A Boy and His Blog

Archive for July, 2009

Today is a very good day! Owen went potty in the toilet four times. This is just a huge break through for him, and I am so happy and proud of him!

I dug this old post up from October 9th, 2006. It was the first time Owen had gone potty on the toilet. He was 17 months old. We were working toward learning how to potty, and things were going very well, and it was almost entirely directed by him. I am sure you are thinking, “so, what happened?” and I take the entire blame on this one. He was physically ready at 17 months, but he didn’t talk at all. I frantically tried teaching him some signs for potty, but he didn’t pick them up, or seem to understand what I was getting at. I just didn’t know how to potty train a child who couldn’t tell me in any way that he had to go to the bathroom. I was having a hard time communicating with him at that point, as he was blossoming intellectually, but held back in what he could communicate with me because of his speech delay. We were both frustrated, and I had not yet embraced the idea that there was anything wrong, or that I should teach sign language to allow us to communicate better. So, potty learning took a back seat to the immediate issue of communication. Not that we dropped it altogether. I remember the day he figured out he could go standing up, and he went in his potty chair and then signed “more” because he wanted to go again he was so proud of himself. But eventually potty learning took a back seat to so many other things going on in our life at that time. It was a very stressful time in our lives, and little Owen both added to it (because it took literally hours to get him to sleep for naps or at night), and absorbed our stress. He started to develop anxiety issues, and sensory issues, and soon the toilet was just a fear producing thing that was too intense of a sensory experience for him to want to have any part of.

Over the next few years we dealt with sleep issues, anxiety issues, sensory issues, and speech issues. In between all that, I tried on and off to teach potty training. I tried everything, and nothing seemed to work with him. The only time we saw progress was when we changed our goal from teaching him to go potty, to simply desensitizing him to the toilet. But even then, he never actually went potty, he just learned to sit on the toilet for longer periods of time. I knew he was close to finally getting it, and doing it, but every time I said “okay, this is it” and made him wear underwear or go naked, I would just end up cleaning up various types of accidents all day and becoming so frustrated and angry it just wasn’t worth it. I tried everything. Every tip that anyone gave us. I had videos, books, an anatomically correct doll with it’s own potty chair, charts and stickers, candy, fruit snacks, and a prize basket. Nothing worked. He simply would not go.

The other day, I brought him to his developmental movement therapist and an associate of hers. They gave me new exercises and tips on what to do for potty learning. One thing they gave me was a type of massage I do before bedtime. I started that right away, but didn’t get to the other exercises they gave me. But they did give me a good piece of advice; they told me that Dad has to be more involved in this process. They said that this is a little boy and he needs to see how boys go potty. He needs to see the same sex parent using the bathroom and being open about it and not acting embarrassed or private, as if there is something wrong with the process. So, I informed Daddy of this news. It took a while for Daddy to embrace this concept, because he is a very modest and private person, but he eventually came around, and when he did it payed off big time.

But before that happened, I tried one more time to teach him. He flatly refused, and I lost my temper a bit, as I have done in the past with this issue. But this time, I did something I never had done before. When I apologized to him for losing my temper, instead of saying, “but I just really want you to go potty in the toilet because I know you can do it…”, instead I said, “it isn’t your fault that you aren’t going potty in the toilet yet, it is my fault. Mama should have helped you better when you were littler and you were almost ready to do it. Now you are so much bigger and it got to be harder for you.” He seemed to really respond well to me taking the blame, and he wanted to know all about why it was harder for him now and it wasn’t when he was little. We discussed it for a long time, and he seemed relieved afterward. I think he was internalizing my frustration over this as his fault, and honestly, I was blaming him for being so stubborn and not using the toilet when I knew he could. But that day, I realized it was my fault that he didn’t learn sooner. Had things been going better, and had there not been so much to deal with at that time in my life, and had I realized the wonders of sign language earlier, there is no doubt in my mind I could have, and should have, trained him then. Once we both accepted who was really to blame, we both were able to put this chapter behind us and move forward into big boy territory.

