Saturday, 22 September 2012

This morning, Owen and I went to another one of Lowe’s Build and Grow workshops. This was our first time going there since May, but I decided to forego their summer workshops that featured nothing but DreamWorks film tie-ins.

As we approached the store this morning, we saw, parked at the other end of the lot, a fire truck. Owen asked why it was there (he thinks I know these things), and I told him I didn’t know. We guessed that maybe there had been a small fire or an accident.

Then we went inside, and Owen began work on today’s project, which was a fire truck. While he worked on it, it dawned on me that the fire truck parked outside must be part of today’s event. When I told Owen this, he instantly remarked that it’s too bad they didn’t have an ice cream truck here back in May, when the workshop project was an ice cream truck kit.

I liked today’s project, by the way. It wasn’t ridiculously simple – like the racecar he made last spring that had a grand total of five pieces. And it wasn’t useless, like the mini-chalkboard he also made last spring. Apart from one wheel that was incredibly difficult to nail to the axle (we bent five nails in the process of trying), Owen built the whole thing himself and earned his sixth iron-on patch for his apron.

Then we went outside and toured the fire truck. With other kids climbingall over it, Owen went inside and out, exploring all the gadgetry andexpressing constant amazement at the size of the vehicle. He requested I take the picture you see to the right. Owen is seated on the engine’s read bumper and holding up his latest creation.

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Well, as I announced last week, our sprinkler system has been extricated from our property.

Yesterday, Owen and I went around the yard removing the heads. I unscrewed them from the tubing, and Owen filled in the foot-deep holes with soil. Then I pulled up on the few exposed tubes, and cut small trenches through yard until I could unscrew them. When there was nothing to unscrew, I took my handsaw and sawed the tubes off, reburying the remaining piece as deeply as I could. Then I pulled out the soaker tubes from the flower beds. This was quite fun, really. I just got a good hold of the tube and walked away from the bed, forcing the tubes out of their shallow graves.

This morning, I disconnected the system from the water main and dug up the mainframe. Pulling the huge box out of the ground was tougher than I estimated. I kept thinking it was cemented in place in some way. So I kept digging and digging. Finally, it began to shake free and I pulled it straight up.

I filled in the resulting hole with spare soil we have in another flower bed that we plan to dismantle one of these years. I then smoothed out hte ground, pulled out oodles of ivy roots, and re-sculpted the flower beds on either side of the new space. Before, the bricks around the bed led up to the sprinkler system and then just stopped. Now they curve right up to the house. I curved them in such a way as to ensure the space between the two beds is wider than my lawnmower. This will ensure I can easily get in there and mow it once there’s some grass there. I used a few of the flat bricks, which before were in front of the mainframe, to line the space directly adjacent to the house. My reasons for this were because I did not want grass growing right up next to the house, and the gas meter is right above this space, so I don’t want to have to ram the mower into the meter every time I mow. Jennifer said this was a good idea.

While working on this project, Owen reminded me that I would not have to hire someone to come and blow out the system at the end of the season this year. I agree son: pulling out the sprinkler system has already saved me fifty bucks. Woo hoo! Now to hop over to Craig’s List and sell the parts for more money…

Friday, 21 September 2012
While I usually take Owen out to the corner drug store on Fridays, I had to change it up a bit this week, due to a college obligation today. So, back on Wednesday, after picking Owen up from school, he and I muscled up to the ice cream fountain. While he licked his dessert and played the peg game, I snapped this picture:

Look! How cool is that? There’s The 2013 Saint Paul Almanac on its very own display and up for sale. Just before I took this picture, Owen had to take one of the books off the rack and open to the page with his picture. (Yes, it’s true, there’s a picture of Owen accompanying one of my stories. Jennifer took the picture. Thus, three members of our family are referenced on one page of the almanac and, yes, Isla noticed she’s not included.) He showed the soda jerk his picture, and she said, “Wow, that’s cool!”

Meanwhile: Today I stopped at the public library to return two books and pick up two more. And, while there, I just had to stop in the 211 section and take this picture:

Look! How cool is this? There’s a copy of Atheist Voices of Minnesota on the shelf at 211.8092 right where it belongs, near The God Delusion, The Agnostic Reader, The Loser Letters and Science versus Religion. Of course, it also has some pretty shady company, too, but I don’t care: the cool thing is that some of my writing is out there: at the corner drug store and the local library.

Thanks for indulging my narcissism.

Thursday, 20 September 2012
If you want to make fun of a religion without upsetting anyone, it seems your best bet is to make a sarcastic remark about Scientology. As a non-religious person, this seems a bit like the pot calling the kettle a slightly different shade of black.

