Saturday, 11 August 2012

Well, for the fifth time in as many weeks, I donned my reverend persona and officiated a wedding. And now, for the first time this calendar year, I have no weddings coming down the proverbial pipeline. Hold on, I’ll check.

Nope. No emails.

Here are a few observations I made about today’s wedding that I absolutely enjoyed:

*A reading

This is the second wedding in a row I’ve performed in which a family member was invited up to read something. I like that. It gives me time to take a breath.

*Asymmetrical bridal party

Yep, the groomsmen outnumbered the bridesmaids. I’m not saying this is better than the usual symmetry, I’m just saying I liked their nonconformance to what, hitherto, I always thought was an imperative. The groomsmen-to-bridesmaids ratio meant that a couple of the bridesmaids walked down the aisle with a groomsman on each arm. The maid of honor, meanwhile, walked down with her one-year old daughter. When reaching the stage, she picked up her daughter and held her through the ceremony. Very cool.

*Not walking down with dad

Again, not saying this is better, just saying I like the change: the bride was escorted down the aisle not by her father, or a grandfather, but by her own brother, who then served as the best man (he received double-billing in the program).

*Intraceremony license-signing

This couple chose to sign their license during the ceremony. Even though this could have been a little awkward (people on stage hunched over a clipboard), it worked out perfectly and, in retrospect, I wish my wife and I would have done this. After all, it only makes sense. The license signatures indicates the witnesses have affirmed the vows, and so, you might as well get all the legal, traditional, and (if you must) religious stuff out of the way during the ceremony.

To make things unique, this couple did not use their best man and maid of honor as the witnesses; they used their grandmothers. At the appropriate time, they took their license down to the front row where her grandma signed the paperwork, then embraced her granddaughter and her new grandson-in-law. This was repeated on the other side of the aisle with his grandma. The groom then handed me the license, which I perused quickly and then signed.

Again, very cool.

If you’re getting married sometime in the next few months…good news! I’m wide open for dates.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

So, the good folks over at the St. Paul Almanac have asked me (and, I assume, all the other contributors) to participate in their tour-of-coffee houses readings.

I’m already attending their big release party on September 13th, and I think I am assigned to read there, but I think it sounds fun to read at a coffee shop. It’s like all those times I’ve seen my friends play guitar at coffee shops, only I have far less talent!

Anyway, I’m reading my piece(s) at two coffee shops on two dates.

The first is at Fresh Grounds, at 1362 West Seventh Street, on Monday, October first.

The second is at Claddaugh Coffee at 459 West Seventh Street on Monday, November nineteenth.

What can I say? I guess I have a thing for West 7th coffee shops.

Here’s a complete list off all the reading dates. If you can’t attend one where I’m participating (or if you specifically want to avoid them), then pick from this list and support local writers.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Despite having loads of shelving space in our (relatively) new home, Jennifer and I always have difficulty agreeing on what to do with the books we are currently reading. She likes to pile them up wily-nily whereever there’s space; I like to put them away in their proper place in the book shelves. I complain her method is sloppy. She complains my method causes her to forget about the books she wants to read. And then there are the library books: where do we put those? The top of the toilet only fits so many books.

Here is my wife’s current solution, unique in that I’m not opposed to it:

This is the left-hand corner of our desk. Since our desk is, like, seven feet long, there’s no problem in using up a foot of it to temporarily house these books. It’s good for me ’cause it’s not messy. It’s good for she ’cause she won’t forget about them when they’re sitting out in the open like this.

But, wow, just look at all those books! The majority of these are books Jennifer intends to read. But I have a book sitting on my desk at work, another in my backpack, and another sitting in the bathroom downstairs. Then there’s the audiobook I’m listening to in the car. And if you look closely, there’s a book jacket nestled behind the books. That’s ’cause I outserted the book and am reading it sans jacket. On top of the books are a couple of zines. To my knowledge, we’ve both read them, so I thing they’re languishing there until we either find a zine home, or they grow up into full-fledged books. Either way, it’s not happening any time soon.

Also today: Happy Left-handers’ Day to all of my sinister friends!

Wednesday, 08 August 2012

Unbeknownst to me, my friend Ryan Sutter participated in the Wire’s 2012 RPM Challenge back in February. For those who don’t know, this annual event encourages musicians to record an entire album within 28 days. The only rules are that the album consist of either 10 songs or 35 minutes and that recording transpire entirely within February. I don’t know if everyone got an extra day this month due to February’s lengthened status this Leap Year, but either way, it’s an ambitious endeavor.

In a way, it’s kind of silly. There are no artistic parameters – and I’m not sure how to define them even if there were – so participants could, in theory, just play a few notes on a Jew’s Harp, feed it through a synthesizer, and include the most asinine lyrics they can think of on the spot. In fact, the site even says this is entirely permissible on their FAQ page.

