Wednesday, 15 November 2011

When we first moved in, there were a lot of things about this house to figure out. This included:

How do we get the sprinkler system to work?
How do we get the fireplace to turn on?
What’s up with the crazy electrical in the garage?
Is there a way to get the built-in radio to not automatically turn on outside?

So I think as of today, I can say that I’ve now figured everything out. Some things, such as the fire place, required the assistance of my brother-in-law. Other things, such as the electrical, simply needed replacing. And other things, such as the sprinkler system, necessitated repairs.

Today I successfully ‘bled’ the upstairs radiators, so we appear to have sufficient heat flow upstairs now.

But, as I write this, I realize there are two things I still am having trouble with – but, thankfully, neither is urgent:

1) There’s a built-in intercom system. I can’t get it to work.

2) The freezer door has an ice and water dispenser. I got the water to dispense fine, and the ice dispenses as long as I manually fill the ice bucket inside the freezer. But there should be a way to get the freezer to automatically manufacture ice. I can’t get that to happen.

Any suggestions?

Thursday, 16 November 2011

My friend recently posted about Richard Dawkins’ latest book, The Magic of Reality. Actually, she didn’t have much to say about it (she hasn’t read it yet), but she referred to THIS BLOG, in which the blogger laments Dawkins’ decision to term Judeo-Christian myths as…well…myths.

She claims it is disrespectful to religions, and ultimately to the followers of those religions, to term the stuff in the bible as ‘myth.’ She seems to have no compunction for Dawkins’ decision to call the Greek, Roman, Norse, Native American, and Australian Aboriginal stories ‘myths,’ and I’m not really clear on why.

Anyway, I figured I would look up the word ‘myth’ and see what the definition is. According to THIS ONLINE DICTIONARY, the definition is thus:

This is a rather comprehensive definition and, though I admit people are free to use words as they see fit, I think we can safely assume Dawkins will chose to use a word in its most commonly known form, unless he states otherwise (which I assume he must do for his choice of the word ‘magic’ in his book’s title). With that in mind, I don’t see how the bible stories are NOT myths, and can accurately be termed as such in books that are aimed at freethinkers.

Of course, the blogger doesn’t necessarily claim that Dawkins is misusing the word, merely that doing so is disrespectful. Well, sorry, but a spade is a spade: The Garden of Eden, Noah’s Flood, and the Tower of Babel are all fiction. They are false, fake, non-scientific, myths. I am quite positive that many of my relatives would find such a statement disrespectful and, in fact, probably most people I come into contact with everyday would likewise find it disrespectful. This is why my son, besides being taught that the bible is mythology, is also taught to be judicious in what he says and when.

Perhaps I could compare this to the word “Fuck.”

My son knows the word. He’s heard it, and I’ve heard him use it. But guess what? To my knowledge, he’s never said it in front of his conservative grandma, or his school teacher, or during a wedding or funeral. That’s because he knows there is a time and a place for everything, and I’m not going to hide the fact that Genesis is mythology just because little Virginia down the street would find such a fact disrespectful.

This question probably sounds sarcastic, but I’m asking it sincerely:

Am I missing something?

Monday, 14 November 2011

The State Congress in Michigan is trying to pass an anti-bullying law. Michigan is one of only a few states that has no anti-bullying law so they’re trying to correct that.

The problem is, some of the Representatives decided to slip in a passage that says bullying is okay as long as it is due to sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction. In other words, as long as you think God condemns the person, it’s okay to beat the shit out of them (as attested to in Exodus, Joshua, Judges, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel…).

The really crazy thing about this bill s that it’s called “Matt’s Safe School Law.” Matt, in case you don’t know, was a Michigan kid who committed suicide after being harassed about his homosexuality. So, basically, this bill – if it became law – would allow the continuance of bullying of gays. Way to honor Matt! This just proves my theory that politicians are assholes.

But wait – not all politicians are assholes all the time. Here’s Representative Gretchen Whitner giving an awesome smackdown to the House Republicans who think bullying is okay as long as your religion condones it:

Stephen Colbert gives a slightly less passionate (though way funnier) take on the matter HERE.