And so, that brings me to the grand finale of this post. The events of this very wonderful day! We went to the beach today and for a picnic barbecue dinner. After the beach, and the dinner, we went for a walk in the woods. I realized that I had forgotten diapers, and so we told Owen that he would have to go potty in the woods with Daddy if he had to go. Instead of this making him nervous, Owen was intrigued by this idea. About four times on our walk, he told us he had to go to the potty. Him and Daddy would stand in the woods and Owen would try to go. He wanted to see Daddy go once, and Daddy did. Owen said, “oh, I see what to do.” He never did go outside, but it was huge for him to be telling us when he had to go – something he has never done before ever. He told us that he thought he had to go, but that the urine was going back into his small intestine when he would try. We talked about relaxing the muscles so it could come out. On the drive home, we told him not to go in his seat, and he didn’t. It also occurred to Daddy and I that we may be able to segue this and continue it at home. So I said, “you know what Owen? When we get home, you should try to go potty on Daddy’s toilet. Because maybe you can’t go on Mama’s because that is the girl bathroom. Maybe you just need to go in the boy bathroom because you are a boy.” He said okay, and he wanted Daddy to help him and show him how. He wanted them both to go at the same time. It seemed to be really helpful for him to have Daddy suddenly taking an active role in this whole thing. He was excited and seemed to grasp on to this idea that it just didn’t work in my bathroom because my bathroom was for girls. I think it helped him feel like there was an excuse as to why it had never worked before, it hadn’t been his fault after all, and this gave him a new beginning and a new opportunity to change things. He could start fresh in a different bathroom with a different parent helping him out. So, him and Daddy disappeared into their bathroom for quite some time. When they came back out, Owen had still not gone. A few minutes later though, Owen said he thought he had to go. So again, they left and went into Daddy’s bathroom. A few minutes later they came back and Owen said, “I went potty”. I asked Daddy if this was true and he casually said, “oh yeah, he went” (as if this was just a normal everyday event). I was very happy, but tried not to be too over the top because I didn’t want to stifle any future progress. We were so happy, we all walked to the store for ice cream treats and M&M’s. Owen got to pick out a prize from his prize bucket. Later he told us again he had to go and then he wen when Daddy brought him in, and then again he went later, and then he went before bed as well. Just as I suspected, he has no problems knowing when he has to go or holding it, his only problem was overcoming the anxiety of actually doing it. Once he did that, he was pretty much instantly trained. Not that I don’t expect some accidents, and I am sure the pooping issue will take some time to get down, but overall I think he is pretty much trained, as long as I remind him that he doesn’t have a diaper on and needs to let me know. We’ll have to see how tomorrow goes.

I am a little bummed that after all these years of work I have put into this, Daddy just steps in for one day and trains him no problem. Had I known this, I would have called Daddy in a long time ago. However, it is probably my own fault. If I had simply resisted showing so much frustration with the issue, then Owen would not have had to turn to Daddy to learn with. Or, maybe it is true that the same sex parent is a more appropriate model for a child learning to go potty. However it happened, it finally happened, and I am so thrilled!

Owen and Daddy One Night While Getting Ready for Bed

Owen: Daddy, sometimes I think girls are aliens.

Daddy: Yes, yes they are.

Owen at the Lake

Upon arriving at our families cabin on the lake for a family day, Owen wanted me to change him into his swimming suit. As I was dressing him he said: “Mama, I love this day! We should have this day every day!”

Owen and his Robots

Owen has some small robots that he is doing a lot of pretend play with. He lies on the floor on his stomach and makes the robots talk to each other. One day after finding a toy lizard in a geocache:

Robot: Where did you come from?

Lizard: I was in a geocache forever! And then someone came and took me out.