So, mindful of the cliche, I am hereby going to poke fun of Scientology, but only because it dropped right in front of my feet. Literally. I picked up the mail off our porch this evening, and this is what I saw:

Ignore the top half of this image, which I only included in the scan to show that this flyer is, indeed, brought to me from my neighbors at the Church of Scientology in downtown St. Paul. What caught my eye was the lower half of this flyer: LOVE? and HATE?.

I think that’s a good way to demonstrate love. Just two intertwined hands. My guess is these two hands belong to lovers, but it could be familial or friendship love. (I’m sure it’s not agape love, though, since that’s the lowest kind of love, but that’s another story).

Anyway, what’s with the hate [portion of the] mail? Why does lightning equal hate? There are so many good ways to show hate…they could have shown a masked crinimal assaulting some old lady, or a KKK cross-burning, or some random dude with his fists clenched or a bunch of people with headbands, goatees, and sticks. But lightning? I don’t get it. Do Scientologists believe that lightning is evil? In that case, I could never be a Scientologist, ‘casue I think lightning is really cool. I mean, what other non-living thing has a distinct name for its sound? Way cool.

Also this evening, Isla pulled a red basket off a shelf in the toy room, and began pulling out the puzzle pieces, one by one. She began with the black and white pieces (shown in the center, below), and then alternated each side of the “train” until she completed the whole line. Owen and I read an entire chapter out of a book while she was this. I was impressed with her dedication:

Here she is seen about to attach the final few pieces. Alas, my act of taking a picture disturbed her concentration and she didn’t bother to hook together the last three pieces. Oh well. Still pretty impressive.

Monday, 17 September 2012

So, the household leadership committee is in preliminary talks to euthanize our spinkler system.

When we first checked out the property with our realtor last summer, we really didn’t care about the sprinklers. It actually made me like the property less, because it introduced an unnecessary variable that I knew nothing about. Hooking up a hose, screwing on a spinkler, and letting it spin for a while: that I do know. But a built-in system? Just sounded like headaches and lost money.

Last year, I used it once. I couldn’t even use it for the first few weeks after we moved in, because there were two busted valves. Replacing those cost $50. Then I used it once. Then it was getting cold outside, so I had to pay another $50 to have someone come over and blow-out the system.

One of the sprinkler heads was busted, meaning that if I turn on that section of my lawn, then all the water just gushes out of that spot. This summer, I ran over another spinkler head with my lawnmower and broke that one.

I guess you can pay lots of money to have someone remove it, but I looked up online, and it appears pretty easy to do it myself especially since:

1) I don’t care if it’s usable after I remove it

2) My lawn, and thus the system, isn’t that expansive

3) I’m only going to remove the stuff near the surface. The pipes a foot underground can stay there.

“But wait!” you say, “If you leave those tubes in the ground, they will get in your way when you landscape in that area.”

Um, maybe. In fact, that already happened in one portion of our lawn. So I just ripped it out. And I’ll do the same when, five years from now, I decided to install a fallout shelter and come across the renegade tube.

And here’s an interesting article I read today: Three Republican Presidential Electors Might Not Vote for Romney.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Once again today, I left work and drove straight to class.

I’ve tried classes in the morning, before I go to work, and classes in the evening, at 6:30, but this is my first time with a middle-of-the-day class.

Pros:

-Easy to get in all my hours at work. When I have a morning class, it custs into three or fours good hours at work. But this 2:30 class only eats up about one or two hours, so that’s good.

-Not out late at night. Yeah, in the evening, I just want to do my own thing.

Cons:

-Busy campus. People everywhere. Yuck. And no parking.

-Have to hope to science my car starts. See, if class is in the morning or the evening, when I leave for home, if my car won’t start, then I can just hop in the other one. Or get Jennifer to drive me. But when I leave work, there’s no back-up plan. Just relying on sheer luck. I don’t like that.

So the bottom line is: There’s never a good time to go to class. 

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

I am really loving the sudden onset of fall. I wasn’t expecting it to come this early or this fast, but I don’t bemoan its appearance.

Things that are great about fall:

-Get to use blankets again

-Fresh air

-Less bugs

-Can be outside without sweaty profusely

-Less-instense sunlight

Even though it was windy this evening, I took Isla for a walk to the park. Well, she rode in the stroller, but you get the idea. We wore our jackets, and I wheeled the stroller through small piles of leaves. At the park, Isla picked up a cluster of yellow leaves, which she identified as beautiful. In the wind, two of the the three leaves tore free and flew away. Isla was upset and wanted me to go get them, but I told her they were gone. She recovered pretty quickly and spent the rest of the journey home holding her stick with one beautiful, yellow leaf on it.

