get infected and cause hearing loss. My mom was very diligent about ensuring I didn’t get water in my ears, as this could lead to bacteria spreading nasty stuff in my eardrums and cause deafness. I was never enrolled in swim lessons, and told to not put my head underwater when we were at lakes and pools. To this day, I don’t really know how to swim. Which is sort of weird for a lifelong resident of the Land of 10,000 Lakes.

By the time I was six, the hole in my left eardrum had completely closed and my ear was pronounced “normal.” The one on the right – which had always had the larger hole – wasn’t getting any smaller, and by the time of my eighth birthday, doctors decided they would need to patch it up.

So they did.

Ever since then – actually, even before then – I’ve noticed a slight difference in audio quality from my two ears. My right ear frequently hurt; airplane rides hurt so bad I cried. And there were often hard scabs inside the canal. I had a hearing test when I was 20, but the difference was so minor I was essentially told to just live with it. Still, my right ear was weird. I had pain in there whenever I had a cold or flu. When blowing my nose, the ear squeals and emits air. And when I do go under water, I can’t go below about 3 feet, or my ear hurts like someone is stabbing me in the head. Oh – and when I do get water in that ear, it affects my hearing for days.

As I’ve aged, I’ve noticed more differences in the audio input between the ears. Some people are particularly hard to hear, including my teenaged son. I yell at him to talk louder and more clearly, but I feel bad yelling at him when the issue might be on my end (well, I don’t feel that bad). Also, I find the acoustics in some places are terrible. And if there are competing sounds, I get quite lost. For example, the noise of a car engine already makes it harder to have a conversation with others in a car, and if the radio is on, well, then just forget it. I’m useless.

I had another hearing test last fall. It showed a more significant difference in the performance of my ears than I’d expected. I was also pleased to discover I no longer had 100% hearing in my left ear, either.

Earlier this month, I visited the audiologists at the U of M, and they requested an additional test, which showed more hearing loss in just the six months since the last test. And they took these photos:

Here’s my left ear:

Notice the beautiful, taut membrane over my eardrum. Look at the nourishing blood flowing to all its parts. It’s a work of art.

 

 

 

 

 

Now here’s my right ear:

Good lord! This tunnel of horror is so disgusting, I can barely look at it. I have a sudden, visceral reaction to body horror, so the fact that this cave of abhorrence is in my skull causes me to shudder with disdain. The audiologist, and her assistant, both tried scraping that white, dried crust off the rim (Jesus Christ, that hurt!), and informed me that the flap the Catholics crafted  when I was eight had since ruptured and fallen into the canal.

So, I had to decide if I wanted a hearing aid or surgery. Of course, the hearing aid sounds better to me (pun intended), but the audiologist noted that I’d probably need to switch it out yearly as my hearing deteriorated. The benefit to a surgery, meanwhile, is that it would restore my right ear’s capabilities to better than 99% (instead of <90% like it is now), making it on par with my left ear.

I opted for the surgery – even though I’m not entirely sure I wanna hear all this crap all the time.