And here’s an article about the bill, which appears to have been edited due to the public thinking it was a really shitty idea to include that wording.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

A woman stopped by today to purchase a couple of shelves I extracted from the dining room. She pulled up in her Prius, then hopped out and said, “I bet you took one look at my car and thought, ‘oh boy, she’s never gonna fit these shelves.'” I laughed and said, “Actually I took one look at your car and just thought, ‘oh well, this is her problem.'”

She laughed.

The thing is, her Prius had enough room to fit four shelves, but she had a lot of stuff in her car already. This included a new toilet seat, bulk items from Cosco, and two dogs. She ended up fitting in only on shelf, and then said she’d have to come pick up the other shelf tomorrow. She asked if I minded. No, I didn’t care.

Her purchase marks the fourth item we’ve removed from our property and sold for cash:

One large shelf: $80

One statue: $10

A refrigerator: $90

Two smaller shelves: $45

Saturday, 12 November 2011

The highlight of the day was our trip to Bay Street Bar and Grill. We dined there once before and decided to go again so that we could play bingo.

Every Saturday afternoon, Bay Street hosts ten games of bingo, at a dollar a piece. Jennifer and I decided we would just play one or two games, just to get the feel of it. Owen wanted to play, too, but the employee informed us that kids can’t play bingo; they can’t even blot their parent’s card. This is just another stupid law – as my wife pointed out: why is it okay for kids to play with a skill crane (or any other arcade game, for that matter)? Owen was disappointed, but Jennifer said that he could help her find the numbers on her card. Good god, I hope the feds don’t find out about that.

Turns out, Team Jennifer/Owen won the first game. She shouted out “Bingo,” in that loud, boisterous voice for which she is so well-known. She brought her card up to the counter for verification and returned moments later with nine dollars.

We decided we’d better play another round, ’cause it would be rude to win and leave.

I won round two, for a total of $10.

We then decided we had to play round three, again so that it didn’t look like we were just taking everyone’s money and running.

Despite Isla’s antics, we played a third round, which I again won, for a total of $11.

We played round four, just for good measure, and we were actually pleased that neither of us won.

All told, we scored thirty bucks. Of course, we spent $8 to play, but that still netted us $22. Our lunches – including tax and tip – cost us $19, so we left the restaurant with full bellies and $3 richer.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Look what I found on Craig’s List:

It’s an ad for a used refrigerator, obviously. But what struck me as odd was the phrase “10% off if you love Jesus or free delivery.” Never mind the crappy sentence structure, what gets me is that this person feels it’s okay to discriminate on the basis of religion. Had this been an offer for purchasing a car or renting a room, this would be illegal, but I couldn’t find anything in Craig’s List’s user policy that indicated religious discrimination in fridge sales was a violation of terms.

I wasn’t actually interested in buying the fridge (I just wanted to get an idea of what people were charging for them), but had I wanted to buy it, I would have proudly announced that I love Jesus.

In other asinine religious news, the House of Representatives voted last week to reaffirm “In God We Trust” as the national motto. Oh man, I’m so glad they did that. If there’s one thing Congress needs to do during a recession, with high unemployment, a tanking approval rate, nation-wide sit-ins, war, and environmental concerns, it’s take time out of their busy schedule to reaffirm something that no one’s even seriously contesting right now, anyway. I sure hope they reaffirm that our nation is called “The United States of America,” cause, boy, I’m sure worried that the name isn’t ‘firm’ enough right now.

Here’s a list of who voted yea, nea, or present.

Wednesday, 09 November 2011

Today, a co-worker asked me if Jennifer and I were planning on having a third child. I don’t think that sort of question is rude, but it’s my understanding that many people do think it’s rude, so while I refrain from asking others, I don’t mind it being asked of me.

I gotta say, though, I think it’s funny to ask of someone who has a 15 month old child at home. To me, it’s too soon for another kid (remember: there are over five years between kids #1 and 2). Before I could concoct any sort of response, though, the co-worker added: “I suppose you already have one of each.”

Presuming she was referring to my children’s gender, she is correct: I do have one of each.

So now I am left to wonder: are third children more prevalent in families with two children of the same gender? My parents, for example, had ‘one of each,’ and then stopped there. This might be due more to their complete disgust for one another rather than due to their kids’ genders, though. My wife’s parents, on the other hand, had ‘one of each’ and then proceeded to go ahead and have two more anyway. I have two sets of uncles and aunts who went on to have more than two kids after having the complete set as well.

