Monday, 01 August 2011

Last week, I mentioned that I keep track of the singles that go to #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100. A friend asked me why bother since it’s almost all really bad music anyway.

Here’s the deal: Like films that win the Oscar for Best Picture, The Presidents, The Elements, and the Countries of the World, The #1 Songs is a finite, slowly changing list from which to cull all sorts of interesting facts and figures. More than that, it’s fascinating to see how songs and artists that I enjoy are doing on the charts. Of course, as another friend has repeatedly pointed out, going to #1 (or not) doesn’t have an inherent influence on the quality of the song. But, as a trivia buff, it’s fun to wonder why, what if, and how come: I lament Bush’s victory in the Presidential election of 2000, and Rear Window’s loss of Best Picture, but the stats and the accompanying trivia is fun.

Here, then, are a few bits of Hot 100 trivia that I think are pretty interesting (and I’m just listing these off the top of my head, so feel free to double-check):

-No woman has been on top of the charts more than Diana Ross: 12 times as a member of the Supremes, 5 times as a soloist, once with Lionel Richie, and once as a member of USA for Africa (total = 19).

-The biggest gap a musician ever had between #1 songs is nearly 25 years (March 1974-March 1999). The record belongs to Cher.

-Creedence Clearwater Revival holds the record for most #2 songs without ever attaining a #1 song (it happened to them 5 times).

-The Barenaked Ladies song “One Week” stayed at number one for …one week. Prince’s song “7,” meanwhile, only peaked at #7.

-As a writer, Barry Gibb had four #1 songs in a row in 1978.

-Puff Daddy’s “I’ll Be Missing You” is the shittiest ‘song’ to ever go to #1.

-The oldest person to have a #1 song was Louie Armstrong, in 1964. He was 62.

-Speaking of 1964, The Beatles dominated the charts that year. They scored six #1 hits (a record!). The song “A World Without Love,” by Peter Gordon also went to #1 that year. It was written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, meaning those two men penned seven #1 hits in a single year. The Beatles’ song “I Want to Hold Your Hand” was succeeded at #1 by “She Loves You,” which was then succeeded at #1 by “Can’t Buy Me Love.” No other act has ever had three in a row like that. During the week of April 4th, The Beatles had the #1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 song. During the week of April 11th, they had 14 songs on the Hot 100. Their song “Twist and Shout” failed to become a #1 song. It was blocked from the top spot by another Beatles song.

-Lots of songs have gone to #1, then dropped down to #2 or 3 for a week or two, then jumped back up to #1, but the only song to go to #1, then drop all the way off the charts, then climb all the way back up to #1 is Chubby Checker’s “The Twist.”

-The shortest title for a #1 song is Britney Spear’s “3.” The longest title is so long I can’t even remember it, but it went to #1 in 1981, and the title begins with “Medley: Intro Venus…”

Since there have been several #1 songs that I do like, I will here make a chronological listing of my favorite #1 songs…

“That’ll Be the Day” Buddy Holly (1957)

Like so many artists here, Holly’s best songs did not make it to #1. This, in fact, was his only song that did. So even though it’s not my favorite Holly song, it’s the only one I can list here. And it’s not so bad.

“The Battle of New Orleans” Johnny Horton (1959)

“Mack the Knife” Bobby Darin (1959)

“Hit the Road Jack” Ray Charles (1961)

“Oh, Pretty Woman” Roy Orbison (1964)

“I Feel Fine” The Beatles (1964)

“Help!” The Beatles (1965)

“Yesterday” The Beatles (1965)

“The Sounds of Silence” Simon and Garfunkel (1966)

“Paint It, Black” The Rolling Stones (1966)

“Good Vibrations” The Beach Boys (1966)

It’s a tough call, but I gotta say this is the best song to ever go to #1.

“All You Need is Love” The Beatles (1967)

“The Dock of the Bay” Otis Redding (1968)

“Mrs. Robinson” Simon and Garfunkel (1968)

“Come Together/Something” The Beatles (1969)

These two songs were #1 at the same time (they formed the A- and B-sides to a record). I’m listing them both because they’re both awesome.

“Let It Be” The Beatles (1970)

“My Sweet Lord” George Harrison (1970)

This is a close contender for best #1 song ever. Like I said, tough call.

“Me and Bobby McGee” Janis Joplin (1971)

I like songs by women, too.

“I Feel the Earth Move” Carol King (1971)

See? Told ya.

