Tuesday, 04 September 2012

Today is Owen’s first day of second grade. Jennifer took him to school this morning, and I considered picking him up this afternoon…but it’s a good thing I didn’t. I wouldn’t have gotten there on time.

Here’s what happened:

I got in my car after work, and it started up with no problem. I decided to get some gas, which is a good thing to do on a Tuesday, because the local Super America has a “double coupon” policy on Tuesday, so my 10 cents-off-per-gallon coupon morphs into 20 cents-off. So that’s good.

So I filled up my tank with 20 cents-off gas, went in to pay, then went back out and tried to start my car. No dice. My first thought was that I did something stupid like fill it up with diesel. But I didn’t. Then my second thought was: “Hey, this seems like a problem with my battery.” But then my third thought was, “That’s weird, though. How can my battery drain so quickly? I just shut off the car less than ten minutes ago, so even if I left on both the headlights and the stereo, the battery should still be fine.”

Regardless, if my car had gas, then I really don’t know what other sort of trboule-shooting to do other than to jump the battery. In this way, having a car poop out at a gas station is a great thing, because people are coming and going all the time, and the station itself has a decent supply of fluids and parts for a car.

So, I took out my jumper cables, and I asked the guy at a nearby pump if I could use his battery. His pick-up truck was facing nose-to-nose with my Cavalier, so he wouldn’t even need to move his vehicle. He opened his trunk, and we hooked up. Literally.

I tried to start my car, but no luck. So I waited a few more minutes, during which time the good Samaritan revved his engine, and I’m glad he did that, because I hardly ever get to use two V’s in a row, so it’s great to get to type the word “revved.”

So then I tried my car again, and it started.

I bought a new battery this evening. As the receipt in my glove compartment attests, the old battery was purchased in August 2003. With an 84 month warranty, the old chunk of metal lasted 109 months. I guess I can’t complain.

Wednesday, 05 September 2012

 Today was the last day of the Strength Training class at work.

I signed up to take the once-a-week workout class back in May. There were two eight-week sessions, and so today was the last session.

Guess what? I forgot to bring my gym shorts. This was the first time I’d forgotten, actually. I considered not going to the class, but then I remembered I’m too cheap to lose out on a class I paid for, so I went with my jeans on. I did have a t-shirt, so at least my top half was workout-ready. A couple of people gave me funny looks, like I’m an idiot for wearing jeans to a workout class. I looked at them back, as if to say, “Yes, I am an idiot for waring jeans to a workout class.”

Other than a slight limit to my range of motion (tight jeans they are not), and a nasty inability to dissapate heat, things worked out just fine. Pun intended.

I’m not gonna sign up for the next eight weeks. With school starting tomorrow (see: tomorrow), I think I will need to start using my lunch hour to read books or write papers. Also, let’s face it, I’m in superb shape as it is.

Thursday, 06 September 2012

I started back at school today. Again.

My professor is a woman I’ve had for a class before. In fact, she recognized me as soon as she walked into the classroom. She’s a ncie lady, a good teacher, and she doesn’t “do” final exams, which is great for two reasons: 1) There is no benefit to having me write non-stop for an hour and a half, other than I just get pissed off, and 2) That’s one less day I’ve gotta leave work early and get to class.

We’re all sitting in a roundtable style. My wife says this is better for the women in the class, as it eliminates a heiracrchical appreance and facilitates group communitcation. I say it’s bad for the men in the class because, for example, when I go to adjust my pants, everyone can see what I’m doing.

Don’t ask me the name of the class, ‘casue I can’t remember. It’s another English class, and all the English classes have names like “Textual studies of criticisms” and “Studying texts critically” and “Critical studying of texts.” So, I don’t know, it’s probably called “Texts are Critical Studies,” or something like that.

Anyway, I’m in class now until early December. If I pull this thing off, I’ll attain 12 credits this year, which is an all-time record for my Hamline career.

Sunday, 02 September 2012

Well, with summer winding down, it is time for one last litle getaway.

Today was Family Day at the cabin. As the name implies, this means that the “family” spends the “day” at the “cabin.” Well, not the whole family – some were busy with other things. And not the whole day – we, for example, didn’t get there until 1:30 in the afternoon. And we were actually outside the cabin, not inside it, for most of the time. But you get the idea.

The last two times I’ve been to the cabin, I’ve stayed over night. Actually, back in June, I stayed two nights. And just a few weeks ago, I stayed four nights. So now, driving up there for just a day seems like a lot of work for little pay off. As it is, I wanted to get there earlier, but there was a lot of stuff to prepare, and our kids continually provided negative support in getting ready. We also stayed after dusk and, boy, do I hate driving in the country in the dark. My wife drove, but I was still in the car, so it wasn’t much better.

I’m pleased to report that my firepit was still in tact.

Monday, 03 September 2012

Well, we didn’t do much on this de facto last day of summer.