I was trying to think about the children of some of my peers, but family sizes have shrunk to the point that it’s tough to tell what people are planning. Maybe their lives are too busy for more than two kids, or even more than one. Or maybe economics comes into play. Actually, I hope economics comes into play.

Thursday, 10 November 2011

Hidden behind the radiator in (what will be) Isla’s bedroom was a box of over-the-counter anti-flatulence medicine. Why anyone would want to forgo the pleasure of a good fart is beyond me but, nevertheless, the package has now become the latest in a continuing list of oddball items the prior owner left behind.

Here’s the list, in order of when we discovered the quirky item:

-Fireplace utensils
-A bottle of wine
-About two dozen cans of Diet Coke
-A statue of St. Anthony holding a child
-A ladder
-A fancy candle holder with candle
-The book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Managing Stress
-A bunch of accessories for a model train set
-About 10 bars of soap
-A douche bag (seriously)
-A pair of women’s underwear
-A bandana
-An antique hook for lacing up boots
-An unopened box of dryer sheets
-Prescription headache medication
-A lap desk
-The aforementioned GasX

I’m not sure why someone would leave these things behind. They are of varying value, but they all have some value (well, except for the used nether regions wash). Most of this stuff we’ve either thrown out (such as the panties) or given away (such as the bandana and the train supplies). We sold the statue. I’m using the lap desk as I write this. It’s about the most hideous piece lap desk you could imagine, and the cheap plastic top bows under the weight of my laptop. If you want it, let me know, otherwise it’s taking a one-way trip to the Goodwill next time I go.

I will post if I find anything else of note. I hope there’s more…this is quite fun.

Friday, 11 November 2011

The big news today is that the date is 11/11/11. This sort of thing has happened every 13 months since the millennium began, but judging from the Facebook time today’s date is getting, this one is REALLLY special. It must be because all six digits are the same, unlike, say, last year in October when the date was ‘merely’ 10/10/10.

In fact, there are frequent notable dates like this one. This year alone, there has already been 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11. Then there’s also been 09/10/11and even 07/09/11, and soon there will be 11/22/11.

Another interesting fact about today’s date (assuming, of course that the other facts were interesting, which they were not), is that it’s the first time the six digits have all been odd numbers since way back on November 19, 1999. Of course, back then, all EIGHT digits were odd: 11/19/1999, whereas today, only six of them were odd. Still, it’s been a long string of even numbers creeping in – ever since February 02, 2000, when all eight digits were even numbers. The next time all eight digits will be even is on February 02, 2020, about eight years from now.

We’ll have to wait considerably longer for all eight digits to be odd. One thousand one hundred days from today, in fact.

Saturday, 05 November 2011

Today was yet another day to get some stuff accomplished around the house.

I hung up a few items that had just been laying around. Then I cleaned off a couple of counter tops in the kitchen and dining room that have had junk on them since before we even moved in. I also removed the obscenely ugly, crooked towel racks from the downstairs bathroom and installed two new hooks. I also managed to shorted the blinds on two bedroom windows.

Yes – did you know you can do that? I first learned about this when Jennifer and I bought blinds from IKEA for our last home. The blinds were long enough to cover a window 50% longer than the ones we owned, and, helpfully, the IKEA users’ manual came with instructions on how to shorten the blinds to make them fit a shorter window.

A couple of months ago, when we first moved in, I looked online for a quick refresher on how to perform this feat. Here’s a helpful video if any of my loyal readers have a window that’s three feet high and blinds that are six feet long:

Sunday, 06 November 2011

Today, while my wife took Owen to a birthday party, and Isla napped upstairs, I powered up my laptop and watched the latest episode of The Office, and episode titled “Doomsday.”

There have been 158 episodes in this tired series that jumped the shark last season, but I’m gonna go ahead and say that “Doomsday” is, so far, the worst episode ever, and if you haven’t seen the episode yet, you should still feel free to read on here; I can’t possibly ruin it for you.

The main premise of the episode is that the crew has been making too many mistakes. Dwight convinces his boss, Andy, to allow him to initiate a computer program that, upon logging five errors from is co-workers, will immediately send damning information to the CEO, Robert. Among this information is proof that their location has been losing money for the company, along with several embarrassing emails the co-workers have circulated amongst themselves in which they berate Robert.

Um…so far, not funny, but not terrible either.

