21 July 2010
Today I mentioned to my wife that I was thinking about the ratio of boys to girls in our families. I know this has little bearing on the gender of our baby-to-be, but it’s a fun exercise in thought.
So, first we have our siblings. Jennifer’s brother has a daughter, and Jennifer’s sister has a daughter, too. My sister has no kids, so that’s 2 out of 2. Of course, Jennifer’s sister is pregnant with a boy, so I guess I should say 2 out of 3.
Jennifer comes from a family of 3 girls and 1 boy, and I come from a family of one of each. So that’s 4 out of 6.
My mom comes from a family of 2 boys and 2 girls. My Dad comes from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl. My wife’s mom comes from a family of 3 boys and 1 girl, and her dad comes from a family of one of each.
What does all of this prove? Absolutely nothing.
On the other hand, the baby will be born under the astrological sign Leo, so I’m sure that counts for something!
22 July 2010
Did I ever tell you about the strange case of my silly filmlet vs. horrorcore hip-hop fans? Well, I’m gonna tell you know.
Back in, like, 1994, I had this great idea for a video: find a pregnant woman – a very pregnant woman – and show her taking a pregnancy test. Then, just for fun, have the test turn out negative. Ha! See? Isn’t that hilarious? The problem was, I was just a single teenage boy at the time, and I didn’t have too many pregnant women in my circle of friends. Sure, as the years went on, I knew a few pregnant ladies, but I never felt like saying: “Hey, know what? We could use that big belly to hilarious effect.”
But then, one day, I was living with a pregnant woman. So I talked her in to making this filmlet with me:
We decided to name this video “The ICP Pregnancy Test.” We chose that acronym for two reasons: first, it sounded ‘medical,’ and second, it’s a homophone for the phrase ‘I see pee.’ Get it?
This was the very first video I posted on YouTube and, by a wide margin, it’s the most watched video I’ve uploaded there.
One day, I received a friendly email from YouTube telling me a comment had been posted. It turns out, the comment was from a self-proclaimed Juggalo expressing his disdain for my choice in video titles. If you’re like most people, that last sentence made no sense to you, so let me explain: a Juggalo is a fan of the music act Insane Clown Posse, kind of like how Dead Heads are fans of The Grateful Dead.
Within a few days, my video had received a dozen comments, all from Juggalos in varying states of agitation at having found my video. At first, I wasn’t sure why they had even come across my video, but then I realized that ‘ICP’ is not just the name of my fictitious pregnancy test, it’s also the abbreviation for ‘Insane Clown Posse.’ So, essentially, these Juggalos were visiting YouTube, typing “ICP” in the search box, and finding my video.
I can understand that this is annoying. My wife tried repeatedly to find Muppets videos on YouTube for Owen to watch, only to discover videos of Kermit wherein the audio has been replaced with vulgar language. But what I don’t understand is why these Juggalos took the time to comment on the video. Why not just click to a different video?
Nearly every comment was abusive in its language – and most assumed that I was, in some way, trying to ‘diss’ their sacred music act. So, one day, I blocked all comments to the video (the comments are still blocked). Finally, one person, who was both an Insane Clown Posse connoisseur and able to construct a polite, intelligent comment, informed me – via private message – that I might be able to save myself the angry comments if I would just alter the name of my video. I responded thanking him, and immediately changed the title to “The I See Pee Pregnancy Test.”
For several months now, I’ve not heard a word from any Juggalo. But then, today, this comment showed up in my YouTube inbox:
Hey get this…. FUCK YOU ICP RULES….GO SUCK A DEAD MANS DICK BITCH
This is typical of the comments I used to get, but I was surprised to receive such a comment after altering the title of the video.
How do I respond to someone like this? My gut reaction is to reply with a similarly caustic message, but that’s just dumb. I could respond calmly, but sarcastically (my usual way of responding to any conversation), saying something like: “Hey, thanks for your comment. You certainly aren’t shattering any stereotypes I have of Insane Clown Posse aficionados.” Or maybe I should tell him that a caps lock key can be his friend, and that the apostrophe is located east of the semi-colon key, and that there are only three periods in an ellipsis, or that a corpse’s penis decomposes faster than nearly any other body part. But I think such nuanced sarcasm might be wasted on him – and I’m not sure it’s a ‘him,’ but I’m just determining the gender based on the violence implied.
I don’t understand why Juggalos are offended by the video, or the name of the video, in the first place. Why do they think that you are saying that ICP doesn’t rule? What a conclusion to jump to.
Yeah, that’s a great point – there’s nothing in the video to insinuate that I dislike ICP. If the video was a critical attack on their music, then sure, I’d expect some responses…but this is just weird. All I can figure is they’re searching for music videos and are angered to have clicked on something they didn’t care to see.
I only know Insane Clown Posse from their “Miracles” video. In it, they list off a bunch of things they see as miracles that have all been explained previously by science.
“Water, fire, air and dirt
F[‘ing] magnets, how do they work?
And I don’t wanna talk to a scientist
Y’all motherf[‘ing] lying, and getting me pissed”
SNL did a great Parody of it called, “Magical Mysteries”.
What is more disturbing to me is that you stated that a “penis decomposes faster than nearly any other body part”. How do you know this? Or better yet why did you want to learn it?
Thank you so much for revealing the brief life span of our manhood. Now I’m going to be thinking about how easily a penis rots when I die.
David: yes, I saw that video a few months ago. Besides the comments on my video, I think that’s the only exposure I’ve had to ICP. The SNL parody was brilliant. I bet THAT video gets some hate comments.
Cory: As you can imagine, it’s difficult to look up information of that sort online without having to sift through all sorts of smut. But here’s how I know that…
When I was a senior in high school, I took a class on Western civilization. A lady with some mummy experience came in to our class and showed us how mummies were wrapped, and how the organs were treated. At one point, a boy in the class raised his hand and said: “What happens to the penis?”
We all laughed, and then the woman said, “It just decomposes, just like everything else.”
He said: “But if you unwrapped a mummy, would it’s penis still be there, like the other body parts?”
She said: “Not likely, unlike other body parts, such as fingers or toes, there’s no bone down there.”
He said: “Speak for yourself.”
We all laughed again. Then she said: “Actually, the penis decomposes quite rapidly, as it’s just loose tissue, and it’s not individually wrapped to ensure preservation.”