Monday, 18 October 2010

I am happy to report that I have completed that wedding video that I was working on. I’m done with the editing of it, at least. It still needs to be dropped into a DVD burning program, a title page needs to be designed, I need to burn the disks and create and print a cover for the DVD packaging…but all in all, the toughest part is done.

So today  I have decided to immediately plunge back in to working on some videos I had been working on way back in July. I think I’ve complained about this before, but I swear there is never a time when I don’t have at least one video under construction. So, you know, I’m gonna finish up these three so that I can work on another video.

I actually have a few ideas for videos, too. One of them involves discussing some beautiful (or a better word) pieces of popular culture from the past decade. I want to basically just talk to the camera and say: “Hey, listed below are 11 magnificent (or a better word) creations from this millennium. Give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down depending on if you feel they’re worthy of the moniker “Modern Classic.”

So, how about some help with this one: Is there any book, film, song, album, play, painting, photograph, short story, or TV show from the past ten years that you think ranks among the best of the best?

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

On Monday, August 2nd, I called the Minnesota Department of Health requesting the necessary paperwork to get a birth certificate for Isla. I don’t really care about ‘registering’ my kid with the government, but I wanted her registered somewhere so that I could count her as a dependent on my insurance, and so that I could add her as a tax write-off this spring.

No one answered the phone, but I left a message. I called the next day, and left another message. I called again on Friday (Aug. 6th) and left another message.

On Monday the 9th, I decided I would just call there every hour until I got an answer. So, I called at 8:00, and left a message. Then I called again at 9:00, and a woman named Roxanne said: “Oh, yes, I have your paperwork right here, I just need to ask you a few questions.” (Not sure why she didn’t call to ask, but whatever…) She said she’d send the papers out right away.

On Monday the 23rd, I called asking why I hadn’t received the papers yet. Since they only had to travel about 3 miles, I felt for sure it wasn’t the postal service’s fault. No one answered, so I left a message.

On Wednesday, the 25th, the papers arrived. There were five sheets of paper: one gave instructions, two were to be filled out to register Isla so that she had a birth certificate on file, and two were to be filled out if I wanted a copy of the certificate. I filled out as much as I could, but I needed the midwife for some of the info, such as her license number.

Incidentally – the papers also asked for a lot of ridiculous things, such as if the mother had ever had an abortion (they didn’t have a box for “none of your goddam business,” so I left it blank). Another box asked if the child was still alive (not to be crass but, if she had died, why would I need a birth certificate?). They also wanted to know if Isla had any birth defects; I guess because cleft-palate kids must get a ‘special’ certificate. They also asked if Isla had any mental deficiencies. Well, I suppose there’s a chance that she won’t be a genius, but Jennifer and I prefer not to think of that as a deficiency.

Anyway, after our next midwife appointment, I dropped the papers in the mail. This was on Wednesday, September 15th.

This past Saturday – over a month later – we received a letter in the mail telling us that, though they searched high and low, they could find no record of anyone with our daughter’s name being born in Minnesota in July 2010. They charged our credit card $16.

Since phone calls don’t do any good with these nimwits, my wife drove down to their office today. Her 75 cents only gave her 30 minutes on the meter, so she knew she’d be worrying about that the whole time.

The front desk receptionist first took about five minutes just to locate the correct individual, and then she handed the phone to Jennifer. Not sure why Roxanne couldn’t just come downstairs, but there was my wife: speaking on the phone to someone in the same building. Finally, Roxanne said she’d come down. So Jennifer sat there and waited another 15 minutes, during which time the receptionist apologized for the bureaucracy and said: “No wonder why we have such a bad reputation.”

Then a police officer walked in a said he needed to deliver a summons to one of the employees, so Jennifer got to sit and watch as the receptionist spent another 10 minutes tracking down another employee.

Finally, Roxanne came down and said she would straighten everything out. She asked if Jennifer wanted to wait, but she said she couldn’t as the meter was running out.

