So, the birth of our third child means that Owen has now graduated from Older Child to Oldest Child, while Isla has now been saddled with a chronic case of middle-child syndrome.

Visit my wife’s blog post for all the details about our latest baby, Emmett Porter, by clicking this link.

This is Emmett

I’m taking four weeks off of work to stay home with Jennifer and the new baby. My tasks as a postpartum mid-husband have consisted largely of providing meals for Jennifer and our non-nursing kids, as well as keeping up with the dishes and the laundry. The meal department has actually been easier than you might think because Jennifer prepared and froze several meals before the birth and left instructions on the fridge for me. So mostly I’ve just been reheating. A couple of people have given us some pre-made meals, as well, and Jennifer’s brother and his wife brought over some dinner from Buca. So, I’ve actually enjoyed getting the food ready. The biggest concern has been making sure that we eat re-heated items before they go bad.

Sometimes, I’ve had to prepare meals with Emmett in my arms. I’m quite proud of my ability to perform household chores while holding an infant, but there are occasions when I have to put him down. Just the other day, I laid him on the couch. Here you can see Emmett sleeping on the couch while his sister snuggles up to him:

Another lucky-for-me aspect of my paternity leave, is that Owen is still in school. I took him to school on his first day back, and he brought with him a 5×7 photo of his new brother (the same photo as shown at top). His teacher allowed him to put the photo on the overhead projector so the whole class could see it and Owen had the opportunity to regale everyone with a detailed description of Emmett’s birth. Or maybe he just told everyone Emmett’s name and birthdate.

After dropping Owen off at school that first day, Isla and I came back home and, for some reason, I just thought she was so cute while walking with her umbrella, that I just had to take a picture. So, here you go:

Incidentally, when Emmett finally attends his first day of Kindergarten, Isla will be starting 4th grade and Owen will be a 9th-grader.

Just for fun (and just because I happen to remember all this at the moment), I thought I’d make a quick list of the last bits of entertainment I consumed prior to becoming father to Emmett. I meant to do this prior to Owen’s birth, but I forgot…

Last complete book I read before Emmett’s birth: The Book of Numbers
Last movie I saw: Kill Bill, Vol. 2
Last movie I saw at the theater: The Grand Budapest Hotel
Last complete TV series I watched: Community
Last TV episode I watched: “The Wedding (Part 1)”
Last complete album I listened to: Songs of Bo Redoubt
Last song I heard: “O Mary Don’t You Weep”

Emmett’s birthday also marks the only time I went to work the same day my kid was born. I was at work for close to three hours when Jennifer called and asked me to come home. Owen was born on a Saturday and Isla was born just after 5:00 in the morning, so going to work on either of those days really wasn’t an option with those two. In fact, I even worked from home for a few hours prior to Emmett’s birth. All in all, I logged something like 6 hours of work that day, and he was finally born when less than 10% of the day remained.

In the meantime, it’s amazing to think that Jennifer and I now have three kids. Wow! I am now the father of three children! Three! Do you know what this means? It means that the number of children I’ve fathered is now equal to…

-The number of cups of coffee I have consumed in the past 15 years
-The total time, in minutes, that I’ve played Candy Crush
-The number of times I have verbally recited the Pledge of Allegiance
-The number of complete calendar years I have ever gone without wearing a necktie
-The total amount, in grams, of baby formula I have ever purchased
-The number of meals I have eaten from McDonald’s since 2002
-The number of times I’ve seen the Pacific Ocean
-The total amount, in dollars, that I have ever spent at Wal-Mart
-The total number of times I have worn a costume for Halloween
-The number of times I have been the Best Man in a wedding ceremony
-The number of complete cigarettes I have smoked
-The number of times I’ve been laid-off
-The number of birthday presents my parents and grandparents have ever given me
-The total number of coffee makers, snow blowers, smart phones, lawnmowers, and new cars I have ever purchased
-And the number of times I changed a diaper before my first child was born
…combined.