I did a tiny bit of painting. A very tiny bit, in fact. A couple of days ago, I replaced the fan switch in our bedroom, and the new plate is a little smaller, so it revealed some non-pained wall. Approximately 0.25 square inches. So I took a small brush and painted that spot.

Later, we watched our niece and nephew, which was fun for the kids and, I hope, earns us credits we can use for the day when we need a babysitter.

After our niece and nephew left, we walked to Subway Sandwiches. It was closed. I think ’cause it’s Labor Day. That was kind of bittersweet because, on the one hand, we wanted to eat somewhere but, on the other hand, that Subway is the crappiest Subway in the Twin Cities. So we went across the street to Hot City Pizza. Jennifer and I got hoagies. The kids had pizza. We all split one bottle of Dr.Pepper, PhD. 

This evening, we watched an episode of The Muppet Show (we currently have a disk on loan from Netflix) and then Owen and I read two chapters in the latest Captain Underpants novel.

Then the day was done. Tomorrow, Owen starts second grade.

Friday, 31 August 2012

 This evening, we met our friend Jeremy for dinner at Kokomo’s Island Bar and Grill. That’s at the Mall of America, and meeting Jeremy there is very appropriate since he and I have both worked there. In fact, for a couple of years, we worked together for the same company.

These days, Jeremy doesn’t work anywhere near the Mall of America: he now works in Utah. So, considering his commute, it was great of him to meet us so close to our home. He gave the kids a toy: a Q-BA-MAZE, which is kind of a twist on the marble works toy that has been a staple and a favorite of Owen’s for around six years now.

After dinner, we walked around the mall for a while. We hit up Teavana for free tea samples, then spent about 45 minutes at Barnes and Noble. Later, we ice creamed at Cold Stone Creamery. The kids played in a fountain, and Jeremy schmoozed with a Rosetta Stone salesman. Good times. Thanks for dinner, Jeremy!

Here I am posing, for what is probably the first time ever, with a Utahian. Isla’s left leg can be seen jutting out from behind me. 

Jennifer and Jeremy pose for the camera, while Owen expresses interest in something behind my right shoulder, evidently.

Saturday, 01 September 2012

 Owen received some passes to the Works Museum for his birthday back in May. We used the tickets today.

Originally, I was going to bring Owen and three friends (since he had four passes), but it’s nearly impossible to get three kids together and loaded into my car. The car seats can be a real issue. I thought of having the parents just meet me at the musuem, but then what do they do while I’m there with their kids? Unfortunately, no one we know lives real close to the museum, so no one would want to go back home.

Anyway, it ended up being Owen and one of his friends, along with me and that friend’s Dad.

The museum is now located in its own building, which is great, because last time we went there it was just a room in an old high school. I wasn’t even sure I was in the right place until after we got in the door. So, now, with their own building, it’s a lot easier to spot.

The larger building all to themselves, however, gives the museum a very empty feeling. It’s like moving from an apartment to a house – suddenly you have all this room and you’re not sure you’re ever gonna be able to decorate everywhere. Oh well. The kids still had fun.

Don’t let this picture fool you – Owen had nothing to do with the construction of this tower. The two dads built it (though our kids were happy to smash it down).

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

I got so wrapped up in ripping on that lousy Introduction yesterday, that I neglected to talk about the bigger book event from the day.

No, I don’t mean the release of Atheist Voices of Minnesota, although yesterday was the official release date.

What I mean is the release of Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers!

Owen has been exicted about this overdue ninth installment in the Captain Underpants saga. We completed book eight sometime earlier this year, and Owen was disappointed to learn that was all there was.

Alas, after a 6 year hiatus, author Dav Pilkey was back with book nine (of ten) going on sale yesterday.

Owen and I drove to The Red Balloon Bookshop this evening and scored ourselves a hardcover copy. I had called ahead and reserved it, though this seemed unnecessary as there was not exactly a stampede run at the new book. Nevertheless, I had Owen approach the counter and ask the saleslady for his reserved copy. She asked his last name, spun around, and returned with the thickest Captain Underpants book I’d ever seen. It’s true: the other eight book are all between 110 and 180 pages, but this one clocks in at over 300.

We read the first ten (!) chapters last night and another five this evening. Don’t let the title fool you: Tinkletrousers (as Professor Poopypants has rechristened himself) is not the main antagonist, he merely gets the action going and provides a reason to take us back in time five years. The books has, so far, treated us to George and Harold’s first meeting and how they got their start in the comic book world. So far, it’s definitely my favorite book of the series and, coming as we just finished up the A to Z Mysteries, the timing was impeccable.

Now we wait until January for the exciting conclusion. Finally, the saga will be complete.

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Today was meet-your-new-teacher day at my son’s elementary school.

While talking with his new teacher, she told us about the new year’s extended science curriculum. Jennifer and I already knew about this, having read it in the district’s newsletter earlier this summer, but Owen’s teacher gave us some more insights.

