Shadows and Lights

Monday, 29 October 2013

 Here’s some funny stuff I gotta share with you-

Bill Maher making fun of Mitt Romney certainly isn’t news-worthy, but here’s a clip of his writers lifting a scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s masterpiece Shadow of a Doubt, and putting a hilarious spin on it…

Also, this made me laugh:

Also, remember a few days ago, when I lamented the indefinite postponing of the best comedy currently on TV? Well, I’ve been checking online every few days to see if there is a change in Community’s prognosis. And, while I regret to report that there is not, the great news is that I’ve discovered that, somehow, I never got around to watching the last three episodes of last season. Oh man, how great is that? It’s like digging in your couch, looking for that quarter you dropped, and finding three quarters! And that would be truly awesome, because I’m trying to fins double the amount of money this year that I found last year. (And I’m not doing so good this month – unless something changes in the final 48 hours of October, this month will have the smallest haul of any month.)
Tuesday, 30 October 2013

Okay, two small milestones to celebrate today:

First, I finished reading the book The Piano Lesson today. My class was assigned to read this play by today. I’m not gonna waste anymore of my life than the 90 minutes I already squandered in class talking about the book. The contents of the book are (I assure you) irrelevant.

Far more interesting than the “story” of the book is the fact that it has become the 67th book I’ve read so far this year. This ties the record for second-most-books I’ve read in a year. The last time I read exactly 67 books in a year was 1999. The only time I ever beat that record was the very next year; I read 71 books in 2000.

Of course, with 1/6 of the year still to come, there’s the very real chance that I will break my record for most books read in a year. In fact, I have a book sitting on my desk that I’ll need to read for class next week, and I’m listening to a book on CD during my commute to work, so those are two books I will definitely add to my list. I will post here once I’ve shattered the 12-year old record.

Second…

Take a look at the chandelier that was dangling from our dining room ceiling when we moved in:

Yes – look upon it…if you dare! Isn’t that the ugliest chandelier you’ve ever seen?
Let me answer that question for you: Yes. It is the ugliest chandelier you’ve ever seen. (Okay, there’s the slight exception of chandeliers that a purposely made to be ugly – like the ones you probably see in chambers of horror; but this is the ugliest chandelier that wasn’t intended to be ugly.)

It’s definitely the ugliest chandelier I’ve ever seen. And I would know. When we first toured the house with a realtor last year, I immediately thought, “Well, that thing is a frightening abomination against all that is pure. I’m gonna tell the owner to knock ten thousand off the asking price just to recoup the cost of visual therapy I’m gonna need for the rest of my life now.”

Indeed, over the past 14 months, everytime I’ve been at other people’s homes, I’ve taken ntoe of their chandeliers and, everytime, I’ve thought, “Wow. I’m so jealous of their light fixture. I wonder if they’d notice if I stole it? How do I distract them?”

I’ve hated this chandelier so much, loathed it will such invective, that I had considered removing it the day we moved in and replacing it with nothing. But my wife was all like, “That’s stupid. We need light in the dining room.” Jeez. I’ve even yelled at other family members for turning it on when I’m in the living room. It’s true – if I’m sitting in the living room, and someone turns on that light, the mishapen bulbs blind me with flashbulb-like intensity. On occassion, I’ve had to place a pillow over my face while the light was on. It’s truly hideous, and all who had a hand in designing it, selecting it for this home, and installing it, should be lobotomized for crimes against morality.

Anyway, I bring this up now because we bought a new chandelier at apprimately 6:00 this evening. By 7:00, we had euthanized the monstrosity you see above and replaced it with the newer, less offensive model.

The old chandelier is now for sale on Craig’s List. If you’d like to buy it, I’m sure it would make a lovely addition to your dungeon.