Friday, 07 January 2011

Here’s a funny thing. Well, not ha-ha funny, but, you know…

So, a few months ago, my friend Ryan found out – in a very round about way – that his father had had a heart attack. Ryan was upset at not being notified immediately but, you know, his siblings are Witnesses, so they saw no reason to contact their “apostate” brother. I mean, he’s wicked, after all. In the ensuing discussions with his family, Ryan learned another major news item about his brother and was similarly hurt that no one cared enough to call him. Essentially, Ryan feels that, even though he’s no longer the same religion as his family, he still deserves the human decency of being informed when there is a birth, death, or major medical situation. Silly Ryan. It will sure be nice when Jehovah kills wicked people like him.

Conversely (here’s the funny part), I have parents that, though they are Witnesses, are decent enough to tell me what’s going on in the family. My mom, for example, told me about my cousin’s recent adoption of a child, and she called me just about every day to offer updates on my grandma’s hospital stay. Today, my Dad called for the third time in as many weeks to let me in on what’s going on (medically) with a couple of my relatives. But…(and maybe this is the funny part), contrary to Ryan, I don’t know if I want this information.

Let me back-peddle a little bit. I don’t mean that I’m not concerned with my family members who are suffering right now. Quite the opposite, I really feel bad for both of them, and I am sorry that they and the family have to go through these ordeals right now. But just as it doesn’t really matter if Ryan is informed or not informed about a new birth in the family (since he won’t be invited to visit anyways), it makes no difference whether I know this information or not. I mean, it makes a difference in that I can privately grieve for their problems and wish that they get better, but it makes no difference to the people who are actually suffering.

See, when Jennifer gave birth to Isla, we called people that we thought would care – we wanted them to share in the joy, we wanted them to come visit and see the new baby. We posted the information on this site, and on our Facebook pages, and I emailed my co-workers and other people all with the idea that we would receive some sort of feedback. This feedback ranged from a simple email reply sayings, “Congrats!!!” to home visits wherein people brought gifts, meals, and assisted with the house work. All of it was welcomed and appreciated.

But…what am I supposed to do with the knowledge that so-and-so is in the hospital? He doesn’t want me to visit, or to call, or even to send a card. In fact, if he saw me at a store or a restaurant, he would ignore me. And his closest relatives – spouse, child, parents, etc., also shun me, so it’s not like I can call them and express my sympathies or offer assistance. So when my Dad calls and says, “Your relative is going in for surgery on her hip, I guess she’s in a lot of pain,” I just really don’t know what to do with that information apart from immediate platitudes like, “Oh, that’s too bad” and, “Well thanks for telling me.”

Perhaps Ryan would like to switch places? (No, no, no. He’d make a lousy Zimmerman – he’s not opinionated enough.)

Wednesday, 05 January 2011

Owen and I watched Revenge of the Sith this evening. So now he’s seen all six movies. This was only my second time seeing Episode III. The other time was over five years ago, at the theater.

After re-watching the prequels, I had to open up my list of films I’ve seen and adjust my ratings. In short, I lowered my ratings on all three movies. I’m sorry, but they are just terrible.

Even Episode III, which, from what I could tell, had no Jar-Jar dialogue, was just so poorly done. There’s no question that the special effects are amazing, but there’s not much else good to be said. The dialogue is so bad as to be embarrassing, the parts that are supposed to be ‘epic’ just come off as ridiculous, and worst, it doesn’t even line up with Episode IV very well. How did that happen? It’s got to be one of the most inexplicable conundrums in the history of cinema.

Think about it: George Lucas could have put the word out to just about anyone and said: “Hey, I have the script here for the Star Wars prequels. If you want to pay me $1,000, I’ll let you read the scripts and you can give me suggestions.” And, guess what, he would have made a million bucks off of fanboys flying in on their own buck to read the scripts in advance and see what they thought of them. You’d think someone would have said: “Um, maybe you should take out the part here where C-3PO lives with Owen and Beru for years. Because, you see, that would conflict with Episode IV, where Owen’s so against Luke getting involved with the rebellion – it’s hard to believe he would purposely bring that droid back into their lives.”

Some dumb things Owen (the one that lives with me) noticed:

-Why do Anakin and Obi-Wan not touch light sabers?

Yeah, it’s true. There’s a moment during their fight when they are standing about two feet apart, lightsabers a-blazin’, and it’s apparently just to look cool.

-What’s that thing Obi-Wan is riding?

I don’t know, but it’s got to be the dumbest creature ever to appear in the Star Wars universe.

-Why did Padme die?

Yeah, that’s a mystery too. No one knows why a woman who has just given birth would suddenly feel they have no will to live, especially when her death directly contradicts Return of the Jedi.

-How did the babies get milk if their mom died?

They were probably just given midi-chlorinated forcemula.

