My Invention; Owen’s Engineering

Friday, 12 August 2011

Have you ever noticed how much people just fart around at the beverage/condiment stations at fast food restaurants? This sort of thing always seems to happen.

Today, some co-workers and I paid a visit to Qdoba. The cashier handed me a cup for my drink, and then I walked over to get some iced tea. But first I had to wair for someone who was taking up the whole counter. She held her cup up to get some ice. Then checked her cup to see that there wasn’t enough ice in it. So then she pushed her cup up against the lever to get a little more ice, but evidently those ten pieces of ice were just a tad too many, so she had to sprinkle some onto the drain.

She next stared at the five beverage options (six if you count water), and slowly waved her cup back and forth as if it was a dowsing rod that would lead her to the ideal carbonated drink. She finally began filling the cup with some kind of Coke or Coke derivative. Once the liquid reached to within an inch of the top, however, there was too much foam, so she had to pour that out. This then left room for more liquid – and heaven forbid we not fill our cups to the rim – so she filled the tiny space with more Coke, which created more foam.

She then needed to secure a lid onto her cup. I’m not sure why this is necessary if she was planning on dining in the restaurant (and she was). It’s just a waste of plastic. Are adults really that sloppy that they need a lid on their beverages before sitting down to drink it? My 6 year old son hasn’t drank from lidded containers for years…so maybe he’s just incredibly advanced?

Of course, these lids stick together, so the woman had to pull apart a couple of them in order to get just one. But…guess what…it was the wrong size lid. So she set it down and then repeated the process with lids from another dispenser.

Then there was the matter of the straw, which, for some stupid reason, she couldn’t just grab, toss on her tray, and then walk away. No, she had to remove the wrapper and insert it into the lid while standing their in my way.

Sometimes, when I get tired of waiting, I will begin filling my cup while another person is still gingerly pouring off the foam or other such nonsense. That person usually casts a glance at me as if my behavior is rude. I don’t know, is it? Is it wrong to ‘share’ a beverage filling station with a stranger? I mean, I share elevators with strangers, but maybe this is too much of an affront to people’s space?

This sort of thing has led me to pride myself in my quick uptake at the beverage station. I walk up there, careful to leave room for other users, and just plunge my cup against the beverage of choice. If there is foam, guess what? I don’t care. I can go back and get more to drink later if I want. If I select a beverage that doesn’t taste good, guess what? I don’t care. I can go back and get a different drink later. I don’t need a lid or a straw. Since the drinks are already cold (excepting, sometimes, the tea), I don’t even need ice. In the case of said tea, I will grab a lemon or sugar and toss them on my tray and prepare my drink at my seat, where I’m not hogging the station.

Thanks for listening.

Also —

While at the Sherwin Williams on Snelling Avenue in St. Paul a few weeks ago, I took this picture:

I then sent it to the folks at Apostrophe Abuse. They posted it to their main page. GO HERE TO SEE THAT. They actually posted it a few days ago, but I only became aware of it today.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Happy Left-Handers’ Day!

We really started packing up stuff in earnest today. There’s a small part of me that likes packing, really. I mean, I hate the idea of stuffing fragile things into boxes and then opening them up in a new location a few weeks later just to see what has broken. I hate, too, that we often find just the right way to fit a framed picture, or a shelf, in a room and then we have to take it down.

However, I do like having to go through everything we own. My chronic complaint about my life is that we all own too much stuff. It’s great to have to dig out every corner of the home and uncover stuff we don’t really need anymore. We threw some stuff in a Goodwill pile, and other stuff went right into the trash. Jennifer is also planning on selling some stuff on Craig’s List.

I sometimes have this idea for a device that sits on your desk and, at any given moment, measures the amount of solid matter in your home. I’m not sure exactly how it would work, but I would somehow have to ‘zero’ it out by first accounting for the walls, floors, and permanent fixtures – such as curtains, ceiling fans, and appliances. The device would be constantly scanning my home for the amount of ‘stuff’ we have. If I brought home something from the store, the number goes up. If I take out the trash, the number goes down.

I’d want it to have the ability to segregate the total number into three smaller numbers: one number would indicate consumables, another would indicate items marked for removal, and another number would indicate everything else. That final number would be the key, of course. I wouldn’t really care how high the consumables number was – bringing home a 96-pack of toilet paper, or some more kitty litter, or groceries, wouldn’t really count as assets since they are not permanent fixtures, but are designed to be consumed. The stuff marked for removal, too – such as our recycle bin – would account for the second number, and also wouldn’t really be my concern. But I think it would be fun to try and keep that final number below a certain level.

This is all very preliminary, you understand.

Sunday, 14 August 2011

Today we spent several hours at Fort Snelling State Park. Jennifer tried to take photos of Isla, who was largely uncooperative. Own and I, meanwhile, played at the beach. I had assumed Owen wanted to play in the water, but it turned out he wanted to play in the sand building useless canals. We did not bring his sand toys with us, so we ended up purloining spades and shovels from distracted children.

Here’s the end result of his engineering handiwork:

Basically, the lake water enters the canal at the top of the photo, sloshes around through the channels, then comes back out. Owen was hoping some fish would swim through it, but in typically snobbish fish-fashion, they would not comply. Jerks.

Later the four of us reconvened for a picnic in the shade. We began by sitting on a blanket, ’cause that’s how picnics are supposed to be enjoyed, but, finding our area being taken over by ants (they were there first, I suppose), we removed to a nearby bench. Jennifer noted that this is probably why picnic benches were invented.

After supping, we took a short walk through one of the trails. We were looking for some picturesque places to photograph Isla. She, however, continually balked at being set on the ground or made to stand in grassy areas. Oh well.

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