So, kid #3 is due any day now. And, like kid #2, we are planning to birth this one at home. In a tub. This requires a bit of planning.

Two weeks ago, I was completely stressed-out that we weren’t ready. Last week, I felt better, but remained anxious because some little odds and ends weren’t quite tied up yet. I even took a day off work to try to finish about ten things on our list. My success rate was approximately 30%.

But I think we’re good now.

First, here’s the tub:

Why have a tub? you ask.
Yes, it’s true, we already have a bath tub. In fact, we have a Jacuzzi. But this tub is larger than even our Jacuzzi. It’s deeper, and has a greater diameter. There’s also a comfortable pad on the bottom – and it’s sitting on our living room rug, which, in turn, is on another pad – so it will be softer on Jennifer’s knees. It’s also easier to get around it. Our Jacuzzi is fixed up against the wall, but here, Jennifer, her midwives, or anyone, really, can access the tub from whichever angle is easiest.
It’s also nice to give birth in a living room, next to the fireplace, instead of in the bathroom, next to the toilet.
Of course, this thing weights an awful lot. So I was a bit scared that our 90-year-old beams wouldn’t hold and the tub would come crashing through the floor. Egro…

This is the scene exactly 8 feet below the tub. Notice I have installed two metal pillars (rated to withstand 12,000 pounds), one under each beam. I call this homeowners’ insurance. It’s so safe that I even let my 3-year-old stand underneath.

But back to the living room…

Our new video camera is in place. The battery is charged, the data card is inserted, and we’ve affixed it to our oh-so-adorable 12″ tripod. It’s now lying in wait on our shelf above our TV. When the time comes, I will power it up and hit record. The underwater cam is arriving today. Just kidding. There won’t be an underwater cam.

Meanwhile, on another wall of our living room…

Here’s our mantle. Notice the candles on the left. That’s to give the room a real candle-y feel.

Here’s a close-up of our mantle. The little white card you see in the middle is a card Isla made to welcome the new baby. She made it in December, so it’s been sitting around for a while. And since our baby won’t be born knowing how to read…it’ll probably be sitting around for a while more. The little green object sitting right in front of the card is a rubber anklet Owen made for the baby.

Now let’s head into the dining room…

Here are some other items we’re gonna need: A small fan to point at Jennifer in case she gets hot; a photo camera for me to take pictures of the baby; some candles to burn during labor (Jennifer says they help her “focus”); and a CD of Mickey Hart’s album Music to Be Born By, which I will play while Jennifer is in labor. This album played during Isla’s birth, and it’s pretty kickass for activities such as pushing out a human being. There are also two sets of headphones for our two kids, and if you have to ask why we need those, then you weren’t within a half mile of Jennifer the last time she gave birth.

This photo shows what is immediately to the left of the objects in the previous picture. You’re looking at a canvas, acid-free paper, and a stamp pad. The canvas is for making a placenta print, which actually is pretty cool, so stop cringing. The paper and ink are for footprints.

Now to the kitchen…

Here are some large pots. The midwives will be using them. To the right of the pots is a flashlight, just in case they need to see inside someplace dark. And if you’re curious as to why there’s a space heater there, well…it’s not a space heater. It’s a box that used to house a space heater. Notice the box is lined with a plastic garbage bag. This can be set near the birthtub – or anywhere, really – and used as a mobile trash bin. A similar box is sitting in the living room, filled with towels we’ve saved just for this occasion.

This is a Birth Kit we had to order. There’s all manner of stuff in here for labor, delivery, and postpartum. Just trust me on this one.

And here is our fridge. There are six sheets of paper magneted to the door. Three of them discuss dinner options and how to prepare such meals; two of them explore the world of making lunch and snacks for kids; the last one (top right) is a list of phone numbers I will, or might, need (I blocked out most of this sheet to hide the phone numbers).

Did we miss anything?