This afternoon, I got a call from Roxanne, who thought she was calling Jennifer. She needed our credit card number again, and explained that she couldn’t read the number we had written down, as “it gets blacked out.” Oh, that’s brilliant.

Anyway, Isla is nearly three months old now and we’re still waiting on a birth certificate to be generated from a state agency that resides in the very same city that we do.

Go tax dollars, go!

Saturday, 16 October 2010

Today we visited an Apple Orchard.

We made a return visit to Apple Jack Orchards after a five-year absence. Yes, yes, I realize it is an hour away from our house, but we knew we’d have a good time there.

See, we first visited there in 2004, looking for an orchard near our home in Big Lake. We returned there in 2005, with a four-month old son, and took his picture amidst the pumpkins and fall leaves.

The next few years, we searched out other orchards, just for a change of pace. Living in St. Paul, we tried some that were closer, including last year, when we went to Aamodt’s Apple Farm, possibly the lamest orchard I’d ever visited.

A couple of weeks ago, Jennifer said: “I want to go back to that orchard where we went when Owen was a little baby. Which one was that?” Well, it wasn’t hard to figure out – we just had to open up the photo album and look at the picture of baby Owen sitting by the Orchard’s sign.

Here’s the problem, though: I hate traffic, I hate long drives, and I hate crowds. So…I didn’t want to go mid-week (too much traffic), and I was worried about the weekend (crowds!). But Saturday won out.

Well, we didn’t really have a good time. I mean, yes, there was plenty to do, but there were too many people, it was windy, you couldn’t pick the apples (due to an early frost last spring), and we showed up with exactly $2 in cash. Worst, Isla was cranky the whole time. Jennifer finally got her to calm down in the moby, and then we boarded a big wagon for a tractor ride. As soon as the tractor started going, Isla started screaming. This was totally unexpected because she’s almost never like this, particularly early in the day. Jennifer could do nothing to calm her down. I offered to take Isla, but Jennifer pointed out that Isla “doesn’t like me as much.” Later she explained that she didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but she was exasperated. Then Owen said something like “Maybe she just wants to flop down to your boob.” Which – bravo to Owen – was precisely what she wanted, but sitting knee-to-knee with a bunch of strangers on a rocky wagon isn’t really the best time to accommodate the baby. His comment made everyone laugh nervously, so that drew even more attention to our train wreck of a day.

Isla cried for most of the way home. There was traffic on 394 (is there ever not?). This evening, we discovered Isla has a hives-like rash on her cheeks and chin. Jennifer has a corresponding rash about an inch down from her neck – right where Isla was snuggled for most of the day.

So, yeah…just gonna go ahead and put this day behind me.

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Owen’s been very concerned with the Lego Imagination Center at the Mall of America. They closed up shop over a month ago. When we first saw this, we were both somewhat distraught. Alas, a quick check online revealed that a smaller, temporary store had opened at the other end of the Mall, and that a bigger, stronger, store would be opening later in the year. I saw advertised on the store’s walls that they will be giving out Lego prizes to people who come on opening day. Needless to say, Owen is very concerned that we make it there on opening day.

Well, this morning he asked me to check online again to see if opening day has been announced yet. It hasn’t – ETA is late November. However, the good folks at Lego said they’d be building two murals for the new store today and everyone was invited to come help.

So, after having lunch with my sister, brother-in-law, and dad (yep, he’s back in town again…long story), we sped on over to the Mall of Hysteria and located the Lego booth. Owen was handed a 6×6 flat piece with a number printed on the back and a color-coding on the front. We then went over to a table featuring ~20 buckets of variously colored 1×1 bricks. Owen had to assemble the correct bricks onto his flat piece.

There were two murals, incidentally. One looked to be a Minnesotan landscape, featuring hills and a lake. That mural was over 99% completed by the time we arrived. The other, smaller mural was of a moose. Or, at least, we were told that it would be a moose; it was only about 20% done when were were there.