But in another way, it’s a good idea. Any musician who calls him- or herself such is bound to try to do the best they can. And for many artists, my friend included, it’s too easy to set a project aside and let it languish for months, even years. The RPM challenge has given my buddy the kick in the pants he needs to finish at least two other albums in previous years.

This year he recorded Blood and Scotch/Valentine. I don’t know what the slash is for. But it was most famously used in Outkast’s 2003 album Speakerboxxx/The Love Below and in Justin Timberlake’s FutureSex/LoveSounds. So, I don’t know, maybe it’s some sort of inside joke between Outkast, Timerlake, and my friend.

Anyway, Ryan’s album is available here. Go ahead and listen to it streaming, or download it for the grand total of name-your-price. My favorite tracks are “Serene” and “Uncle Ghost,” the latter being a tune Ryan already forwarded to me over a year ago – albeit with a slightly different arrangement – claiming it would be part of a new album titled The Universal Thump (still forthcoming, I guess). There’s a nearly half hour track (“song” would be too strong a word for it) titled “Valentine.” I’m not sure what’s going on there. Just some strung out notes and random sound effects. Without it, Ryan wouldn’t have met the RPM goal of at least 35 minutes of “music,” so that might explain its inclusion. The other tracks, all in the manageable realm of one to five minutes, are solid. Go get it.

Thursday, 09 August 2012

So, I just found out I won Hamline University and Homewood Studios Art Gallery’s writing contest. Back in May, I picked up a flyer on campus announcing their collaboration on a contest to pick the best short story and the best visual art that follows the them “Malaria in Africa.” The piece was due by late May, and the only stipulation was that the piece concern itself with malaria in Africa (makes sense) and includes a net in some fashion. The kind of net people sleep under to avoid mosquito bites, that it.

So now you’re thinking: “James, how could you possibly win a contest about malaria in Africa? – that sounds like something you know nothing about.”

Yep. You’re right. To an extent. Back in mid-May, I really had no idea what to write about. In fact, I considered letting this contest slip by without submitting an entry. But three things made me change my mind:

1. Cash prize! Hell yes, I am totally about getting paid to write.

2. The winning piece will appear in next year’s The Fulcrum. I submit something to Hamline’s literary journal every year, so I might as well submit something now in preparation for 2013.

3. I could learn about malaria by reading a book about it. (And that’s just what I did.)

Friday, 10 August 2012

The big news today was attending a St. Paul Saints ball game.

Ever since attending a Twins game back in May, I wanted to take Owen to a Saints game, assuring him that the Saints are way more fun to watch. I was going to just go online and buy tickets for some random game, but then the Minnesota Atheists came out with an offer to get discounted group tickets. “Sure,” thought I, “I’d love to get cheaper tickets, with drink and food voucher, and attend the game on the same day as many people I know, including a family whose son is one of Owen’s good friends.”

But no sooner did I buy the tickets, then this upcoming game became a BIG DEAL. I mean it. Every paper in the Twin Cities covered it, lots of people blogged about it, and it was even covered by the Washington Post, Sports Grid, and even the UK’s The Guardian. The Minnesota Atheists even put up an article addressing some of the more common issues some people were having with this.

All of this is very good. Atheists should be more recognizable in today’s world. And ball teams should sponsor group outings that feature freethinkers just as they feature religious groups. The team changed their name to the “Aints” for this game, and the sign out front welcomed attendees to the “Mr. Paul Aints” game. In between innings, the announcer played Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” cleverly editing out the word “don’t.”

But…

When I read some of the comments online – people saying they were going to protest, others saying they were never going to attend a Saints game again, and others saying atheists are stupid to do this because, hey, why do they need to join together (since they don’t need to worship) and what are they promoting since they don’t believe in anything – I started to get worried. After all, I didn’t want to make a statement, I just wanted to show my family a good time watching a great team.

I needn’t have worried. There were no picket lines to breakthrough, and no boos or other harrassments from the theists in the crowd. My kids had a great time: french fries, pop-corn, a jumper to jump in and a playground to play on. We enjoyed the inter-inning antics, and we had a good time with the folks sitting around us, some who we knew, most we didn’t. The fireworks at the end were a special unexpected treat. The weather, by the way, was absolutely perfect – a rare treat this summer – despite the fact that a Fox News pundit said all “good Christians” would be praying for rain.

Thank you, Fox News, for confirming my belief that one thing all Christian denominations have in common is hypocrisy.

When we got to our car, there was a tract from some religious group. Oddly, the cover said “Thanks for your hospitality.” The inside – which my wife read to me with great merriment during our drive home – was pretty much just a bunch of scriptures and an exhortation to read the bible. Hilarious!