Thursday, 06 January 2011

We’re getting the ball rolling (to use a lame-ass cliché’) regarding buying a home again. As you’ll recall, we tried something like this about 11 months ago, but just as we were going to go look at house, our incompetent realtor discovered we needed to wait 3 years from the time of a short sale, not two.

Anyway, it’s now been 2 years and 10 months, so we’re once again in the process of getting pre-approved for a loan (again) and finding a realtor (again). The good news – and, yes, this is good news as far as I’m concerned – is that the economy still sucks; so home prices are even lower than they were last time, interest rates are down and, since it’s a buyers’ market, we don’t have to pounce on any available house that happens to pop up and compete with other people to buy it.

Similarly, realtors really need to prove themselves, since there’s not as much work for them right now. My wife talked to a realtor today who didn’t seem very excited about our home-buying. She said things like, “Do you guys mind looking at old houses?” Um, no, we don’t mind. In fact, we like older houses (as long as they’ve been maintained). If we didn’t like older houses, we would be house-hunting in the suburbs. She also was concerned about our price range which, again, seems odd as we are seeing homes for over $100,000 lower than we will be approved for and $30-40,000 lower than we are willing to spend. So….yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. Over all, she didn’t sound very enthusiastic. Maybe she knew she wouldn’t make as much money off of us as, say, someone who is in the market for a $500,000 house. And you know what? That’s great; if she can sustain her livelihood by showing houses to rich people, than I applaud her.

But I’m also not gonna go with her. So I told Jennifer to email her and say, essentially, we’ll look for another realtor.

Monday, 03 January 2011

Remember how I said that I wanted to post a video of our family playing the dice game, but I couldn’t successfully upload it? (If not, CLICK HERE.)

Anyway, the point is, it’s online now. Watch it:

I also feel the need to point out that I’m back at work for the first time in 12 days. That was my longest break since my paternity leave thanks to Isla. I need more long breaks like that. Thankfully, I’ve been given another four weeks vacation to use for this year (plus I carried over some time from last year). And, whilst lunching with my co-workers, I found out we get Martin Luther King Day off. What a stupid, stupid day to have off from work. But, no, I’m not complaining.

Tuesday, 04 January 2011

First, I made this quiz at Sporcle today. At the time of this writing, it already has been played 91 times, so I guess it’s being well-received. I came up with the idea for this quiz because I’m watching all the Star Wars movies with Owen these days.

Second, I’ve decided to keep track of the money I find this year. I did that back in 2001 and in 2002 with the idea of seeing if, first, I found more money in a single year than a minimum-wage earner makes in an hour (I did) and, second, if I could find more than I made in an hour (I did not). So, I decided to try again.

Every once in a while, I decide to keep track of silly things in my life. A couple of years ago, I started keeping track of the time I ate fast food, but I didn’t finish. In 2007 and 2008, I kept track of the money I made from non-work/non-investment sources. You know, like money that I made from winning contests, from doing online surveys, from gifts, and from selling stuff via Half-price Books and Craig’s List. Surprisingly, I netted over $2,000 through these means in both 2007 and 2008.

Anyway, this year I’m gonna keep track of money I find – you know, just laying around. I’m not gonna count money that I find in my own cars or home, because that’s my money in the first place. And I’m not gonna count money that I know belongs to someone else. You know, like I’ll be at your house, helping you clean out your garage and, suddenly, I say, “Hey, did you know there’s a ten dollar bill lying here?”

So, I’ll see how it goes. I’ll let you know if and when I find more than minimum wage (currently at $7.25 in Minnesota). For all I know, I might beat that amount in a single day. Back on June 6th of 2009, for example, I found twenty bucks in the parking lot of a movie theater. Score!

Finally, while I knew taking ‘holy’ communion could cause fetal alcohol syndrome, I didn’t know it could also transmit hepatitis A. On the other hand, I’m not surprised. I guess hepatitis is the price you pay for drinking the Kool-Aid.

Saturday, 01 January 2011

Guess what? I started out by writing “Saturday, 01 January 2010,” and only realized my mistake several minutes later. Geez. I need to wake up.

Whenever I attend a funeral, it always gets me thinking about my own mortality. I wonder what people will do to mourn (or celebrate?) my passing. I wonder who will be in attendance. This line of reasoning usually leads me to conclude that I have nothing in writing; nothing set out that clearly says what my wishes are. And, it’s times like this, that I start to think I should write some of this down.

But then I wonder…have lawyers fucked with this, too? I mean, I know the answer is yes, but I wonder: if I write up something that says what I would like done with my body when it expires, and what sort of post-death party I would like the survivors to hold, and how I would like my estate apportioned, and what I would like read at my funeral, would it be respected? Or would some lawyer say, “Oh, well this wasn’t signed by 12 public notaries and placed on file with Dewey, Cheetum and Howe, so it’s not valid. Anyway, we’ll be taking all his money”?