When Owen finished, he took his piece (#107)over to the moose mural, handed it to a giant of a man (the guy was at least 6 foot 7). That man took the piece, fitted it into the corresponding slot – 5 rows down and 11 columns across. After pushing it on with his hands, he wielded a rubber mallet and secured it into place.

So, if you happen to pass by the Lego Imagination Center at the Mall of America sometime in December or afterwards, find the moose mural, count down 5 rows of 6, and count over 11 rows of 6. Owen made that piece.

Friday, 15 October 2010

So, I spent some time today making sure I still know the basic. I did it via Sporcle’s quizzes.

Have you ever been to Sporcle? If not, go visit right now. They put up four or five new quizzes every day, so I check back all the time. Some of the quizzes I don’t really care for, others are insanely difficult, but some are really awesome.

It probably goes with out saying that they exhausted all the basics of human knowledge long ago, but I thought I’d dig back into their archives and see how I did on stuff that I think I should know.

Name all the Elements. I scored 102 out of 118. Don’t be an idiot and forget lead (like I did).

Name all the Presidents of the USA.  I got 44 out of 44. You can type just the last names, if you want. The great thing about that is it will cause two answers to pop up on multiple occasions.

Name all the nations of Europe. I got 47 out of 47. It’s a little easier than just randomly naming off countries, because the map fills in as you go. So, if you can’t think of anymore, at least you can see the outlines of the countries you’re missing. (“Hmm…what’s that one in between Norway and Finland…”)

Name all the teams in Major League Baseball. I got 24 out of 30. Don’t forget about that Canadian team!

Name all the teams in the NFL. I got 28 out of 32. This was a little easier than the last one, ’cause I just started right off typing in ‘Giants’ and ‘Cardinals’ again. My main problem with these sports teams quizzes is that I start typing in teams that I know exist, but that must play a different sport…

Name every motion picture that’s won the Academy Award for Best Picture since 1970. I got 38 out of 40. That’s annoying, because I know I’ve seen them all (I make a point of ensuring that I see every Best Picture winner). The two I missed were two of the most recent, too: 2004’s and 2008’s.

Name the parts of your body that have three-letter names. I got 9 out of 10. Again, this is annoying because, unless you get a perfect score, you’ll feel like an idiot once the answers are revealed. By the way – there are no crass terms, so don’t bother guessing “ass” or “tit.”

Have fun, and let me know how you did.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

The most significant event for me today was my first attendance at a Toastmasters Club.

I enjoy public speaking, something that makes me a bit of an anomaly in amongst my fellow Americans (or maybe not…?). When I was a JW, I used to give speeches all the time. It was probably my favorite aspect of being a Witness. Though, admittedly, when you think about knocking on doors, not celebrating birthdays, and wearing a suit all the fucking time, it’s not exactly a tight contest.

But I digress.

Shortly after leaving the Witnesses, my wife suggested that I join a Toastmasters Club, which is precisely what her Dad did when he exited the Witnesses, too. The problem was, though, that her Dad had the convenience of having a Toastmasters Club right there at his job; I did not.

If I had any common sense, I should’ve looked up the info and started my own Toastmasters Club at my job. But I didn’t do that. Not sure why. It might stem from my being a complete idiot when it comes to anything remotely useful.

Sometimes, I’d considered joining the Freethought Toastmasters Club, which meets right in my hometown. Alas, I’ve never felt like taking more time away from my family.

But then, a couple of weeks ago, an email came in my inbox from some manger-type person saying to congratulate Tony on his upcoming award. And guess why Tony’s getting an award? Well, there are several reasons, but among them was the fact that he organized and presides over the Toastmasters Club here at work.

I immediately emailed Tony (who I know, as we worked on a project together a few years back) and told him I wanted to join. He invited me to today’s meeting.