So, basically, the St. Paul school district decided all the kids need more science education. I agree. It’s gonna double this year. Science classes every day now. Not only that, but there are now two -not one, but two – dedicated science teachers. I love this development. After all, “science” is such a broad umbrella that it should be parsed out to specialists. The new science teacher they brought on board will work exclusively with Kindergarten, First, and Second-graders (Owen falls into this catergory). Owen’s teacher told us the new science room is right next door and that the science teacher is in there waiting to meet her new students.

So then we went next door. The science teacher was happy to see us, very much so, in fact, as her room was devoid of any other parents or students. I guess everyone else was busy meeting their primary teacher and didn’t bother with the new science teacher. Too bad for them, but it worked out great for us because we had more time to meet and talk with the science teacher. Also, Isla liked following the paper “footprints” tracking throughout the room. She is so ready for Kindergarten.

Anyway, just thought I’d say: Good job to St. Paul Schools for beefing up the science education!

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Today I finished reading the Wordsworth Children’s Classic version of Aesop’s Fables.

This was one of three books I brought with me to the cabin last week, and it was the only one I didn’t finish reading while there. I finished it up today during my lunch break.

I’ve wanted to read Aesop’s fables for a long time. I’ve heard many speakers reference them and I just wanted to, for once, see them all laid out before me in print. I bought this book using a discount coupon at “Half” Price Books last spring. It sat on my shelf until this month.

Now, while I enjoyed many of the fables, and the accompanying illustrations by Arthur Rackham are outstanding, here’s what I want to talk about instead: the Introduction, by G.K. Cherterton, is possibly the worst introduction I’ve read in any book. Ever.

First of all, G.K. likes to write himself a rambling prose. The five page intro contains only five paragraphs. And in those paragraphs there are some insanely long sentences. For example, the sentence that begins on page 18 and continues to page 19 boasts a whopping 110 words. (Yes, I did take the time to count.)

Amidst the largely incoherent prose, G.K. inserts a few doozies. Here’s what he says on page 15:

“The nursery fairy tales may have come out of Asia with the Indo-European race, now fortunately extinct…”

Oh man, I’m so glad those pesky Indo-Europeans are extinct, aren’t you? I mean, after all, they’re not fully European, so damn their bastardized hybridization!

Here’s something from the very next page:

“The truth is, of course, that Aesop’s Fables are not Aesop’s fables, any more than Grimm’s Fairy Tales were ever Grimm’s fairy tales.”

Okay, you say, even though he sounds like he’s stuttering here, what’s the problem? Well, the problem is he’s here trying to point out that Aesop merely collected the fables – he didn’t start them. But then, on page 19 (a mere two paragraphs later), he writes: “…whether fables began with Aesop or began with Adam…” So what is it, GK? Did fables begin with Aesop or not? Oh – and I like the choice here: fables either started with Aesop or they started with Adam. Yeah, it’s really one of the other. I’m sure it was Adam. In between having rib surgery, hanging out at a nudist camp, and naming two million species of animals, he also had time to pen a few dozen fables.

Did I mention that Adam is fake?

Here’s another asinine comment:

“There can be no good fable with human beings in it” (page 17).

What? That means that, like, half the book is “no good.” Indeed, three of the first five fables in the book have people in them, and one of them – “The Charcoal-Burner & the Fuller” – has only people in it (no animals).

And on page 18, he writes, “As the child learns A for Ass or B for Bull or C for Cow…” When I read this statement, I had to check on the copyright of the book. It was published in 1994. I was around back then, and I don’t recall any children’s book, toy, or TV show telling kids that “A is for Ass.” Can you even picture Elmo saying something like on Sesame Street? In our books at home (many of which were published in the 90s), A is for Apple or Ant or Alligator. It’s never ever ever for Ass.

(Although, this does give me an idea: an A to Z book of scatological words: A is for Ass, B is for Bowel Movement, C is for Crotch… Who’s with me?)

And just as an example of the incoherent nature of GK’s prose, here’s one example that stood out to me, primarily because it uses the word atheist, and I always perk up when I see freethought terms in unexpected places:

“Men do not, I think, love beetles or cats or crocodiles with a wholly personal love; they salute them as expressions of that abstract and anonymous energy in nature which to anyone is awful, and to an atheist must be frightful.”

What. The hell. Does that mean? I could just picture my wife and I sitting on the couch looking down at our cat:

ME: You know Jennifer, I love our cat.

SHE: Are you sure? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure you simply salute her as an expression of abstract and anonymous energy in nature.

ME: Oh yeah, you’re right. And since I don’t believe in deities, she’s simply frightful.

Yep, this is exactly how we kick off many an evening.

GK ends his steaming pile of doggerel by claiming: “There is every type and time of fable: but there is only one moral to the fable; because there is only one moral to everything.”

Huh? What does it mean “every time of fable”? And what’s with the odd use of a colon and the incorrect use of a semicolon? And how is there “only one moral to everything”? Everything? Really? Like, can’t a story or a poem or, heck, even a person’s entire life, have more than one moral to it? This was just a stupid ending to a stupid introduction. My advice is to buy the book, but rip out the introduction and use it to wipe your A is for ____.