The Saints – or should I say “the Aints”? – however, left somethign to be desired. After seeing them score 10 and 18 points in the last two games I’ve attended, respectively, they failed to score a single run the entire game. In the bottom of the ninth, Owen sat on my lap and we watched our team, down two to nothing, with two men on base, try for a three-run homer. It brought back memories of our Twins game together. Sadly, it was not to be this time, and the Saints struck out for the last time, losing the game. A sad, “awwwww,” swept the crowd. Oh well. I suppose they just didn’t have a prayer.

Sunday, 05 August 2012

Owen and I are currently reading Ron Roy’s The X’ed-Out X-Ray. This strangely titled book is named what it is because it’s part of a series of books, the A to Z Mysteries series.

I’m always curious about what authors do for the letter X. In most adult books, it’s a non-issue, but it comes up quite regularly in kids books. There are tons of A to Z books. Often, I think the choice for the X word is a cop-out. For examples, we have the book V is for Viking: A Minnesota Alphabet. As the title implies, the book donates one or two pages to each letter of the alphabet featuring something relating to Minnesota. V, as you probably guess, is for Viking. W is for Walleye. Guess what X is for? It’s for “X marks the spot” on the map where Laura Ingalls used to live. Totally cop-out.

Slightly better is Gone Wild, an alphabet book of endangered animals. For the letter X – and only the letter X – the author flips his otherwise consistent practice of alphebetizing the animals by common name first, then scientific name.

A weird case is Dr. Seuss’s ABC. When the good doctor arrives at the 24th letter, he doesn’t even bother to list any words that begin with X; he just lists off a few words that contain the long-suffering consonant: ax, extra, and fox are among his choices. This is the only letter for which he does this. It’s weird because, come on: this is Dr. Seuss! He can just make up any damn word he pleases. And he does – two letters letter, he offers up a zizzer-zazzer-zuzz as an example of something that begins with Z.

So, part of me appreciates what Ron Roy did here: he managed to remain consistent, which is more than most authors can say. But part of me thinks “X’ed-out” is a really stupid word. But maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on the guy. After all, he didn’t make up the word; it’s even been used in other book titles (albeit without the hyphen).

See?

Anyway, my son must’ve noticed my moderate revulsion. Today he asked me to names ten words that begin with the letter X. And…it’s really hard. Especially because he specifically told me I couldn’t use x-ray. My nevxt selection was X-mas, but my wife was nearby, and she said that didn’t count. I don’t know who made her senior editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, but I attempted to muddle through with my son’s and wife’s restrictions.

Here’s what I came up with:

-Xylophone

-Xenon

-Xenophobia

–Xeric

–Xebec

-Xylem

-Xerxes

-Xerox

-Xeroxed

-Xeroxing

 …Yeah, total cop-out at the end there.

Monday, 06 August 2012

I met with my advisor this afternoon as part of my summer internship program. Upon arriving at his office, I complimented him on his glasses. They looked like this:

I guess these things are all the rage now. Or should I say, again? Two co-workers have recently updated their eyewear, and they both opted for the clunky Wayfarers, too. One’s a guy and one’s a lady, so evidently this fashion statement is not held back by gender restrictions in the same way, say, lipstick is.

My advisor used to have thin-wired, nearly circular frames, and I took the opportunity to remark that Buddy Holly must be winning out over John Lennon in the optical fashion world right now.

             Buddy Holly:                                                                                    John Lennon:

Tuesday, 07 August 2012

Here’s an interesting question: Could the upcoming US Presidential election be a tie?

Well, of course it could be a tie, just like there could be an all-powerful god in te sky, but we all know the real answer, right?

Not so fast argues THIS FASCINATING ARTICLE. Of course, the author admits this is highly unlikely, but it is more likely than it has been during the past several elections. I should mention he’s referring to electoral votes – not actual votes. Remember back in 2000 when there was a near tie between that one wooden detatched automaton and that other wooden detatched automaton? Yeah, see that was just a tie in the popular vote, and it was, strictly speaking, a tie anyway. Regardless, back then the electoral vote was never an issue: as soon as Bush Jr. was declared Florida’s winner, it was a no-brainer who won out in the electoral department.

No, what this article is discussing is the possibility of a tie on the electoral level which, to me, seems like more of a mess than what happened in 2000. The author admits the supreme court would likely get involved, thus speeding up the process and getting the job done, but also raising all sorts of questions about the constituationality of their power…again, like what happened in 2000.

Anyway, just go read it.

Saturday, 04 August 2012

Today, Jennifer and I attended an authors’ Book Release Party. I didn’t really know what to expect, but we had a good time.

The book Atheist Voices of Minnesota is being released later this month. I volunteered (and interned) as an associate editor for the book. Both Jennifer and I have essays that were accepted for inclusion within the book, too.