But then the mistakes begin to add up. I’m not sure how this is tracked, it’s completely illogical. And, in fact, if Dwight has created a program that can detect all sorts of errors like this, then he should sell his software to companies around the globe and retire as a multi-billionaire.

Anyway…

After achieving four errors, the co-worker (who inexplicably continue to perform their jobs) break out into panic. To avoid the situation, Dwight simply leaves for the day, and goes home to dig a horse grave.

Deciding now would be a good time to convince Dwight to shut down his program, four of Dwight’s co-workers drive to his home and…ready for this…begin to assist him in digging the grave. When Andy (one of the four) suggests to the others that they “have to do something,” his subordinate Pam tells him their best course of action is to do nothing! Ha Ha! Brilliant!

Meanwhile:

Darryl finds the new woman working down in shipping to be quite attractive. Problem is, Gabe also finds her attractive. I can’t think of any two men on the show who are more dissimilar, but it’s hard to buy the idea that both Darryl and Gabe would like the same woman. Darryl, as usual, plays it cool, while Gabe decides the woman will find fat jokes funny. Out of desperation, Gabe just comes right out and asks her on a date. She declines, on the basis that she doesn’t date co-workers. Darryl overhears this and mugs for the camera.

Meanwhile, Jim meets up with Robert at a squash court. Jim’s plan, evidently, is to get to the CEO’s phone first, and delete the incoming ‘doomsday’ information. I’m not sure how, or why, Jim thinks this will work, and he looks like a complete buffoon when he runs for the phone and frantically tries to delete what he believes is the damning info. Stupid.

Meanwhile, back at the farm…

The incompetent gang-of-four leaves Dwight’s place, having accomplished nothing. Dwight remarks about how much they ruined his day and then, in a deus ex machina move that made me feel embarrassed for the show’s writers, Dwight simply decides to deactive the doomsday program.

Oh – and I should mention that the episode began with Andy crooning Semisonic’s “Closing Time” to the crew. This is, we learn, something he does at the end of every workday, even though we’ve never heard or seen of this before. It’s dumb, cloying, and another trying-too-hard moment from this episode.

Apart from Dwight’s assessment of his co-workers (he said they ate all his dessert and dug the worst horse grave ever), which belied his actions, I never laughed once.

I wish this show would just end.

Monday, 07 November 2011

Today I sat at a table at the entrance to my job’s cafeteria, and passed out information about Toastmasters. Our club has been losing members, mostly due to people quitting the company, and we need to beef up our numbers. Some people came over to the table just for the candy, but some were genuinely curious. One guy said, “Oh no, that’s not for me. I hate public speaking.”

Um, not to sound like a salesman, but that’s exactly why he should join Toastmasters. Of course, he might have other reasons for not joining, and that’s just fine, but what kind of a stupid excuse is that?

It reminds me of when I was a Jehovah’s Witness, and I’d knock on someone’s door, and they’d interrupt my sales pitch to say, “No thanks, I have my own religion.” I always wanted to say, “No shit, idiot. That’s why I’m here. If you had the same religion as me, you’d be out here knocking on doors, too.”

I’m just wondering if people really don’t think about matters any deeper than that. When I saw an ad in the community education booklet that said, “Beginner Guitar Lessons,” should I have said, “No way, man, I don’t know how to play guitar?” It doesn’t make any sense.

Tuesday, 08 November 2011

Today, Jennifer and I ventured to the local community center to vote. We have never before voted in an odd-year election. As I told my wife, it’s not a very important election. She responded with, “Every election is important.” Jeez, when did she become so civic-minded?

At any rate, we had to register – or would that be re-register – since we have moved since the last election. The re-registering was a pretty smooth process, and the large gymnasium afforded our kids plenty of space to run and diminish the dignity of the event.

St. Paul was trying out their run-off voting method. I’m a big fan of this style, because it makes me more likely to vote for who I want to win, rather than who I think has the best chance of beating the idiot. So, essentially, I voted for two people: first I picked the man I wanted for the job, then I picked the guy that I wouldn’t mind for the job. I could have selected a third, fourth, fifth, and even sixth choice, but I didn’t feel comfortable with any of those candidates, so I left them blank.

Afterward, I received an “I Voted” sticker from a woman who was, evidently, too tired to rip the sticker off the roll and told me to just do it myself. Tragically, the sticker is, again, not a scratch-and-sniff.