It was interesting. I sat in the back and was welcomed as a guest. Very organized. Almost too officious. They must be following Robert’s Rules of Order. The President invited the coordinator up, who invited the speech coordinator up, who invited the first speaker up. Then there was a table topics coordinator, then a woman who took care of odds and ends, such as inviting up the grammar cop and a several people who’s jobs it was to critique the earlier speeches. A few people took notes, and one woman was the time-keeper. Most people had books that, I presume, laid out several counsel points.

I had no idea this club had been going on right at my job and, at the end when the President asked if I enjoyed myself, I said that I wanted to join.

So, we’ll see where this leads. I wish I would’ve known about it a year ago, as I’ve done quite a bit of public speaking in the past year, and I could’ve used that (presumably) for some of the requirements to advance. Oh well. I’m happy to do more.

Thursday, 14 October 2010

I stopped at the post office today. They have three counters, but only one person was working. There was one man in front of me. He was old, but not elderly.

He walked up to the postal employee and showed him an email print-out in which he said that the email came with an attachment he was unable to open. The postal employee looked at the paper and said, “Well do you have any ID?” Of course, the old man did, so he gave the postal worker his license and then the worker disappeared in the back to go look for (I assume) a package.

Another employee walked by, right behind the counters, and I stared her right in the eye in that “Why don’t you help me?” manner. She ignored me, and continued blissfully flitting around, moving boxes from point A to point near-A.

After about five minutes, as the line behind me progressed from 1 to 3 to 5 people, the man came back up to the front, empty handed, and told the old man he couldn’t find anything for him. Together, they read aloud the email, wherein it said “We were unable to deliver the package you mailed…” I know, it doesn’t make any sense to me, either.

Then that woman came back around, and, seeing that there were several people waiting, she decided to open up counter #2 and motioned me over. I really hate how the post office’s (and lots of stores’) employees won’t feel compelled to help one person, but when they see a big line, then they suddenly decide to help. That’s a great way to piss off everyone in line.

Anyway, the old man was shuttled off to another postal employee, who had to open up a counter just for him.

Man, I hope they figure out how to open up that attachment. I gotta say, I think it’s great that the USPS now helps people open up email attachments. What a great world we live in.

Monday, 11 October 2010

Well, it seems odd to be saying so here in mid-October, but the weather’s been a little too hot for my liking. We went on a walk this evening; I had Isla in a moby, and boy – did it ever get hot in there. I’m holding out hope (based on the weather forecast) that fall will be arriving in temperature as well as leaf color.

I think I may have surfed the web a bit too much today, too…

So, it appears that rival religious groups are arguing over whose prayers are being heard in regards the trapped Chilean miners. My guess is that none of them are being heard, since no god has done anything to help the men, who have been trapped for over two months now. Still, I do think the best course of action, when in a crisis like this, is to let the religious fanatics (yes, I know that’s redundant) stand back and pray. That keeps them out of the way so the real people – armed with tools and science – can perform the rescue.

Meanwhile, over in Quebec, a father slapped his 13-year old daughter so hard, that she died. Wow, you say, she must have done something awful. Indeed, she did: she balked at having to say her nighttime prayers. I wonder if this guy still thinks he’s going to heaven now? My guess is that he does, because the bible is littered with people who killed children (such as Elisha) and still expected god’s good graces.

One other thing: If you have teenagers at home, this will help them learn how to act when they go on their first space date:

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

Well, we don’t have Carl Paladino running for office here in Minnesota.

Here’s New York gubernatorial hopeful Carl Paladino speaking about his views on sexuality. He mispronounces the word “perverts,” but since he’s a New Yorker, he probably mispronounces just about everything. Also – what was with the dress code at this meeting? Must’ve been after a Fiddler on the Roof revue:

Shouldn’t those Jews be stoning Carl? I mean, after all, he’s clearly violated Yahweh’s law and shaved his sidelocks. I wonder if Carl also tried to curry their favor by telling them he supports the re-instituting of slavery, public stoning, and polygamy.

In other news, here’s some good news: It appears the don’t ask/don’t tell policy is going down despite Congressional Republicans efforts to keep it in place. Things in the Navy are about to get a lot more interesting.