I’ve been to a few other events similar to this, but this one was the first time I’ve been to one just for the authors and their families. Back in 2010, for example, I drove over to my old college and attended a reception for the authors and anyone else interested. There was live music and food, and several authors (me included) were invited to the lectern to read an excerpt from the book (Breathing In, Volume II). There will be something like that next month, at a local library – and stay tuned, ’cause I’m inviting everyone I know to attend – but today’s event was more informal and intimate.

Okay, first of all: Pot Luck! So already I love it.

Second: Meeting so many of the authors in person was awesome. Of course, some of the authors I knew quite well before showing up today. A few others, I had met briefly, but don’t really know them. Still others, I’d never seen before. It was great to put faces with names. I kept thinking things like: “Oh, so that’s the lady who defied her parents’ wishes when she got married.” And: “Huh. That’s the the guy who grew up with a mom and grandma that channeled the dead? Weird.” And: “So that lady’s a vegan. I wonder what she’s gonna eat from the buffet? Oh well, more for me.”

About 25 of the 35 essayists were presnt, plus most of the editorial staff, the man who penned the book’s Introduction, the woman who painted the book’s cover, and people who worked on the book’s design and on the publisher’s publicity team.

Among the authors are…

Greg Laden, who writes one of my favorite blogs.

Shannon Drury, a self-proclaimed “radical housewife.”

PZ Myers, who writes what is probably the most popular science blog on the web.

and Norman Barrett Wiik, who I’d never met in person until today. Thankfully, he and his wife showed up with their kids, so my kids loved jumping around the room and causing mayhem with them.

Anyway, the book is for sale now, so please buy a copy. It contains many moving, insighful, and sometimes funny essays. Besides seeing what my wife and I wrote, if you are an ex-JW, you might be interested to know there’s another essay in the book from a former Witness. And if you are my co-worker, you might be interested to know there’s another essay in the book from one of our co-workers.

The book is for sale at Amazon. It’s slightly cheaper at Barnes and Noble. If Kindle is your sort of thing, it’s available for that, too. And if you’re super cheap (and you live in Hennepin County), you can get it from your local library.

Friday, 03 August 2012

This evening, in an attempt to give my wife some time to run to the store and get the house ready for company, I took the kids to a local park. About a week ago, I saw a flyer advertising August 3rd (that’s today) as a family fun night; the highlight being an after-dusk showing of Rango. I had no intention of sitting through another showing of this boring and marginally-sensical animated film, but I thought the other activities looked fun.

I didn’t tell my kids there was anything special going on at the park, I just asked them if they wanted to go to the park. They came running into the kitchen from the living room, both shouting “Yay!” and clapping their hands.

“All right, get your shoes on,” I said.

The first thing I noticed as I pushed the stroller toward the park was a table with snacks on it. There was a jar with a sign indicating donations were welcome. Ugh. I left my wallet at home (I don’t often bring cash to the local park). I felt bed not having even a dollar to toss in the jar, especially since the jar was nearly empty.

We walked through the line, which went fast, and took some snacks. Volunteers helped everything go smoothly; one man was working a large grill, preparing several hot dogs at a time, and other volunteers helped us with cups of lemonade.

We sat on a park bench; Owen downed a hot dog, a bag of chips, and some pink lemonade. Isla had chips and yellow lemonade (her favorite color). We each enjoyed a cookie. Behind us was the open field, and several families had already parked themselves on the grass with lawn chairs and blankets in preparation for the movie. Owen, meanwhile, couldn’t keep his eyes off the inflatable jumper.

As soon as we were done eating, we ran over to the jumper, and we only had to wait a couple of minutes to have a turn. The folks in charge said that little kids could go in, too. There were only two other kids inside, so I told Owen to take care of his sister and sent them both in. This was Isla’s first time inside a jumper.

After the frenetic jumping session – which, I could tell from their expressions, didn’t last nearly long enough – we walked over to the crowd and sat down to watch a puppet show. Open Eye Theater was there, and, as part of their summer Drive Way Tour, they put on a showing of Katie Tomatie.

They both absolutely loved this show. They never took their eyes off the tiny stage. Even when it was tough to hear (lots of people were making noise on the playground and near the climbing wall), they kept watching. A loud noise in the show made Isla jump, and she got up off the grass and settled into my lap for reassurance. I asked her if she was okay, and – too engrossed to look away from the stage – I deduced she was fine.

Once the show, which lasted about 20 minutes, completed, Owen said, “I bet mama’s gonna wonder where we are! We’ve never been at the park so long!” I told him he was probably right.

If you live in the metro area, get to a Family Fun Night. And, if you have young kids, take them to an Open Eye production. You’ll be glad you did. Just try to remember your wallet.