“How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?” The Bee Gees (1971)

“Uncle Albert / Admiral Halsey” Paul and Linda McCartney (1971)

“American Pie” Don McLean (1972)

“Heart of Gold” Neil Young (1972)

“A Horse With No Name” America (1972)

“Superstition” Stevie Wonder (1973)

Another contender for best #1 song ever.

“Bennie and the Jets” Elton John (1974)

“Sundown” Gordon Lightfoot (1974)

“Whatever Get You Through the Night” John Lennon (1974)

“50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” (1976) Paul Simon

Simon’s got 50 songs that are better than this…but this is the only one that went to #1.

“Sir Duke” Stevie Wonder (1977)

“What a Fool Believes” The Doobie Brothers (1979)

“Crazy Little Thing Called Love” Queen (1980)

Another Brick in the Wall” Pink Floyd (1980)

“It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me” Billy Joel (1980)

“Another One Bites the Dust” Queen (1980)

…Geez, looks like 1980 was the best year ever for #1 songs.

“Starting Over” John Lennon (1980)

…See what I mean?

“Sledgehammer” Peter Gabriel (1986)

Another strong contender for best #1 ever.

“Higher Love” Steve Winwood (1986)

“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” U2 (1987)

Like Paul Simon, U2 has lots of songs that are better than this one, but hardly ever had a #1 hit.

“We Didn’t Start the Fire” Billy Joel (1989)

“Praying for Time” George Michael (1990)

“Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” Elton John and George Michael (1992)

“Smooth” Santana and Rob Thomas (1999)

“Makes Me Wonder” Maroon 5 (2007)

“Viva la Vida” Coldplay (2008)

and, of course…

“Rolling in the Deep” Adele (2011)

Sunday, 31 July 2011

When Owen and I came back inside our apartment building this morning after taking out the garbage, we saw a pile of stuff sitting in the hallway. Someone had taped a sign on the wall that read FREE. Owen and I went into our apartment to get Jennifer, and the three of us dug through a bunch of items looking for things we might want.

Being as it is the last day of the month, the stuff was either left behind by someone who recently moved out or, more likely, was being chucked by a tenant who was in the process of moving.

Later in the day, when I took Owen out to a birthday party, there was more stuff sitting out. Jennifer looked out in the hallway again around dinner time, and there was even more stuff.

Things we did NOT take included a large stuffed bear from IKEA, a kids’ bookshelf, a TV/DVD combo, several books, candle-holders, a wooden balance, a coffee table, and assorted toys.

But more importantly, here are the things we did take…

Okay, so this picture isn’t that good. Actually, none of the pictures are that good because I took them at night using my wife’s iPhone, but I think you get the point. Here are three magazine bins from IKEA. We already own three of these, but we had wanted more, and there were just the perfect price. Also pictured is a relatively new, mint condition dictionary and about 200 sheets of printer paper.

Here’s a comforter for kids.

This is some doodle-pro thing for kids that helps teach them how to write the letters.

Here’s a totally empty red book. Should come in handy when I write my manifesto.

Speaking of manifesto, here’s the Karl Marx/Friedrich Engels classic, along with two other books that just looked fun to own. Especially at this price.

Here are some books for children, including the Caldecott-winning Blueberries for Sal, Leo the Late Bloomer, two books about mythology, and a Thomas the Tank Engine tale.

A lamp. Probably stolen from Pixar Animation Studios. This was the only item we took that needed any sort of repair. The lamp’s neck was not secured to the base very well. I took the base off and tightened up a nut. Viola! Good as new.

This little computer thingy is called a “Leapster,” and it came with four cartridges. Jennifer says they’re good for learnin’ kids good. It all came in a handy, hardy case, too.

Aww…how adorable. This is a book for us to read to Isla.

This is a 4H cookbook. And my right hand.

Owen absconded with this sand timer. He’s got a special place in his heart for sand timers, I think.

Jennifer says we already have a mini-tape recorder, but I don’t recall seeing it around lately and, if I remember right, it didn’t work well. I think it’s important to keep a small tape recorder with me so that I can record conversations and blackmail the shit out of people.

Hey, look! I did take at least one good picture. This is a huge puzzle in the shape of a t-rex. I ferried it into our apartment in a clandestine fashion and swiftly hid it up on a high shelf. My plan is to wrap it up and give it to Owen as a present when baby Jesus’ birthday comes around.

…Same thing with this. It’s a computer for kids. This is going to be the best (=cheapest) Christmas ever.