Either way, I’m gonna spell some things out in written form. It’s tough to plan though, because I might live for 7 more decades, or I might live for 7 more days. I know that sounds morbid, but it’s reality, and if I didn’t want to live in reality, I would be a Jehovah’s Witness.

Sunday, 02 January 2011

So, I was hanging out with my friend Ryan the other day, and he was telling me about XtraNormal. I have seen some of the videos created (or perhaps “assembled” would be a more appropriate verb) using this site. They’re entertaining. But they’re not quite right. Probably because using stock footage and selecting from a limited number of options could never make something turn out ‘right.’ Anyway, Ryan showed me a video he was creating regarding Jehovah’s Witnesses (sorry for bringing them up in two consecutive days), and, once again: funny, but not quite ‘right’.

I don’t mean to rip on Ryan, because I can see that XtraNormal is a fun tool to use, but the voices sound funny, the gestures don’t line up perfectly, and sometimes, it’s way too obvious that this was built from the top down. For example, in the video he showed me, the main character was ‘Witnessing,’ so he should have had some literature with him, especially when he was reading directly from the magazine he was trying to offer.

Either way, I’m happy that after a two month absence from the WWW, Ryan has finally contributed to our virtual reality once again. Check out his new videos. Here they are – a beautiful mashing of Ryan’s wit with XtraNormal’s weirdness:

Thursday, 30 December 2010

As mentioned previously, my wife’s uncle died earlier this week. Today was the visitation. We asked Owen if he wanted to go to the visitation and the funeral, and he didn’t seem terribly thrilled with the visitation, so we dropped him off with some of our friends for the evening.

The visitation, though it was only a for a few hours in the evening, took up our whole day. We arrived at the mall before noon this morning and ran to a couple of stores so Jennifer could find a blouse. We were unsuccessful, and at 12:30 we went into my sister’s salon at the mall so that she could do whatever it is she needed to do to Jennifer and Owen’s hair. Then, we went back out into the mall to find clothes – both for Jennifer and for Isla.

By the time we got home, we had only a little bit of time to eat, get dressed in our fancy clothes, and pile back into the car to take Owen – through rush hour – to our friends’ home. Then we drove over to the funeral home.

I should mention that now, as of today, all of Jennifer’s relatives have now seen Isla, including my wife’s sister Kara who has shunned the entire family for about a year now. She positively beamed with excitement at the chance to meet Isla. In fact, after saying hi and quickly asking how I was (or did she even say that? I don’t recall), she asked to hold Isla and, suddenly, she really seemed to care about Isla. The last time I saw Kara was early September of 2009 – before Jennifer was even pregnant – and on that day she simply saw us at the Apple Computer store and turned around and walked out. In the 15+ months since then, Kara hasn’t so much as sent an email inquiring or congratulating Jennifer or me about the pregnancy or birth.

We weren’t sure if Kara was even going to be there tonight, or if she would ignore us like a good little Witness. Turns out, not only was she there, but she acted like a decent human being. As Jennifer pointed out later, since Kara was ‘allowed’ to be with her ex-JW relatives (due to a family crisis), she probably figured she would let herself enjoy it. After all, she really does want to be with her siblings and parents, but the religion is fucking with her brain. So when she started asking Jennifer all sorts of questions, such as how we picked out Isla’s name and how Owen is doing Kindergarten, it might seem strange that she suddenly cared about us. But, indeed, she’s cared about us all along, she’s just been forbidden from following her conscience.

Friday, 31 December 2010

Ah…so here we are at the last day of the year. How smart of me was it to not pick a leap year to write about?

You might think, “Hey, James, don’t you think it was stupid to write about a year in which you’d be going to college and having another baby?”

Well, maybe. But I actually thought writing on this blog would give me a break from doing my college work and, though I suspected it would be tough to maintain this blog during the first few days following Isla’s birth, I thought that the weeks I took off of work for paternity leave would give me ample time to write on this blog (it did).

So, here’s my last day…

We woke up early, breakfasted, showered, and dressed in our fancy clothes. We drove back to the same funeral home in Roseville (with Owen accompanying us this time) in time for the funeral. Following the service, we stayed for a while with Jennifer’s relatives, then ventured one block away to some sort of event center where we dined on very tasty food (most of which had been kindly donated) with the family and friends of the deceased.

We left around 2:00 and, on our way home, stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things for this evening. We got home at around 3:00, changed out of our fancy clothes, rested briefly, and then got ready and left for our friends’ house for a New Year’s Eve party. We got there around 5:00, ate dinner, drank champagne, and played a round of Outburst and Scattergories. A cranky baby who wouldn’t go to sleep necessitated that we leave around 9:00. Back at home, Jennifer nursed Isla to sleep while Owen and I read books together. Owen and I went to bed at about 11:15, and Jennifer joined us shortly thereafter.

And that’s my year.