The Day of Reason

Thursday, 03 May 2012

I delivered a short speech for the Day of Reason today. In between the Minnesota director of the ACLU and Representative Phyllis Khan, I spent six minutes speaking. I didn’t really like the venue; I was competing with horrible acoustics and a loud protest just upstairs from the rotunda. This forced me speak ridiculously loud and I spoke fast (just to get it over with). Also, for some odd reason, the microphone was off to the side of the lectern, so I was standing in an odd spot and had to keep turning my head way to the right to see my notes.

People laughed (at the right time), even though humor is very difficult when the sound is bad. It’s all about timing, you know? People applauded after I sat down, and a man even came over to me and informed me he had recorded my speech and would be making it available to the Senate. I guess he’s their media guy , or something, and he wanted to make sure he had my name spelled correctly (since it’s such a weird name).

Anyway, I think it went as well as expected under the circumstance.

A few people asked for a copy of the speech. I’m still working to see if I can get the audio quality good enough on the video to make it worthwhile to post, but in the meantime, here’s a transcript of my speech:

I’d like to take this opportunity to declare my support for the proposed “Religion Amendment” to the state constitution.

You’ve heard about it, right? The amendment is proposed to read: “Religion shall be defined as a union between one deity and one non-Christian theist.”

True, there are many Christians in Minnesota, but this ballot measure is not discriminatory! In fact, I don’t hate Christians at all; I just disapprove of their lifestyle choice. After all, they weren’t born Christian – they chose that lifestyle, and now they’re trying to redefine “religion” to fit their so-called “new testament.”

When religion was founded, by our founding fathers 4 score and 7,000 years ago, it was intended to provide answers to a complex world, comfort people who lost family members in death, and explain suffering.

But Christians have redefined it to mean something else. They want it to mean things like:

-Bowing your head and talking to yourself gains you access to extraterrestrials

-Speaking obnoxiously in a dead language can turn wine into blood

-And members of the LGBT community should not be permitted to marry

How twisted!

But in fact, what’s more deplorable about religion’s intrusion into government and our constitution isn’t their bizarre beliefs, troubling as that it. No, what’s worse – and worrisome –is their hypocrisy.

Consider: The anti-gay marriage ballot measure was approved by 68 Republican Representatives who, ostensibly, ran on a platform of government non-interference, and 2 Democratic Representatives who hypocritically voted against the very platform they were elected on – since the Minnesota DFL platform states:

“We oppose discrimination against any person on the basis of race, creed, sex, sexual or affectional orientation.”

 

Though the hypocrisy of politicians is as old as the Christian belief that Jesus will return tomorrow, consider the hypocrisy of Christians who champion anti-marriage laws:

-Do they support laws against premarital and extramarital sex?

-Do they believe we should amend the constitution to outlaw divorce – after all, god hates a divorcing?

-Do they wish to outlaw eating shellfish, worshipping idols, lending money, and children who talk back to their parents?

If they don’t support all these measures, then they’re hypocrites.

And I would know. After all, I used to be a Christian. Or, at least, I was a Jehovah’s Witness. And, as an obedient sheep, I subscribed whole-heartily to the Watchtower’s stance that homosexuality is – to use their words – detestable, dangerous, wrong, repulsive, vile, and unnatural. I thought it was so unnatural that, when a classmate confronted me on my belief, I replied that it’s obvious that being gay is not natural, as no animals engage in homosexual behavior. She had a fascinating rebuttal that I chose to ignore.

Later, my friend Jeremy came out of the closet. He left the religion. He had to – there was no other option. Like the good Christian sheep that I was, I shunned him – a difficult task as he was not only my friend, but also my co-worker. His presence made me nervous, and I eventually transferred my employment to another location in an effort to more completely avoid him.

For my wife and me, this was a great test of our cognitive dissonance. There didn’t seem any valid reason to shun Jeremy. He was not evil; he was neither picking our pocket nor breaking our leg. He didn’t seem to be redefining marriage.

Ignoring a friend, simply because of his sexual preference, was a wasted opportunity…and, deep down, we knew it. While performing volunteer work for the church, one woman shook her head in dismay at the mention of Jeremy, saying she couldn’t understand why someone would give up God’s love for the love of men. Her comment was the embodiment of Pascal’s observation that “men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions.” I was so troubled by this woman’s comment; I feigned illness and left early.

Obviously, my wife and I finally saw the light. All of our loving Witness friends and family summarily shunned us like dutiful sheep – and, incidentally, I find it funny that Christians equate themselves with sheep, since the Sept 2003 issue of Endocrinology noted findings that 8% of rams exhibit homosexual behavior.

I was nervous to reconnect with Jeremy – afraid that he would be angry with me for turning my back on him just when he needed my friendship most. Alas, Jeremy and his partner were not as closed-minded as the Christians who were shunning us. They welcomed us into their life with open arms.

I cite my story, because, like me, there are many out there on the capitol steps, with their eyes closed, and their faces buried in the ground. They’re missing out on countless friendships and superb opportunities. In the name of love, many of them are currently shunning loved ones and they are supporting a discriminatory ballot that will only further disenfranchise their life from reality.

Thankfully, though, here in America we can do more than just talk about religious and political hypocrisy. We can give our blood, sweat, and santorum in defense of equality and reason. And while Jehovah’s Witnesses, mercifully, do not go to the polls, members of other heterosexist cults do vote. So those of you who champion reason better vote, too. Otherwise, the sheep win.