Owen must be very impressed with geocaching, because a few days later he had WALL•E and his pink robot and his fake pink cell phone that looks real that Aunty Berta got from her old job selling cell phones. Owen would take the pink robots hands and pretend to type on the cell phone. Then the pink robot and WALL•E would have conversations about going to find a new geocache. In fact, most of his robot conversation these days are about going geocaching and he asks to go every day. He even wants to go to the woods where he previously refused to go because he was terrfied of bugs.

Owen Wants an Aardvark and Penguins

To work on Owens fear of bugs, we have been telling him more about them. He now knows that spiders are not bugs, and that we like them because they kill and eat other bugs. The other day it occurred to me that he may like aardvarks for the same reason. I found a few YouTube videos of aardvarks eating ants and Owen instantly decided he loved this animal. He asks to see videos of them and then asks me if he can have an aardvark. He says, “I really like them”. He also saw penguins on TV and wanted to know if we could have a penguin.

Growing Up

Ever since our cat Oliver died, death has been a frequent topic with Owen. We told Owen that Oliver would decompose and help the flowers grow. He then wanted to know what “decompose” was so I showed him a YouTube video of a rabit decomposing. Now every day he wants to discuss at which stage of decomposition Oliver is at. I think he is starting to understand death, and he talks about it frequently. He says things like, “are we going to live in this house until I get dead?” or “which time will you get dead?” The other day as we were walking he looked up at me and said, “when I was a little boy, I thought you would never get dead”.

Owen and Daddy Last Night Before Bed

Daddy: We have fun times here don’t we, do you like living here?

Owen: Yeah, I decided I will live on earth my whole life.

Posted by Daddy

Owen has been really really really into astronomy lately. We read a couple of children’s books about planets, and he quickly learned the names of all the planets (in order from the sun). He also began repeatedly asking me “Tell me why we can’t live on the other planets”. I’d respond with: “Well, Venus is very, very hot – hotter than the oven, and it doesn’t have the right atmosphere for us to breath”. Soon, Owen knew why we couldn’t live on each planet. I think he was a little disappointed that the solar system is so inhospitable, though, because he made up a planet called Boot. I’m not sure which star Boot orbits, but it appears to be very favorable to terrestrial life.

We started watching videos about the planets, and we’ve made a couple of stops at the library to check out books about the solar system. Owen is very eager to begin terraforming Mars, and, though I tell him it will probably be centuries before people live on Mars, he seems excited by the prospect. He also likes to hear the names of the satellites that orbit each planet: he knows that Mercury and Venus have no moons, and that Mars has two. He keeps asking me to name them all but, sorry to say, I don’t have all the moons of Jupiter and Saturn memorized (there are a lot!). He’s also saddened that NASA hasn’t sent any probes to check out Pluto yet. There are great images of other planets, moons, and asteroids, but there’s still no good info on Pluto. I told Owen that the New Horizons spacecraft is on its way to Pluto right now, and we checked online to see where it was in its journey. Owen asks me where it is everyday, and seems upset that, after weeks! – it’s still in between Saturn and Uranus. I try to impress upon him that the distances between planets are enormous.

I think, in the course of the last two months, Owen has become more knowledgeable about the solar system than most adults I know. He asks some tough questions. First, he wanted to know why Earth doesn’t have a ring system. This is a tricky question when you think about it. It’s easy to find information on Jupiter’s and Saturn’s rings, along with a host of theories as to how they formed and why they exist. But it’s tough to find information on why something isn’t. He also asked me why Uranus is “tipped over”, and when I told him that scientists think it was hit by a large asteroid a long time ago, Owen said: “But it couldn’t get hit, because it’s all gas!” This isn’t, precisely, true. But still, I think it’s a darn good response.

Owen also applies his knowledge of the solar system to life here on Earth. If he’s doing something really fast, he says he’s “going fast like Mercury”. And he named the two pots on the ledge of our deck Uranus and Neptune, since A) they are right by each other and B) one is blue and one is green.

Owen is eager to find life on other worlds, and I tell him there’s some hope of finding some on Mars, Europa, and (judging from very recent findings) Enceladus.