We unzipped this piece of luggage and out popped this topless dancer. So, we figured, hey, let’s bring it home. It’s a Victorinox Swiss Army Luggage, which must be a quality name brand, because when I researched it at THIS SITE all I could find was outrageously priced suitcases. Should be great for those times when we need to smuggle two or three toddlers out of the country (which we plan to do on January 20, 2013, when Michele Bachmann is sworn in as our Chief Executive).

Finally, we also took off with this La-Z-Boy rocking, reclining chair. As you can see, Isla has called shotgun.

Not pictured are a few other books that I have already misplaced (we are packing, after all), three other blankets, two or three toy cars, a box of 5 burnable CDs, a polished rock that Owen swiped, and one of those pinpression thingys.

All in all, a good haul. I hope this sort of thing happens every day for the rest of my life.

(“Score! Part One” is RIGHT HERE, by the way.)

Friday, 29 July 2011

Have you ever really played with Legos? I’m talking about a full-sensory experience; an immersion into the world of humanity’s greatest building materials. I know, it’s a tough question to answer. Allow me to show you what I mean, using my beautiful assistant as a model—

First, get into the bin of Legos:

Next, ensure that you’re comfortable. If your tongue is hanging out, that’s a good sign.

Then, just stretch out and enjoy the full-body comfort of sitting on a bed of Legos:

Dig:

And play:

And don’t let the fact that you only have six teeth stop you from eating these tasty bits of plastic. Legos…yum!

Finally, if some bigger, smarter, ‘parental’ adult tries to take you out of the bin for fear that you’re gonna choke on a brick, you sass off to them as if you freakin’ own these Legos.

Saturday, 30 July 2011

This evening, my son and I watched the Star Trek episode “The Terratin Incident.” The main plot of the episode features the crew shrinking in size and unsure how to correct the problem.

Why they are shrinking and how the solve the matter is not important here (though you can click the link above and spoil the crap out of the story for yourself, if you wish). What I will divulge, however, is that the crew initially are unsure if they are shrinking or if the ship, and everything in the ship, are enlarging. Their clothes, incidentally, are shrinking right along with them (since they’re also made of organic material), but their jewelery stays the same size; Nurse Chapel remarks that her arm band could now be used as a necklace.

There are a number of gaffes and missed opportunities in this episode, but the first one to strike me was this: How in the galaxy could the crew not realize that they are shrinking? I mean, think about it, if you wake up tomorrow and everything in your home is double the size it was the night before, would you wonder if your bed, walls, blankets, clocks, and everything else expanded? Or would you, rather, conclude that you had shrunk?

This whole scenario reminded me of a(n) (ex-)friend who used to raise all sorts of obscure questions, mostly just for laughs. On a couple of occasions, he asked: If everything – everything – double in size right now, would we notice?

My immediate answer the first time he posed this inquiry was, “of course!” I replied by saying, “Wouldn’t it be obvious that the sun was twice as big in the sky?” But then my friend would show me the level of complexity in his subtly simple question by responding, “No, it wouldn’t be obvious because, remember, EVERYTHING would double in size – thus the distance between Earth and the sun would also have doubled, and therefore you wouldn’t notice the sun’s increased diameter.”

This would then open up a volley of inquiries and retorts, every time my friend noting that I had forgot something.

But here’s the final answer: Yes, you would notice. I was right all along, I just failed at providing the reasons why. For one thing, doubling the distance between Earth and its star would create a noticeable drop off in gravitational pull – the earth’s rate of revolution would slow – a drop off that would not be counteracted by a doubling of the sun’s mass. Additionally, doubling the strength of gravity would be rather negligible compared to the doubling of the nuclear forces – atoms would have a tougher time forming molecules, and radioactivity would slow. More pedestrian, doubling the population of the city I live in would be immediately noticeable, even with a doubling of the city’s area.

In fact, I would add that my friend’s question does not even make sense, because it would be impossible for everything to double in size. As an example, let’s look at a very square place to live: Colorado.

Colorado has four sides: its north and south borders are approximately 378 miles long, and its east and west borders are approximately 276 miles long. This gives Colorado a land area of roughly 104,300 square miles.

Now, let’s do what my friend says and double the size of everything:

Now Colorado has north and south borders that are 756 miles long, and east and west borders that are 552 miles long. So far, so good, right? Except that now, Colorado’s land area is about 417,300 square miles – quadruple what it was before. Uh-oh.

Anyway, if you’re reading this Andy: Thanks for the great mental exercises.