Thursday, 13 September 2012

This evening, my wife and I ventured downtown for the 2013 St. Paul Alamanac’s release party. As you may recall, I submitted two short pieces to the almanac with the hopes that they’d accept at least one of them. To my delight, they accepted both.

The event was held in a swanky, hipster building with lousy parking. The party actually spilled into three businesses: A cafe, in which they were passing out delicious congratulatory cake to the attendees; an art gallery, in which the original photos and paintings – reproductions of which appear in the book – were on display; and a Buddhist center, in which a few authors were slated to read their work.

The highlight for me was receiving my complimentary copy of the book and a check for $100 (authors received $50 for each accepted work). Here I am gloating:

Money in my left hand and a book in my right. It just doesn’t get much better than this.

If you want to read my short stories, the book is going up for sale around the Twin Cities this weekend. It will soon be available at the Ramsey and Hennepin County Libraries, too. Also, there are several author readings planned in coffee shops around St. Paul over the next few months. I will be reading at the October 1st and November 19th events.

Friday, 14 September 2012

As I noted back on August 9th, I won a short story contest sponsored by Hamline University and Homewood Studios. The short story had to be about malaria, of all things, and I am sure I won due to my extensive experience with malaria. (NOTE: Here I am using the word “extensive” to mean “none at all.”)

A few weeks ago, one of the contest coordinators emailed me to tell me I won an opportunity to meet with a professor and talk about how to polish up my short story.

I wrote back and told her that was basically bullshit because, for one thing, the contest flyer said the winner would receive a gift card. For another thing, I told her, I am currently enrolled as an English Major, so if I need to talk to a professor about my writing, I have ample opportunity already. Thirdly, I told her I didn’t care to work on the short story I submitted. I said that the point of the short story was to win the contest, which it did. So as far as I’m concerned, it’s done. I don’t care if a professor feels it needs work.

So then I got a response from the head of the contest explaining that the other lady didn’t communicate very well. He said that what I won was a chance to work with a Masters-level professor on any of my writing, so if I have anything else I’m writing, she’ll be happy to help me with that. He said she normally teaches these $200-300 classes, and I’d basically get that for free: I could email her any writing I’m currently working on, tell her what I need work on, she’ll read it, then we can meet in person to hammer it out. He added that if I preferred the gift card, he would mail me out a $10 Barnes and Noble card.

The Barnes and Noble offer sounded tempting, but today I decided to write to that professor and ask her for some help with areas of my book that my editor says need to be fixed.

Saturday, 15 September 2012

Do you remember when I posted this…

An extremely condensed version of my book has been accepted for publication in an upcoming issue of FREE INQUIRY. I was given the option of submitted either an excerpt or a condensed version and, though I would have preferred an excerpt, I really couldn’t find a ~2,000 word chunk of the book that was capable of standing on its own, so I gave them a condensed version.

…? No? That’s probably because I posted it back on June 29th of last year. And, today, the good folks at the Council for Secular Humanism finally got around to publishing it.

Yeah, it’s true. First it was slated to be published last September, but then they emailed me saying it was delayed until December. Then, in November, they emailed saying it would be delayed until now. I even wrote back, essentially asking WTF?, and the editor-in-chief wrote me back saying it was pushed out due to more timely events requiring space. He said not to worry, ’cause they almost never push things out twice. I wrote back and said, “Um, you already did push this out twice.” Then he wrote back saying: “Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. Well, unless Mitt Romney decides to leave the Mormon Church and give us an exclusive interview, I personally guarantee your piece will be in the October/November issue.”

And so it is.

Sunday, 16 September 2012

As I mentioned back on the 7th, today I was part of an authors’ panel during the Minnesota Atheists’ monthly meeting.

I was a tad concerned that the meeting would consist of just people reading excerpts from their essays. Sixteen people each reading for three to five minutes would, I thought, take a loooong time. I was even happy when one of the authors had to cancel, bringing the total down to fifteen.

In fact, it worked out fine. Most of the authors chose appropriate portions of their essays, and about ten of them only read for about three minutes. One author decided to read his whole essay, but his time-grabbing was compensated for by the author who read for merely 20 seconds.

After the meeting, I sat in a row with the other authors – not just the other 14 people who read, but also some of the authors who attended but did not read (this included my wife) – to sign copies of the book that attendees were purchasing.

Then we went out to eat at a buffet, where we all got a discount. I ate too much, but since I had a headache all day, I was more than happy to swap out my headache for a bloated belly.

Lastly, I want to thank my friends and family who attended to support me today. I appreciated it.